I am sure most of you have been sitting at home because your employer has shut down the company you work for or your business simply cannot function because of state mandated orders. If you are lucky enough to go to work, you are likely earning less than you were before the state started trying to enact martial law. As someone who goes to work just to keep a schedule and some sense of normalcy, income and business is down. As bad as my situation is, there are people out there who are really hurting and businesses are being shut down for a variety of reasons. Even people who store food and try to save for emergencies are seeing their personal and professional resources being quickly depleted. While the loss of lives to a virus is sad, it is part of life and to see people I know and my country's strong economy destroyed by our own actions and poor decision making is a real tragedy. If you think you are bad off, take a step back and realize the number of people whose lives are forever altered when it was not necessary. The fact we are acting like sheep is scary and I applaud the people who are still doing all they can to work while also acting smart in terms of interaction and taking care of their own health and those they care about.
While all of this is going on, the government is saying people who qualify will get $1,200.00 or some other amount. When this will happen, how little this will help most people, and what happens next we don't know, but one of the caveats of getting a check is just another reminder of how society and the court system has discarded men and eliminated any reason to get married much less have a traditional marriage and children. Did you know that if you owe back child support, you are not eligible for this check? You cant even get the money applied to your back child support so your children can get it. If you are a man who has lost his job in this mess, you still have to send your child support check. The court system has shut down and men, who pay 90% of the child support in this country, and who rarely are granted equal custody in court decided custody cases, are bearing the financial burden of the problems of the world and in families that are broken through no fault of their own. While evictions might be deferred and power companies ordered not to shut off peoples power, which benefits the single mom reliant on child support or her job, there are no orders saying a man can skip his child support payments because he has lost his job or ordered not to go to work because of a virus that may not be causing more deaths than the flu causing society to be shut down.
This is just another reminder that if you are a married man where you are the main provider while your wife stays at home with the kids or works at her leisure, you are a dying breed. Your wife holds a hammer over your head every day that if she decides to use, she can destroy your family, cause you to lose everything you have worked for, and make you a financial slave until your kids are out of high school(in some states its colleges. yikes!!). If she decides to do this for whatever reason, the court system will support it and do all they can to support her to make her your financial equal despite the pre marriage work and efforts not being the same.
Let me give you an example.....
A man educates himself and builds a business before he gets married. He takes out student or business loans and slowly works to building it to the point where it becomes profitable. Whether it be his focus on his business or education, his slow developing confidence as a young man, or just the inability to meet someone to marry while he was doing this(the importance of marrying young and difficulty getting a young woman to give up her whoreish behavior at a young age is discussed elsewhere), if the man is traditional in his beliefs like his parents were, he is still of the mindset that he gets married, the wife stays at home with the kids, and he takes care of things while she offers the support of a wife like the mans mother did for his father. Until the court and legal system endorsed no fault marriage and adopted feminist ideals, traditional marriage was the backbone of this country and men saw how this was the best way because of the childhood they had relative to friends whose parents were never married or who were always working too much making creating a family home environment much harder. The man knew this but as smart as he was, he was not aware of the divorce laws and didn't contemplate the ramifications of a failed family life. His father never showed him because he was from the traditional generation mindset and divorce was not a part of his life. All the man knew is that he was glad his parents stayed married and had a relatively stable home life despite being of lower middle class income status. You used to not need to be rich to have a traditional family.
