Are you a Grouch?
I remember the time I spent dating my wife and all the way through my wedding day. I was happy and upbeat looking forward to the married life I had hoped for but had not found until I was 35 years old. I had no idea that being married to someone who treated me poorly or took advantage of me would cause my personality to change giving my eventual ex wife to have an excuse to shame or blame me for the end of the marriage.
There are many people who are naturally unhappy. They can get married and they don't suddenly become happy. That is for another conversation. What men fail to see however is that they would be considered happy or at the very least not miserable or defeatist, but once they get married their personality slowly changes to one of anger or silence because they are manipulated by their wife to the point where the happy man who got married is now showing signs of unhappiness with a gruff personality with so clue how to fix his situation. Divorce is the last thing on his mind and women know it.
If you are a man who got married and was happy but after so much time being married yet neglected and demeaned causing your personality to change, whose fault is that? Is it your wife's for her day to day behavior that causes you to just not be happy like you were before you met her? Is it yours for not following the mantra to act happy no matter how upset you are at your marriage situation? The end result is that when the marriage ends, your ex wife has something to blame for why the marriage ended. He was silent or a grouch. How do you defend these accusations when you see yourself as happy. Once you see your upbeat or positive personality start to erode, it is time for you to evaluate you life and the marriage because we cannot go through life pissed off or uncooperative which is only going to get worse.
When I decided to leave my wife, I certainly wasn't as happy as I was when we married, but after I found the secrets of fan fiction porn addiction, drinking, and black guy fetishes, over and above the blatant disrespect, laziness, and lack of sex, I certainly became mad and decided to leave the marriage. For all of the things I had to justify leaving, her simple response to this day as to why things went bad was that I was just a grouch and unhappy. She certainly could fake what she needed to, but I could not.
If you are naturally depressed or always angry, your marriage is not going to last no matter how nice your wife is day to day. The angrier and meaner you are, the sooner she is likely to be looking for your replacement and will try to time it when it benefits her monetarily. People know when you are mean and grouchy and if you are naturally this way you better fix it or your wife will leave you for a happier man at some point. This is where men have to be better.
However, if you have gotten married and watched your happy positive personality slowly morph to silence or indifference because of how your wife treated you, it is time for you to leave your wife. You do not deserve to live in a marriage where you are silent or just not happy like you were before. Even if you dont act mad and keep everything inside, your wifes most common claim as to why they leave you ie that you are grouchy, seems to be a catch all description that justified them ending the marriage or asking you to leave. This inaccurate reason she gives to anyone who listens, including your children, does not overcome her porn addiction, alcoholism, fetishes for black guys, and overall difference to your presence as the reason the marriage ended. No man, no matter how happy he is, can be asked to survive life with a woman when her habits are beyond the fact you have gone silence.
If you are naturally a grouch or angry person you will never see your wife preparing to leave you. If you ae not like that but have morphed into one, you hopefully see the change in yourself as the reason to file for divorce and make it on your narrative. This can rarely be fixed in a marriage so its time to move on without hesitation. If you do this, she will use the term grouch to describe you to anyone who listens. It may be somewhat accurate as you go through the divorce process because she has beaten you down so much over a certain period of time. You dont want your good personality to be permanently destroyed by a woman who showed you no love and respect during a marriage.
As your marriage deteriorates and you are hearing your wife call you angry or grouchy more often while she parades around living the way she wants while planning to divorce you, you need to take action because even if you have not realized it, you likely are angry and grouchy because you are married to a horrible woman who does not care about you. It was hard for me to accept the fact that my frustration with how I was treated despite being a great husband, father, and provider caused me to shut down and go silent. Once I decided to walk out on her, my personality came back. I was back to my happy self and most importantly my children do not think I am angry or grouchy.
Think about where you are in your marriage and how your personality has evolved. If you became a father, made more money, and had mostly good things happen post marriage yet your personality went from good to slient or grouchy, ask yourself why this is happening. If you wake up and accept the fact your wife is treating you horribly causing this personality shift, then it is time to leave. Its hard to do but as I tell everyone I help who is at this stage, it is not going to get any better and one day she will leave you. That day is coming soon and you need to beat her to the punch and do it on your terms.
My ex wife still drinks too much and I have no doubt she continues to write volumes of porn fan fiction while living on the computer. She can fake being happy all she wants but her problems are all the same no matter how much money I have to give her each month despite having equal custody of the kids. She cant be fixed even if she gets rid of a man she did not want by behaving so poorly. The difference is that once I went from married and happy to married and beat down and silent ie grouchy, once I left and started to rebuild my life, I got my happy personality back. It happened naturally and isnt fake. Is there some anger still left after how I was treated by the wife and family court? Sure. However, my day to day actions are better in that I dont act like I have a cloud of defeat hanging over me that just exhuded misery. I can be happy around my kids without being accused of being fake.
If this all sounds familiar and you want the full guide on how to walk away from your wife, we are still here helping more and more men than ever.
When Did You Realize You Had No Value?
When a man gets married, in most cases he feels like he has atleast some worth to his new wife. That value may also exist in the mind of his wife as well. When marriages start to go bad, how soon a man realizes he has no value to his wife will help him make decisions about his life sooner rather than later. Sadly most men do not realize at some point they have no value to their wives until way after she has emotionally discarded him.
In a society that places a premium on the value of women when compared to men, any man that wants a wife and family is facing an uphill battle not only to find one, but one that might care about him for a reasonable length of time. What most men fail to recognize is the womans motive in marrying him. If you are smart, you get married when you are young to woman who is also young. This might be the best chance for you to be her first choice and to delay the discarding that comes sooner when you marry later in life thinking you are holding out for a more mature or educated woman who knows your value because of all you did to become successful and mature before marrying. Getting married and having kids when young(don't ever marry if you do not want kids) does not mean it will last forever but doing so eliminates the heartache of knowing for sure you were not her first choice.
Delaying marriage creates a lot of problems for a man. Women spend more time sleeping with more men if they stay single, or if you marry a divorcee, you pay for the sins of her ex or her anger at losing a man she loved before she met you. If you marry a woman who has been married before, even if she didnt have kids, you weren't her first choice. You have appeared as the good guy to clean up her messes, or give her the family she wanted or even had with the man before you. This set up will lead to her discarding you soon after marriage. Even if you aren't marrying an older woman or a previously married woman, you will be discarded.
When a woman marries you, you are there for her financially or to provide children. While you might have fun and do stuff with her especially in the honeymoon phase, it will get old, she will want to spend more time with her girlfriends, and if she is really low quality she will have lots of male friends or maybe even a boyfriend on the side. You think there is nothing wrong because your kids are happy and your home seems so perfect to outsiders. As more time passes, the divorce kitty is building up, she is likely back in a career after being a stay at home mom, or its simply the fact she is tired of you. While she may be in the home with you every day, she left you long ago. Smart men figure this out, suffer the heartbreak and anger sooner rather than later, and get out of the marriage.
If a woman marries you soley for money or financial support, you should be able to see this sooner rather than later. At some point she does not even hide the fact shes about money and status. If you have kids with her and you are a good father, it is heartbreaking to see that once she had all the kids she wanted, she was done with you. This is especially obvious if you were her second husband. She didnt get kids with the first husband she loved and did not want to be an old maid. You arrived to rescue her and she faked her way through 2.5 kids with you. She got what she wanted and will time the blowing up of the marriage by either getting you to leave by her open indifference of your existance, or one day walking away because there is a guy stupider than you who wants to date a single mom because she has giant boobs. Sadly while the mother of your kids got bored with you, she does not realize her age and the fact she would rather be a single mom means she now faces a lifetime of men who only want sex from her and as she ages that demand goes away. She discarded you and that is all that matters.
Don't ever seriously date a single mom.
If you are in a marriage and facing a divorce, ask yourself honestly if you think your wife sees you as having any value to her. What does she do to support you, to encourage you, and to show genuine affection? Its probably little to none. When did her activities become the priority over time with you? When did she seem show more enthusiasm for men she is meeting with her hobbies or activities than she did for you, the father of her children? Take a step back and ask yourself these questions honestly.
Men think that because a woman marries him that she will always cherish and value him. Sadly its likely short lived and if you are marrying her in her 30s or in her after she was divorced from someone before you, the time she will value you is short lived as she only wants money or kids. Once you have provided those for her or shown that you cant, she is gone.
