When you are planning or in the middle of the divorce process, do not assume there is a line that even the worst woman will not cross when it comes to getting money and primary custody during your divorce battle. The woman you thought you knew as your wife becomes less desirable and a far worse person than any woman you knew in a prior life and probably will in the future. Who a woman really is comes out in the divorce process.
One of the biggest line crossing type of behaviors is the false accusation of domestic violence. This is the gold standard of lying that a woman will do without hesitation because it can get a man out of the marital home and cause him to lose a chance at equal custody of his kids. Men need to be aware that no matter how sweet and meek your quiet little soccer mom wife is, she is no less likely to make a false accusation and will push it as far as she needs to because it cannot be proven she is lying so she faces no penalties if the accusation is false. The politically correct legal system means almost any accusation is assumed to be true.
I never thought I would be the subject of such an attempt as the woman I was married to for about 9 years was someone I never fought with, rarely had a cross word, and for the most part I did not do or say anything during our marriage to rock the boat because she was beautiful and I wanted kids. Whether it be the wife or any woman I dated in the past, physical violence or the threat of it was never something that was in my persona even if I am type A and can speak my mind with intensity without issue. My wife knew the type of man I was having spent all those years with me seeing how I handle myself. If anything, my lack of authority or calling my wife on her bs was probably a big part of why the marriage failed. I should have been a big asshole and kept her in line but I digress...
While I consider myself pretty street smart and worldly seeing how people make stuff up to get over on others, until it happened to me I simply never thought that a woman would try to paint me in a light that would make me seem violent and angry because it would help her in a court to get custody of kids.
I previously told the story of finding the recording device in my home and how that made me sink emotionally, but this was step one of the plan to get me to be violent so she could get me out of the home . You men need to understand that even if you have never been violent toward your wife and are basically the nice guy, once divorce is on the table your sweet little wife will do things like try to get you to be violent to her having it all on tape for law enforcement. Any man, especially a man who is successful, could have a moment of weakness when provoked by a woman. We are human and a woman who knows you knows what buttons to push. The fact she is trying to deceive you to get an edge in a divorce is bad enough, but the ramifications of such actions can go beyond her calling the cops on you to get you out of the house. Losing your reputation, job, or professional licenses affects you and your kids. Women don't care, its about winning and control. If you think you meant nothing to your wife when you were married, once the divorce begins you will long for the days of how you were treated while you were married.
Despite hours and hours of me on tape interacting with the wife before we split up, there was nothing for her to use. Instead I get offered 2 overnight visits a month for custody by my ex via some lawyer who must have no soul to argue for that position. Understand that while the standard for custody issues is what is "the best interest of the child", that is the biggest bunch of garbage. Lawyers who represent women trying to deprive men of equal custody of their kids without a legitimate reason are the worst kinds of lawyers. While I survived the recording device plot no doubt hatched by a lawyer who lost her soul years ago, it was not over and the story gets funnier.
Once I left the marital home(don't assume the advice to stay in the marital home until things are settled is the best advice), the next step was to solidify custody via court order. My emotions are up and as I learn about the process and who my wife was and how the system was anti man, I became more vocal and outspoken whenever I thought someone might listen. I am having to empty my soul in a courtroom in front of strangers just to try and get equal custody of my kids while the addictions and habits of the wife, had they been mine, would not only make me a laughingstock but probably get me supervised visits. I spoke passionately and forcefully when I testified about the double standard and hypocrisy that exists in the family law system. The Wife needing an edge files an affidavit with the court saying she is concerned about my anger etc. She's trying to keep me from getting equal custody by lying including stating under oath that she is scared of me and worried about my anger problems. Remember while I was being a husband and provider, I had no issues in her mind relating to any anger.
Without the wife's addictions coming out in court, I likely don't get equal custody but it was a fight and anything they could do to make me look bad was on the table.. Since there was no evidence other than I was a good father who my kids wanted to be around, I had to be made out to be angry by the ex and her lawyers. Once I was awarded equal custody she was soon back in court trying to get the equal custody changed. The way the anger issue was pushed the hope was the biased judge would take my equal custody away. They needed more ammunition.
Judges do not like people standing up for themselves because it exposes the bias of the family law system. They want you to say yes your honor and no your honor and not question anything. I was not afraid to speak up and question things in and out of the courtroom. In the second attempt trying to keep me from equal custody of the kids, the judge decided instead of instantly taking my custody she would send me for an evaluation to see if I needed anger management. Hilarious. The wife's lawyers then had to speak further to make sure I followed through as it was vital because if it turned out I was in need of anger management, it might lose my equal custody. The literal joy of the lawyers and the ex wife that I got ordered for an evaluation was beyond the pale. The fact that I had never shown anger in any part of my life beyond the level of any normal person yet was now being sent for an evaluation because I stood up for myself, fought for my kids, and let all the players know what a scam family court was against men, only affirmed my belief that the system is used by women to destroy men. Many men commit suicide because this process is so bad and that is why they need to learn it before they go through it. I wish I had someone to tell me about all of it before my divorce which is sad as I am a lawyer.
Anyways, I call up the psychologist who is going to evaluate me for anger management. Of course I had to pay a fee for the evaluation. I get there and tell my story and the guy basically says I am not angry and I don't even need to be there. I have to attend three sessions for him to complete his evaluation. We get along fine. The ironic thing is that he was also going through similar child custody and divorce issues. I found our sessions were me counseling him and giving him legal advice. You cant make this stuff up.
Once my evaluation was complete the counselor says he is going to write a report which says I do not need anger management and in fact I seem like a mentally strong person who has handled all I have had to deal with in light of finding out about my wifes behavior, the addictions, and her desire to alienate my kids from me. The report never gets prepared however. I keep asking my lawyer if she got a copy. As bad as my exes lawyers wanted me to be emotionally and financially destroyed, I assumed they would be on top of getting a copy because they used every court hearing to say how angry I was and that I needed management of my problems. Even the Judge never followed up on her own Order for the evaluation never once asking the lawyers to produce a copy of the report to the court.
As time passed following this evalaution, I made the decision to settle the financial aspect of my divorce with the wife taking ownership of the house I worked so hard to unilaterally pay off as well as additional funds that were beyond belief for someone who was nowhere near a marital partner. With the wife and her lawyers paid suddenly none of them had an interest in getting a report about whether I needed anger management. Wouldn't a damning report give the wife and her lawyers ammunition to go back into court and take my equal custody from me? It sure would have been easier to do so in light of having a favorable Judge who didn't like my forceful opinions and sent me for anger management evaluation while assuming a wife who wrote volumes of porn on a computer was perfectly fine. No one did anything. No follow up, no nothing. The evaluator got paid, the lawyers got paid, and I could have real anger issues and none of it mattered. If you aren't cynical enough to think its only about money and embarrassing a man who dares stand up for himself, then what is it about? If it was about the kids and their custody as the lawyers argued to change, someone would have pushed to get a report completed and into the courts hands right. Years later still nothing as no report has ever been completed.
