Imagine if we could eliminate the battle for child custody and the relationships with their parents from family courts. Trial would essentially be eliminated and and the financial scam that is the family court system would become unrecognizable compared to the dog and pony show it is today. As much as women use the court system to gain a financial advantage over men after taking all their ex husbands assets, what many fail to understand is these disputes occur because women know one thing that is so basic that many forget its importance. Kids are smart. They see everything in a basic form that is not only accurate but that will play themselves out right in front of them before, during, and after their parents divorce. While the timing of the children's age and the divorce has some affect on what and when they see what their parents are, the result is still the same.
The worst time for a divorce is when the kids are young. Not only do the kids not fully understand what is going on, no kid deserves to grow up in a broken home. Marriage in its purest form that existed long before Generation X started getting worthless college degrees that could no longer earn them a living, is the foundation of family and society. If it ends when the kids are young, not only is it tragic for the kids, but it is the prime time where parental alienation takes place. Women file 80% of the divorces and are probably guilty of 80% of the attempts to alienate the kids from the father. If divorce occurs at a young age of the kids, typically the woman either wants the man completely out of her life without any thought of what it does to the kids or she is such a horrible human being to cause a man to leave her when the kids are so young. While men certainly cheat and can do bad things, the majority of marriages that end of in divorce court with young kids are due to the fault of the women and that explains why they make every attempt to alienate the kids from the father. Sadly, this is a time when kids can be swayed and women are excellent at doing it. Many a relationship with a father is ruined because a woman is able to alienate the kids from the dad and she will do it even if the man is a good father and maybe not so good of a husband. How men can combat this is the subject of much debate, but ultimately the best answer to start is to never accept less than 50% custody of your kids. While losing all your money can suck, settling a custody case for less than 50% of the time with your kids is a mortal sin and any lawyer that tells you to do so absent extra ordinary circumstances is committing malpractice and should not be in the profession. The lawyers who will take money from a woman and encourage her to fight for primary custody of her kids are no different than the lawyers for men who wont stand up and fight.
As kids move in to their pre teen years, they dont quite have a say in where they can live, but their awareness of why their parents are divorcing and their parents personalities and behavior. As your kids enter in to this age group, it is very important you establish a relationship with them that involves open communication and a comfort level. I love that my kids will come to me and talk and you gain a lot of insight about what goes on in their lives. If they are this age when you divorce, it is not easy for them but they have an idea as to what is going on. The best chance to avoid the parental alienation that will take place from the mom is to establish a good relationship with your kids. If you as a father can set a good example about what it means to be responsible, have good values, and set an example, your kids will gravitate to you and the mothers issues will be exposed. It will take time, but the kids will see why you got divorced and they will appreciate their time with you. As a man you certainly have to live your life post divorce, but kids need stability and you have to make sure you are not introducing them to women you date and are not having women stay over at your house during your custody time. This is especially important when the kids are younger. You cannot devalue relationships or your kids will find that it is acceptable to be promiscuous. Your role as a father is important but this is especially true for daughters who need more emotional time and understanding as they grow in to young women.
If you divorce when your kids are teenagers etc, this certainly has its disadvantages and they effect on them cannot be ignored. Kids at this age are used to a family unit and they are obviously more aware of what is going on with their parents even if there may not be as much communication with you as you would like. Your time and investment as a father while the kids were younger make navigating these years a little easier and if divorce happens during this time, the moms attempts to sway them to hate you or choose to live with them wont be so easy. Remember that as a kid hits 12-14, the court is going to give them some say in where they live. If your kid does not like or respect you, they will decide to live with mom and not only does that cause the growth of your relationship with them, it can have long term affects which exist well after they are adults. The moms at attempts at parental alienation do not stop and can still be effective at this age and women will do anything to get revenge on you for not being what they wanted in a husband and to destroy you financially long after the divorce. If you don't have so many overnights with your kids, you will pay more in child support. Women know this long before the average man knows what a Schedule A or Schedule B is.
No matter what age your kids are when your divorce takes place, understand your kids are smart and they either knew before you did that the divorce was coming or will see what the parents are as people as they grow up well after the divorce takes place. While you as a man cannot control the whims of a hypergamus woman or the necessity of a divorce you can control how your kids see you. One thing I have seen with clients or learned following my own divorce is how smart kids are and why women try to alienate fathers from their kids. Women simply do not want their kids to see what they are and why they failed as wives or women. While men are not perfect, they will accept their faults, try to correct their mistakes, but most importantly maintain a relationship with their kids while not trying to keep the kids from their mom. Men know the importance of mothers and quality men will be close to and take care of their moms throughout life. Even if their wife cheats on them and divorces them, most men would never try to get revenge on their wives by keeping their kids from time with mom if their overall health and safety is not an issue. Women are the exact opposite and men need to prepare for it when dealing with their kids pre and post divorce.
There is nothing more satisfying to a man than to get vindication from his own kids post divorce that they understand why he divorced mom or why mom was not smart in leaving him for money or the chance at what she thought was a higher level man. Kids who feel comfortable with a parent will tell you in general conversation about the issues they have with the other parent if they see real problems with that parent. If you are a top level man who sets an example for your kids, the kids will tell you how mommy drinks too much, how mommy cant stay organized, how mommy isn't spending any time with them because she is addicted to a computer or prioritizing losers friends and the new men in their life. If moms cannot communicate with their kids, her personal issues will be even more obvious to the kids and the kids will tell you not because they want to talk bad about their mom, but because they don't feel stable and now understand why you got divorced. They want to tell dad that they understand what happened and why even if they didn't want you and mom to be divorced. Kids see everything. It might take some time, but whatever behavior or character flaw caused you to get divorced, does not go away post divorce. If anything it increases. If you drink too much or spend too much time on a computer talking to online friends or writing fan fiction, these issues will only increase post divorce. Kids are starving for attention need it even more once their parents split up. Moms know kids know what they are and that is why they try to alienate them from dad and try to get more than equal custody. They want money and pain for the pain that divorced them or disappointed them as a husband either justifiably or to justify their nature to seek a better man.
Once a man understands what parental alienation is and why women wont give you equal custody, you can prepare for the divorce fight and handle yourself accordingly as a man in your day to day life. Avoiding the parental alienation trap needs to begin before you get divorced. If you get divorced when the kids are young you are either a total ass or you married a woman that is going to torment you for life because she was such a bad woman that you had no choice but to leave. If your marriage lasts until the kids become teenagers or later, you must spend their early years bonding with them through communication while also being the example as a man for them to follow. Be a leader. Treat their mom well. Stay faithful. Work hard and provide for your family. You cant control that it may still not be enough for the woman you married. You cant control that. However, how you handle yourself will reduce the chances of being alienated and will give you the best shot of 50/50 custody of your kids. While no one cares why you got divorced and no one needs to hear all the bad things your wife did to cause the divorce, what does matter is how your kids see you. You don't need to be like their mom and try to brainwash them to take your side or to keep them from her. The kids will see you for what you are and her for what you are. While people often get divorced with no conflict for a variety of reasons, these are the people that don't fight over custody and mom will understand that kids need equal time. If you are not in that situation and instead getting divorced from an angry, mentally ill, or high conflict woman who is trying to hide the fact she cannot or will not be a quality wife, you need to prepare for the fight while also handling yourself the right way. The kids either already know or will learn what type of parent you are and what type of mom they have. You don't need to convince them. Once you see it all fall into place as the kids get older, you will feel some sense of satisfaction even if you lost a lot of money and ended up divorced when you didn't want to but saw no other option.
Don't stop fighting gentlemen.
These are sad times that we are living in, especially when it comes to relationships. Men are wanting a family just as much as prior generations. What men have been learning for about 25 years is that young women are not your mother and her values have all but disappeared. They are not into being with just one man and they view marriage as a take it or leave it proposition. If circumstances don't allow them to get married or have kids on their terms, they will pick one man when they are 35 who they likely don't care about but who can provide for their sperm or financial needs. If you aren't a high value man, as you push towards age 30 and beyond it can be a set up for disaster and a life filled with loneliness and constant disappointments. Even men who have looks. money, and personality are finding it hard to create a family like their parents did.
So what is a man to do?
With all that is going on in terms of how people treat each other and how women make it known that men are not valuable, the easy answer is to say don't get married or don't give a woman a chance to intertwine with you in your life so she can end up taking whatever she wants from you when she is ready. This is all fine and good if you don't want kids, but if you do you must begin asking yourself where you fall in terms of value, how to recognize when your wife or girlfriend sees you as having no value, and how and when to extricate yourself from your domestic life. It is not easy and there are many ways of doing it.