The man builds his business and starts to earn money. He begins paying his loans off and as luck would have it, he meets a beautiful woman he falls for who wants to be a stay at home mom and exudes traditional family and values. Her work history was spotty however and she had no real career. Maybe her motives were not genuine and she saw the man as a wallet. The man didnt care as he wanted a family and to do what his dad did which was show he can take care of a wife and kids. The woman moves into the mans home and they get married and build their family. The woman soon has a baby and tries to work a job from home and has all the support she needs from her employer and her family to watch the kid, allow her to earn, and enjoy the home life. The man continues to work hard and earns and saves money. The wife has everything she needs. She soon decides to stop working and stays at home. While the man is working, his wife does not take care of the house. It is messy and dirty and the wife does not care. The man wanting more kids is lucky enough to get another child before the wife says no more kids as its too much work. I wonder how man women with kids who also work would want her life. She was showing her husband how her hammer worked and she was using it. He wasn't going to do anything in her opinion. She knew the divorce laws as she had prior experience. The couple become distant as the man continues to earn from his hard work while still encouraging the wife to go back to school or work to get out of the house while he watches the kids. She is fully supported to improve her life. The wife instead prefers to spend her days going a gym and playing on a computer. As time passes the couple become more distant and its clear the wife gets more excited to go to the gym in the morning while someone watches her kids and when the man comes home from work, her free time is spent on a computer until 3am despite requests from the husband to come to bed earlier. Her cell phone is glued to her body. The man is a bit naive. He didn't see the obvious issues like he should have because he came from a family where mom and dad seemed to have a respectful marriage. He probably saw them and just ignored them because he didnt want his family to break up.
The man now had a successful business and was making and saving money. The wife was ignoring him completely and was spending all of her mornings at the gym and all of her evenings on the computer. Her wedding ring hadn't been on her finger since they got back from the wedding and all signs pointed to the fact she was likely having some inappropriate relationships. What can the man do about it? If he confronts the wife about her behavior he is dared to do something about it. The wife has the hammer and she is wielding it without even having to lift a finger. The man educates himself and learns that he has to give up atleast half of what he has earned since he got married(the timing of it is crazy in that he gets no credit for paying back his loans and earning no money as he built his business before he got married) and will be stuck with child support for the next 15 years plus alimony. The longer the things stay the way they are the more alimony she gets, the more the dividable assets increase, and the more the wife lives a life or leisure of computers and online and gym boyfriends. The wife also knows that if she holds out for 10 years of marriage, she gets the mans social security benefits the minute he drops dead from stress and anger at the blatant disrespect of the wife enabled by the law.
When a man is faced with this situation what is he supposed to do? Stay in the marriage and be devalued and have no physical or personal interaction while he pays for a woman to live how she wants knowing that at any time he could come home and see the house emptied and her gone or just waking up one day being told by her she wants a divorce. The other option is leave as soon as possible and cut your losses. The man decided to cut his losses(before 10 years too!!) and leave as he saw the wife stealing and hiding his things while he was at work and he had no control over his environment. His house was a pig sty and he was paying for it. She could also at any time say he assaulted her or threatened her and he was off to jail or at a further disadvantage in court for support and custody. He knew the best answer was to leave and he did it in the best way he knew how. The failure of a mentor or a lawyer to give him real advice before he left cost him significant amounts of money but he did the best he could and made the right decision to leave. He had to cut out and kill the cancer before it killed him.
After he leaves, he slowly watches all his assets go away. His wife denies him equal access to his kids and hires a lawyer to offer him 2 days a month visitation. He suffers in emotional silence. The wife plays victim and is given child support and has no income allocated to her in the calculation despite having a college degree, physical beauty, and the ability to get a job earning decent money. The husbands business also suffers due to changes in the law and the overall difficulty of it. The back and forth fight goes on for over four years over money and custody. The man ultimately wins equal custody of his kids not because he is a great man or father. He only got it because his wife was spending her life on a computer writing fan faction in massive volumes with Harry Potter characters having graphic sex and having characters named after he children. This wasn't a little story of a bored housewife with a fantasy, it was a woman so addicted to the computer and Harry Potter fantasies that she wrote thousands of pages of it and even incorporated he own small children into the stories. The man found it all and it took a giant trolley to wheel it all into the court hearing over custody that he had to go through because he wanted equal custody of his kids. The perfect housewife image was not what is appeared to be and the man discovering all these writings only affirmed his desire to leave to be right. It didn't get his money or family back however. If the man had done this stuff while being married, he would be getting supervised visits with his children and would be a laughingstock in his work place. Despite the evidence, the wife made the man go to trial to win equal custody of his kids because her lawyers told her that equal custody was not going to happen when a traditional marriage breaks up and the wife is used to being at home with the kids. Who cares that the wife had sexual fantasies and wrote stories about children all day and night for years while the man worked to take care of his family.