Men need to learn how to recognize the history of a woman before he ever thinks of marrying her or even dating her. If you want to build something serious with her you must be honest with yourself about where you fall or her scale of happiness or book of agendas. You are likely being used. Once a man recognizes this behavior, he can make better choices for his long term future. Realizing you were discarded long before the day she said she wanted a divorce or drove you to file for it is very heartbreaking. Men cannot change women, but when it comes to dealing with them, understanding their nature and motives before deciding what to do is vital.
When I get asked a lot by friends and clients why they couldn't spot their wife's behavior or her characteristics until it was too late, I just shake my head. Their wives had left them or behaved so bad the man had no choice but to leave, cheated on them, filed for divorce, or all of the above and they wanted to know why after the fact. Some of them wonder why they are still married and their wife is indifferent towards them yet wont leave the house.
The reasons are many but what men often fail to see are basic and right in front of their face. A man thinks because he makes a lot of money, has a prestigious job title, is a great father, and handles his business as a man that his wife will reciprocate. They do not and men must be taught to spot the behavior so they can fully understand that their wife no longer loves them(or never did), is being unfaithful, or is about ready to divorce him and take everything he ever worked for all while denying him equal custody of his kids. You cant change what kind of person your wife truly is even if she managed to fake it for years and you certainly cant change how she is acting day to day after she no longer sees you as anything more than a wallet. However, you can be aware of some basic things so you know you need to take action or prepare for what is coming which is Divorce.
Here are 50 Red Flags Men Need to Look For in their Wife Immediately After Marrying her to see how likely and when he is going to divorce. The more of these you see from your wife, the odds are your marriage wont last 10 years and will barely last 5 years or however long it takes for her to fake sex with you to get the number of kids she needs to maximize her financial payout. Some are so obvious but men still miss them. The more of these you see in your relationship, the sooner you need to file for divorce because she is planning it already. If you are currently going through a divorce or have been through one, 90 percent of these would apply to you.
Here they are:
1. Represses her sexuality with you or is bad in bed ie she cheats and or shows no interest in sex with you. People with good sex lives do not end up in Divorce court so this will always be number one.
2. Has no desire to work a full time job.
3. Car or residence is dirty and she does not care especially if you are paying the rent or mortgage.
4. Spends too much time on a computer (late at night or while you are home often chatting with undesirable men or watching or writing porn), on the phone, or with social media.
5. Has Student loans especially for a worthless degree.
6. Drinks too much or has medications for anxiety or depression all while downplaying how much she drinks or how long she has been on medication.
7. Her Family isnt enthusiastic to see her very often
8. Votes Democrat
9. Prior Marriage. Dont ever have your first marriage be to someone who has been married before. You see marriage differently from day one and are doomed to fail because she no longer places value in it even if she ever did.
10. Likes to go the gym or work out but isnt enthusiastic about you going or doing it with her.
11. Values friends and strangers over you including being willing to do things for them such as run errands, loan them money, and an overall enthusiasm for them versus her own husband.
12. Narcisistic Traits(Google the term as there 100 or more of them that I wont list)
13. Uses your kids as props and constantly brags about their appearance or achievements to others all while devaluing your contribution to their upbringing.
14. She is indifferent towards her father and her relationship with him
15. Will not help with yardwork or has no desire to make your home look better.
16. Hides her phone from you or will not leave it out in the open on a table etc while you are in the room.
17. Watches too many hours of man hating television shows like Sex and the City and The Real Housewives of Wherever.
18. Spends based on your income and not hers.
19. Has a separate checking account where she puts her paycheck or money her family sends her but uses your checkbook or account to pay the household bills.
20. No Tears when she cries when you have a dispute or discuss your relationship
21. Wedding ring came off right after the wedding and you arent sure when she last wore it.
22. Constantly shames you, often in a subtle way or with sarcasm.
23. Tells stories to her friends about how you mentally abuse her to gain sympathy.
24. Gains weight and blames you for it. If you like bigger girls and married her as a bigger girl, she will instead lose weight and start flirting with all the men who are giving her attention.
25. The kids are afraid of her and dont respect her.
26. Wants to go to counseling
27. Uses the school system to get her smartest kid labeled as ADHD to take the focus off her inability to be a parent.
28. Knows exactly where all your assets are including bank accounts and property, including property you hadnt thought about in years but has value and can quote its value to anyone who asks.
29. Hangs out with low level people who put her on a pedestal.
30. You are a successful man and she makes fun of your success because she wants your value repressed.
31. Emotional Indifference toward any concern or worry you have about anything.
32. Fakes a pregnancy and then claims a miscarriage for sympathy.
33. Is not enthusiastic when she gets pregnant other than maybe for the first kid. She didnt want that second and or third kid with you. They were accidents or planned with finances based in mind. This decision to place money over family is what leads to or contributes to her alcoholism and depression.
34. Prefers her mother, sister, or best friend over you to be in the delivery room when she births your child.
35. One or more of your children don't look anything like you.
36. Vacations with each other become less and less frequent
37. She is the one checking the mailbox and you never seem to get anything that isnt a bill.
38. Things you own start to disappear.
39. You no longer eat dinner together or on that rare occasion where you sit down for a meal together, she gets up and leaves the table when she finishes leaving you there alone to finish.
40. Does not want you involved in the kids activities or to spend alone time with them when she is around.
41. She adopts other people to take the place of your parents ie befriends people a lot older than her and involves that person in decisions or activities that should be reserved for family.
42. Girls nights out increases while date night with you decreases.
43. Volunteers or works part time where men frequent ie gym, bar, kids school.
44. Is suddenly a money launderer ie buys things that can be disguised as a disposable asset or made to disappear so when you separate, she has a slew of assets known only to her.
45. Has an extra cell phone used to talk to other men who she has given her phone number to. You dont even know it exists and she uses the checking account you never see to pay for it.
46. Cheats on you saying she was drunk or that the man took advantage of her and says it was only a one time thing. It wasnt, trust me. Shes probably done a lot worse and likely has sexual fantasies or interactions with men of a different culture who she would never be seen in public with.
47. Stays up late at night without coming to bed to avoid physical contact or intimacy with you.
48. Does not like to be at home with you alone so will always have a visit to a friends house or social activity scheduled at all times she knows you will be home.
49. Wont text or call you during the day while you are at work and is slow to respond if at all to any texts you might send to her during the day.
50. Is offended if you want her to send you sexy pictures on the phone but she is probably sending them to some random dude she is talking to she met online or at the gym.
These are just 50 to get you thinking. The more of these that apply to you, the more you are likely headed to divorce court if you arent there already.
Pay attention gentleman, your wife is doing some or all of these things and you need to learn how to spot them and start prepping your financial exit. Dont ignore the obvious like I did for so long.
Did She Lie About Her Politics?
As we change the leadership in our country from right wing to flat out communist, the political discourse in this country is at an all time high. We are constantly insulting those who don't agree with us be it on Facebook, Social Media, or even face to face. Friendships are lost and families stop speaking over who the support for President.
When people are considering marriage or relationships, it is important to know where someone stands politically. With all the difficulties couples face trying to stay married, if your politics are not similar you face a hurdle that can easily end your marriage and its a hurdle you can vet easily and early on. People are more open about it and love to tell you how much they hate Trump or Trumpers swipe left. These women are doing you a favor. You either agree or dont agree on politics and in todays world, if your world view is the same you have a huge advantage when it comes to having your relationship last.
I have however noticed that men are are finding that women lie about their politics because they have an agenda. A woman who is liberal will marry a man who is conservative if there is a financial benefit to it. She will keep her beliefs hidden and unless you are a very savvy man, her politics seem to be neutral or even agree with yours, until your relationship starts to unravel. A woman who acted conservative is now spewing all the liberal talking points and you soon learn she likely never saw things like you did.
Whether we want to accept it or not, most women are liberal in their beliefs. If you are a liberal man you are much more likely to find a compatible woman or girlfriend. This does not mean your marriage will last any longer than a conservative couples, but if you are conservative and you choose to marry a liberal woman because you cannot find a conservative match. If you are of means, a liberal woman will fake whatever she needs to get your money. If you are married and just now figuring out 10-20 years later your world view and politics are different that your wifes, she was either lying about it or its too late for you to do anything because you missed seeing how much it mattered.