I always considered myself a high value man growing up for reasons that don't really matter. I wanted to get married young and have a family. While that may not make sense to some, especially if I am as high value as I say and could get women pretty easily, it did for me. I could not have imagined being young and not being able to get girls to even to date me. I knew many that had that problem. While I had white knight nice guy vibes as a young man, I was still in demand when compared to most guys my age. For whatever reason, I was not able to get married young like I had hoped. As I aged, my options became single moms and divorcees. If you aren't married as a man by age 30, you are not likely going to get someone who has been waiting to meet you. Those girls get married young and are the most likely to stay married. While the circumstances that can make a decent woman a divorcee or a single mom can certainly happen, as a man ages, if he wants a wife or family he is going to end up with the divorcee or single mom. This creates a lot of problems that many men ignore because they are so happy to be getting someone to be with them despite all the time being single with no luck when they were younger. Does this mean a man settled or he made a choice that was going to turn out bad for him no matter how much he loved the woman he found later in life by choice or by delaying getting married for whatever reason? I never felt that I settled but I failed to realize the damage was done to her long before I ever appeared. I was just the man to make her feel better about the fact her first marriage failed.
I did not get married until I was 35. I am was not getting better looking as I aged, and with rare exception that usually involves money, as a man ages, he simply isn't going to meet that woman that looks at him with admiration and love like they did until they turned age 25(you know those girls from your youth who got married to some newly appearing guy causing you to never see her again). The women you will meet on the other side of 30 might still be pretty on some level if they are close to your age, but their heart has gone through the pain of a prior divorce or they have kids from a marriage and they take up all their time. You aren't getting an emotionally available woman no matter how well she fakes like she cares. Some women are good at faking it and it can be 10 plus years with her before you wake up.
What men fail to realize, especially when they get a wife at a later age like 35, is that she isn't likely going to want to be with you long term. Some can fake it better than others for a period of time, but if you are now facing divorce, ask yourself if your wife ever really cared and bonded with you especially if you married after age 30. She might look all innocent but she is probably a closet ho who has cheated on you or is planning on it pushing the limits with some new guy she met at work or at the gym. She will be able to hide all her transgressions helped by your ignorance. She will have kids with you but she still thinks about her first husband who she loved but disappointed her or the bad boys who would use her for a sex toy with no commitment if they could. She's living her fantasies with others and not you. Maybe you recognized this but you didn't care because you wanted a pretty wife to have kids with and no matter her past, you felt like the luckiest guy in the world. Once the kids were born you would tolerate even more no matter how much she might drink, how many late night activities she has, or how much time she spends on the computer. You got the family you wanted. Joy and pain all mixed together.
One thing I ignored despite all of the above facts applying to me, was that I would never have my wife's heart even if we had two kids. She didn't care about me and I allowed myself to jump into marriage with her despite the ink barely being dry on her first divorce. I could never get a straight answer about why they divorced and nothing made sense no matter what she told me, but I didn't care. She was pretty and we were going to have gorgeous kids. We did too. I didn't see that I was just a sperm donor and a financial net to help her get the kids the first husband couldn't or wouldn't give her all while helping her build equity with a share of my hard work so when the relationship was over, she could get paid just for being my wife even if she contributed nothing to the building of my business or the maintaining of it. Being someone's second choice or a rebound is not a smart move but logic can be a big part of why men make bad decisions. We know what we do is wrong but the alternative could be worse.
Once you are the choice of a woman whose first choice failed or disappointed her, you can be the best guy in the world and you will never have her heart and she will only stay with you until something better comes along or until you cannot meet her financial needs. When a woman gets with you soon after failing with another man, even if you have kids, your marriage isn't likely to last or be one filled with genuine love. Can divorcees and single moms love again? Yes. Just understand the odds are against it and the odds of a long term relationship with one is lower than if she was neither of those things.
I do not bring this up as a woe is me to my bad choices as I own everything I do good or bad. I bring this up to help men understand whether divorce is right for them. How and under what circumstances did you meet your wife and how soon after did you get married? Had she been married before? Did she have kids with a prior man? How long after you meet her did you get married and start your family? The answers to these questions are usually bad the longer you wait to marry, but marrying old or young, men fail to believe that their wife is no longer with them emotionally and likely stopped caring just because they have not initiated a divorce.
Women are survivors and will use any means necessary to protect their existence. If you get entangled with one who clearly has a past that involves prior husbands or kids, you are setting yourself up for failure. She is still thinking about someone from her past and the longer she is with you, she will soon start thinking about someone to be her future. Once a man understands these things, he will be on a proper path to divorce rather than living miserably around a woman who does not respect or care. We all get married for a reason and many men see the negativity of a woman to be worth the kids they get. Female nature is a hard pill to swallow and I swallowed it big time. I am glad I had the courage to leave her once I started seeing the behavior and the inability to care from my wife. She didn't want to be with me and the fact we got married and started having kids so soon after her first marriage failed should have been a red flag.
If you are in a situation of flux because your wife is transferring away from you, take a look back and things will suddenly click for you as to why you are having problems and how she really feels. The biggest mistake a man can make is staying in a bad marriage. Once she's left you emotionally and probably physically, you will never get her back. Reclaim your life and learn from your mistakes.
I seem to be one of the few people who believe if you are going to marry and have kids, that you should do it when you are young, ideally between the age of 20-25. I have discussed this before in prior posts. While it is obvious that both men and women and still immature even when they are mature at that young age, for men the advantages of getting married and having your family when you are young far outweigh the disadvantages of trying to do it when you are older. There is a reason why men like younger women. When you are a young man in your physical prime, when combined with your day to day social circles, this is the age that is best to meet a young beautiful woman who not only isnt jaded by the experience of life, but still looks her best and could possibly have the ability to feel something for you, even if temporarily. Does this mean you are less likely to get divorced by marrying young? Probably not. Does it create some financial struggles that you may not suffer if you wait and build your career first? Probably. Does your maturing in full mean you will be able to choose a better partner in your 30s than you would as a younger man? Probably not. Does marrying young reduce the likelihood of significant financial divorce rape assuming you are educating yourself on the nature of women from a young age? Yes it does. Does all of this matter less if your plan is to slug through life and achieve little to nothing? Maybe.
One of my biggest regrets was not marrying and having kids when I was young. Waiting until you are in your 30s to get married, especially after you have spent your mid to late 20s going to school and or building a business or career to the point where it is just starting to take off just as you are thinking you are getting married is sheer stupidity for a lot of reasons. Even if you are making significantly more more money that most everyone, the financial stability you might think you are creating for yourself is not likely to lead to meeting and marrying a quality woman. If you are in your 30s, doing well, thinking you are going to meet a great partner who is younger, the odds are you if you do you will be pairing off with a gold digger who does not have the ability to love an older guy like she does a guy her age.
Most men will be marrying and having children with women near their own age. You arent likely a guy who is the 35 year old dating a 20-25 year old with any type of seriousness assuming you can even get one. If you have made it to your early to mid 30s and are now trying to meet a woman to marry and have kids you are not walking down a path that is likely going to get you destroyed emotionally and financially because of what I call the Bait and Switch perpetrated by many women who are on the wrong side of 30 trying to find a husband for security or because they want kids.
Let me explain.
I did not get married until I was 35. That was almost 20 years ago. This was a time when social media was non existent. It was a non Facebook time in life . Online dating was in its infancy and still not all that accepted. I met my wife online. I thought I had hit the jackpot but what i failed to realize is that who I was marrying was not genuine in her emotions or desires. I would soon learn I was nothing but a financial security blanket who had no other value to her. That is on me and maybe I knew it at the time and chose to ignore it because at age 35, no matter how good my personality was or how well I did in my profession, I was still 35. I wasted my 20s and allowed many women who truly had the ability to feel slip through my fingers. My window for having children with a pretty girl who was atleast a decent person, who didnt already have kids, was closing and closing fast. I had no time to think some perfect person was going to walk through the door. It wasnt about settling but instead getting a woman who had lived her 20s already and was basically dead on the inside. She still wanted kids and to be a family, but it was not caring about anyone other than herself and her own needs. I ended up leaving her despite not wanting to be divorced and the divorce rape and parental alienation was off the charts bad. I suffered because of her anger at the other men who she loved or wanted before me that didnt treat her right. I paid the price. That being said, I cant say wouldnt do it all over again especially seeing how social media and feminism have destroyed women even more in the past 20 years. I got two beautiful daughters who I have a great relationship with despite efforts by their mom to eliminate it. I wouldnt want to be a young man, muchless one over 30, trying to find a wife and build a family in todays selfie, me first, society that these young women live in. There are still nice young women around, but these girls marry young now more so than they did 20-30 years ago. Those that dont who fail at it, spend the rest of their lives trying to trick men into believing they have their life together. They dont but they are pros at fooling the men who try to date or have serious relationships with them.
For those of you contemplating a divorce or wondering why your relationship didnt work out, especially if you married a woman closer to age 30, ask yourself what the woman portrayed herself to be versus what she actually is. She fooled you for a time. It was long enough to get kids from you and or the money you provided no matter who ended the relationship.
Is this your scenario?