The court system and the wife were not done with the man even after equal custody was decided reluctantly by a judge who berated the man in court and didnt believe in equal custody. He had no choice in this case as the wife wrote child porn in massive volumes with her own kids as characters. Oh what that Judge would have done if the man had done that. The wife was allowed to go back to school and get a 2 year degree in the health care field after they gave her two years off. She did nothing for two years. She didn't work and just hung out with her gym friends, her mom friends, and her kids all while trying to alienate her kids from the dad. How she explained not getting primary custody to her family was a question the man had as they never came to any court hearing to support her because she probably didn't want her fan fiction being read in their presence. She appeared to be the perfect housewfie and mom and any talk of sex by the man openly offended her. If he only knew what she was really was. She eventually got back to school and 4 years after the marriage split up she finally got a job. Amazingly she timed this to when the alimony order ran out. Why work when you are getting alimony and a court wont allocate income to you when calculating child support. Despite equal custody time, the man still had to pay substantial money each month to the wife. She had her steady income in a field that was always going to have jobs available. The mans business was up and down and there were months where he didn't make his overhead. He still had to pay child support and deal with demands from the wife from $5.00 for school supplies to medical costs. He suffered in silence as the values of a traditional man he had and were raised with were costing him everything.
As time passed the mans business slowed and the wife continued to earn a steady income. The man could have gone back into court and asked for a reduction but when looking at the costs and how he was treated why would he want to as his character of saving would be attacked. Then the country shuts down and the mans business falls further. With the courthouse closed, he isn't going to be able to get in for a hearing to possibly get his support reduced. The wife continues to improve her income and has a steady job even when the country shuts down. She continues to alienate teen daughters trying to get them to live with her full time so she can get more money. The man is under constant threat of being hauled back into court despite one failed attempt by the wife to change the equal custody order. His daughters are learning they have their own little hammer and can threaten to go live with mom knowing it will cost the man even more money. The alienation is working and he has to see it as the kids become more defiant to dad and grandmas traditional yet very relaxed discipline. The mom has no problem with blue hair and black fingernails. The man isn't benefiting from the wifes consistent income post divorce even though he paid for her education, didnt get reimbursed for his hard work pre marriage, and had to give his assets including his house he bought before he married to his wife while she was addicted to the computer, the gym, and made him look like a fool on a daily basis.
This story may seem extreme but its real and factual. If you think your wife is this perfect woman, go check her computer and see how closely she guards her cell phone or even has a second phone to call the people that she is hiding from her husband. In addition to this man, there are many others dealing with these issues on a smaller and larger scale. The Governor of the State of North Carolina has now ordered a Statewide shutdown for non essential employees. There are men that are now losing their jobs or will be off work for awhile with no income. The temporary and permanent damage is off the charts. Its mostly men who suffer. Yes there are women who are abandoned and men who don't pay child support but you can bet the system is in place to protect these women. If a man cant work due to something like this virus stuff we are now facing, he does not get a break on his support.
Traditional marriage is gone in this country and it is a shame. These women who are now hating the fact they have to work when they realize how great it is or was to be a stay at home mom are becoming alcoholics, pill addicts, or women who try to fantasize about a world with children having sex to get away from what they think is an unfulfilled life as a housewife. We are still waiting for some men like the man described in this story to age out of the traditional marriage model. Some will suffer in silence until they die or until the kids get out of the house and some like this man will say enough is enough and walk away from horrible women who are empowered by the court system to destroy the traditional marriage model. No young man even considering marriage today has a reason to have traditional values unless he has no problem with hypergamous woman holding a hammer over his head which encourages her bad behavior.