If you are pondering marriage you need to make sure you see things the same way. Most people, especially women, do not want to talk about politics unless they are left wing and outspoken about it. Many women are left wing and keep very quiet about politics and it takes real effort from a man to find out how she thinks. A persons views should come out over the course of normal interaction but if it does not, you can end up with a mess in your marriage.
The country is as politically divided as it probably ever has been. These divisions are now a bigger part of marriage as people are now way more outspoken about their views. You need to know how your partner thinks but also be aware that women will lie and pretend to be something they arent if there is a financial benefit for them. Men miss this behavior and we need to get better about learning about who we make important decisions with such as marriage.
As we enter the change in leadership in our country, men should use this time as a reminder how important it is to agree with your spouse on politics or that if you are not sure, then you are probably with someone who has a lot to hide who will bring out their views just to piss you off and make you look stupid when it comes time for the divorce.
Cut Your Losses Guys
I am a big sports guy. I have played, coached kids of all ages including my own daughter, and been a sports parent. People ask me how I came up with Men United when it came time to help men after my own nasty marriage and divorce experience. I grew up a Manchester United soccer fan and my first favorite player was George Best, who I got to see play in person growing up in Southern California. Sports is a metaphor for life and the men that I know that grew up playing some type of sport and who put a real effort into it are often more successful in business and in life then the men who have never participated in sports. This ability to succeed seems to apply to everything in these mens lives but divorce and child custody when it raises its ugly head once you realize your wife has no real feelings for you or is more interested in her secret men or lifestyle filled with addictions and bad choices. She does not want you but she isn't going anywhere because you are paying her bills and living a life of luxury without a fair return or partnership coming back from her.
While we men with a sports background think we can analyze all the games and players so well, we cant seem to apply these concepts to our life and continue to think we can fix something that is totally broken. For example, when we watch a basketball game and our team is getting destroyed with no chance of winning, what do we see happen? The best players are taken out and the bench guys are put in to play the rest of the game. The coach does not want the best players to risk further injury or waste their energy that can be used for a future game. They are taken out and the damage is minimized. You certainly don't want to lose but if you are going to lose, don't waste the energy and assets of your best players any longe than you have to when the result wont change. How many times have we seen the starting quarterback left in a game where his team was not going to win only to see him injured on a meaningless play costing his team future games and even seasons. These results are a total disaster and the coach gets killed by the fans for leaving a star player in a meaningless game. You are the starting quarterback in your marriage.
Marriage is no different yet the smartest sports guys cant seem to figure out it is not going to get any better once it goes bad and its now just a matter of how much you will lose. They stay and invest more time in something that was lost long ago thinking they can turn the score around. The longer they stay the more damage they do to themselves emotionally and financially while the wife is laughing all the way to the bank. She stays up late at night talking to her boyfriend who goes by the name "The Real Mr. Pac Man" or maybe Steve from the Gym. Shes just enjoying random chats or fan fiction creative writing sessions with Harry Potter characters having sex with each other while she giggles as she shares her writings with other people, some of whom she probably acts out the childhood fantasies with while you are at work. Shes enjoying herself well into the night while you go to bed early because you have to get up the next day to earn money so she can stay at home with kids she does not clean up after because she knows you will do it when you get home from work because after all you paid for the house and she has no investment in it and has made no payment on the mortgage. She also knows that if you say anything or get the courage to leave, she will own the home she made no payment toward. Its a no win situation for the man.
Unlike the smart sports guy we are, we are dumb in marriage. Its easy to understand why we are this way. When you have so much invested emotionally and financially its hard to walk away. Women rarely have anything financially invested in a marriage. The man is usually the one covering most if not all of the expenses. It starts with the engagement ring that the wife usually stops wearing soon after marriage and has plans to pawn sooner rather than later. Men also make most of the money. She makes less or often nothing yet when the relationship ends she is walking away with atleast half the assets if not more. Men who get married are usually more attracted to his wife than the wife is to him. Even if you are a top level man, when you are dating, you are fighting so many other men to get your wife or girlfriend to pick you. Wanting children makes you continue the chase. Shes not picking you because you are attractive, a good guy, or making bank. She is likely picking you because of all three. The three 6's are mantatory for most women even if she is a 5 and fat. If you are lucky enough to land a woman you are truly attracted to, she is not easily replaceable. Your wife can be the worst person but its tough to walk away from a pretty face, giant breasts, or a perfect ass. I know. It took me years to do it. I literally despise my ex wife but I rarely meet a more physically attractive woman even years after my divorce. Men are fully invested in their attraction to a woman even after the relationship is clearly over whereas once a woman is done with you emotionally, she can have you replaced with a new guy 5 minutes later who provides the same thing you did for her. Once she gets or knows she is getting your money, she can settle for less financially in the next man which makes it even easier for her to become indifferent toward you and find someone new. A woman may not want to be with you but she may not be the one to leave because being married benefits her and leaving hurts the man. Most marriages are eventually standoffs between indifference and misery complicated by aging and unequal contribution and control of wealth. Add the desire of the woman to play victim. She literally wants you to be the one to leave because while you are together she is living the life on your dime. She's cheating on you in so many ways and most men cant spot it or put it on ignore for a variety of reasons but its mostly because men do not want to fail or accept a loss.
Ask a man whether it hurts more not to earn $100.00 he should have made or to lose $100.00 he's earned and its always tougher to lose the money. As a result we stay in things longer than we should hoping not to incur the loss. Even men who understand cutting their losses in a sports analogy or even a business analogy, cant do it in marriage because we have so much invested. It makes no logical sense and it allows even the dumbest woman to divorce rape the smartest man.
Until a man gets the courage to cut his losses ,the damages will only continue to get worse. Marriage is not like a blue chip stock where it might make sense to stay in for years as it is likely to be profitable over time. It is instead like a bad gambling habit or a penny stock investment. While there are rare stories of winning gamblers or a penny stock that turns into a huge profit, for every guy on a magazine cover for being a betting or stock picking genius, there are millions of men who kept betting or doubling down on a stock investment only to lose more money than they would have had they walked away once they realized the losses were not going to turn around. Its tough to cut financial losses when you think you can hold out or turn it around. Its no different than having the money invested in a marriage and telling yourself I need to walk away from my gorgeous big breasted wife knowing the odds of me ending up with someone down the road who I was just as attracted to. It took me years to walk away and delaying it only cost me more money and allowed the woman I married to enjoy a worry free life while I worked to help her live it.
If 80% of divorces are filed by women, it is a real indication that there are many men that simply do not have the courage to leave their wives because they dont want to lose what they have invested. As in my situation, it became clear that I was being used for money and that my wife wanted nothing to do with me after she got her 2 kids. I saw it but I didnt have the courage to leave when I should have. She wasnt going to leave despite her lack of emotional involvement for a variety of reasons and if nothing happened I was the one suffering. I could not begin the emotional recovery that she went through in a day and every day married meant more money for her. These 80% of divorces being filed by women arent because 80% of the time the man is just so bad she had no choice but to leave, but in fact its because in addition to women wanting a new man and divorcing because of her hypergamus nature, the women also get tired of waiting for the man they treated poorly and destroyed to leave. Ultimately as a last resort, they will allow the loss of part of their victim card because they want to move on. Even the woman with the best life living in a dead marriage will eventually leave but its long after the man should have left. Most men will not leave and will die heartbroken and overworked before they will file for divorce.
I talk to so many men that are going through what I was going through in silence for years. I was miserable but was not about to leave. My wife was beautiful and I invested so much in the marriage that I did not want to lose my investment no matter how badly I was being disrespected right in front of my face and our children. She was daring me to leave and eventually I did at great financial and emotional cost. She didnt think I would leave and had no problem showing the arrogance of power position thanks to North Carolina's pro woman divorce and custody laws. Once I decided to leave, her grieving was likely less than 24 hours and she couldn't even produce any tears when I finally told her I was leaving her and she started crying saying we werent to that point yet. I almost caved in and stayed. She needed me to make more money for a bigger equitable distribution kitty. She didn't want to be married to me. Luckily I stuck to my guns and left.