You met this woman. Shes been married and divorced or maybe she was single and spent her 20s sleeping with every type of man possible. She appears timid and shy to you and her sexuality is repressed in bed. She looks great though. You cant believe your luck. You have a great job, plenty of money, and a house. You cant possibly believe this woman you met is such a manipulator. She hides all her baggage and mental health issues. She hides her physical problems as well. It could be endomitriosis or being a fake exerciser or health nut only to be lazy or spending way too much time in a walking boot claiming plantar faciatis from too much running. She hides all this when you are dating because you dont live with her or see her everyday. All you see is her pretty face or giant breasts and you are ready to take the next step leading to marriage and a family. For all you offer, you arent young and you want a family as well. This desire causes you to be stupid.
You moved the woman into your house. She hides her mental and physical problems while dodging you sexually and underperforming in the bed. She looks good though and your desire to reproduce only solidifies. You find her spending way too much time on the computer and wonder why bottles of vodka are under the sink or Jack Daniels has his own corner of your kitchen cabinets.
You marry her. Her goals are now accomplished. She knows the divorce laws and knows she will get paid. She times sex with ovulation and her strong genes combined with your own causes her to get pregnant quickly with little difficulty. This begins a pattern of little to no sex that will eventually lead to no sex once she births the final kid. It might be one or two but she decides. Despite your desire for more while showing her how you provide for the family so she can be a stay at home mom or work at her leisure does not matter. Its all about her desires. Her mental and physical problems are no longer hidden. What are you going to do? Nothing. She is now a completely different woman than the one you married. She avoids you physically and is indifferent to contributing anything to the relationship. If you stay you are miserable and feel regret. If you leave, especially with young kids, you are shamed and pay her for all the work you have done. Some choice right?
Now dont think she is no longer a sexual being or is boring. She has a computer life. Shes on Facebook all day or maybe she was like my wife who stayed up until wee hours of the morning writing fan fiction with stories involving Harry Potter kids having sex with hogwarts. There are characters named after your kids. If the sexual acts she described in her stories were being performed on you, your marriage would be fine. People with good sex lives dont end up in divorce courts no matter how crazy the wife is. Shes sharing these other stories with men. She might be having phone sex with them or even meeting men who only want sex from her knowing she is your problem financially. They dont want her long term. They just want to look and touch her nice mom body that you paid for. Shes living the life while you work like a slave thinking you are the King of your world.
What do you do now? You lose either way and she knows it. She completely faked who and what she is and you were the victim. No fault divorce and failed people want the family unit destroyed so there is no accountability for these women. Men certainly are at fault for getting themselves into situations, but we dont deserve what happens to us financially and should not have to struggle to get to see our kids equally.
Think about what is going on the world. Married women spend more time demonstrating their hate and indifference for their husbands while they support social justice and men like George Floyd and Jacob Blake who are brutalizers of women. You keep her fed and sheltered while very little is expected of her yet once she is with you, she prefers to spend time posting about Black Lives Matter on her Facebook page and reading Harry Potter sex stories than spend an evening with her husband. Her friends are just like her. Her older friends are multiple divorced. Her mom friends all make fun of their husbands. Even if she hasnt moved on to physical cheating, she is likely psycologically cheating on you sharing thoughts and fantasies with thugs or white knight men. She isnt into those fantasies with you, but shes writing or talking to other about them.
You are getting divorced. It is just a matter of when. She isnt leaving until it benefits her the most financially and it may be while the kids are still child support tools or when you are middle aged and she can cash out and be 50 years old trying to get young men to give them attention.
Ultimately you as a man have to decide how you want to handle your family and relationship life. If you dont want children, do not ever marry and dont move a woman into your home. If you do want them, forget the Cristiano Ronaldo test tube surrogate baby crap and marry the woman and try to build a family. Do it when you are young or understand the Bait and Switch you will face if you are trying to do it with a woman around 30 who is likely a failed woman trying to convince you with her looks that she can still give you a family and kids. You need to understand what she is doing. You also need to prepare for divorce after you marry so if and when it does go bad, you can time the decision to end it with as little financial and emotional damage as possible. I struggled mightily with this decision as my wife baited and switched me less than 3 years into our marriage. I was a slave the minute our first kid was born but at the time I was happier than anyone could possibly be having a wife a beautiful baby. I was lucky to get the second kid which I dont think the wife wanted. I wanted a third and was basically told no. I soon left her as the bad behavior and disrespect was worth the trade of kids. I bargained with myself for it so I own it, but I got the courage to leave. If I had waited it would have been even more emotionally and financially damaging.
Where are you as you read this? Have you realized that what your wife pretended to be to get you to marry her and have access to your resources is not the same woman now? These differences go beyond the changes that come with age and life experience but instead her hiding who she truly was until it became safe for her not have to try and hide it each day as her financial future was secured. If you have finally figured it out, what are you going to do? Does it make sense to leave or stay?
If you need help on how to decide what to do or to minimize the loss, we are here.
Men are naive right until the very end. We refuse to see what is right in front of us. This lack of vision often leaves us scrambling to save our hard earned money and relationship with our children. We get married and think that by being a good husband and father it is going to be enough to keep our wives loyal and happy. Being better than 95% of men out there is not enough. The woman wants the fantasy of a 100% perfect man, despite her flaws. The fact she has a vagina makes her believe she is entitled to this fantasy. She is constantly looking for it while she pretends to be happy in her current situation. The affirmation from her that you are a great dad and husband in the early stages of the marriage are hollow words designed to keep a man in his place until she finds a man who she believes in her mind is better than you. There is nothing you can do to stop this mindset and only when she presents her motives to you, either directly or indirectly, are you faced with having to make decisions, often without the help of a lawyer, that determine your financial future, mental health, and relationship with your kids.
I continue to be amazed at the men who do not see what their wife is doing behind their backs or when they do see it, they believe it is not as bad as it is or they can fix it. Women will do all the things that show they are no longer loyal to the family or marriage and will often present a man with a separation agreement drawn up by a lawyer, the type of lawyer who gets off like a nymphomaniac, drawing up agreements that deprive men of their assets and equal access to their children all while taking ridiculous fees from their female clients convincing them that men will just sign it without a fight. Sadly many men do in the fog of a dramatic change to their lives that they do not want despite the woman doing all but having sex with a boyfriend right in front of them.
In order to get men to doubt themselves, these women convince their husbands that they are leaving and want a divorce because the man is an alcoholic, she feels threatened by him including false accusations of physical violence added to the verbal abuse she say she has been suffering for years. As these accusations are being levied against the man, despite none of them being true, the woman is plotting how she will use the kids as leverage to get what she wants in a separation agreement, to keep the man she saw as a good father from seeing his kids equally, or both. Women are emboldened because they know the court system supports this behavior. If you want equal access to your kids, these women tell you to sign what their academically orgasmic lawyer has prepared at the cost of thousands of dollars before one foot is even set foot in a courtroom.
Men have to be taught early on to spot the signs of a disloyal wife. They also have to be taught that once a woman no longer wants to be married to you, she will be a completely different person than the one you married and will have no problem making accusations or efforts to set you up to the point where you could be arrested for domestic violence, destroying your chance at a fair custody outcome or even lose your professional license. Women will do this all while staying in the same home as you with no real plans to leave either because you provide a lifestyle for her that maybe she cant earn on her own or because she wants to drive the man crazy to the point where he will leave the home and she can play victim to get higher alimony or an increased chance at primary custody. I will never forget thinking I was doing everything right as a husband and father only to find out that not only was my wife spending her whole marriage on the computer writing fan fiction porn with Harry Potter characters having sexual interaction and having characters in her stories named after our daughters, but she had placed recording devices in our house to either provoke me into violence or to get me to threaten her or do something that could jeopardize everything I worked for knowing one mistake out of frustration could get me or any man to raise a hand or make a threat causing me to be hauled off to jail. I had invited her into my home sfter we dated for awhile, paid all her bills while she stayed at home, supported all her endeavors while never cheating on her or acting even the slightest way threatening toward her, and that was the thanks I got. Thanks to our court system she now owns the home free and clear despite never making one payment towards its purchase or upkeep. By doing the right thing and handling your business as a man, you are labeled a simp or a beta provider. Are we really shocked at the ongoing spiraling downward of families and the increased divorce rate? Women have all the incentive and power to destroy men who simply wanted a wife and kids.
Luckily in North Carolina, we have the alienation of affection laws which can often be a weapon to use against a woman who has gone off the rails likely because she has lost interest in her husband and either wants a fling with a new man or thinks she met her unicorn and is willing to throw away her family to get it. As women accuse a man of being an alcoholic because he has a beer or two after a hard physical days work, or that he is verbally or physically abusive because he does not kiss her ass 100% of the time, this is often being done because she has the real secret. Shes cheating on her husband. If you can catch her and meet the elements the law requires, you can often gain some advantage if you catch her early enough. If her boyfriend has deep pockets, it makes it even better. Trying to prove infidelity and alination of affection isnt always easy but you can spot the signs and start gathering evidence. Ger her cell phone, get access to her computer, and if you have the funds, get a PI to follow her. The evidence will be obtained more often than you think. If you wait too long as most men do, the wife lawyers up and is given instructions that make it harder to prove and gather evidence. The more a mans wife accuses him of things the more likely she is the one causing the problems.