With the bad behavior of women and the court system who supports alimony, no fault marriage, inequal custody time, and degrading of men who dare speak up in court to fight this injustice, combined with the education men are now providing each other, there will be no traditional marriage in this country. This is why we are being destroyed as a culture and society and it is solely the fault of women and the court system. Smart men who still get married will do it young only because they want kids and hopefully they will learn they need to do it young or never do it. Traditional men like the one in this story are the backbone of this country but will die out as their experiences are shared in a society where it is not so hard to find out what is going on. Any man who has married in the past 5-10 years can no longer use the excuse they were not informed of the dangers even if they themselves had no father figure or mentor or who even came from a traditional values background.
While you are worrying about this virus being used to reshape our country, think of the virus that is the court system and the women who use it to their advantage to destroy men. It isn't going to be fixed and we are now a society where divorce and broken families are the norm and people who stay married for life are looked at with curiosity today the way people who got divorced 50-60 years ago were shamed by society.
Tread carefully men and don't be the guy in this story.
Are you one the rare men who is already divorced and had a trial to win equal custody? You had to face parental alienation the day you chose to end your marriage because you married a despicable woman. You were lucky enough to obtain information on your wife before or during the divorce process that you could use in court to get equal custody of younger children knowing that if such information was against you, your custody would be limited to weekends or even supervised visits. During this whole process, despite you being a top notch man and father, you had to watch your ex do all she could to keep you from your kids while putting thoughts in their head that made it harder for you to bond with them as they grew up. This was done with full support of the courts and no ramifications for a mother who tried to alienate kids from a good dad simply to get a custody schedule that maximizes her support payments. The injustice of having to pay a woman child support despite equal custody when she is educated and works aside, if she can get you on the every other weekend schedule she would get even more. These women are simply about revenge, greed, and parental alienation and despite this you have managed to overcome all these disadvantages, win equal custody, and build a relationship with your kids.
Do you think this is an end to your involvement in family court? Do you think your ex will accept 50% custody when all her friends have primary even if you are still paying child support because you are a successful man and she is a leech who can achieve nothing on her own. Although she gets a job after doing nothing while you were married it does not make her a successful or equal person in the courts eyes. She is a dependent spouse and will play the victim card until the day your kids age out of the system. The minute that Order came down from a reluctant Judge giving you equal custody after thousands of dollars were spent on lawyers, your ex is plotting to take the custody back simply because she wants more money and because she does not want you having a relationship with your kids because you refused to be in a bad relationship with her.
"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned"..even if she was the one who actually scorned you(fixed it for you Mr. Congreve)
While kids have little to no say in their custody until they are about 13-14 years old, even after you defeated the wife in court by getting equal custody of your kids(do you see how dumb that statement is ie you won because you got equal when it should be automatic), she is going to work on the kids in any way possible to the point where once they become able to have a say in their custody, the alienation being so strong, they will come to you and say they want to live with mom despite all that you provide them materially, emotionally, intellectually, in an overall environment 99% of the kids on the planet, especially those from broken homes, would die for. You have spent years fighting two fronts in your battle to have a relationship with your kids and to reduce the financial exploitation of men that is the family court system. You are now going to fight a third front, your own children.
Teenagers are a difficult bunch. We know from the personal experience of having been one. Some of them become allies of their parents and are like an added hand to strengthen the family as parents age. Others, especially those from divorce, rebel and cause problems for their parents while also damaging themselves. It is hard enough to raise one when both parents are still together and supporting each other. There is still a chance they will do something to harm themselves or realize they aren't going to be good at sports or other social interactions which cause them to need added emotional and financial support because they feel inferior. Some are just lazy and use people because they watch how others in society do it and see what their mother did to their father. Why work when you can get married, live off a man, and after divorce, get a paycheck from the man for past services he never even received such as a clean house or regular sex.