While I had no guidance or emotional support while going through the bad marriage and the decision to finally leave her, what I tell men and what I hope those of you reading this will understand is that once you are thinking about divorce, it is time for divorce 95% of the time. Your marriage is over. It cant be fixed, it cant be saved, and 9 times out of 10, if you don't leave your wife, you are the one losing the longer the marriage stays in place. While there are many issues that go beyond a womans beauty and ability to detach from you in moments as well as your financial loss, men need to understand that once it gets to that point, they simply need to leave. They need to think like a woman. The woman will leave you emotionally and live in your home because she benefits financially, but as a man you need to leave her physically because it benefits you financially by cutting your losses. You need to move out and never speak to her again. If she has caused you to even think about divorce, she is not likely someone who will take your decision lightly even though deep down she is glad you are leaving. She does not want you to control any part of your life once she is done with you. Leaving requires so much planning and decision making that most men aren't prepared to make but before you can consider them and act, you need to convince yourself you need to leave no matter how much you still love your horrible wife and her beauty.
If you need the push to take that step or you need help to formulate a plan on what to do once you have decided to leave, the right lawyer will save you emotionally and financially. Pick up the phone and make it happen.
How Important is Respect in Your Marriage?
Most people think marriages end because of infidelity, sex, money, or a womans overall hypergamus nature. Many of the men I deal with all wonder why their marriage went bad when they are good looking, make plenty of money, believe they are good lovers, and overall desirable. While most women can never be completely satisfied and are generally miserable with their lives, the marriage often ends when the man suddenly realizes that his wife does not respect him and he cannot be around someone who blatantly waves this disrespect in his face. For most men, it takes a significant amount of disrespect from their wife before they would consider ending their marriage. Once they stand up for themselves, that is when things go bad because a woman will stay in a marriage if she can get away with her behavior especially if it is financially beneficial for her. Women will disrespect you for as long as you allow them to do it even if they proclaim to love you and will allow you to be the father of their children.
When I got married, I wanted to have kids and have an attractive wife. Most men who get married want the same thing. We also know that for most of us, getting a decent attractive woman to marry us is a pipe dream so if we are able to get a wife, we will allow quite a bit because of our goals of having kids and a pretty wife smothers everything else that matters including our own self respect. Once you make the choice to get married, you balance the desire for a family and a pretty wife with your own value as a man and as a person. It is the rare woman that wont test you regularly to see what she can get away with in your relationship. She may do it before you get married and you are seeing if what you have to tolerate from her is worth the possibility she could be wife material because of how she looks and your desire for kids. Once you get to the point where you get married, you have made certain decisions as to what you will tolerate and your wife will then push the envelope even more because she knows what your desires are and she has confidence in her appearance and as a mother. It is really a no win situation for a man and is a big reason why most marriages end in divorce or end up loveless and sexless with neither party willing to pull the trigger on a divorce for a variety of reasons.
I remember being so happy to be married. I had wanted a wife and kids since I was young. I had a great childhood and saw how my mom and dad cooperated in raising me and my sister. They had very little money but I had an idyllic childhood growing up in 1970s Southern California. I certainly didn't understand the nature of women later than most men and got real life lessons in college falling in love and dating someone who tested me and manipulated me for 5 plus years because I allowed her to get away with it. Love is tough on a young man and we need to educate younger men about how to handle it because I am a big believer in marrying young when this type of love is possible. Whatever behavior and infidelity she was about that I never caught, I didn't have the strength to leave. Even a dumb man like me in his early 20s needed certain things to be shoved in my face by her before the relationship ended. I had no guidance or awareness. There was no internet and our parents from the 50s generation stayed married and didnt see the change in women that was coming with a new generation. She needed me to leave so I would be the bad guy and not her and her behavior was what she wanted for her to have a relationship with a loving man while also living the life of a disrespectful woman.
If you break up with a woman, no matter how much disrespect she showed you to cause it, its like all the bad she did does not matter. You left her. Its is a common theme I would learn later in my marriage. While women file 80% of the divorces, you have to ask yourself why as men we don't file more of them. While there are women who are simply leaving for someone better or were unfaithful or some other line crossing event that causes the marriage to end, most marriages end because the man tolerates so mush disrespect that the woman actually has no choice but to leave. She wanted the man to leave first to absolve her of her disrespect.
My marriage was doomed from the beginning. I loved my wife and felt so lucky to have found a woman who was physically what I would draw up who would have kids with me. This was also a blessing because I was unable to get married as a younger man. Getting married in your mid 30s is just asking for trouble as your wife if she is near your age or has been married before likely has very little ability to pair bond with you or any other man because of her prior marriage or a life spent in her twenties riding a carousel of men. While there was some level of behavior prior to the marriage, it was not anything I was going to rock the boat over. I wanted kids. She had her motives in that I was going to provide for her financially and she wanted kids as well. I always wondered how someone could say they love you yet disrespect you so blatantly but my desire for children and a pretty wife, especially as a man on the wrong side of 30, she probably could have done anything but cheat and I was going to stay. If the lack of respect starts early in the relationship or marriage it isnt going to last. If you let her get away with it, it will only get worse, but even if you don't, standing up to her might gain you some respect in her eyes, but you will question why you have to tolerate it and will not stay married.
I remember working and saving for a diamond ring for her like any normal man would do. I could see the indifference in her eyes as we walked down the aisle and said our vows in our small ceremony surrounded by her family and my parents. My father was dying from cancer but he got to see his son get married. I wanted him to have a grandchild so bad and hated myself for not having the maturity to find a wife who possibly loved me when I was young. The indifference in my wife's eyes spoke to me and as soon as we got home from the wedding, her ring came off, went into a jewelry box, and she never wore it again for our 8 years of marriage. I didnt think anything of it at first, but this was the disrespect that would cause me to resent her and not want to be around her. She was pregnant a month after we married and we had the most beautiful little girl. I was not going to rock the boat as I wanted more kids and saw the blessings of a family unit, but the occasional question about why you didnt ever wear your wedding ring was met with excuses which basically were saying, Im married to you and we have a small child so what are you going to do about it? I will do what I want. I am pretty and you are a good man who now has a family. I was not ready nor was I willing to leave. She was pretty, gave me a beautiful child, and I wanted more. She knew my character and she was going to use it against me.
Once the disrespect starts, it never stops. It is only dealt with when the man takes the harsh step to end the relationship or the woman meets a new man, who turns out not be what he promised her as he lied to her to try and get her to leave her husband or just screw him on the down low. You can communicate what bothers you and while it might solve things for a brief period of time, a disrespectful woman will return to her ways because she knows if you dare leave, you lose access to your kids and your wealth. If you arent making money or she realizes you arent providing a life for her financially, the disrespect only amps up because she will be looking for a better situation. She can be broke without you.
Looking back I assume my wife had a plan to leave once it became financially best for her. She needed enough time in the marriage to get her kids, have me work and save in a way that maximized the money at the split and provide alimony so she could avoid working if possible. Women know divorce laws and if you are married to a woman who has been married before or her parents got divorced, she knows how it all works and will make decisions that benefit her monetarily at the price of love or her own happiness. As my marriage turned more disrespectful with an unequal contribution in the home( I worked and earned money while she was a stay at home mom who wouldnt keep the house even slightly clean or in order for starters), sex being used as a weapon of manipulation, and her preferring to spend time with total strangers over her husband, I still didnt leave. The question was where was the line as to what I would not tolerate. That is something all men need to answer preferably sooner rather than later. When my wife got pregnant with our second daughter, despite infrequent sex, she didn't act excited instead telling me " I guess you will be a father again". I was so excited because my desire for kids offset the level of disrespect that I allowed to fester for years despite me not allowing myself to be disrespected in any other aspects of life. I had ended friendships with men over less respect shown by these guys. Despite my inner anger, I couldnt do it with my wife. As a man who wanted a family and children, its like in order to get these things I had to tolerate disrespect from the person who is supposed to be your life partner and respect you as much as anyone. Why would a beautiful woman give up the prime of her life and have children with a man she does not love or respect? I never could answer that. While love is not easy to find, I always wondered why my wife, who had access to every type of man possible, would pick me when she clearly didnt respect or love me and was not afraid to show it once the vows were taken. Is the desire to improve yourself financially that important to women? While my wife was pretty and it is certainly an important part of why men choose a wife(no one hopefully marries someone they are not attracted to), I would not have married her if I did not love her, want kids with her, or see her as someone I wanted to spend time with on a day to day basis. What men fail to understand is that disrespect seems to come natural for women and they will test you from the beginning and the relationship is doomed if you dont stand up to her. If you do stand up to her, the relationship will still likely come to an end sooner or she might alter her behavior and find different ways to manipulate you.