Getting advice early on is the key to resolving a divorce on the most favorable terms. Ignoring the obvious and thinking you can fix things only causes a man more harm. When a woman is done with you, you need to be able to spot the signs and get away from her. She isnt coming back to you emotionally ever again even if you convince her to stay or come back to you physically. They are pros at disguising their feelings and motives. They may not act much different, and despite being the ones that file 80% of the divorces, they will only do so when they have their new man lined up or the belief that by leaving she has a good chance or getting an asset or monthly payout that allows her to live as she wants even if the husband has to move into an apartment and barely be able to pay his bills. She wants you buried to hide her own bad behavior and does not care if you are the father of her children. She is self centered and vindictive because she hates herself. Whether its a porn addiction that wastes her life day in and day out or the hypergamous infidelity based on her insecurities, she needs someone else to suffer for her life choices. It is her husband who must face the penalty and he is too often too blind to see it.
Change your mindset gentleman and see what is going on with your spouse and take action. If you roll over and do what she wants as the fog of reality sets in, you will regret it years down the road when you understand things after the fact. The longer the delay the more likely she gets away with what she is doing. Call a lawyer and get real advice from someone who has been there and not someone just looking to empty your wallet while doing nothing other than to file papers with a court while telling you to agree to an unequal custody arrangement because they have experience and know what a Judge will do when it comes to your kids. Your wife may want to destroy you mentally and financially but don't choose a lawyer who will only make it easier for her to do it. Get your evidence and fight.
fIf your marriage is on its way out, odds are your wife is cheating on you. Sadly many men, myself included, couldnt see what is right in front of their face. Whether we can verify it or prove it is not so easy, but we need to get better at spotting the signs so we can end the marriage ourselves. As blue pilled and simp as I was, it was pretty obvious to me that my wifes interests were with other men. The signs are really obvious yet I have men contact me today unwilling to accept the fact their perfect soccer mom, stay at home with the kids wife, is actually cheating on him. She can be cheating on you and may not have any plans to leave or divorce you so it is up to you as a man to spot the bad behavior and act on it and atleast save some of your pride and self respect.
I remember when my wife started spending her weekends all day at the gym and hanging out with a running club she had joined. I worked all week while she stayed at home and watched the kids. I really appreciated the time I could spend with my two daughters both under five at the time. Instead of wondering why my wife didnt want to spend time with me and our kids, I was happy for the time with my daughters who my wife did her best to limit my time with during the week. I was oblivious to the plan she had that someday she would put in to motion when she was ready.
My wife was absolutely gorgeous and had the perfect body type I liked. Thick and curvy in all the right places. I couldnt compliment her enough when we were married and even pregnant she looked perfect. This was not a woman who exercised or did anything relatively athletic while we dated, after we were married and soon after she had kids. You could not design a more attractive pregnant woman. There wasnt the slightest bit of body shaming and I felt like I was extremely lucky to have a wife who looked like she did. Soon after the kids didnt require 24 hour care, she was volunteering at a gym and joined a running club. I understood she wanted to get out of the house and see some adults so I tried to wonder why a thick girl who never mentioned wanting to lose weight would suddenly take up jogging or spend time in a gym training for 5k runs. I did not want to rock the boat but it did not make sense even long before I woke up and left her. Someone as tall and thick as she was is not built for running more than leisurely if at all. I was impressed someone with giant breasts could run far at all. The planter faciatis soon appeared and she had a walking boot on her leg. I thought maybe she would quit running but no she tried to run even more. She certainly lost weight but was never skinny. What she was was gone all day. Once I realized it just didnt make sense I called her out on it.
This was the rare time I got any emotion from her and she was very defensive. It was like I knew her secret. I didnt push it because I was a simp who wanted my family and part of me hoped for the third kid. This was not the first or the last bit of behavior that created significant levels of contempt I had for someone who was beyond disrespectful to the marriage. It was not about controlling her as I did all I could to be sympathetic to a mom who was with two little kids all day. She got out and had friends but certain things didnt make sense. The straw that would break the camels back to cause me to divorce her would come later but like many men who talk to me today asking for advice unconvinced that their wife might be cheating. I can only shake my head like I shake my head at the man I was 10 years ago watching all this stuff while I continued to line her pockets and pay her credit card while she enjoyed the fun she wanted. The thought of trying to catch her cheating or thinking she might actually be cheating did not even cross my mind. I would never put a PI on her. The website I would later find with her being the pet of a black man named The Real Mr. Pac Man still didnt help it sink in that my perfect stay at home soccer mom would cheat on me. I can only look back at myself and laugh as despite life experience with similar type women who professed to love me and dated me for in excess of 5 years would do such things often right in front of you. In addition to looking back realizing how stupid I was, my wife of 8 years got alimony because I couldnt catch her cheating which I should have been able to do. The guarding of the cell phone and the weekends away from the family were put on ignore because my mindset was not of that of divorce or the fact that I could be cheated on was even in my mindset even when it was. It is hard to explain but when I woke up with a red pill shoved up my ass just by revelation and not anyone telling me anything, I was glad I got out of marriage at age 42 and not 52 or 62 with lifetime alimony.
TIP OF THE DAY: Catch your wife cheating on you and you do not have to pay alimony.
While the stay at home wife dynamic has been destroyed by hypergamy and and the family court system, there is still a generation of men in their 50s and older who have them and divorce with a stay at home wife is expensive. If you think i paid a ton in alimony for being married 8 years, imagine being married 20 or 30. Its like having a gun held to your head knowing if you leave, you are an old man who loses everything he worked for or a man who must stay married to a woman who knows the law and will continue to devalue you because she can. Contempt spins out of control once a woman tries to destroy a man because she knows he cant just leave her without consequences. The financial cost to me leaving my marriage was huge but the loss 10 or 20 years later would have been the final nail in the coffin of a life of disappointment when it came to women and relationships so I took control. Before all these videos and websites with red pill male advice appeared 3 or so years ago, men had nowhere to go to get information that every man should have now long before they even get married.
Every man has a different story about their wifes behavior and what brings them to me to discuss whether to divorce their wife or whether their wife is cheating on them. I feel bad for them and want to shake them. How do you not see what is going on? How did I not see it when I was going through it. The stories are different but they all have same pattern. Whether it be the new activity with a man so she can spend time with him despite the fact she isnt even in to the activity. If I thought my beautiful thick wife jogging to the point of injury made no sense, there are stories of women who cant climb a flight of stairs taking rock climbing classes, liberal women who want guns banned suddenly becoming experts on guns going to the range, or just the clubbing trips with their white girlfriends to see AFG Duck ramble his way through an underground rap concert. The guarding of the phone or multiple cell numbers are standard. All this underhanded stuff is going on while the man is working, taking on most of the household chores, and picking up kids, and making the money for the home. My parents generation handled it differently when it came to the Father Knows Best stay at home family dynamic. The women were likely cheating but hid it better. They knew how to fake love for their unsuspecting husbands, and most importantly there were no cell phones and social media where women could get easy attention despite being married to a good man. The contempt still existed but with smoking and sexless marriages, the men dropped dead at 60 and had life insurance so the woman got the assets and spent her later years celibate without being bothered while going on cruises with her other woke friends, or turning in to a whore using the money her husband spent earning for 40 years while she stayed at home with the kids. Ill never forget the stories my wife would tell me of her dad who spent a career working for the same company only to die a slow death getting cancer and dying a slow death as he neared retirement. Her mom who never worked got the money, now lives in a giant house, and manages a trust all while she goes on cruises and lives leisurely sending her kids money as needed. What did dad enjoy other than a death? This stay at home wife, man dies after a life of slavery and disrespect type of life is on its way out but its still something we see and it is important that young men, all men, learn how to spot the obvious infidelity hints their wives are giving them early on and take action.
I never caught my wife cheating and didnt follow up to try. I can blame myself. I can blame my lawyer. That does not mean it didnt happen and I would bet that it did. My lack of following up on it long before I ever took the steps to divorce her cost me quite a bit of alimony when a little work likely would have found out that she was screwing some dude she met at the gym or going running with or both all while living her fantasies on the computer late at night with Mr Pac Man with her phone tucked down the front of her pants knowing it was some place she stopped letting me years ago. I now try to get men to see what I failed to see and take action to make the decision to divorce a bit easier. You cant control when a woman does not want to be with you or have sex with you, but you can be a man and let her know that you wont tolerate it no matter how pretty she is and how many kids you have with her. You are the prize yet so many men do not have the confidence to see that. What is interesting is that many men, myself included, who dominate and succeed in every aspect of their life outside marriage, are total blue pilled losers trained by a wife who thinks that because they have giant breasts and give up sex once in awhile can do anything they want. We cannot let them.
No matter how long you have been married, if you are considering divorce, ask yourself why. You know something isnt right. Take action or be defeated emotionally and financially. The longer you wait the worse it will be for you.
Ive been there. I can help.
