Cut Your Losses Guys

I am a big sports guy. I have played, coached kids of all ages including my own daughter, and been a sports parent. People ask me how I came up with Men United when it came time to help men after my own nasty marriage and divorce experience. I grew up a Manchester United soccer fan and my first favorite player was George Best, who I got to see play in person growing up in Southern California. Sports is a metaphor for life and the men that I know that grew up playing some type of sport and who put a real effort into it are often more successful in business and in life then the men who have never participated in sports. This ability to succeed seems to apply to everything in these mens lives but divorce and child custody when it raises its ugly head once you realize your wife has no real feelings for you or is more interested in her secret men or lifestyle filled with addictions and bad choices. She does not want you but she isn't going anywhere because you are paying her bills and living a life of luxury without a fair return or partnership coming back from her.

While we men with a sports background think we can analyze all the games and players so well, we cant seem to apply these concepts to our life and continue to think we can fix something that is totally broken. For example, when we watch a basketball game and our team is getting destroyed with no chance of winning, what do we see happen? The best players are taken out and the bench guys are put in to play the rest of the game. The coach does not want the best players to risk further injury or waste their energy that can be used for a future game. They are taken out and the damage is minimized. You certainly don't want to lose but if you are going to lose, don't waste the energy and assets of your best players any longe than you have to when the result wont change. How many times have we seen the starting quarterback left in a game where his team was not going to win only to see him injured on a meaningless play costing his team future games and even seasons. These results are a total disaster and the coach gets killed by the fans for leaving a star player in a meaningless game. You are the starting quarterback in your marriage.

Marriage is no different yet the smartest sports guys cant seem to figure out it is not going to get any better once it goes bad and its now just a matter of how much you will lose. They stay and invest more time in something that was lost long ago thinking they can turn the score around. The longer they stay the more damage they do to themselves emotionally and financially while the wife is laughing all the way to the bank. She stays up late at night talking to her boyfriend who goes by the name "The Real Mr. Pac Man" or maybe Steve from the Gym. Shes just enjoying random chats or fan fiction creative writing sessions with Harry Potter characters having sex with each other while she giggles as she shares her writings with other people, some of whom she probably acts out the childhood fantasies with while you are at work. Shes enjoying herself well into the night while you go to bed early because you have to get up the next day to earn money so she can stay at home with kids she does not clean up after because she knows you will do it when you get home from work because after all you paid for the house and she has no investment in it and has made no payment on the mortgage. She also knows that if you say anything or get the courage to leave, she will own the home she made no payment toward. Its a no win situation for the man. 

Unlike the smart sports guy we are, we are dumb in marriage. Its easy to understand why we are this way. When you have so much invested emotionally and financially its hard to walk away. Women rarely have anything financially invested in a marriage. The man is usually the one covering most if not all of the expenses. It starts with the engagement ring that the wife usually stops wearing soon after marriage and has plans to pawn sooner rather than later. Men also make most of the money. She makes less or often nothing yet when the relationship ends she is walking away with atleast half the assets if not more. Men who get married are usually more attracted to his wife than the wife is to him. Even if you are a top level man, when you are dating, you are fighting so many other men to get your wife or girlfriend to pick you. Wanting children makes you continue the chase. Shes not picking you because you are attractive, a good guy, or making bank. She is likely picking you because of all three. The three 6's are mantatory for most women even if she is a 5 and fat. If you are lucky enough to land a woman you are truly attracted to, she is not easily replaceable. Your wife can be the worst person but its tough to walk away from a pretty face, giant breasts, or a perfect ass. I know. It took me years to do it. I literally despise my ex wife but I rarely meet a more physically attractive woman even years after my divorce. Men are fully invested in their attraction to a woman even after the relationship is clearly over whereas once a woman is done with you emotionally, she can have you replaced with a new guy 5 minutes later who provides the same thing you did for her. Once she gets or knows she is getting your money, she can settle for less financially in the next man which makes it even easier for her to become indifferent toward you and find someone new. A woman may not want to be with you but she may not be the one to leave because being married benefits her and leaving hurts the man. Most marriages are eventually standoffs between indifference and misery complicated by aging and unequal contribution and control of wealth. Add the desire of the woman to play victim. She literally wants you to be the one to leave because while you are together she is living the life on your dime. She's cheating on you in so many ways and most men cant spot it or put it on ignore for a variety of reasons but its mostly because men do not want to fail or accept a loss.