Even the biggest wimp of a man like myself has a line when it comes to respect. I allowed her to not wear her wedding ring, dictate to me how many kids we would have including her refusal to have a third child (despite plenty of money, beautiful children, and relatively easy pregnancy and births), prioritize friends over me, and watch the day to day behavior that showed I was nothing more than a sperm and financial donor to a woman who had her own needs and motives that had nothing to do with love or respect that I could meet. Eventually everything built up over time and I left the marriage. I didnt want to be divorced with two small children, but after 8 years of marriage, and having some pride left in myself as a man and what I did for my family, I played the only card I had left. I walked out with no regrets after earlier telling her my concerns and divorce was an option if things didnt change. You know things dont matter when you have an honest discussion with your spouse and she has nothing to say or acts even worse daring you to do something.
When I finally left, my wife acted shocked and hurt and played the victim. She didnt care that i left other than how it appeared to others. Men dont leave beautiful women with small kids especially when they didnt have a new woman unless the wife was that bad. She was that bad. After I left, she tried to alienate me from my daughters, offered me two days a month with my daughters for custody, and wanted every dime she could get using the system to destroy me. I didnt want to be divorced. I was never unfaithful to my wife. However, something told her from the very beginning that disrespect was acceptable and it spiraled out of control. While many might say I should have nipped things in the bud earlier and laid down the law, dont think for a minute that keeps a woman in line and makes her behave properly once you have married her and she has your kid. She has you because of the divorce laws and if you think you are now Mr. Macho and you wont be disrespected, it only emboldens her to make your life miserable more so than she has with the pattern of disrespect she shows up until the time you have the courage to do something about it.
The more disrespectful a woman is to you during the marriage, the worse the divorce will be when it comes to everything from money to custody. Once you get the courage to stand up for yourself and you leave the marriage before the wife planned to leave you, she will destroy you. Coparenting becomes impossible when a woman deprives you of equal time with your kids. I had to go to trial to get equal custody of my daughters and the only reason I did is because my wife was computer addict who wrote volumes of Harry Potter fan fiction with characters in her stories named after her young daughters. If had written volumes of stories about Harry Potter characters having sex with graphic language instead of working and handling my business as a man, I would have gotten supervised visits with my kids. A woman who does things like that her worst result is equal custody. When a woman is called out on her bad behavior and disrespect, there is nothing good about the aftermath once the divorce happens. She is mad that you had the courage to leave and she does not want to be called out for her bad behavior so everything she does it to come out looking like a victim and the courts will fall for it. It takes such extreme behavior for a man to give up on his marriage and leave his wife especially when there are kids involved.
Every man I deal with who is considering ending their marriage(or whose wife left him) either has an unfaithful wife or has dealt with years of disrespect. Once they understand and can recognize this disrespect has been going on for a very long time, only do they understand the importance of it in their marriage. It works both ways, but women feel they can be the ones to get away with it, especially when they are married to a calm and secure man who sees the big picture and can let things go that the more macho, insecure, controlling man cannot.
The dynamics of respect and its importance in relationships really change once a man has been divorced or he has kids and that is not a quality he looks for in a woman. It is easy to be 40 plus years old, successful in your job, and has the divorce and kid experience behind him. He knows now not to tolerate the shit tests and disrespect. Even women who have been divorced still test you. They think that their value to men is the same as when they were young and fertile. Most men, myself included, can walk away from a beautiful woman who act poorly even if we care about them. Its tough to do as available women are few and far between, but if you arent going to have kids with the woman you meet, you see her in a different light. As a young man its often about the sex and you trade disrespect for sex because the women are in their prime. As you age a bit and want a woman you can respect and have kids with, you look into her virtue, ability to be a mom, raise kids, and how she will appear as you progress in your professional life. Men tolerate a lot of disrespect during this time, because while sex may not be their sole thought like it was as a younger man, they know how hard it is to get a decent woman to marry and have kids with him. 80% of women reproduce with 20% of men in this world. These are not good odds and many dont realize it until they miss their window and end up childless. Once a man has kids and has gone through the divorce process, while he might want a quality relationship, his indifference increases and he will tolerate little to no disrespect from a woman no matter how pretty she is. There is a reason why divorces and single moms are miserable and divorced men and single fathers are generally happier once the pain and time progresses following their divorce.
If you dont understand the importance of respect in a relationship, you are doomed to failure and pain. The lesson is when and how to tolerate what and to recognize that if, like most men, you want kids, what will you tolerate to get them. Women will push the envelope of respect as much as you allow them. As a man, if you are having problems in your relationship, this is a big reason why. It probably cant be fixed so you have to assess where you are in life and make a decision as to how to show you wont tolerate it any longer. Leaving my wife was one of the hardest decisions I had to make in life. It wasnt done with deep reflection, open communication, and the sudden realization I was with someone who could care less because I either tolerated it and die a slow miserable death, or leave and watch her get paid. She got my wealth and her freedom yet for some reason, she is the mean and angry one who still looks to shame and insult me when I am on the rare occasion forced to email her over an issue with our kids.
Take control gentlemen.
Imagine if we could eliminate the battle for child custody and the relationships with their parents from family courts. Trial would essentially be eliminated and and the financial scam that is the family court system would become unrecognizable compared to the dog and pony show it is today. As much as women use the court system to gain a financial advantage over men after taking all their ex husbands assets, what many fail to understand is these disputes occur because women know one thing that is so basic that many forget its importance. Kids are smart. They see everything in a basic form that is not only accurate but that will play themselves out right in front of them before, during, and after their parents divorce. While the timing of the children's age and the divorce has some affect on what and when they see what their parents are, the result is still the same.
The worst time for a divorce is when the kids are young. Not only do the kids not fully understand what is going on, no kid deserves to grow up in a broken home. Marriage in its purest form that existed long before Generation X started getting worthless college degrees that could no longer earn them a living, is the foundation of family and society. If it ends when the kids are young, not only is it tragic for the kids, but it is the prime time where parental alienation takes place. Women file 80% of the divorces and are probably guilty of 80% of the attempts to alienate the kids from the father. If divorce occurs at a young age of the kids, typically the woman either wants the man completely out of her life without any thought of what it does to the kids or she is such a horrible human being to cause a man to leave her when the kids are so young. While men certainly cheat and can do bad things, the majority of marriages that end of in divorce court with young kids are due to the fault of the women and that explains why they make every attempt to alienate the kids from the father. Sadly, this is a time when kids can be swayed and women are excellent at doing it. Many a relationship with a father is ruined because a woman is able to alienate the kids from the dad and she will do it even if the man is a good father and maybe not so good of a husband. How men can combat this is the subject of much debate, but ultimately the best answer to start is to never accept less than 50% custody of your kids. While losing all your money can suck, settling a custody case for less than 50% of the time with your kids is a mortal sin and any lawyer that tells you to do so absent extra ordinary circumstances is committing malpractice and should not be in the profession. The lawyers who will take money from a woman and encourage her to fight for primary custody of her kids are no different than the lawyers for men who wont stand up and fight.
As kids move in to their pre teen years, they dont quite have a say in where they can live, but their awareness of why their parents are divorcing and their parents personalities and behavior. As your kids enter in to this age group, it is very important you establish a relationship with them that involves open communication and a comfort level. I love that my kids will come to me and talk and you gain a lot of insight about what goes on in their lives. If they are this age when you divorce, it is not easy for them but they have an idea as to what is going on. The best chance to avoid the parental alienation that will take place from the mom is to establish a good relationship with your kids. If you as a father can set a good example about what it means to be responsible, have good values, and set an example, your kids will gravitate to you and the mothers issues will be exposed. It will take time, but the kids will see why you got divorced and they will appreciate their time with you. As a man you certainly have to live your life post divorce, but kids need stability and you have to make sure you are not introducing them to women you date and are not having women stay over at your house during your custody time. This is especially important when the kids are younger. You cannot devalue relationships or your kids will find that it is acceptable to be promiscuous. Your role as a father is important but this is especially true for daughters who need more emotional time and understanding as they grow in to young women.
If you divorce when your kids are teenagers etc, this certainly has its disadvantages and they effect on them cannot be ignored. Kids at this age are used to a family unit and they are obviously more aware of what is going on with their parents even if there may not be as much communication with you as you would like. Your time and investment as a father while the kids were younger make navigating these years a little easier and if divorce happens during this time, the moms attempts to sway them to hate you or choose to live with them wont be so easy. Remember that as a kid hits 12-14, the court is going to give them some say in where they live. If your kid does not like or respect you, they will decide to live with mom and not only does that cause the growth of your relationship with them, it can have long term affects which exist well after they are adults. The moms at attempts at parental alienation do not stop and can still be effective at this age and women will do anything to get revenge on you for not being what they wanted in a husband and to destroy you financially long after the divorce. If you don't have so many overnights with your kids, you will pay more in child support. Women know this long before the average man knows what a Schedule A or Schedule B is.