One of the biggest mistakes men make once they realize they are going to divorce is that they think their soon to be ex wife is going to be fair. The woman you are divorcing is not the woman you married, atleast not in terms of presentation. You could be the father of her kids and the importance of your mental, physical, and financial health all vital as to how well she and your kids will live long after the divorce is over, and she will still want you destroyed. She wants you mentally and financially broken like you are some random stranger from the street.
While you are stupidly thinking you can deal with this type of person and resolve things fairly, she is gathering all the information she can on you so she gets her share of the assets while minimizing your value as a father because she does not want you to have equal custody. She might even be stealing marital assets and your personal items because you are too stupid to notice or protect yourself before the divorce process begins. Being the nice guy is a curse. I cringe looking back how this woman I loved and took care off just casually stole my personal things while emptying bank accounts while denying everything she could when she thought I did not have proof. It was all right there in front of my face and I just ignored it like a total simp. Men who get educated through experience or before the mess hits the wall look back and just wonder how they got into these situations and not protect themselves.
Once your mindset changes and you understand what you are up against, you must ask yourself what kind of help and support you need to make sure you minimize your destruction in court. In addition to a good lawyer who can help you figure out what you need to find or invest in in terms of assets or experts, you need to ask yourself if a private investigator is worth the expense. Everything in a divorce is about economics from child custody to equitable distribution. Your wife is not wanting you to have equal custody because you are a bad dad, she is doing it for money. Courts continue to favor mothers in custody decisions yet most judges, including the male ones, will keep a dad from equal custody because the mom pretends to care about the kids to the point where she puts her own economic interests over the love of a father of her kids. When my ex refused equal custody because I wanted a divorce, such a position is the reason I decided that I would never speak to her again once I left the home. A decade later and I still have not. Would a PI help in your custody battle? The financial loss of getting the every other weekend schedule versus the week on week off equal time can be a lot of money every month.
Private Investigators are expensive but basic things they can do might save you some money. If you have no assets and alimony isn't an issue in your divorce, unless you think your wife is abusing or endangering your kids, you do not need to hire an investigator to find out shes cheating on you. If you have assets and you have a stay at home wife who could get alimony, you might want to hire an investigator if you think your wife is cheating. I thought my wife was cheating but I couldn't prove it and didn't hire a PI like I should have. Women are always one step ahead and you bet she is being told to cut out any bad behavior by the lawyer she consulted when she started planning for divorce 1-2 years or more before you did. Proof of infidelity eliminates your wife's alimony.
Another issue where a PI can help is when it comes to determining what the marital assets are on the day you separate. Men are providers and we usually don't keep track of what money our wife makes. What the man makes is the couples and what the woman makes is hers. That seems to be the the norm. You would be surprised to find out the bank accounts your wife has while she saves but uses the money you earn to pay for her personal life. Once the litigation for divorce begins, each side will ask the other for financials including bank accounts and investments. Do you think the wife will tell you everything? She will mention one tiny account with little to no money in it and any accounts with real money in it she will not tell you about. You need a PI to find this information. When my ex said I only have one account with nothing in it, at the time I didnt think of it, but later I wondered how did I know she was telling the truth. A PI can find bank accounts and you may find that your ex maintained a seperate bank account the whole time you were married. Dont assume that is all her money or that she had it before she married you. Women know how to save and spend money on assets they can hide. Dont underestimate who you are up against. When you sit down at mediation to divide up the marital assets, you want to know you are on a fair playing field with everything disclosed. While hiding money is often done with no way to prove it, once you change your mindset to understanding your spouse will try to do it, you can cut the losses by having a PI search for all sort of assets. Understand the economics of the investment and whether it is worth it to you.
A PI can also be helpful if you think there is a potential alienation of affection claim. Did some smooth talking dude give your wife a little attention and the next thing shes with him 5 minutes after you seperate. There is probably more to it. If you can get the evidence a deep pocketed dude smooth talked your wife into leaving you to be with him, you might have two defendants in your divorce case.
A PI can find all sorts of things that will help you get fair custody of your kids and as fair a distribution of the assets as possible. To this day I still wondered what I missed because I did not hire one. Did I get the info on all her bank accounts? Did I do all I could to find the boyfriend? Was an alienation of affection case possible. I will never know because I didn't invest in one when I should have. The things I found out on my own from everything to the fan fiction porn addiction and membership on a website where you buy and sell people who are dressed like pimps and hookers from South Central LA. This website wasn't for trading cooking tips. I only found this out thanks to someone with a PI mindset who helped me. The shock of finding out your spouse has addictions, disloyal behavior, and fetishes can cause a man not to think logically. Even with the evidence right in front of him he wont investigate his spouse. These were all mistakes I made and I am guessing it cost me a lot of money while also providing more confirmation that I was not wrong to leave my wife despite still caring for her.
The divorce battle is a mindset. Yes you must do an economic analysis before you start spending money on experts, but don't assume that even with a lawyer representing you that you will get all the information about your wife's life. The woman's goal is to lie, delay, and cheat even more than she did when married to you. You need to fight back and understand that a PI may be necessary. I know what I lost by failing to find out everything I could about my wife's dishonesty because I didn't have the mindset that this was a fight or ongoing behavior that my ex would deal honestly. A PI would have solved that.
Fix your mindset before you get divorced. Understand who and what you are up against. If you believe your wife is a dishonest cheater, she probably is. Once you get the correct mindset and understand what you are up against, pick your PI wisely and get them to help you find the truth. Avoiding alimony, reducing the amount of hidden assets, and improved child custody chances are all potential benefits. You might cringe at the cost but the peace of mind, something I dont have, is well worth it.
Dont make the mistakes I made. Change your mindset before you get divorced. Even if you dont divorce, mental clarity helps you with your age.
Church is funny thing. I recognize its importance in my ideal society, in my upbringing, my married life, and also its hypocrisy. Your church and its members/family are supposed to be there for you when things go bad or you need help. This help often comes in form of emotional support through the word of God. Bible verses and stories are to be used to help you push through the battle that is divorce and child custody, right? Your Pastor should be there to offer guidance and support. How realistic are these expectations and should you rely on your church family, professed Christians, to help you?
Sadly the answer is no.
Because the Church has its own problems and its members, including the Pastor, are too often weak people. They can make the Church and its activities seems so important and its environment a great place to be as long as the money is flowing and there are no significant tragedies in its membership. Individual problems are pushed aside when the parishoners are aware of the world and how religion shapes their life. Cookie cutter prayers, sermons, and interaction are the norm unfortunately. Church leadership is simply not capable of providing anything beyond superficial advice and support and no matter how many prayers you say, whether it be one on one with a Pastor or in a group prayer meeting. If you look at all the churches in your community, especially the ones who preach the loudest or have the biggest membership, you can bet atleast one, in addition to not being able to offer genuine support to its members when bad things happen, probably has a problem with its youth leadership including likely one or more instances of pastors molesting or sexually grooming youths right now, today, in 2020. The people who they help the most are those who believe that praying and talking about things in a church or religious setting solves everything or is all they need. Sadly this isn't the 1850's on a Wagon Trail in Utah or a screaming church in the South telling you that if you don't behave or fix your marital issues, the wrath of God is in your future.
My opinion about staying away from the Church during your divorce is based on my religious upbringing, watching a pastor handle my family during a tragedy, interaction in my own church during my divorce, and cynicism that comes with life and dealing with people who claim to be Christians yet act like the devil when it comes to putting their own interests first. I was raised from a young age in the Lutheran Church, went to Sunday School, watch my mom teach Sunday School, and my father volunteer. They put a check in the offering plate every week despite money being a problem for them. I went to confirmation class and was confirmed. I was in a Boy Scout Troop sponsored by the Mormon Church my best friend and his family were Mormon. I had the best time in Scouts under this Mormon umbrella even if I was still learning the difference between Latter Day Saints and Lutherans. The Mormon Church will always be part of my life and its people are great. Maybe how they handle the problems of their members are different then my Lutheran experience has been but who knows. I don't know if I would want to be in a Mormon Church and get divorced but that is for another post. I even went to a college based in religion. I was not the guy who joined Fellowship of Christian Athletes or brought up God with everything I did however. I wasn't Tim Tebow even if I am a fan of what he does in today's world. My religion was private and important and to this day I am still a believer and a Christian even if I don't participate in my church or attend services like I did as a younger man. Reality and experience has always taken precedence in how and who I get help or advice especially during times of turmoil. My character and religious beliefs have little meaning in trying to understand why others do what they do to destroy or take from you when just recently they were your friend or professed love for you. There are things God cannot answer.