The humor of the system aside, it is important to understand the motives of those involved in it and their desire for money and to embarrass those who don't fall in line which are typically men who have fought for everything in their life. Be aware of what is being done and why. Awareness will help you not to take things personally because the hate and bias that is against the man is going to exist. Learn about it and get your situation set up to make the pain of divorce easier to deal with as you go through the system and face the lies and insults that are designed to break you so you will give up your money and your kids versus fighting for everything.
I remember when I first bought my house in a local middle class neighborhood. Despite just starting my own law firm with an uncertain future and having law school loans that still needed to be paid back, I managed to save money to put a decent down payment and moved in ready to conquer the world. It was a little weird seeing a nice house next to mine where no one seemed to come or go. I would later learn that it was a family of welfare people who somehow managed to get into a house using government programs. I could not believe I had bought a house next to people that did not make me feel overly comfortable and didn't seem to work. Little did I know that after they moved out I would wish for their return because the lady that moved in to the house would be a big reason why my marriage would end.
Whether you want to believe it or not, people love to see others fail. They don't want to see people happy and their self hate and jealousy gives them motivation and to try and destroy what other people have. This can be in the form of theft of property like my ex wife did to me to help confirm I made the right decision to leave her, but it can also be more subtle and more damaging when it comes to destroying a person simply because you do not like them even if that person never did anything to you. People that have gotten old, have been divorced a couple of times, and are isolated from their own family, too often don't want to see a good looking couple succeed and build a family. If one of that couple is weak or not in the marriage for honorable reasons, someone like that will have a field day destroying a marriage.
While there are bad people who have motives, you would hope that your spouse could see these people the way you do and more importantly have your back and not be swayed by the behavior of someone else who uses the disguise of friendship to ruin her relationship. The person I married was not strong enough to do this and while I didn't expect anything less from the neighbor who was clearly a mean and evil person who had been divorced multiple times and was filled with hate disguised as a fake and friendly neighbor, the fact my wife and her became fast friends and seemed to enjoy the mental abuse they heaped upon me only gave me further confirmation that I married the wrong person who clearly had a motive. Someone just like her could see what needed to be done to get her to abandon her relationship in exchange for affirmation and adulation, as fake as it was. While my wife certainly did not value me, the self centered mindset would not have changed the outcome no matter who she married. A man was a mean to an end and she just had to fake her way through things long enough to have it end on her terms or for her stay married while only meeting her own needs while the wimpy man pays the bills and isolates himself because he simply tired of the years of abuse and unable to muster the courage to walk out.
Before this lady moved her way into my life and marriage, I had to first meet my wife and move her into the home that I bought alone and was so proud of and kept clean. Once she moved in and we got married, and in addition to the wedding ring going into a drawer never to be seen again, my house slowly became a pig sty. Then the new road lizard neighbor woman moved in next door. She was old and washed up, divorced a couple of times, and didn't really do anything. It was clear she wasn't paying the mortgage on her house. She had plenty of free time despite the work she claimed to do from home and once she moved in, she was soon at our house making my wife her new friend. I was nothing more than polite to her but could tell she was trouble. She was a trashy busy body and while the contempt had formed toward my wife because she would not wear her wedding ring, I was not to the point where I believed my wife would allow a loser person to drive a wedge between her and her husband. I was wrong.
As with all the wife's new friends, the relationships were fake and sporadic. If you couldn't do anything for her, you weren't someone I would see often. Once we had our first child, the arrogance increased and the value of her husband became less. The fake mom groups and people who could be used as babysitters were everywhere. As a man who wanted kids and saw the joy of a new child, I tolerated it. I watched the neighbor start to act like she was my kids grandma, and behave in a way that was inappropriate. They were her grandkids in her mind and she could see that I saw her for what she was so she avoided me rather than spew her fake bullshit that my wife took hook line and sinker but with her own agenda to benefit from it. Any attempts to discuss the lady overstepping her boundaries were met with resistance and the accusation that I had a bad attitude and needed to be nicer and more social. So much for thinking my wife had my back. I knew she didn't but I wanted kids and pushing my mid to late 30s in a loveless sexless marriage, the fact we got pregnant easily was outweighing all the hate I had for myself because I allowed myself to be treated poorly by a wife. One child turned into two and the neighbors behaviors became more emboldened while the wife further ignored and disrespected me. You are only treated as bad as you allow it, so it was on me. Despite all the bad written about in these blog posts, I would have stayed for a third kid which wife refused so again its on me for not leaving once the contempt existed.
As with the neighbor, there were other people who crossed our paths that seemingly wanted there to be problems in the marriage. Over time friends and activities with neighbors and strange people that put my wife on a pedestal became priorities over time with the husband. The lesson learned was that if you are married to a woman who allows outside influences to cause problems in her marriage, she is basically a piece of shit. Marriage is hard enough but any person who allows others to influence their marriage needs to be divorced immediately. I knew deep down that I was not valued as a man by my wife. It was my own fault for allowing it to go on in exchange for the chance at kids. I was not a young man when I got married and I was not going to be a cuck and raise another mans kids by marrying a single mom so options over time became limited in terms of finding a wife. While this blame for not being able to get a wife as a younger man falls on me, once I got married, I treated the wife with respect and would never prioritize anyone or anything over my wife and family. What many men fail to realize and accept is that their wife will do this and we allow it for reasons that vary. Your wife may not value you but she will know you like the back of her hand and most have the ability to push things right up to a line. My wife thought she did and was good at it for awhile.
For all the neighbor did to help destroy my marriage, she actually did me a favor because toward the end her behavior became so blatantly disrespectful that even someone as desperate as me to be married to a pretty woman and have a family, there was a line that even my blue pilled ass would not allow to be crossed without ramifications.
At the time as a new father, despite being married to someone who was mentally abusive and disrespectful to me, I was going to handle it and let things pass using whatever excuse I could to justify it to myself. However, when it comes to my mother, once she was disrespected, something had to be said. Prior to the moment that told me I was going to end my marriage, I watched my wife use and disrespect my mother just enough to where it was a problem but not to the point where I was ready to create conflict. The neighbor got in on the act calling my kids "her grandkids" and saying she was "their other grandma" while being rude to my mom when their paths crossed. The words were subtle yet hurtful and the behavior was disrespectful along the line of how my wife treated me. While it seems like yesterday this was years ago and I hate myself for the wimpy man I was in the same way I hated myself for allowing my college girlfriend to treat my like crap in exchange for some good sex.