No matter what age your kids are when your divorce takes place, understand your kids are smart and they either knew before you did that the divorce was coming or will see what the parents are as people as they grow up well after the divorce takes place. While you as a man cannot control the whims of a hypergamus woman or the necessity of a divorce you can control how your kids see you. One thing I have seen with clients or learned following my own divorce is how smart kids are and why women try to alienate fathers from their kids. Women simply do not want their kids to see what they are and why they failed as wives or women. While men are not perfect, they will accept their faults, try to correct their mistakes, but most importantly maintain a relationship with their kids while not trying to keep the kids from their mom. Men know the importance of mothers and quality men will be close to and take care of their moms throughout life. Even if their wife cheats on them and divorces them, most men would never try to get revenge on their wives by keeping their kids from time with mom if their overall health and safety is not an issue. Women are the exact opposite and men need to prepare for it when dealing with their kids pre and post divorce.
There is nothing more satisfying to a man than to get vindication from his own kids post divorce that they understand why he divorced mom or why mom was not smart in leaving him for money or the chance at what she thought was a higher level man. Kids who feel comfortable with a parent will tell you in general conversation about the issues they have with the other parent if they see real problems with that parent. If you are a top level man who sets an example for your kids, the kids will tell you how mommy drinks too much, how mommy cant stay organized, how mommy isn't spending any time with them because she is addicted to a computer or prioritizing losers friends and the new men in their life. If moms cannot communicate with their kids, her personal issues will be even more obvious to the kids and the kids will tell you not because they want to talk bad about their mom, but because they don't feel stable and now understand why you got divorced. They want to tell dad that they understand what happened and why even if they didn't want you and mom to be divorced. Kids see everything. It might take some time, but whatever behavior or character flaw caused you to get divorced, does not go away post divorce. If anything it increases. If you drink too much or spend too much time on a computer talking to online friends or writing fan fiction, these issues will only increase post divorce. Kids are starving for attention need it even more once their parents split up. Moms know kids know what they are and that is why they try to alienate them from dad and try to get more than equal custody. They want money and pain for the pain that divorced them or disappointed them as a husband either justifiably or to justify their nature to seek a better man.
Once a man understands what parental alienation is and why women wont give you equal custody, you can prepare for the divorce fight and handle yourself accordingly as a man in your day to day life. Avoiding the parental alienation trap needs to begin before you get divorced. If you get divorced when the kids are young you are either a total ass or you married a woman that is going to torment you for life because she was such a bad woman that you had no choice but to leave. If your marriage lasts until the kids become teenagers or later, you must spend their early years bonding with them through communication while also being the example as a man for them to follow. Be a leader. Treat their mom well. Stay faithful. Work hard and provide for your family. You cant control that it may still not be enough for the woman you married. You cant control that. However, how you handle yourself will reduce the chances of being alienated and will give you the best shot of 50/50 custody of your kids. While no one cares why you got divorced and no one needs to hear all the bad things your wife did to cause the divorce, what does matter is how your kids see you. You don't need to be like their mom and try to brainwash them to take your side or to keep them from her. The kids will see you for what you are and her for what you are. While people often get divorced with no conflict for a variety of reasons, these are the people that don't fight over custody and mom will understand that kids need equal time. If you are not in that situation and instead getting divorced from an angry, mentally ill, or high conflict woman who is trying to hide the fact she cannot or will not be a quality wife, you need to prepare for the fight while also handling yourself the right way. The kids either already know or will learn what type of parent you are and what type of mom they have. You don't need to convince them. Once you see it all fall into place as the kids get older, you will feel some sense of satisfaction even if you lost a lot of money and ended up divorced when you didn't want to but saw no other option.
Don't stop fighting gentlemen.
How to Flip or Flop Right into a Divorce
These are sad times that we are living in, especially when it comes to relationships. Men are wanting a family just as much as prior generations. What men have been learning for about 25 years is that young women are not your mother and her values have all but disappeared. They are not into being with just one man and they view marriage as a take it or leave it proposition. If circumstances don't allow them to get married or have kids on their terms, they will pick one man when they are 35 who they likely don't care about but who can provide for their sperm or financial needs. If you aren't a high value man, as you push towards age 30 and beyond it can be a set up for disaster and a life filled with loneliness and constant disappointments. Even men who have looks. money, and personality are finding it hard to create a family like their parents did.
So what is a man to do?
With all that is going on in terms of how people treat each other and how women make it known that men are not valuable, the easy answer is to say don't get married or don't give a woman a chance to intertwine with you in your life so she can end up taking whatever she wants from you when she is ready. This is all fine and good if you don't want kids, but if you do you must begin asking yourself where you fall in terms of value, how to recognize when your wife or girlfriend sees you as having no value, and how and when to extricate yourself from your domestic life. It is not easy and there are many ways of doing it.
I always considered myself a high value man growing up for reasons that don't really matter. I wanted to get married young and have a family. While that may not make sense to some, especially if I am as high value as I say and could get women pretty easily, it did for me. I could not have imagined being young and not being able to get girls to even to date me. I knew many that had that problem. While I had white knight nice guy vibes as a young man, I was still in demand when compared to most guys my age. For whatever reason, I was not able to get married young like I had hoped. As I aged, my options became single moms and divorcees. If you aren't married as a man by age 30, you are not likely going to get someone who has been waiting to meet you. Those girls get married young and are the most likely to stay married. While the circumstances that can make a decent woman a divorcee or a single mom can certainly happen, as a man ages, if he wants a wife or family he is going to end up with the divorcee or single mom. This creates a lot of problems that many men ignore because they are so happy to be getting someone to be with them despite all the time being single with no luck when they were younger. Does this mean a man settled or he made a choice that was going to turn out bad for him no matter how much he loved the woman he found later in life by choice or by delaying getting married for whatever reason? I never felt that I settled but I failed to realize the damage was done to her long before I ever appeared. I was just the man to make her feel better about the fact her first marriage failed.
I did not get married until I was 35. I am was not getting better looking as I aged, and with rare exception that usually involves money, as a man ages, he simply isn't going to meet that woman that looks at him with admiration and love like they did until they turned age 25(you know those girls from your youth who got married to some newly appearing guy causing you to never see her again). The women you will meet on the other side of 30 might still be pretty on some level if they are close to your age, but their heart has gone through the pain of a prior divorce or they have kids from a marriage and they take up all their time. You aren't getting an emotionally available woman no matter how well she fakes like she cares. Some women are good at faking it and it can be 10 plus years with her before you wake up.
What men fail to realize, especially when they get a wife at a later age like 35, is that she isn't likely going to want to be with you long term. Some can fake it better than others for a period of time, but if you are now facing divorce, ask yourself if your wife ever really cared and bonded with you especially if you married after age 30. She might look all innocent but she is probably a closet ho who has cheated on you or is planning on it pushing the limits with some new guy she met at work or at the gym. She will be able to hide all her transgressions helped by your ignorance. She will have kids with you but she still thinks about her first husband who she loved but disappointed her or the bad boys who would use her for a sex toy with no commitment if they could. She's living her fantasies with others and not you. Maybe you recognized this but you didn't care because you wanted a pretty wife to have kids with and no matter her past, you felt like the luckiest guy in the world. Once the kids were born you would tolerate even more no matter how much she might drink, how many late night activities she has, or how much time she spends on the computer. You got the family you wanted. Joy and pain all mixed together.
One thing I ignored despite all of the above facts applying to me, was that I would never have my wife's heart even if we had two kids. She didn't care about me and I allowed myself to jump into marriage with her despite the ink barely being dry on her first divorce. I could never get a straight answer about why they divorced and nothing made sense no matter what she told me, but I didn't care. She was pretty and we were going to have gorgeous kids. We did too. I didn't see that I was just a sperm donor and a financial net to help her get the kids the first husband couldn't or wouldn't give her all while helping her build equity with a share of my hard work so when the relationship was over, she could get paid just for being my wife even if she contributed nothing to the building of my business or the maintaining of it. Being someone's second choice or a rebound is not a smart move but logic can be a big part of why men make bad decisions. We know what we do is wrong but the alternative could be worse.