Life experience has told me that the Church is not the place for the solutions of real problems of individuals but instead for group think where if we attend a group church service or prayer meeting, we can get answers from God. God does many wonderful things but he allows us to live our lives and learn from our mistakes giving us guidance with his words to help us understand and improve our choices in some instances but not all. God does not have individual plans for people or pick favorites from his community of believers. The pain of having to fight an ex over custody of kids is tough. Its very hard to explain in a Christian sense, or any sense, why a woman who sat next to you in church, prayed with you, stood next to you while your kid was baptized, sees you as a good Christian man and father, says you are not worthy of equal time with your kids. This is also harder to swallow when you walk into a court room and a Judge tells you how he or she is a Christian or even a pastor in their church, that you as a good Christian man should not have equal custody of your kids while berating you for speaking out against the injustice of what your ex wife is trying to do to you and your kids. People can call themselves Christians but its their behavior that determines what they actually are as people. You can say you have taken God as your savior, attend church every week, and feel good that you will now end up in heaven while still behaving deceptively as the devil wants you to on a day to day basis. Add a position of power or a black robe to the equation and you wonder why any man would think he could call his pastor and expect help in a divorce or child custody situation.
Churches do not want conflict. They know people will get sick and die. They know people will fall on hard financial times. These things can all be prayed about and solved mentally with a good bible verse to justify a persons current situation. There are even members in a church who the pastor calls on to stroke a check for church needs. Lets hope these deep pocket individuals dont need help. These people probably know to look elsewhere when they do. Most church members are not woke to the real world. They live in their bubble and their pastor is just a reflection of them providing a prayer or brief meeting when things happen in life that they cannot cope with. This does not mean they are bad people or your pastor does not care. I value the role they play and if you are a Christian you should as well. I have a pastor who I listen to online for 2 hours every week. My favorite podcasts are christian based. I know what is inside my soul. However I would never give anyone advice to rely on your pastor for help when it comes to a divorce and child custody issue. You likely aren't lucky to have such a man as a Pastor. With rare exception they cannot help you and will push you out the door if you try to talk to them. There are good ones that will give you time and real world perspective. These top level pastors are rare and very valuable. I'm still trying to find this type of church that makes me want to go on Sundays to interact with him and the people that are members of his church. Like a woman who can be a good wife and mother through the good times and bad, these pastors and your church community can be a god send to a positive life with an understanding of how religion matters for you and your kids. Finding the wife and the pastor who are what you would hope they appear to be are rare.
When you split up with your spouse, trying to get support from your pastor or a religious explanation will only cause you more despair. This is a time to put religion aside but still pray for strength. Your pastor wont know what to do. Too many will give a vibe telling you to get away from them and come back when you settle everything but don't forget to keep the offering coming in. This can push you away from the church. The two times I saw real tragedy in my life was with my divorce and the death of my sister., I saw what my Pastor did and how they handled me and my parents. Its get away, I cant help you, and get over it. When my sister was killed at age 16 in a car accident and I saw how my parents were shunned by our church and told to get over it, my perspective on church and its meaning changed drastically. Why would I tell my Pastor that my spouse was an addict and wrote thousands of pages of sexual fan fiction with characters named after Harry Potter characters and other characters named after my own daughters while ignoring me while I provided for my family with my hard work? He does not want to help becuase he cant. He is a good man just not an experienced one who knows how to think outside his religious training. He does not want to talk about why my sister had to die at age 16. Its lets say a prayer, put some cash in the plate, and see you next week. That is church for most people and people go to church because that is how they were raised. They don't ask for anything else other than a place to go worship with friendly, even if too often fake Christians. When there are no tragedies or difficulties, for the average person it is a great and important place. Real world issues are rarely addressed other than by individuals you know who have lived life outside the church walls or who rely on more than their church to get answers.
If you are a christian or religious based individual, as you go through these issues, take yourself away from your church. You need to surround yourself with more worldly people who have experienced life. This might be a friend who goes to your church, but its rarely your pastor. Don't go near your church for awhile. Don't get cynical about your christian beliefs however because if they matter, they should still matter after divorce. You need men, strong men, who have been through the process and can give you real world answers.
Something to think about as you pick up the phone to call your pastor because your christian wife wants all your money and wants you to see your children 2 days a month despite you being a good husband and father. While the answers to many things come from God, things such as divorce and child custody do not so proceed accordingly.
No matter how often I may relive my own hellish experience with divorce, child custody, and the family court system, combined with the stories of men my age and younger who are getting divorced and fighting for custody of their children, with the world pretty much going to shit and change to social interaction coming faster than a simp can swipe right on a dating site, I still look for the good of the experience and remind my clients and men contemplating divorce, that things can actually be much worse.
Imagine being a 25-30 year old man with a good job or college degree(or both), a clear path to financial success, a great personality with a hop in your step that only comes with youth, and you want to get married and have a family like your parents did and what most of those around you do or atleast try. I remember being this guy 20-25 years ago, before there was social media and dating sites. It was still hard to find a woman who you not only wanted to be with in that way, but who also wanted to be with you, have a family, raise children, and hopefully feel some level of happiness and achievement. This was before we had all this information about who actually gets married and the other information that was just starting be easily obtainable on the internet. Men and women still met mostly in person and not unanimously on a dating site. Interaction with a potential mate was rare and we put the time in to get to know someone. We werent so quick to walk away because you could go home and swipe for a new woman. Despite the set up of the times, it was still hard for most men to find a wife without dating down and as we pushed toward 30 and beyond, we had to ask ourselves many things before we ended up going down a path we never planned for or thought would not apply because we had it all going for us. The women should be everywhere we look and seeing our quality while matching it with theirs.
What men did not realize at that time and many dont understand today is that it is hard for a man to get a wife and have children. While a wife may not be the dream of life, having children is for 95% of men. This desire to reproduce and be a parent causes men to continue to try and meet women no matter how much resistance we get and how much age, time, and results discourages us to keep trying. While having children does not require marriage, most men, atleast in the white community, dont interact with women so they can have kids without the wife. It happens but its not part of our makeup and still is not today despite marriage being a bad deal for men. The desire for kids is that strong. What also has not changed is the statistic that 80% of women reproduce with 20% of men in this country. Think about that. If 90% of men want kids and only 20% of men get to have kids, there are a lot of childless men out there with many of them lying to themselves about it not being a big deal while hiding their depression about it. Women face the same problems and any woman who does not get to have kids and wants them is going to be more damaged than the man who faces the same problem as she ages. A woman can get married and have kids(assuming no health issues) any time she wants. As with men, she does not want to settle and wants to be with someone she feels is worthy. However, men must date down to get a woman in most cases while women will only date up. Women wont even date an equal. It creates a huge problem for men who bare the burden of the chase, the costs that come with it, and the hypergamus nature of women who can go from wanting to marry and have kids with you to making up whatever excuses she wants to leave you or be with a higher value man.
Fast forward and today, it is almost the cool thing to say you are MGTOW or redpilled before you are even 25 years old. How is that good for the success of any culture and society. Men are taught the nature of women and witness it right in front of their face through dating sites and social media. Its hard to argue with men who advocate this for other men because marriage is not a great bargain. That being said, men still want kids and families and the men lecturing us on being MGTOW or redpilled have kids and that experience. Even if their experience leads to good advice, its hard to listen to someone talk about it while also mentionng their kid. We are stuck and the difficulties of getting this experience in life is not as guaranteed for young men today. This might be the price we pay for information because we are shown how women behave and men are more open to sharing their experiences. Men are literally walking away from any attempt to live the life we always assumed was normal. Families dont exist any longer. Divorce is up as are the number of bastard children in the white community. The lack of families used to be a joke laughed about against the black community. This problem is moving to the white culture where our birth rate is continuously going down. Western Europe and Japan do not make enough children to continue their culture. The muslims and africans dont have this problem and will own Europe in 50 years. Japan will die off. The USA will be South Africa at some point depending on how long it takes the black race to kill of the whites faster than it kills its own while scaring the whites that remain to bow down to them out of guilt. If you dont understand what I am talking about turn on your television and go on You Tube. White people are checking out of society and that makes it tough for a young man who did everything right to be in the top 20% to find a wife and have a family. In a society where women use dating sites and social media to get more attention than even the most insecure starved ones can handle, their only need for marriage is to use it as a contract to make themselves rich the moment they choose to end it. If you cant put her in that position, she wont marry you. The end result is a man must date down and take what he can get if he wants a family and kids.
So why do I mention all of this? Ill tell you why....
I continue to meet men who are 40-50 are faced with divorce and a fight over their children, some of them often very young. Most of them dont want the divorce. 80% of them are filed by the women and for the remaining 20%, the woman behaved so bad that the man had no choice but to leave. She stayed not to look like the bad guy or because it was in her financial interests to stick around. I left my wife. I didnt want to be divorced. However I had self respect. She would have stayed for as long as necessary to improve her payout. I left to minimize the damage. The men that do leave their wife voluntarily when the wife does nothing to deserve him leaving or who does not want to leave is less than 5%. There is nothing good about it. Marriage is for women in every aspect except when it comes to a man wanting to be a father.