The final straw came quickly and swiftly when we took my young daughters to their dance recital. My family arrived in our vehicle and my mom and neighbor lady arrived in separate cars. Why the neighbor lady felt the need to attend I don't know but by that time I had dealt with four years of watching her try to be my kids grandma replacing my mom while my wife went from using my mom and showing some fake respect and friendliness to using the neighbor to meet all her needs. Once we arrived at the auditorium, I had barely gotten the kids out of the car when the neighbor suddenly appeared and pulled the kids from my arm and just started walking them toward the entrance. She did not say hi to anyone and did not even wait for the rest of us. These kids were her possessions and she was pushing the envelope even more to create conflict. I saw how upset my mom was and how indifferent the wife was and could not believe what I was seeing. We all finally made it to the entry way and my wife knew I was pissed at the level of disrespect. While my wife is not responsible for the bad behavior of others, she is responsible for showing respect to her family and that includes her husband when others try to disrespect me. She acted like it was no big deal and we all just were supposed to go forward into the building.
Prior to this day despite all the disrespect and bad treatment I had suffered at the hands of my wife, I stayed quiet and kept the peace because I wanted a family and would hope that maybe my wife was just overwhelmed with being a new mom and she would mature into someone who would value the man who gave her everything. However before we walked into the building to catch up to the neighbor who hijacked my kids and walked right in without care for anyone else, I cussed my wife out in the entry way in front of a bunch of people. I was purposefully loud. I told her how I felt in no uncertain terms and let a lot of cuss words fly. I created a scene with my yelling and cussing at my wife for her lack of disrespect to me and my mother. I got in the car and went home. I did not stay for the recital. When the wife got back home instead of discussing the issues of neighbors and friends over stepping their boundaries and what type of family we were, the wife went next door and hung out with the neighbor for hours leaving me with the kids to stew. That day was the end of my marriage and I knew I would soon be divorcing.
For you men who are in marriages where your wife allows outside influences to destroy your relationship, ask yourself who does she value more, you or your friends. I am not saying that her having friends is an issue and there are probably people that she has known longer than you. However, as her husband you have a new level of value that her friends simply cannot be for her. Otherwise she would have married them. Men can usually recognize the difference between these healthy and unhealthy friendships and if you allow the disrespect to continue it will get worse. Women will do what you allow them to get away with if they do not respect you. Toxic friendships and behavior will never come from a woman who is quality and wants to be with you as your wife. It is common sense but often ignored by men who want a family knowing how hard it is to get a desirable woman who will have kids with him. Hopefully there is enough information out there that no man should be staying in a bad marriage, kids or not.
The irony of all this is once I saw the behavior and disrespect was more than I could take, I chose to leave to gain some level of respect but I still had to pay for her bad behavior. She paid no price for her behavior and got a nice packet of money in the divorce that she never earned including my house, which she now owns mortgage free. Now that I am fully awake and tolerate no bullshit from any woman no matter big her breasts are or how pretty her face is, I wonder if men would have to deal with this behavior if women following a divorce had to pay alimony for bad behavior or the husband was the default primary custodian of the kids leading to child support for him or a wife having to walk away from regular contact with her kids because she could not afford the high cost of a lawyer to go to court where getting equal custody of her kids would not be guaranteed and where most judges would scoff at any woman who would dare ask for equal or primary custody of her kids. I wonder what the divorce rate would be if the respect and honor given to women in court was given to men and the women had to fight for everything.
That is for another discussion.
Do you ever feel like your spouse is unable or unwilling to carry their weight in your marriage? Do they do things that you do not respect or believe in? Do they act in a way where it is clear that while they are married to you, they literally have no respect, admiration or love for you? If these thoughts about your spouse are similar on a regular or even an occasional basis, you likely have contempt for your spouse. If these thoughts exist, your marriage is over. There are no coming back from these feelings. If you have such negative thoughts for the person you married and even have children with, your marriage is nothing but a sham going forward and you are doing yourself a disservice by staying in it. Once contempt has made its way in to your relationship, it is time to end it.
Remember when you met your spouse and everything they did was wonderful. What they said and what they did made you smile and you admired the person they were. You also likely had a good sex life and wanted to be as affectionate as you could in any setting. At some point, something went wrong. You noticed your spouse start to say and do things that made you think less of them. They treated you in such a way that you realized you had no value as a person to them. The behavior spiraled until the point you had such hate and contempt for the person you were married to that your own behavior or attitude in response made you hate yourself because that is not who you are. This dynamic is a regular part of our society and many people stay married to someone who they have lost all respect for and who they have such contempt that if they were not afraid of divorce or didn't have children with them, they would not even speak to or care to know such a person. How does it get to that point with a person you married and had children with? These situations can occur early in the marriage or can appear suddenly when a spouse changes their behavior towards you because they no longer value you and are planning an exit and want you devalued as much as possible before the separation occurs to make the end easier to handle emotionally.
Let me give you an examples of contempt that occurred early on in the marriage to show that a spouses behavior or intent can show itself quickly and often intentionally having irreparable consequences that can affect families and children....
As a man one of the things you like to do(before you get divorced and become sour to the whole concept of marriage) when you meet your dream woman is buy her an engagement ring complete with the band that you slide on her finger on your wedding day. The pleasure and joy you feel with the diamond you bought and the happiness on your face gives you real satisfaction and inspires you to be great beyond what already inspires you as a man. You want the world to see how proud you are of your wife and that you are now building a life with her.
After months of showing the ring off like women do, your wedding day comes. The joy you feel and the shine on your face does not seem to be matched by the woman you are marrying. Maybe its just her nerves. Maybe its the fact she isn't going to fake love and happiness now that she has crossed the finish line and is getting married to you opening up an entirely new financial reward that goes beyond the cost of a ring. The marriage takes place and at some point you return home. The wedding ring is not on her finger. You ask and she gives some excuse. Your bullshit radar is always up but for now you aren't going to make an issue of it as you are excited to start your married life and have a family.
Over the next month or two you never see the wedding ring on your wife's finger. You stew in silence as you head to work making bank wanting to keep proving your gorgeous big breasted wife made the right choice in marrying you while she stays at home and the clean house you kept is being made into a pig sty. The woman you married does not value her surroundings because she did not contribute to its purchase and upkeep. The contempt is starting to form and the ink is barely dry on the marriage certificate.
Before things get worse and just a couple of months into the marriage, she announces she is pregnant. She does not seem overly happy or maybe its the contempt you are starting to feel causing you to see anything she says and does as basically fake and disingenuous. No matter what you are thinking in the back of your mind, you are still over the moon that your gorgeous wife is having a baby. The wedding ring you spent a good deal of money on still has not appeared on her finger. You don't want to cause your wife any stress or nitpick her while she is pregnant. You want a happy and healthy baby and God blesses with you with a beautiful daughter. Your wife stays at home and takes care of the kid while you work proud that in todays modern economic world that you are successful enough to allow your wife to stay at home with her kid. The women in this world who raise kids and work would give anything not to have to drop their kid at daycare but your wife is indifferent toward your success and efforts to make raising a young kid as joyous as possible for mom and daughter. You were thankful to grow up in a time where even your middle class earning father could work and your mom could stay at home and you got to see her when you got home from school without being raised in day care. You wanted to do the same for your wife as a way to show respect to your mother and father for what they did for you. Don't think the developing contempt in the marriage was caused over just failure to wear a wedding ring.