When a strong man who is divorced does all he can to be a good father to his kids and provide them with everything, he forgets that the kids can still be brainwashed by the mom or just make decisions that make life more convenient for them. Parental Alienation goes unpunished in the courts because it is usually committed by the mother. Courts don't want to hear about the sins of the mother and just want to punish the father for his after they are embellished or flat out made up by the mom. If your ex is alienating your kids from you during your time or your kids don't understand the system and feel mom is promising something to get them to live with her, they now have a power over you because if they go live with mom full time, your child support is going up significantly. Imagine the anger a man feels when he has equal custody of his kids after a long fight only because of the moms addictions which could include alcohol, drugs, or even porn, he still has to pay child support to a woman who does not need what he is ordered to send her to give the kids the same standard of life you give them. This anger is amped up when the kids, who seemed happy with being able to see both parents in their pre teen years, suddenly think they have a mind, hit the teenage years, and start dropping hints they want to live with mom. Imagine your own child being brainwashed or guilt tripped to go live with mom that suddenly she goes from hugging you every chance she gets when she is around you to suddenly looking at you with disdain and walking as far away from you as possible at home now making an environment that is tough because both parents are not there to an even tougher one. Any attempt to find out what is going is met with resistance and likely to justify the alienation attack mom is successfully running. You barely emotionally survived the first attack by the mom and now your kids are are kicking you down even further. There is a reason men just walk away early in the process. The stories of the men who fought for custody, even with some level of success, who ended up losing it and their relationship with their kids because the kids suddenly decided after years of equal custody they wanted to go live with mom with no reason other than the generic "we like it better over there", are many and they are sad. This change and the loss of his kids after trying and achieving some sense of equal time and relationship with his kids is another smack in the face a man gets which comes long after the original smack the woman gave him when he said he was not worthy of equal custody because of her greed and demand for vengeance.
Let me tell you what one man did when faced with the new assault of the most recent motion by the mom to change custody and you can decide if it was right......
This man was successful. He built a business long before he met his wife. His wife contributed nothing to it before and after they married. He was financially responsible during the marriage and when he chose to leave her because she was a horrible wife, she got a huge financial settlement despite contributing nothing to the marriage. That upset him but he moved on never speaking to his ex again. They had kids and had to sort the custody issues because she wouldn't agree to equal custody. When he left he was offered two overnights a month. TWO NIGHTS!! ENDORSED BY THE MOTHERS LAWYER!!. He was then offered every other weekend by the mom just before the custody trial which he rejected. All he wanted was equal time. He was willing to give her all holidays, birthdays, and any dates that made her non working self have minimal inconvenience in her schedule of staying at home doing nothing while he continued to run what was left of his business after paying her for just getting married to him. By luck and the grace of God he had found moms bad habits which forced even the most conservative anti equal custody judge to give him equal custody. While moms lawyers argued dad should have no more than every other weekend, they ignored their female clients habit where if the situation was reversed, they would have asked dad get minimal custody or even supervised visits because of his demented mindset and behavior. Mom was never going to get less than equal custody unless you could prove physical abuse. Mental abuse was ok in the courts mind. Her lawyers knew it and just laughed at dad as he tried to argue for equal custody like it was some outreageous demand.
The father won equal custody which the Judge reluctantly gave him because of what was found out about the mom not because he was a good man or dad.
A couple of years later the mom made a motion to change custody. She wanted primary custody with no reason to justify it. There was no "substantial change" since the last Order was entered other than there was still no coparenting because mom wanted it to be that way to create an issue for the court. Even the anti father judge that heard it couldn't ignore the quality of the father even if she hated him for speaking up about the system in open court. Instead of taking his custody, she simply took all his rights to his kids medical and educational decisions leaving the wife as the sole decision maker for anything that really mattered. She did this despite the mom refusing education opportunities for the kids and getting the oldest kid labled ADHD by a hired expert causing the kid to have self esteem issues.