Once you are the choice of a woman whose first choice failed or disappointed her, you can be the best guy in the world and you will never have her heart and she will only stay with you until something better comes along or until you cannot meet her financial needs. When a woman gets with you soon after failing with another man, even if you have kids, your marriage isn't likely to last or be one filled with genuine love. Can divorcees and single moms love again? Yes. Just understand the odds are against it and the odds of a long term relationship with one is lower than if she was neither of those things.
I do not bring this up as a woe is me to my bad choices as I own everything I do good or bad. I bring this up to help men understand whether divorce is right for them. How and under what circumstances did you meet your wife and how soon after did you get married? Had she been married before? Did she have kids with a prior man? How long after you meet her did you get married and start your family? The answers to these questions are usually bad the longer you wait to marry, but marrying old or young, men fail to believe that their wife is no longer with them emotionally and likely stopped caring just because they have not initiated a divorce.
Women are survivors and will use any means necessary to protect their existence. If you get entangled with one who clearly has a past that involves prior husbands or kids, you are setting yourself up for failure. She is still thinking about someone from her past and the longer she is with you, she will soon start thinking about someone to be her future. Once a man understands these things, he will be on a proper path to divorce rather than living miserably around a woman who does not respect or care. We all get married for a reason and many men see the negativity of a woman to be worth the kids they get. Female nature is a hard pill to swallow and I swallowed it big time. I am glad I had the courage to leave her once I started seeing the behavior and the inability to care from my wife. She didn't want to be with me and the fact we got married and started having kids so soon after her first marriage failed should have been a red flag.
If you are in a situation of flux because your wife is transferring away from you, take a look back and things will suddenly click for you as to why you are having problems and how she really feels. The biggest mistake a man can make is staying in a bad marriage. Once she's left you emotionally and probably physically, you will never get her back. Reclaim your life and learn from your mistakes.
The Bait and Switch
I seem to be one of the few people who believe if you are going to marry and have kids, that you should do it when you are young, ideally between the age of 20-25. I have discussed this before in prior posts. While it is obvious that both men and women and still immature even when they are mature at that young age, for men the advantages of getting married and having your family when you are young far outweigh the disadvantages of trying to do it when you are older. There is a reason why men like younger women. When you are a young man in your physical prime, when combined with your day to day social circles, this is the age that is best to meet a young beautiful woman who not only isnt jaded by the experience of life, but still looks her best and could possibly have the ability to feel something for you, even if temporarily. Does this mean you are less likely to get divorced by marrying young? Probably not. Does it create some financial struggles that you may not suffer if you wait and build your career first? Probably. Does your maturing in full mean you will be able to choose a better partner in your 30s than you would as a younger man? Probably not. Does marrying young reduce the likelihood of significant financial divorce rape assuming you are educating yourself on the nature of women from a young age? Yes it does. Does all of this matter less if your plan is to slug through life and achieve little to nothing? Maybe.
One of my biggest regrets was not marrying and having kids when I was young. Waiting until you are in your 30s to get married, especially after you have spent your mid to late 20s going to school and or building a business or career to the point where it is just starting to take off just as you are thinking you are getting married is sheer stupidity for a lot of reasons. Even if you are making significantly more more money that most everyone, the financial stability you might think you are creating for yourself is not likely to lead to meeting and marrying a quality woman. If you are in your 30s, doing well, thinking you are going to meet a great partner who is younger, the odds are you if you do you will be pairing off with a gold digger who does not have the ability to love an older guy like she does a guy her age.
Most men will be marrying and having children with women near their own age. You arent likely a guy who is the 35 year old dating a 20-25 year old with any type of seriousness assuming you can even get one. If you have made it to your early to mid 30s and are now trying to meet a woman to marry and have kids you are not walking down a path that is likely going to get you destroyed emotionally and financially because of what I call the Bait and Switch perpetrated by many women who are on the wrong side of 30 trying to find a husband for security or because they want kids.
Let me explain.
I did not get married until I was 35. That was almost 20 years ago. This was a time when social media was non existent. It was a non Facebook time in life . Online dating was in its infancy and still not all that accepted. I met my wife online. I thought I had hit the jackpot but what i failed to realize is that who I was marrying was not genuine in her emotions or desires. I would soon learn I was nothing but a financial security blanket who had no other value to her. That is on me and maybe I knew it at the time and chose to ignore it because at age 35, no matter how good my personality was or how well I did in my profession, I was still 35. I wasted my 20s and allowed many women who truly had the ability to feel slip through my fingers. My window for having children with a pretty girl who was atleast a decent person, who didnt already have kids, was closing and closing fast. I had no time to think some perfect person was going to walk through the door. It wasnt about settling but instead getting a woman who had lived her 20s already and was basically dead on the inside. She still wanted kids and to be a family, but it was not caring about anyone other than herself and her own needs. I ended up leaving her despite not wanting to be divorced and the divorce rape and parental alienation was off the charts bad. I suffered because of her anger at the other men who she loved or wanted before me that didnt treat her right. I paid the price. That being said, I cant say wouldnt do it all over again especially seeing how social media and feminism have destroyed women even more in the past 20 years. I got two beautiful daughters who I have a great relationship with despite efforts by their mom to eliminate it. I wouldnt want to be a young man, muchless one over 30, trying to find a wife and build a family in todays selfie, me first, society that these young women live in. There are still nice young women around, but these girls marry young now more so than they did 20-30 years ago. Those that dont who fail at it, spend the rest of their lives trying to trick men into believing they have their life together. They dont but they are pros at fooling the men who try to date or have serious relationships with them.
For those of you contemplating a divorce or wondering why your relationship didnt work out, especially if you married a woman closer to age 30, ask yourself what the woman portrayed herself to be versus what she actually is. She fooled you for a time. It was long enough to get kids from you and or the money you provided no matter who ended the relationship.
Is this your scenario?
You met this woman. Shes been married and divorced or maybe she was single and spent her 20s sleeping with every type of man possible. She appears timid and shy to you and her sexuality is repressed in bed. She looks great though. You cant believe your luck. You have a great job, plenty of money, and a house. You cant possibly believe this woman you met is such a manipulator. She hides all her baggage and mental health issues. She hides her physical problems as well. It could be endomitriosis or being a fake exerciser or health nut only to be lazy or spending way too much time in a walking boot claiming plantar faciatis from too much running. She hides all this when you are dating because you dont live with her or see her everyday. All you see is her pretty face or giant breasts and you are ready to take the next step leading to marriage and a family. For all you offer, you arent young and you want a family as well. This desire causes you to be stupid.
You moved the woman into your house. She hides her mental and physical problems while dodging you sexually and underperforming in the bed. She looks good though and your desire to reproduce only solidifies. You find her spending way too much time on the computer and wonder why bottles of vodka are under the sink or Jack Daniels has his own corner of your kitchen cabinets.
You marry her. Her goals are now accomplished. She knows the divorce laws and knows she will get paid. She times sex with ovulation and her strong genes combined with your own causes her to get pregnant quickly with little difficulty. This begins a pattern of little to no sex that will eventually lead to no sex once she births the final kid. It might be one or two but she decides. Despite your desire for more while showing her how you provide for the family so she can be a stay at home mom or work at her leisure does not matter. Its all about her desires. Her mental and physical problems are no longer hidden. What are you going to do? Nothing. She is now a completely different woman than the one you married. She avoids you physically and is indifferent to contributing anything to the relationship. If you stay you are miserable and feel regret. If you leave, especially with young kids, you are shamed and pay her for all the work you have done. Some choice right?
Now dont think she is no longer a sexual being or is boring. She has a computer life. Shes on Facebook all day or maybe she was like my wife who stayed up until wee hours of the morning writing fan fiction with stories involving Harry Potter kids having sex with hogwarts. There are characters named after your kids. If the sexual acts she described in her stories were being performed on you, your marriage would be fine. People with good sex lives dont end up in divorce courts no matter how crazy the wife is. Shes sharing these other stories with men. She might be having phone sex with them or even meeting men who only want sex from her knowing she is your problem financially. They dont want her long term. They just want to look and touch her nice mom body that you paid for. Shes living the life while you work like a slave thinking you are the King of your world.