As time passes after the birth of the baby, you ask your wife why she does not wear her wedding ring. The excuse that her hand got too fat because of pregnancy and she needs to get the ring resized sounds good at first but you know deep down its bullshit because she is a stay at home mom and has had plenty of time to get it done. A woman who does not wear her wedding ring so early on in the marriage is basically saying she married you with an agenda. It wasn't based on love, admiration, or respect for you the man. It was about other things. You ignore the fact you were basically a blue pilled Captain Save a Hoe who moved her from her apartment she shared with roommates to your nice home where she could step into a stay at home mother role once she had a baby. The contempt had a foundation and it was building with other things that went on in the marriage that indicated no love or respect from the person you married. The situation was made worse by the fact that you had this gorgeous daughter and you wanted more kids. Your sex life wasn't ideal(another post) but damn you could get her pregnant and she was physically built to have kids. You wanted more kids and were not going to rock the boat of contempt even though it continued to build.
Life has a weird way of reminding you of your contempt for your spouse and to let you know its time to leave the marriage. You have one beautiful kid and want another and of course the wife is going to dictate when that happens. You are basically in a sexless marriage but she is on the pill until she decides on the next baby time even if you aren't in your twenties and many people don't get pregnant easily. More contempt added. You get reminded of the original contempt when you go the Dentist for your regular teeth cleaning and you see one of the dental assistants who checks you in. She's a gorgeous, friendly girl who is about 8 months pregnant. She's working full time and about ready to burst while your wife is staying at home doing things that are causing the contempt to grow. You ask her how her pregnancy is and she gives the usual complaints about being tired and swollen etc but the joy and happiness in her eyes are obvious about the fact she is going to have a baby. You never saw this joy in your wife. God being the messenger he is shows you another sign with this beautiful friendly pregnant girl. She's wearing a neckless around her neck that catches your eye. Guess what is around it? Its her wedding ring. Here is a girl about to have her first baby, working full time, her wedding ring clearly does not fit her finger, and she takes the time to get a necklace and put her wedding ring around it. She is proud to be with her man. Where do you find a woman like this? It is simple little things that make you appreciate your spouse. Instead your contempt for your wife is now growing as you walk in to the dentist chair.
Once contempt is in place and felt by one spouse, one of two things is going to happen. If the spouse who feels contempt is really just a whining type of person with the expectations to be spoiled and who is never wrong, infighting will begin because it is not really contempt that exists. It is simply unreasonable expectations by one spouse who is taking out their frustrations on the other. Being a non contributing or spoiled spouse leads the other spouse to fight back verbally and such behavior can and will lead to the destruction of the relationship. True contempt that is justified will lead to divorce but unlike immature reactions or behavior, it cannot be repaired. If you develop contempt for your spouse and it is truly justified, the offending spouse will suddenly know you know that her behavior is beyond immature or just having a bad day where good communication usually fixes it. Contempt cannot be fixed with communication because if the couple could communicate properly and truly cared for one another., contempt would never exist. The partner that is causing the contempt to present itself knows what they are doing to create the feeling of contempt by their partner. They wont fix it or change the behavior but instead will double down and begin behaving worse and trying to turn the issues around which includes gas lighting. What little communication that might still exist between the parties will dwindle to nothing because the spouse that behaved badly now knows that their partner is on to the behavior. There wont be any fighting or verbal wars but instead there will be two parties that know they are going to be divorced and its just a matter of when and how.
Once the contempt has presented itself atleast one and probably both the parties will be in what is called Marital Purgatory(this will be discussed later). The spouse that created the contempt will amplify the bad behavior trying to mentally destroy the partner who woke up and spoke up about their behavior. If you mix in kids, inequality in financial production, and the division of assets issue, you are now basically living with a spouse who you have contempt for and who is basically the enemy. You aren't sleeping with this enemy because what little sex you were probably getting is going to become even less frequent. The spouse that has the most to lose suffers in this Marital Purgatory. All the bad behavior that brought you there will be made worse and it could end up being done with the subtleness that created the issue or it may be done right in your face. Again the economic inequality and the family court laws that give children to women usually mean that it is the wife who amplifies the bad behavior. She can do it because there is a financial award coming to her if you don't take her behavior and live a life on her terms.
Not taking action is never good. Allowing someone you are going to divorce to continue to abuse you and behave badly, especially when there are financial resources and an unequal earning spread sheet is financial and emotional suicide. Not handling how and when you divorce correctly is going to lead to additional contempt and post marriage contempt exists and can put the final touches on a man who was mentally destroyed once he realized his spouse didn't care about or support him in any way. Add in unequal time with your kids and it is a tough blow for even the strongest man to swallow.
In the instance of contempt raised here, while extreme, it is no more important or shocking than the contempt that often takes years to form and show itself. As a man ask yourself why you stay in a marriage when you have contempt for your wife especially if you are the bread winner. If your wife has contempt for you be prepared to leave. Her beliefs as to your behavior and what type of man you are aside, you don't want to be reminded of her. Delays are deadly.
If you don't understand why delays can hurt a man, lets finish the story of the man with the wife who wouldn't worry about anything that was important to her husband. Luckily the man got another beautiful daughter from the wife he had contempt for because he stayed rather than leave because having kids was at the time worth more to him than his self respect. He would have stayed for a third but his stay at home wife was unwilling to put in the work. He wanted more kids and stayed and ignored the ring issue and the ongoing behavior by his wife designed to mindfuck him and to let him know he had no value as a husband or man. She thought she could get away with such behavior because she was gorgeous and no man leaves a woman with young kids and no replacement woman lined up with all that he had lose financially being the icing on the case if he left. She saw him as stuck and would end the marriage on her terms not his. She wasn't trying to save it. The contempt only grew and the wife was a pro at mentally abusing him so leaving the marriage at some point was no longer a hard decision. The timing of when he left was never going to be right but the self destruction of the mans home only grew worse.
At some point after the kids were born the man was told there would be no more kids. I only have two hands was her excuse. Having a normal sex life and seeing if God might bless the couple with a third child was not an option. The wife was going to purposely try to avoid getting pregnant so back on the pill she went. She was basically egging her man to divorce her but didn't think he would because she knew from her prior marriage to another sucker that a divorce would reward her financially. The man had stopped wearing his wedding ring recently as he got tired of asking and wondering why his wife wouldn't wear the wedding ring he bought her. Not one time was it ever on her finger following the wedding day and even after she lost all the baby weight from the second baby and began working out to get skinny for the men in her life that were "just friends", she never put her wedding ring on her finger. It was likely pawned for money.