As bad as that is, I ask these men would they rather be going through this hell and fighting over their kids or having to go back to being 30 but living in todays world trying to find a wife and have kids. None of them would would chose todays option. They are lucky to have their kids. They got married just before things went from bad to worse in terms of how people meet and treat each other. It is the rare person who had a worse divorce than I did but I got married and had two kids. The money might be gone and the parental alienation is ongoing, but I still have them and I have a relationship with them. As hard as it was to get divorced, I am still on the side of being glad I got married and had kids. I know how hard it was for me in to find a family opportunity 20-30 years ago and the reason I married the person I did really does not matter. I still got to do it. I got in just under the finish line of time and the advent of the change from in person dating to where online meeting has devalued people, marriage and family. This is the case for most of the men I meet now and I remind them of how they are a dying breed. They all hate their wives, but they to a person would not want to be 25-30 and trying to create a family.
As marriages reduce and there are less children being born, combined with the information out there telling men not marry, the future of society is going to go from lawyers like me trying to help men save their assets and get access to their children in a family court owned by liberals and man hating judges, to a society where men are 40-50 years old and have no family or kids. The top level men will always have access to women and have kids if they choose, but the men who are above average but not top 15-20% are going to face a real dilemma. They know it because it is shoved in their face as soon as they start looking for misery because a girl they dated in college had no desire to marry them. The marijuana use and porn addiction starts young and has taken men who would make good husbands 50 years ago and men who would still try 20 years ago, to men who become sloths and live in their parents basement or under the thumb of a single mom.
Men are going to go from dealing with divorce issues to the issues of loneliness and addictions as they hit middle age and they no longer live in the USA they saw and remembered, if only briefly as kids. These men who say they are free, have plenty of money, pump and dump women, all because they are single and never married or have kids like they have some good life are lying to themselves. There is no doubt in todays society that marriage is not a game you want to play, but if you learn how to navigate it, it can benefit you with children before you are destroyed financially. Men who are able to marry will be taught how to control the narrative of it but that is for another discussion and maybe a review of prior posts on this blog.
When I explain all this indepth to men who are now facing a shock divorce and all the issues that destroy your psyche, I try to put some positivity on it. Be glad you got to do it and have some kids. Value the relationships with your children. Dont speak to a horrible wife just because she is their mother. Better yourself and appreciate what you have. There are many young men today will never get to have children and the odds that were already stacked against them are only going to get worse. In 10-20 years they wont be talking to professionals about divorce, they will be taking to professionals to help them with depression over a life wasted and unfulfilled. For as bad as women behave in relationships, I d rather take my chances and be glad that I got to have certain experiences over what most young men are now facing.
Divorce is a bunch of hurdles that you have to get over. Some are easier than others. Once you are over them, time helps the memories and anger fade away. Some of these hurdles are monthly reminders of the injustice mostly men face, even when they are married to a career woman who manages to achieve and earn while you are married. The injustice of it all is a reminder why so many women try to keep men from getting equal custody of their kids, even when these women are working full time jobs and even making more than their soon to be ex husband.
When I was getting divorced, my ex was a stay at home mom. She was college educated and very attractive. Even if you thought she was lazy and liked the stay at home life, she had an education and in demand assets that would allow her to get a job and grow her career without much effort. She had a job when we got married and even when she got pregnant with our first child, her employer did everything for her so she could work from home after her baby was born. Its not like her paycheck went into a joint checking account as what I earned was ours and what she earned was hers. Despite this set up and a husband who didnt want to rock the boat by asking her where her money went each month while his earnings were used to pay for the household bills, she still decided it was too much work to keep her job and work from home. She was planning ahead. She knew if a divorce came, she could cry to the court that she was a dependent spouse meaning more child support from me, the increased likelihood of alimony, and most important to her, the easier it would be to hurt me financially and keep me from my kids.
As I have discussed in prior posts, while the court gave me equal custody because she wrote volumes of fan fiction porn with graphic sexually tones and with characters named after her daughters, it did not help my child support situation like it should have. Because she was smart enough to make herself a dependent spouse, the court took pity on her and did not allocate any income to her for four years when child support was being calculated. Once you understand how child support is calculated, if one spouse has no income calculated on their side of the column, no matter what custody arrangement exists, the other spouse is paying more each month. Not being forced to work or earn an income for four years, but instead being allowed to get a new education for a new career at her leisure while I paid for her entire life, on top of the lump sum she was paid, is just one example of the injustices men face as the likely primary earner. Now that she is working, dont think that changes things as I still pay significant child support(the alimony payments have expired) every month despite having equal custody of my daughters. These monthly payments are not needed to make sure my daughters have the same things at both parents houses, but is simply money going in to her pocket because I decided to leave a marriage where I was mistreated.
But this post isnt about my situation. I just bring it up so you can see the extremes that exist and why men often end up so destroyed financially and emotionally after the custody battle, one where they lose more often than not even when the mother is no better a parent than the father.
While my ex does not make 100k a year now that she is working, lets talk about a woman who does. She and her husband broke up. The husband made the biggest mistake in the world which was soon after splitting he, with the encouragement of his lawyer, who just wanted a quick pay day with little to no fight, signed a custody agreement giving primary custody to his wife. The wife wasnt about to offer him equal custody. As with most situations, where both parents are working full time, a divorce can often mean lots of babysitters and difficulty for the kids especially if they are younger. The court system too often favors the woman in this situation and lawyers will often tell their male clients that its pointless to fight for equal as its just a waste of money because you are probably going to lose. Save your money, maybe get some concessions on child support, and let the wife work out the babysitting on her time, especially if she has a flexible job. This is simply a mistake for the mans mental health as while it may seem easy to do, once it is in place a man sees every month the mistake he made as he sees his kids only every other weekend and writes a check to an ex who in this case makes more money than he does. Once this custody order is in place giving primary custody to one spouse it is very hard to change unless the kids get to a certain where their opinion might have some sway on a judge during a motion to modify custody. Even in the best of circumstances, once a kid gets used to certain custody schedule, it is hard to get them to ask to change it even if they love being with the parent with the lesser time and that parent is a great father. It is heartbreaking to see this and why I tell every man never to sign an agreement with a woman that gives him less than equal custody of his kids. If you fight it and the Judge refuses equal custody, you will be able to tell your kids when they are older that you fought for them and can tell a judge at a later hearing to change custody that you actually fight and dont roll over when things get tough.
When the man in this case signed over primary custody of his young kids, he soon learned how this affected him, but to his credit, he kept a positive attitude and maximized every minute with his kids. I dont know that I could do that. As great a father as I am, this man is even more enthusiastic about his time with his kids and goes above and beyond while he faces hurdles in his professional life that make finances not consistent in terms of stability and income. As a self employed person I can totally relate as the check is still due each month and he is sending it to an ex who does not need it while she takes great joy seeing his money go into her pocket and hoping that everything he has financially gets destroyed or taken from him. These women want you homeless and mentally broken. They think you are mentally broken the minute they get primary custody. The alienation is often direct but always subtle.
The system is so broken and it is so important that you do everything you can to get equal custody of your kids. This man who allowed his wife to have primary custody makes money with his business but he puts in significant hours trying to keep it afloat. His ex wife in her job makes over 100k per year. She is in their marital home and the kids are with her 75% of the time. Her life hasnt changed other than she got rid of a man she didnt want. Who cares who filed or initiated the divorce. Its the women 80% of the time and 90% of the other 20% its the woman who wants to play victim and drives the man to file when he prefers to be married and raise a family. Despite the fact she makes enough on her own to give her kids a fine life, her husband, who makes less money than her, must send her child support every month. She makes over 100k per year, he makes less, and he has to send her money. Let that sink in for a minute. While she might have more expense because of the kids time being more with her, this is a woman who even years after the man stupidly agreed to less than equal custody, refuses to give the kids equal time with their dad. She resisted his motion to change custody to equal and now the mans teenage son is being raised primarily by a mom who hates men and simply cannot give her son what his dad can. This is child abuse of a young man and ongoing mental abuse to the father all without ramifications. If you call this behavior out in a court hearing, the Judge will shut you down. She does not refuse equal custody of her teenage kids because dad is a bad guy or bad father, its done simply out of spite and hate she has for a man that left her. The court system provides no help. The kids suffer and the man struggles financially every month while seeing very little of his kids. You dont get this time back. Men do not keep kids from a mom out of spite or for the love of money. Women will and they do it with the full blessing of the court because we operate in a system that says this is how things must work. The man will always bear the burden of society and child rearing even when the woman is successful in her career and makes plenty of money. A good father and good man has been deprived of equal time with his kids because he got bad advice during a time of stress where he paid thousands of dollars to a lawyer who didnt help him and because the ex wife pushed things knowing she had the power of the State behind her.
Both of these extremes are the norm in divorce and child custody. Whether you divorced a stay home dependent spouse or a career woman who makes plenty of money, these women can and will try to keep you from your kids and if you do not fight for equal time, you will have a harder time getting it in the future, and no matter how much money she makes, you are going to pay her child support. While many couples understand there is nothing to fight over and divorce and child custody issues are resolved quickly and inexpensively despite the animosity that still exists, there are people, especially women, where no matter the facts, who want the mans head on a platter because he decided he was not going to stick around in a mentally abusive relationship. Even if the man was at fault for the divorce, there is no reason to punish the kids when the man is a good father.