What do you do now? You lose either way and she knows it. She completely faked who and what she is and you were the victim. No fault divorce and failed people want the family unit destroyed so there is no accountability for these women. Men certainly are at fault for getting themselves into situations, but we dont deserve what happens to us financially and should not have to struggle to get to see our kids equally.
Think about what is going on the world. Married women spend more time demonstrating their hate and indifference for their husbands while they support social justice and men like George Floyd and Jacob Blake who are brutalizers of women. You keep her fed and sheltered while very little is expected of her yet once she is with you, she prefers to spend time posting about Black Lives Matter on her Facebook page and reading Harry Potter sex stories than spend an evening with her husband. Her friends are just like her. Her older friends are multiple divorced. Her mom friends all make fun of their husbands. Even if she hasnt moved on to physical cheating, she is likely psycologically cheating on you sharing thoughts and fantasies with thugs or white knight men. She isnt into those fantasies with you, but shes writing or talking to other about them.
You are getting divorced. It is just a matter of when. She isnt leaving until it benefits her the most financially and it may be while the kids are still child support tools or when you are middle aged and she can cash out and be 50 years old trying to get young men to give them attention.
Ultimately you as a man have to decide how you want to handle your family and relationship life. If you dont want children, do not ever marry and dont move a woman into your home. If you do want them, forget the Cristiano Ronaldo test tube surrogate baby crap and marry the woman and try to build a family. Do it when you are young or understand the Bait and Switch you will face if you are trying to do it with a woman around 30 who is likely a failed woman trying to convince you with her looks that she can still give you a family and kids. You need to understand what she is doing. You also need to prepare for divorce after you marry so if and when it does go bad, you can time the decision to end it with as little financial and emotional damage as possible. I struggled mightily with this decision as my wife baited and switched me less than 3 years into our marriage. I was a slave the minute our first kid was born but at the time I was happier than anyone could possibly be having a wife a beautiful baby. I was lucky to get the second kid which I dont think the wife wanted. I wanted a third and was basically told no. I soon left her as the bad behavior and disrespect was worth the trade of kids. I bargained with myself for it so I own it, but I got the courage to leave. If I had waited it would have been even more emotionally and financially damaging.
Where are you as you read this? Have you realized that what your wife pretended to be to get you to marry her and have access to your resources is not the same woman now? These differences go beyond the changes that come with age and life experience but instead her hiding who she truly was until it became safe for her not have to try and hide it each day as her financial future was secured. If you have finally figured it out, what are you going to do? Does it make sense to leave or stay?
If you need help on how to decide what to do or to minimize the loss, we are here.
Men are naive right until the very end. We refuse to see what is right in front of us. This lack of vision often leaves us scrambling to save our hard earned money and relationship with our children. We get married and think that by being a good husband and father it is going to be enough to keep our wives loyal and happy. Being better than 95% of men out there is not enough. The woman wants the fantasy of a 100% perfect man, despite her flaws. The fact she has a vagina makes her believe she is entitled to this fantasy. She is constantly looking for it while she pretends to be happy in her current situation. The affirmation from her that you are a great dad and husband in the early stages of the marriage are hollow words designed to keep a man in his place until she finds a man who she believes in her mind is better than you. There is nothing you can do to stop this mindset and only when she presents her motives to you, either directly or indirectly, are you faced with having to make decisions, often without the help of a lawyer, that determine your financial future, mental health, and relationship with your kids.
I continue to be amazed at the men who do not see what their wife is doing behind their backs or when they do see it, they believe it is not as bad as it is or they can fix it. Women will do all the things that show they are no longer loyal to the family or marriage and will often present a man with a separation agreement drawn up by a lawyer, the type of lawyer who gets off like a nymphomaniac, drawing up agreements that deprive men of their assets and equal access to their children all while taking ridiculous fees from their female clients convincing them that men will just sign it without a fight. Sadly many men do in the fog of a dramatic change to their lives that they do not want despite the woman doing all but having sex with a boyfriend right in front of them.
In order to get men to doubt themselves, these women convince their husbands that they are leaving and want a divorce because the man is an alcoholic, she feels threatened by him including false accusations of physical violence added to the verbal abuse she say she has been suffering for years. As these accusations are being levied against the man, despite none of them being true, the woman is plotting how she will use the kids as leverage to get what she wants in a separation agreement, to keep the man she saw as a good father from seeing his kids equally, or both. Women are emboldened because they know the court system supports this behavior. If you want equal access to your kids, these women tell you to sign what their academically orgasmic lawyer has prepared at the cost of thousands of dollars before one foot is even set foot in a courtroom.
Men have to be taught early on to spot the signs of a disloyal wife. They also have to be taught that once a woman no longer wants to be married to you, she will be a completely different person than the one you married and will have no problem making accusations or efforts to set you up to the point where you could be arrested for domestic violence, destroying your chance at a fair custody outcome or even lose your professional license. Women will do this all while staying in the same home as you with no real plans to leave either because you provide a lifestyle for her that maybe she cant earn on her own or because she wants to drive the man crazy to the point where he will leave the home and she can play victim to get higher alimony or an increased chance at primary custody. I will never forget thinking I was doing everything right as a husband and father only to find out that not only was my wife spending her whole marriage on the computer writing fan fiction porn with Harry Potter characters having sexual interaction and having characters in her stories named after our daughters, but she had placed recording devices in our house to either provoke me into violence or to get me to threaten her or do something that could jeopardize everything I worked for knowing one mistake out of frustration could get me or any man to raise a hand or make a threat causing me to be hauled off to jail. I had invited her into my home sfter we dated for awhile, paid all her bills while she stayed at home, supported all her endeavors while never cheating on her or acting even the slightest way threatening toward her, and that was the thanks I got. Thanks to our court system she now owns the home free and clear despite never making one payment towards its purchase or upkeep. By doing the right thing and handling your business as a man, you are labeled a simp or a beta provider. Are we really shocked at the ongoing spiraling downward of families and the increased divorce rate? Women have all the incentive and power to destroy men who simply wanted a wife and kids.
Luckily in North Carolina, we have the alienation of affection laws which can often be a weapon to use against a woman who has gone off the rails likely because she has lost interest in her husband and either wants a fling with a new man or thinks she met her unicorn and is willing to throw away her family to get it. As women accuse a man of being an alcoholic because he has a beer or two after a hard physical days work, or that he is verbally or physically abusive because he does not kiss her ass 100% of the time, this is often being done because she has the real secret. Shes cheating on her husband. If you can catch her and meet the elements the law requires, you can often gain some advantage if you catch her early enough. If her boyfriend has deep pockets, it makes it even better. Trying to prove infidelity and alination of affection isnt always easy but you can spot the signs and start gathering evidence. Ger her cell phone, get access to her computer, and if you have the funds, get a PI to follow her. The evidence will be obtained more often than you think. If you wait too long as most men do, the wife lawyers up and is given instructions that make it harder to prove and gather evidence. The more a mans wife accuses him of things the more likely she is the one causing the problems.
Getting advice early on is the key to resolving a divorce on the most favorable terms. Ignoring the obvious and thinking you can fix things only causes a man more harm. When a woman is done with you, you need to be able to spot the signs and get away from her. She isnt coming back to you emotionally ever again even if you convince her to stay or come back to you physically. They are pros at disguising their feelings and motives. They may not act much different, and despite being the ones that file 80% of the divorces, they will only do so when they have their new man lined up or the belief that by leaving she has a good chance or getting an asset or monthly payout that allows her to live as she wants even if the husband has to move into an apartment and barely be able to pay his bills. She wants you buried to hide her own bad behavior and does not care if you are the father of her children. She is self centered and vindictive because she hates herself. Whether its a porn addiction that wastes her life day in and day out or the hypergamous infidelity based on her insecurities, she needs someone else to suffer for her life choices. It is her husband who must face the penalty and he is too often too blind to see it.
Change your mindset gentleman and see what is going on with your spouse and take action. If you roll over and do what she wants as the fog of reality sets in, you will regret it years down the road when you understand things after the fact. The longer the delay the more likely she gets away with what she is doing. Call a lawyer and get real advice from someone who has been there and not someone just looking to empty your wallet while doing nothing other than to file papers with a court while telling you to agree to an unequal custody arrangement because they have experience and know what a Judge will do when it comes to your kids. Your wife may want to destroy you mentally and financially but don't choose a lawyer who will only make it easier for her to do it. Get your evidence and fight.
The Red Devil