Nine years after getting married and five years too late the man walked out on the woman he had contempt for which started soon after the wedding day and continued each day the wife didn't wear her wedding ring, not once in nine years of marriage. He handled the move out wrong and did not protect himself like he could have. The wife did though. As time passed following his move from his home, he did an inventory as to what was gone or lost at no fault of his own. It turned out his wife was a flat out thief. We aren't talking about a thief who keeps pots and pans that were not hers which could be replaced, but instead family heirlooms and her husbands personal items that could not be replaced were made to disappear from the house over time before the husband gave any indication he wanted a divorce. Someone who recognizes their contemptuous behavior was discovered by their spouse knows the marriage is over. One of the things stolen was his wedding ring. She didn't wear her wedding ring one day during the marriage and chose to steal the wedding ring of her husband just in case he got the courage to walk out. She didn't want the wedding ring he gave her yet also didn't want him to have the wedding ring he got on his wedding day(that he bought and paid for).
This harsh extreme as it relates to contempt is to get you men thinking and understand the affect it has on your marriage and failure to address quickly and decisively is only going to cause your spouse to amplify her own bad behavior while you gather the confidence to leave and lose your personal possessions. A women with who you feel legitimate contempt for does not change her behavior. You need to push for divorce if contempt shows itself. Some women once you are on to them will leave you while you are at work completely emptying the house. Its not even a crime and you do not get your stuff back or the fair value of it. There are men that have lost more than a wedding ring, a baseball glove, a relatives watch, video games, sports memorabilia etc. In addition to those things, the wife takes all the furniture and every item in the home leaving you a note to call her lawyer.
Don't think that just because you walked out on your wife that the contempt issue goes away. Her behavior post divorce, especially if you have kids, will only get worse. She wants you financially ruined and emotionally broken. She will be very good at it and you cannot reason with her to be fair about anything.
No contact is the first step to healing.
When a man gets married and has a family, his life gets much busier and the pressure on him to be and do increases dramatically. No matter how much this pressure increases, there is nothing better than the joy that comes with a quality wife and children. No matter how much the world changes from the values of yesteryear, many men want nothing better than to be a provider and to show their wife that she made the right choice to be her husband and the father of her kids. If she respects and shows the slightest bit of admiration for him, he will walk through a wall for her constantly singing her praises to others. Women know this and behave accordingly depending on how they value the marriage at a given moment.
The reality of the world and the increased technology including dating apps and the devils playground that is Facebook combined with the ever increasing hypergamus nature of women means that men, in addition to having to be an earner and provider, must be on the lookout more so than ever for behavior by their wife that indicates the marriage is over or he in fact married a nonvirtuous woman who will continue to use him as long as she is allowed to do so. Stupid men think that if a woman isn't asking for a divorce she is happy and not behaving badly. Men need to wake up and notice their wifes bad behavior so they can take action rather than live in a world of disrespect.
Lets look at this from the perspective of a man who has a stay at home wife and a wife that works. Either scenario is dangerous.
Most men would love nothing better than to be successful enough so their wife can stay at home and raise kids while he works and provides for the family. If that is a mans reality he is probably working his ass off and hopes to come home to a clean house and a welcoming wife. Life can get monotonous but its still important that a married couple feel valued for their roles and that the marriage matters. Even the worst stay at home woman can keep a house clean and fake a welcome as the man walks through the door. Those that welcome the husband home and allow the house to stay dirty usually never cared or stopped caring long ago to the point where the other red flags indicating a bad marriage don't even factor in to the obvious reality that the marriage is over. For the woman who knows how to fake love or keeps the house reasonably clean, ask yourself what she is doing the rest of the day. She is probably on Facebook posting pictures of her perfect kids, talking in chat groups likely to other men, and doing other things to get the attention that she needs. The effort you give is not enough and she cannot accept the fact that you are working hard for the family and it is tough to see as a man that your wife has emotionally abandoned you. Its a slow process but over time, if the positivity you feel when you see your wife after work is gone and she has become indifferent to your efforts, you need to dig deeper and find the bad behavior and confirm that the marriage is over. Once you are able to do this, you can end a bad marriage rather than stay a sucker well into middle age when it likely does not matter any more.
Maybe you are the man where your kids are grown enough to where the wife has gone back to work, has worked while your kids were in day care, or you are married without kids and both of you work. Unlike the stay at home wife who is bored and focuses on her needs instead of that of her families, the working woman can cause you a different set of problems. She might be the career woman with a full time job where she is around a bunch of men who would love nothing better to get in to her pants. These co workers know how to flirt and find it to be a challenge to see if they can get your wife to cheat. It is easier than you think because most women are not faithful and are looking for something better especially if they have been married for awhile. If your spouse is lazy and not willing to work full time she might have a part time job at a gym or waiting tables or something that gets her out of the house to meet people and get away from the kids. The warmth, friendliness, and personality she shows to men at work or even complete strangers is what you saw from her when you first dated but long went out the window with the first kid and the found knowledge she gets atleast half of your success and some alimony or child support the minute she feels like leaving.
So what is my point gentleman? Wake up!! Look at what your wife does day to day and how she treats you versus others and how her behavior is indicative that she is having an affair or just being completely indifferent to you until she feels the best time it is to leave your hard working oblivious ass. When was the last time you had sex? If you get sex once a month you are in a sexless marriage. There are many men that would drop dead if they got sex once a month. Your wife may not be having sex with you but shes having sex elsewhere.
Even when you marry you should maintain some level of privacy. Your spouse shouldn't have to share all her passwords and tell you who she talks to every minute of the day. If there is trust and love there should be no issues and you don't want to be controlling or create distrust before the ink on the marriage certificate is even dry. That being said you need to be aware of the behavior that basically lets you know your wife does not value you or your marriage.
Does your wife spend a lot of time on the computer? Is she always posting to Facebook? Is she 40 years old with an Instagram or Snapchat account? Is she in a bunch of fan fiction online groups where she gets affirmation of her inept sexuality or creativity? The more time she spends on a computer the more likely your marriage is over. If you ask her about it, she more defensive she gets the more likely it is a problem.
If your wife is a working woman or a stay at home woman, the cell phone might be her best friend and the easiest way to behave badly. Unless you are watching all her texting or listening to her conversations, it is impossible to tell who she is talking to and what is going on. Cell phones and texting are a normal part of day to day life and this makes talking to someone inappropriately a little harder to spot. Is it one of her friends? Is it a co worker? If the time spent does not seem normal, go with your instincts. If she is hiding her cell phone or shutting it down when you enter the room, there is a problem. She probably has two cell phones.
My point is that as a man while you are doing everything to be successful economically while also being a great dad, you need to be aware of how your wife behaves. If you are lucky enough to have a wonderful wife who appreciates and admires your value as a man, you are lucky and will know it. However most men do not have this especially as time passes. They are oblivious to what their wife is doing to disrespect the marriage or else he chooses to ignore it because he does not want to face the financial inequality in family court or be alone.
You get out of life what you tolerate. Marriage should be a joy not a burden. If you as a man feel disrespected or taken advantage of and allow it to go on, eventually fault lies with you. While you are working your tail off for a woman and a family, ask your self who you are doing this for? There is nothing more demeaning that knowing you are doing it for someone who no longer cares about you and is taking advantage of you often in your face hoping you will notice because she wants out of the marriage and wants you to be the one to pull the plug.