The father dodged a bullet and kept his equal custody.
3 years later, the kids are now teenagers. Mom files yet another motion to change custody relying only on her belief the kids now prefer to be with her full time. They are at the age where they will have input with the courts as to where they live. During the 3 years since the last attempt, the mom slowly trained the kids that they should live with her full time and that dad was ok with it. The moms lawyers even emailed dad and said it was their understanding he was just willing to sign over his custody despite all the years he fought for equal. They wanted him to show his anger or say the wrong thing in his response. The kids had a great relationship with their father. He taught them about life, coached their sports teams, and was always there to pick them up and take them places while mom heavily relied on baby sitters despite the fathers offer to watch the kids when she had to work etc. Over time the alienation by the mom worked and without warning the oldest child turned on the father. She made up things about his behavior, accused him of things that were not true, and treated him like he was an old guy in the park looking at her wrong. The relationship was suddenly not what it once was once the behavior of the child changed. The younger sibling, who actually liked being with the dad over the mom, was not going to be separated from the older kid so the father was told that if the older kid chooses to live with mom, the younger kid would as well.
The father was in a tough spot. He knew the kids had the power in that the court was now going to listen to them. He was angry at them for their lies and sudden change in behavior yet still acted like things were the same so the household will stay good. If the kids went to live with mom, of course mom would say go see dad when you want and that the kids believed that. They didn't understand the financial ramifications if things changed and that the father would, even under the best of circumstances, have little to no input in the ups and downs of their teenage life if they lived with mom full time. Forget the fact that when a kid hits 16 or even sooner and they are supposed to go to dads every other weekend, atleast half that time they will have plans with their friends and don't want to go. You don't want to be ordering a teenager who you hardly see to be at your house instead of with their friends. That only makes the kid hate the dad more. He knows with this change, he will be lucky to get 2 overnights a month. This is what the mom wanted almost 10 years ago when they got divorced. You can't be a father with this arrangement.
The kids were told that their input mattered with the court and they had a long discussion about the pros and cons of doing what they were going to do and to be very careful because they need both parents equally during a time in life when there would be lots of issues good and bad. They knew where the father stood and he never spoke bad of the mom to them and never told them to abandon mom and come live with him full time even if he knew his household was better and he offered better parental guidance than their mom.
The date for the hearing came and the older kid said she wanted to live with mom full time. The younger kid made it clear they wanted to be where their sibling was and how can you blame that child even if the child preferred dads house. Add the moms testimony in her woe is me fake Marilyn Monroe voice and the lies about the father and his attitude. He was at fault for failing to co parent. It was all him. The father sat there in silence knowing he could do nothing about the lies.
The court changed the custody and gave the mom primary custody with kids seeing the dad every other weekend. His child support now doubled and he had to work even harder at a business whose main success was long ago and the majority of the profits were in the mothers pockets.
The first weekend came for the kids to see the dad. The dad texted the mom and said he was sick and couldn't pick them up. The kids didn't contact the dad much during the times they weren't with him as they had been trained by the mom for years while the custody was week on week off. Four weeks passed and no contact with his kids and it was time for dads weekend visit again. He texted the mom and said he had work obligations and the mom types back that its ok, the kids have an activity they didn't want to miss. Salt added to the wounds by a woman who now took over 50% of the fathers after tax income from a business she never helped build or contribute to while married. The father wondered after years of being a great father how his kids can just turn on him and go live with mom full time.
Weeks turned into months and the father didn't bother to go see his kids. After awhile he made it clear he would not be taking court ordered every other weekend visits. Whether he sees his kids every other weekend or never his court ordered financial support was still the same. He wasn't a babysitter or a part time father.
Never agree to a custody order that gives you less than 50% custody he remembered being told.