Ask a man whether it hurts more not to earn $100.00 he should have made or to lose $100.00 he's earned and its always tougher to lose the money. As a result we stay in things longer than we should hoping not to incur the loss. Even men who understand cutting their losses in a sports analogy or even a business analogy, cant do it in marriage because we have so much invested. It makes no logical sense and it allows even the dumbest woman to divorce rape the smartest man.

Until a man gets the courage to cut his losses ,the damages will only continue to get worse. Marriage is not like a blue chip stock where it might make sense to stay in for years as it is likely to be profitable over time. It is instead like a bad gambling habit or a penny stock investment. While there are rare stories of winning gamblers or a penny stock that turns into a huge profit, for every guy on a magazine cover for being a betting or stock picking genius, there are millions of men who kept betting or doubling down on a stock investment only to lose more money than they would have had they walked away once they realized the losses were not going to turn around. Its tough to cut financial losses when you think you can hold out or turn it around. Its no different than having the money invested in a marriage and telling yourself I need to walk away from my gorgeous big breasted wife knowing the odds of me ending up with someone down the road who I was just as attracted to. It took me years to walk away and delaying it only cost me more money and allowed the woman I married to enjoy a worry free life while I worked to help her live it.

If 80% of divorces are filed by women, it is a real indication that there are many men that simply do not have the courage to leave their wives because they dont want to lose what they have invested. As in my situation, it became clear that I was being used for money and that my wife wanted nothing to do with me after she got her 2 kids. I saw it but I didnt have the courage to leave when I should have. She wasnt going to leave despite her lack of emotional involvement for a variety of reasons and if nothing happened I was the one suffering. I could not begin the emotional recovery that she went through in a day and every day married meant more money for her. These 80% of divorces being filed by women arent because 80% of the time the man is just so bad she had no choice but to leave, but in fact its because in addition to women wanting a new man and divorcing because of her hypergamus nature, the women also get tired of waiting for the man they treated poorly and destroyed to leave. Ultimately as a last resort, they will allow the loss of part of their victim card because they want to move on. Even the woman with the best life living in a dead marriage will eventually leave but its long after the man should have left. Most men will not leave and will die heartbroken and overworked before they will file for divorce. 

I talk to so many men that are going through what I was going through in silence for years. I was miserable but was not about to leave. My wife was beautiful and I invested so much in the marriage that I did not want to lose my investment no matter how badly I was being disrespected right in front of my face and our children. She was daring me to leave and eventually I did at great financial and emotional cost. She didnt think I would leave and had no problem showing the arrogance of power position thanks to North Carolina's pro woman divorce and custody laws. Once I decided to leave, her grieving was likely less than 24 hours and she couldn't even produce any tears when I finally told her I was leaving her and she started crying saying we werent to that point yet. I almost caved in and stayed. She needed me to make more money for a bigger equitable distribution kitty. She didn't want to be married to me. Luckily I stuck to my guns and left.

While I had no guidance or emotional support while going through the bad marriage and the decision to finally leave her, what I tell men and what I hope those of you reading this will understand is that once you are thinking about divorce, it is time for divorce 95% of the time. Your marriage is over. It cant be fixed, it cant be saved, and 9 times out of 10, if you don't leave your wife, you are the one losing the longer the marriage stays in place. While there are many issues that go beyond a womans beauty and ability to detach from you in moments as well as your financial loss, men need to understand that once it gets to that point, they simply need to leave. They need to think like a woman. The woman will leave you emotionally and live in your home because she benefits financially, but as a man you need to leave her physically because it benefits you financially by cutting your losses. You need to move out and never speak to her again. If she has caused you to even think about divorce, she is not likely someone who will take your decision lightly even though deep down she is glad you are leaving. She does not want you to control any part of your life once she is done with you. Leaving requires so much planning and decision making that most men aren't prepared to make but before you can consider them and act, you need to convince yourself you need to leave no matter how much you still love your horrible wife and her beauty.

If you need the push to take that step or you need help to formulate a plan on what to do once you have decided to leave, the right lawyer will save you emotionally and financially. Pick up the phone and make it happen.