Get some balls and confidence and face the truth. If you have a good wife, cherish and do not cheat or disrespect her no matter how easy it could be to do, but if your wife is behaving in a way that even the biggest blue pill man would see what is going on, get the hell out. Get a Divorce. Don't delay. Walk out. It will be painful and you may question your decision, but as hard as it is to the man to face the pressure of providing for a family, the destruction to a man is worse if he does not stand up for himself and allows a woman to continue to use and mentally abuse him.
For those men who are back in the dating world and meeting women have you ever asked yourself how the women you meet have such a nice house or car etc when she has a spotty work history or is clearly not someone who works hard with any type of career path? You have a more solid career than she does and are probably harder working, yet this single mom, often with a couple of kids primarily living with her seems to be doing pretty well financially or atleast as well if not better than you. When you ask a woman what she does for a living, she probably embellishes her job title or her work history because the assets she has can justify it. She wouldn't dare say she took her husband to the cleaners and is proud of it. She wants this lottery she won kept under wraps.
Why does this matter when she is not tied to you and you hopefully have no plan to marry her? It is important because unless you are just dating to get laid and have no emotional connections(maybe not a bad idea), you are hopefully assessing the character of a woman you may allow into your life. This is also important for the young man considering marriage as all men need to understand the nature of women and the divorce industry and what it is designed to do. It is simply a transfer of wealth that remains unspoken so the virtues of feminism can continued to be spewed while also narrowing the wealth and success gap between men and women. Women simply take resources created by men and men must justify whether the resources they create is worth the type of woman they will attract because ultimately she will get your resources if you choose to live the conventional life of marriage and kids like many of our parents did. If you are a man that is so jaded that you have no intention of getting married and just plan on having no kids or a bunch of bastard children to beat the system, then you are either morally challenged or a victim because the system has changed your approach toward family life. Either way the divorce laws have caused men to abandon the family unit or women to pursue divorce for financial reward which have lead to its ongoing moral decay. Society will continue to show the effect of this as less people marry and more divorces take place.
The best example of how warped the system is Jeff Bezos from Amazon. He just got divorced and voluntarily gave his wife 35 billion dollars. From a technical standpoint she probably she could have gotten more but as the result of divorce she is now one of the richest women in the world for doing essentially nothing. Assuming she is a stay at home mom and raised the families kids, that service has value. It does not have value of half of a highly successful man or any man who has built wealth through his hard work. She does not deserve 35 billion dollars or anywhere near that. Her husband created and built the wealth. He shouldn't have to lose half of it because he was married and the marriage didn't work out. This silent hostage holding by women is something men often realize after it is too late. The system is so bad he just voluntarily gave her the money. He knew fighting was hopeless.
While Bezos may be an extreme example, those of you men who are in marriages and are doing well are likely waiting for your wife to decide when she wants out or when she will force you to leave through her ongoing behavior. She is going to get paid when this does happen no matter what and is likely to get paid money she did not deserve. She did not build your business. She did not put in the work at the company you work hard for every day. Her claiming she raises the kids is not an equal trade. Your success allows her to stay at home with her kids. She should be paying you or taking less in a divorce for that privilege. If she works and makes less, she simply isn't as successful. Why should she live equally to you post divorce. If the child support check a man sends each month does not go for the kids, then why does he have to send it? He should not have to pay for her fancy handbags or clothes.
When you are facing your divorce and you are a successful man who makes way more than your working wife or you married a stay at home woman who turned into a sloth or an addict while you slaved away for your family, she is going to become rich and will likely live better than you going forward once you begin the process. Young men need to understand this so they can prepare for marriage and men who are married need to understand this and manage their assets better before the divorce arrives or you choose stay in a loveless sexless marriage.
The women you meet post divorce who are putting on a front about how successful they are because it appears that way are typically not self made. Between dividing the assets the man likely built, alimony, and child support, the woman is living good. The lawyers who represented her want her to have the assets to justify the fees for the unnecessary time spent to delay the process so they could get paid from the assets you built. The lawyers involved in a divorce with kids and assets are wanting to get their share of the marital assets.
The next time you go out on a date, ask yourself what type of woman you are meeting. She's not likely what she is pretending to be despite her wealth and if she preaches that she is poor or was left to struggle financially she is probably lying. Think about these things before you decide to get married or if you haven't learned your lesson from your own divorce.
Many men get married without understanding what they are risking. When they get married, they are giving control of almost their entire future to a woman. Once a man finishes school or has gotten started with his working life, his future is his health, his money, and his children. You turn these over to a woman the minute you get married.
Let me explain it in simple terms to get you thinking.....
If you get married and at some point decide to divorce your wife because of her bad behavior or you just want out, she is likely to end up with the marital home, the majority of the custody of your children, and you will be paying a good portion of your income to her for child support until they are considered adults by the State. There are rare men who get custody of their kids but don't leave your marriage thinking you are that rare guy because you are a great father and provider. A mom can be a porn addict and spend her days and nights being a webcam slut, writing volumes of porn stories with characters named after her children in them, or even selling marijuana out the back door of her house and if she appears to be a good mom, she isn't losing equal custody of her kids. If you as a man behaved perfectly and are clearly a good dad who your kids love, you literally need to show the court that your ex wife has issues or you will not get equal custody. The law that tells a judge that they " shall consider equal custody" is a joke. They do what they want based on their own whims and how you handle yourself in court. In Family court the law is just a guide for potential appeals for the rare man that has means to fight egregious decisions by Judges who do what they feel without real care or concern for what is right or in the best interest of the kids.
In addition to the loss of your money and your kids, your health will suffer. No man who goes through a divorce, even one of his own choosing, does so without physical or mental health issues for some period of time. There is no sympathy and the court and the ex still expects the child support and alimony payments to show up on time. A divorce is tough especially when you really love the person you are divorcing. The health issues are difficult and often lifelong if you do not get help or support. It is usually the men that suffer in silence while women throw divorce parties and brag to their friend how much they got unless they are the worst type of narcissist that plays victim to friends and families despite getting pretty much what they want from the family court system. Basically as a man you are stuck. If your marriage goes bad, you stay and are miserable or you leave and deal with all of the above. Obviously if you get married you do so believing you will hold up your end of the bargain and be a good husband and father to someone you love because you don't want to face divorce and all these losses. The belief that if you do all the things the marriage will not result in divorce is the first naïve step that leads a man to his destruction or the constant fear of his destruction because of the hypergamus nature of women. If he is completely uneducated about the whole process, it makes the reality of divorce even worse when it does happen.
After reading this far, why would any man consider marriage?
But it gets better...….