Years passed and the kids graduated high school. He never saw them. Their attempts to contact him decreased. They only texted or called when they needed help. They never asked him how he was. The self centeredness was evident and the alienation was clear and dad was tired of being used. The mom hurt her kids and isolated them from the father for money. That is worse what a prostitute does to herself.
The father never saw his kids again. The kids were destroyed by their good fathers decision but when they aged they realized how they betrayed him. He didn't give in to their wishes being that of a teenager and forced a court hearing but he couldn't control what the court did which was listen to the kids request even if created by the mothers brain washing. The value of equal custody, what he wanted from the beginning and fought to keep until his kids turned on him, was lost on everyone but him. He died alone and total strangers had to settle his affairs and make sure he was buried in the plot next to his mother, father, and sister, who died long before he did.
What is the point of this story?
Maybe the fathers approach was harsh. Maybe it wasn't. However its real and it happens to many men.
The point is that you can spend all your time fighting your ex and the courts to get custody and even if you have some success, you will face a fight until the kids age out of the system which is typically when they graduate high school. Some states are worse than North Carolina in the time fathers are saddled with the financial responsibility of the kids. The kids will have a say in where they stay and their approach toward you can turn on a dime often because of the mom. As men you need be aware of what your ex says to her kids and try to talk to them when possible about what you can when you can. It still may not be enough.
Your ex will never give up trying to destroy you especially if you left her because of her bad behavior that she wants no one to know about. There is a reason none of her family members showed up to any court hearings to support her. It didnt matter though. The court system is her support system. Nothing is her fault and you will pay every last dime she can get and she will ruin your relationship with your kids via parental alienation. If the kids see what she has done, which sadly they often don't, it will be too late. These women are pros at alienating kids and can do it even if you have equal custody. Until the courts start punishing women for this behavior your battle isn't over just because you won equal custody when the kids were young.
To have a chance in the family courts and building a relationship with your kids, understand the battle begins the minute you decide to separate and ends only when they age out of the family court system. Even after they are adults, you will still battle an ex who tries to influence them with hate to keep them away from you or to think less of you. There are many grandparents who have been alienated from their kids by an ex, that when their own kid has kids, the kid will keep the grandchild away from the grandparent. This is despicable behavior which is all tied to how the ex treated them while trying to alienate them from the former spouse.
Women who fail at relationships and destroy marriages don't want anyone, especially a man, to have a successful one with anyone.
Stay strong gentlemen.
If you are reading divorce websites or facing a potential divorce situation, you probably have an unfulfilled sex life. The frustration of this is amplified if you are paying for your wife's life. Are you the main bread winner? Is your soon to be ex wife using sex to manipulate you mentally because that is the only weapon she has to show her power? No matter the reason, your poor sexual relationship is going to be a big reason why you are about to divorce.
Couples with good sex lives rarely end up in divorce court. You can have very little in common but if you can fulfill each others sexual needs, you will treat each other better and work together in other areas where you may not have so much in common. It is a chicken and egg kind of thing but no matter how you analyze it, if the sex is good, then you are not likely to divorce. If your sex life has gone away ask yourself why are you still in your marriage. If it isn't for health reasons or you or your partner have a physical issue which challenges your commitment, then why would any man stay in a relationship where sex is non existent or a chore for a woman who stopped respecting you long ago. As the sex goes away, your current and likely overall feelings for your spouse come to the surface. You cannot stay in a living arrangement with such a person. Women control sex and if you are staying in a marriage with a person who controls sex to control you, the resentment will only build and it is going to end badly. If that is you, it is time to end your marriage and the sooner you do it the less damage their will be and the sooner you can rebuild. Your self respect has more value than any beautiful woman who used to have sex with you because she had an agenda. With rare exception this cannot be fixed and you do not want to be that guy who is paying the majority of the household bills while you age and watch porn to get your sexual needs met and your wife is laughing at you while she gets he needs met elsewhere waiting for you to die so she can collect insurance or keep all the marital assets. If your wife wants sex outside of marriage, she is likely to be able to get it easier then you no matter how high value of a man you are. You do not want to be the man who did nothing and ends up dying a slow death while you are aware of who is going to get everything you worked for. Giving up half sucks but giving up all of it because you didnt take action is a hard pill to swallow when you are sick and old and wasted years of your life out of fear.