If you are dealing with this type of woman, it is important to understand why you fight rather than roll over. You need a lawyer who will help you see what needs to be seen even when you cant because of the emotional turmoil you are facing over the loss of your money and the access to your kids.
Make this choice wisely gentlemen.
Whenever a man goes through the dissolution of a relationship, he wants someone he can relate to in order to feel he isnt alone or to help him understand that his soon to be ex wife is not the only horrible human being out there. It helps if your story can match someones who seems to be a quality guy.
When I was going through my divorce and child custody battle, I wanted someone I could relate to because I was sad, angry, full of uncertainty, and wanted someone with my mindset and sense of humor to feel what I felt. I didnt care to hear from dudes who were not good men, cheated on their wives, or who didnt earn and consistently take care of his family. Almost every man I found things with them that made it clear they were the cause of the divorce. Some of these men were even married to decent women who did all the things I wanted my wife to do, which was very little. This search continued because we all want people who dont know us men to see that these women we marry seem so appealing on the outside, yet their behavior, motives, and character lead us down a path where we get financially and emotionally destroyed all while trying just to maintain equal time with our kids.
Men I give you Jay Cutler. i think I may have found the poster child for why I want to teach young men to make better choices and understand how women treat us especially when they are appealing to us like his wife might appear to be to those young men without mentors or who simply want some eye candy for a wife.
I try to stay knowledgeable on sports and the people involved in it even if I am not a fan of the team or circles they run in. The men in this world get so much so young and attract the women that even top shelf professional men cant begin to see. This can be good and bad. I knew who Jay Cutler was because there are only so many NFL QB jobs and add in to the fact his personality is kind of dry and he was often maligned as a teammate right or wrong. This is a guy who is good looking, made millions as an NFL QB, and is clearly smart on some level with highly desirable Vanderbilt education. His parents are the kind of people that can provide the love and support that is real and genuine in a southern kind of way. They ares smart and raised a good son. They remind me of my parents. You can spot quality. It does not mean you know them.
Being a proponent of marrying young and having your kids early for a variety of reasons, on the surface it would seem like Jay did things right. He found himself a beautiful wife who for all her faults is articulate and has some sense of drive even if she is an attention whore and represents the nature of hypergamous women as well as anyone. Her personality and looks can cause most men to overlook or not see how she is as a person. When a man makes millions at a young age, in many ways he is at a disadvantage because while he will have access to certain types of women and if he makes a mistake or does not protect himself, he can be stuck with years of child support and lose a lot of his assets.
I do not watch reality TV for a variety of reasons. I am aware of who Jays wife is and her reality show. As news of their divorce came out, you pay attention to see what happened. Here is a successful good looking guy with a great sense of humor and no desire to be in the limelight divorcing his pretty wife in their 30s with three small kids. This shows you that no matter when you marry and how great a guy you are, you are likely getting a divorce. Most men in their early 30s have minimal money and if they are going to be successful it will usually come later in life. If you had your kids early, they age out of child support and you are dividing miminal assets with your ex wife. Jay is the exception from a money standpoint and his youth, but he is a prime example of what men 10 years older need to learn and see what will likely to happen to them by their 40s when they are at their peak earning years of may have a wife who starts to earn money at a older age, even if it is nowhere near what you earn.
Are you sitting there asking yourself if you are Jay Cutler while you decide when the best time to get divorced or wondering why your wife suddenly wants a divorce despite you seemingly at your peak with earning or assets saved.
Lets look at this situation a little closer so you men can see your path that is now Jays....
He got the attention of a woman because he was a high status in the spotlight NFL QB. His wife, Kristin Cavallari, didnt want anything to do with him at first. She turned it around once she saw how she could use him to further her career. She was a zlist reality star and known when meeting him, but she wasnt making tons of money or had much of a career. In steps Jay and his millions. She used his money to buld her own clothing business. She used his contacts to meet the right people. She made sure she had her kids. He paid for it all and worked his ass off. She did what she wanted when she wanted all while enjoying her kids early years. When they were together, she demeaned him with her rolls of the eyes and insults that she thought flew under the radar. His laid back nature turned into sarcasm. As his NFl career wound down and she used his money to build things that she wanted, things turned. She became more arrogant and he was simply tired out. He worked hard and provided for his family and was not appreciated. She wanted nothing to do with his friends and built her own network of people Jay likely wanted nothing to do with. Her friends and their needs mattered more to her than he did.
Then came the reality show...VERY CAVALLARI...basically a show about the life of a behind the scenes guy with looks, wit, and a good personality and his attention seeking wife. It was about her friends and attempts at branding all built of the back of his NFL earnings. Her looking down at him was for the world to see. He dealt with it with indifference and sarcasm like so many of us do. He wanted a family and a wife who admired and respected him for what he did to take care of them. She wanted more attention. Things werent getting better and he knew he was stuck. Their personalities, which should feed off each other to create a great relationship and the building of business and family were instead a picture of a man no longer needed by his wife. He was done as an NFL player and wanted to be with his kids while she did her thing. She wanted the kids and for him to do what she wanted on demand. He was a child in her mind no longer a man whose brand or status could be used to get her to a higher level.
In the real world, these things are not so obvious. Here you are as a man doing it all. You are taking care of your family. Over time your wife isnt interested in you. You werent allowed to quit on being a provider or taking care of her, but when she was ready she could quit on you. This quitting could be subtle or it could be in your face. She is openly paying attention to others. She is spending more time with these people or living on a computer. She would rather be with them than you. Maybe she wants to take your money and savings and build her own little business. It does not take millions like what Cavallari has access to with Jay but its still money you made. She has opportunity because you handled your business right. If your wife isnt ignoring you, she is making fun of you behind your back, making snide remarks about you in front of others. If you escalate or call her out you are labled as angry and impossible to be around only furthering a divide that started soon after she had the last kid.
Now the divorce is here for him and he will pay.....
The money he earned was spent to fund their lifestyle. She contributed little to nothing. Yes having the kids is important and she maybe wasnt able to earn money like she wanted, but she wasnt going to anything on the level near what he was doing. Its just like your wife. The high level of income goes away with the retirement or maybe a business failure. Your wife is doing her thing and maybe shes meeting new men including men who make the same or more than you. Even an NFL QB can be the victim of hypergamy just like you probably are. She has the look and knows how to act to get what she wants. You are now going to divide the assets that she didnt spend. You wont get any of her earnings once you split up. You will be lucky to get equal custody of your kids. Maybe Jay had a prenup and maybe it will be upheld, but either way, she married him and spent his money when it was clear, even after three kids, she didnt like or admire him. It may be because Jay wouldnt kiss her ass. Jay isnt afraid of losing her because she is not on his team. No matter how this turns out, he gave that woman a life she never would have had and now she gets an unfair amount of the assets and is divorcing a man who no longer makes what brought her to him. It is quite a kick in the teeth for a good man like Jay Cutler. Divorce is tough at any age and to see a woman get so much when she contributed so little leaves a man helpless and frustrated. I can only imagine to have made all those millions and watch a woman who used you spend it. She will have a new man soon after you break up because she looks like she does. Jay will certainly be fine when it comes to company, but what about you? If you are in your 40s facing this and you dont look like you did when you were 30, its tough to see all you worked for taken because you no longer what to be around a bad woman no matter how pretty she is.
If you are sitting there wondering where it all went wrong, understand that even top level guys like Jay are not enough for the type of woman like Cavallari. They are the forbidden fruit that most strong men will get involved with knowing that they are not going to be loved and respected on a sincere level in most cases. Once you are there the fight and custody scheduling will only make things worse.
As a man, you need to get ahead of this and be in control of these situations. While you are young learn what to do with your money. Understand the discrepancy in what each partner brings to the table and protect what is yours. Watch how a pretty woman will demean a man who does not do or say what she wants. If you dont take her crap, it will end sooner rather than later. Have your exit strategy prepared long in advance and pray that beautiful girl you managed to score might be the rare one who will be your life partner.
So many men are Jay Cutler and to see his divorce play out in the public eye is a blessing. We need to learn how to take women like Cavallari and be in charge of them. Jay failed as most men do. His deferrential personality combined with his money attracted a narcicist and control freak like Cavallari. They were a match until he stopped playing along. Does that sound familiar. When you no longer provide something for her, she becomes openly disinterested and disrespectful because she knows she has the upperhand in any divorce proceeding.
I am a big Jay Cutler fan and wish him the best. He reminds me of my marriage except my wife wouldnt dare build a business because it required work. She only went to work once the free money wore out. Jay is on a differnet level obviously from a financial standpoint but the result is the same. We as men need to educate each other because this stuff will go on. Maybe Jay's personality will help him mask his pain but a man worth his salt cannot let any women control his life.
If you arent sure what all this means or if your wife treats and uses you like Cutlers wife does, then watch the episodes and learn it as a using tool. Learn to recognize how women like her are.
We are all Jay Cutler.