Once a man gets married, a woman can behave badly forcing you to leave or the more typical result is she just decides she wants out. You didn't do anything wrong. She still gets the house, the kids, and child support. She will still get alimony unless you have air tight proof of an affair. In other words, no matter how good of a husband, father, or provider you are, if she behaves badly or just got tired of you, she can leave and still gets all the cash and prizes. Alimony is just the bonus. She does not have to provide an explanation as to why she is leaving and has to prove nothing. She gets paid. Imagine the power a woman has over you if you are both aware of how this works. The minute a man says "I do", his wife is not required to do anything to keep the marriage in tact because she faces no penalties if it ends and is rewarded for her bad behavior. If a man is abusive, does not earn money, cheats, or is just an overall bad guy, it is not wrong for a woman to leave and she will be financially rewarded and taken care of by the State to the extent the father is destroyed. Does a man deserve such a harsh result for his bad behavior? That is for another conversation, but the bottom line it is protection for the woman when the man is at fault for the ending of a marriage.
This is different for a woman however. If she does all the bad things a man does ie cheat, is abusive(usually mental abuse which women are pros at), or just decides one day she wants to move on because she wants to be single ie start dating once she is legally separated, she still gets paid no matter how great her husband was in terms of behavior. There is no incentive for a woman to behave. If courts gave primary custody to men when marriages split up or eliminated alimony if the woman filed for divorce without proof of wrong doing, maybe women would have more incentive to behave better or not leave their marriage out of boredom.
Most men do not understand what risks they have once they get married. Unless he is the rare man that marries a high earning female, he faces all of these issues with the control belonging to the woman. If men would learn this before marriage and still wanted to get married, the right lawyer and coach can teach him how to protect his assets before saying I do while also teaching him to minimize his financial exposure in case the marriage goes bad. Men also need to learn how to get the information to eliminate alimony if his wife is a cheater or be aware that if she does not cheat she is going to get it even if she is educated and capable of working.
If a man does not want kids with the woman he is in a relationship with, he should not marry her under any circumstances. If he does want kids, which is most men, he needs to understand the ramifications of divorce and who has control of the marriage because of the scam in this State that is called "No Fault Divorce".
One of the most difficult things to do in life is end a connection to something you spent a lot of time investing in or building where such action is going to be at a financial or emotional loss. This can involve an object or a person. You can get married to a woman who you looked so forward to the time and investment the commitment required but when it goes bad, it is still hard to walk away because you are going to lose the time and money you spent developing the relaationship.
When the possibility of divorce raises its ugly head, you must make a decision as whether to cut your losses or invest further to see if the marriage can be saved. Enter the suggestion of marriage counseling. This suggestion is always made by the woman and never the man. It is made not because the woman wants to save the marriage but because she wants another person to affirm how wonderful she is and how bad of a husband you are. This emotional and financial beatdown not only destroys you more so than you already are because of where your marriage is at, but it is often a delay tactic used by women to prepare for divorce while they laugh at you with the support of a female counselor.
When the suggestion of marriage counseling is made, you basically need to say fuck no without causing conflict. Be diplomatic. You don't need to explain why. Just forget it. I can say this from experience and my naivite of the nature of women at the time. I did not want to get divorced but knew I was going to walk out of my marriage at some point. I now have a better understanding of why battered women stay with men following my divorce experience. A man can be with a woman who he knows does not care about him, clearly disrespects him, and where is simply not happy yet he wont leave her. If you mix in young kids and a huge financial loss combined with the fear of losing someone you loved or still love, it is not an easy decision. A woman might not care about you but she knows you inside and out. She knows your fears and all of what you will lose if you divorce. She knows the family court system better than your lawyer especially if you aren't her first husband. The sweet soccer mom persona is just an act. She is mean and ruthless its worse the more aware you are. She's been preparing for divorce for a long time and long before you ever thought it would be a step you would take. The ideal advice to a man is once he knows his divorce is going to happen is to say nothing, pack your stuff, and move out under cover of darkness. That is not easy and even if that is the plan there is going to likely be some conversation about what is going on and that maybe marriage counseling should be considered. You are trying to find another way to delay what you know you need to do and your wife sees another opening to destroy you mentally.
Once you agree to marriage counseling, you will find yourself setting it up and probably agreeing to a female counselor suggested to you by a female lawyer. When the day comes you can look back at this process, its a wonder you don't kill yourself now that you understand what a simp you were thinking this counseling would have value and save your marriage. Once the arrangements are made, you show up separately from your wife like total strangers and as you both walk in to the appointment, the female marriage counselor with all these initials after her name and diplomas on the wall first makes sure you have brought her payment for the session as that is her biggest concern. She will then proceed to ask your wife to say all the things that went wrong in your marriage. You sit there listening to a person you loved and took care of demean you and flat out lie while you do your best not to interrupt her. By the time it is your turn you really don't feel like saying anything but you mumble about how you want to fix things etc. You are then given a handout by the counselor regarding how to use certain words to better communicate like you are some three year old learning the alphabet. This all goes on while the counselor watches the clock to make sure you don't go over the pre paid time. You walk out feeling like you just paid money to be told you are the biggest failure but over time it can be fixed with multiple sessions. Your soon to be ex wife walks out with her nose even further in the air laughing on the inside because she received affirmation from another lady whose attractiveness disappeared back when her outdated perfume and costume jewelry was in fashion. You didn't even walk out hand in hand with your wife whose relationship you are trying to save. The whole scenario is beyond fucked up but most men don't see it immediately if at all.
Why not a male counselor you ask? No woman is going to agree to one unless he is gay or feminine acting. She needs to know she can manipulate him. Manipulation of the process is easier to achieve if it is a woman helping her so she will not want a man speaking who might help you wake up. Remember why she is suggesting counseling. It is not to save the marriage so she needs a counselor to affirm her emotions and shitty behavior toward you.
Now what do you do?
Following this first session most men get on this train of counseling sessions where they are essentially all the same. The only thing you remember is all the money that comes out of your pocket and you don't even recognize the verbal dressing down your wife is giving you. That does not even count all the laughing she is doing behind your back. Your wife will go to counseling as long as it gives her the advantage in divorce preparation or makes he feel better about her failure as a woman and wife. You cannot negotiate the return of her desire for you no matter how many sessions you attend. If she still wanted you, you wouldn't need counseling. While you are trying to save your marriage that you know deep down is over, she's probably emptying your bank accounts or stealing your personal items. She might even be getting a form of counseling from another man if you know what I mean. I've lived it and these women are pros. Men need to wake up to the behavior of women.
The answer is simple, stop going. Cut if off. Save your money. Your marriage is over. Accept it and plan your escape before she damages you emotionally and financially more than she has already. While counseling can be helpful for men under certain circumstances in life, marriage counseling especially with a woman counselor is a flat out waste of time. Save your money for counseling post separation with a strong male counselor who has lived what you are and will be going through. You need an ally in your corner not an emotional beatdown justified by our liberal, feminist, masculinity destroying educational system.
For all the denial I was in at the time which include a complete lack of understanding the type of woman I was married to, the stupidity of marriage counseling was so obvious that I only went to one more session and then said fuck this never to schedule another appointment. The wife didn't push it because she knew that I finally figured out some of what she was up to and her desire was not save our marriage but to emotionally and financially humiliate me in any way possible.
Following this brief attempt at counseling, I walked out of the family home less than 90 days later ready to face the financial and emotional loss that I could no longer avoid.
One of the biggest mistakes men make in their relationships is the inability to see when it is over. They think because their wife says nothing day to day, there are no arguments, they cooperate with their wife to see that the kids needs are met, and all family functions and vacations are attended without incident, the marriage is fine and no one is considering or plotting a divorce. This ignorance often leaves men shocked that they are facing divorce or losing all respect as he continues to be married to someone who does not even like or want to be around him.
A woman's silence and fake behavior is either a personality defect or a sign the marriage is over. No amount of recognition or awareness can fix this or save a marriage. It might buy you some time to get your divorce preparation in order, but your marriage is over no matter how long you stay together for what ever reason one or both of you can justify to yourself or others.
Men must learn not only to recognize when things have gone wrong so they can atleast save face a bit by getting the courage to walk away, often to the surprise of the wife. Healthy relationships can have disagreements and often arguments, but if you are together and a team with the same goals who still values the marriage, you will talk the issues out and maintain the relationship. I often get asked how to spot things that will tell a man when his wife has checked out of the marriage because once a man understands his wife is over him, he can then focus on getting the courage to leave which is itself another battle because the man has the most to lose. Doing nothing is not the answer.
Lets look at some of the problems that men need to recognize so they can see their marriage is over....
1. Sex/Passion. While there are people that get married for ulterior motives such as money(if you married a Gold Digger and didn't spot it or accept that you did, then your marriage is a fraud and no analysis can explain it), it is assumed that you married someone you were attracted to and whose company you enjoy. The sex and touching was strong and passionate especially early on in the relationship. While time and kids certainly can reduce the interaction, it should never be eliminated to the point where you are looking to cheat or watch porn because your wife wont have sex with you. People with good sex lives typically do not end up in divorce court. Attraction never goes away if the marriage is solid. If you are truly attracted to the woman you married, her personality and behavior in the bedroom does not change even if she gains weight, and you will still want to have sex with her as often as possible. If she has stopped sex or if her participation is like that of a robot, your marriage is over. Men seem to accept this and stay married which is beyond mind blowing. You cant negotiate desire and no amount of conversation or therapy will cause her to see you as a man she is attracted to like she did at one time. Whether it be a new man in her life or something going on, she no longer sees you in a sexual way and at that point she may leave or she will analyze your value for other things versus what she must sacrifice. If she isn't getting sex from you and she is a normal woman, she is getting it elsewhere. She might stay in the marriage because you are so blind to the fact the need she has that you don't meet or she does not want you to meet are getting met by another man.
2. Where do you fall in her list of priorities? Your spouse should always come first, even over your kids. Beyond their infancy stage, when a woman makes her kids a blatant priority over you as they get older she does not want to be married to you. That does not mean she will leave, but you are no longer her priority. It will get worse as the kids age. Her friends and activities will also be more important to her than you. The "girls night out" will be more frequent. She will get these new hobbies she never even mentioned to you and probably isn't even interested in herself because its an excuse to get away from you. Watch her reactions when she sees her friends or even other men. The light in her eyes shows she is glad to see them. She really could care less if she sees you. She might fake it with you but you need to see the difference between real joy and fake words like so good to see you or welcome home or I missed you coming from a wife who long ago became indifferent about your existence.
3. Time on a Computer or Phone. Maybe you are married to a stay at home woman(very dangerous) or a career woman, but once you are both home at the end of the day what are you doing? Is she on her computer doing who knows what justifying it to you that she is playing her favorite video game or catching up on emails with friends? She's either on websites talking to men or she's letting you know she would rather play Space Invaders than be in an intimate position with you. When your marriage is over, women will do all they can to avoid intimacy with you. This can range from no sex to not even sitting next to you on a couch. You are physically repulsive to her. She will even lock the door when she is taking a shower or bath. You can try to justify it that she is tired or needs time to herself but a woman who wants you will seek you out for your time and love, not look for excuses to be anywhere else. Men think that their woman would never step out on the marriage either because of arrogance or just stupidity. If your wife isn't seeking your attention, its because she is seeking and likely getting it elsewhere. Technology has made this easier for her to do.
4. No Communication/Abandoned Attention. Every married couple who is still speaking to each other has the normal conversations about kids and what each of you are doing during the day, but if you do not discuss things about life, the world, and what is going on with your job and the people you know, your marriage is over. She may not be having in depth conversations with you, but she is having them with someone. It may be a man at work or at the gym but she's talking to someone. She might have her female friends, many of which are wanting to see her marriage fail if they are divorced, but most of those relationships are superficial and petty. Women want a man who will talk to them and show interest in their lives ie ATTENTION. If you do this for a woman, she is quickly asking you for sex with very little aggressiveness required on your part. What men in marriages fail to realize is that they think they can recognize problems and start giving attention and things will return to normal. Once a woman has checked out on you, no amount of attention gets her back. Its too late.
These are just a few signs that your marriage is over, but men despite all their dominance at work or in most aspects of their lives are simply unaware that their woman has checked out. This problem is compounded by the fact that once a woman does not want to be married to you, they don't even want to tell you. Their mindset then shifts to figuring out whether it makes sense to stay in the marriage(likely for economic reasons or kids) or leave you with her new boyfriend already in place. Men need to be able to spot what has happened and take the pro active approach and leave his wife. He may not be able to keep his woman but he can keep his self respect by leaving. Ask any man who chose to stay in a lifeless, loveless, emotionally abusive marriage, especially where he was the main bread winner, and he will tell you he regretted it or if he did leave, he is mad at himself for taking so long to do so.
Women are resourceful creatures. They make their decisions based on economic self preservation. They will stay in a marriage to a man who is not doing anything wrong even if they are no longer interested in him as a man or husband. This is especially true if they are married to a man who is so stupid that he wont even see that she is having an affair or getting her needs met that he was supposed to meet but no longer do. The best way to understand this is reverse the behavior. Imagine if you are a successful man and your woman loves you and still sees the marriage as viable but if you do things to disrespect her whether it be cheating or ignoring her, she is going to leave your ass and use the family courts to punish you in all ways possible, without hesitation. While her leaving due to his bad behavior might be expected, if she is the one behaving badly, the man isnt so quick to leave. When it comes to marriage and relationships, women see everything and men do not. Women take action, men do not. This is why 80% of divorces are filed by women. The 20% filed that are filed by men are probably 90% filed because the mans wives were all but telling them to do it by their behavior but want him to file so they can play victim with friends, family, or the court.
Once men understand when their marriage is over and take action immediately rather than trying to justify their horrible wife's behavior, the statistics will change and over time. Training a man to be self aware instead of self absorbed is not easy and something we as men must help each other do so we aren't staying with women who checked out on us emotionally and physically even if they continue to live in the same house with us while making us look like fools.
The Red Devil