As you face this situation, ask yourself what you are going to miss when you split from your wife. Your wife may still be attractive and you love seeing her naked, but if you cant get physical fulfillment from her presence, why are you there? Would you keep a Ferrari in your garage that has no engine or you cannot figure out or afford to fix and keep running. That is pure idiocy. That is what you are doing while the resentment continues to grow and you stay married.
This was the situation I faced in my marriage. When I met my wife, I could not believe my luck to marry someone who was physically my ideal woman. It made the things we didn't have in common easier to manage. If you are able to marry someone who you are genuinely physically attracted to, that is very rare and you will learn how much that matters when it goes away or if you never had it and got married to someone because you thought you had all these things in common. Looking at her with clothes on or off was something that motivated me to be as high value a man as possible. Whether the sex was good didn't matter and I wont discuss that in depth here. Even if she was horrible at it, she was beautiful and sexy beyond belief. If there was some physical interaction, I was not going to blow up my marriage no matter how one sided the contributions were day to day. I was bargaining with myself in world full of negativity when it comes to marriage and family. However, as she began to disappear physically, the type of person she was become more obvious. We as men will hide our feelings on what type of person our wife is if we are sexually satisfied even on a basic level. When the sex goes away, you see everything you hate about your wife and the way she has devalued you is right in your face. Why do you stay married to her no matter how good looking she is? Men need to be taught to walk away from beauty as quick as we might be drawn to it when we are younger.
When you choose to leave, what will you miss? I am guessing you will miss the physical aspect of her even if that is something you no longer see. You wont miss who she is and how poorly she treats you. You wont miss her lies and lack of contribution to the marriage. Over time as you no longer see her, you wont miss her physically as much as you do while you are at home with her every day and she rejects you physically. The dating world is not fun especially as you age, but no matter how attractive your wife is physically, it does you no good to stick around and miss something you have to see every day. Once she is no longer in your presence physically you can rebuild your life. Every day that you see her with all the lust you felt when you were together physically on a regular basis, is a day that part of you thinks you can get back what you once had. You cant. If she does not want to be with you physically on a regular basis, her mind has moved on and she has likely got a boyfriend on the side. She will be a pro at hiding it from you and your mindset is not going to believe the perfect appearing soccer mom you are married to would be unfaithful no matter how much you provide and how little you interfere with her day to day life. She is and has been for a long time. If she does not want your attention, she is getting it from someone. Women are attention starved and need constant affirmation from someone they like or just to feed their ego. You aren't fixing it guys. Its time to move on. I knew as much as I hated walking away from someone who I basically saw as physically perfect no matter how much she aged or how much weight she gained, I knew that it would hurt less once I left. I could not stand being around someone who was not welcoming to me sexually and who from her actions made it clear she was probably cheating and getting her sexual gratification elsewhere. Its pure torture and she knows it. It is one thing to know someone who is a part of your life is unfaithful or who has shut you out sexually, but it is a lot worse if you have to see the person and continue to provide for their lifestyle.
When you leave your wife, you aren't going to miss the person she is. You have too much hate and resentment for how she treated you. You will miss the sex you no longer have. You will miss looking at her. If you are no longer attracted to her yet she wants to give you sex, that is another conversation and you must reflect on the commitment you made to her if she is trying to fulfill her duties as wife. That situation may be just as tough but it is where your character is tested. A woman who uses sex as a weapon is not worthy of your character or respect no matter how beautiful she is or how many kids you have together. If you are attracted to her and she has shut you out, you are a loser if you stay and she will continue to ridicule you.
I made a very tough decision to leave my wife. I had two young kids at the time. I was not going to sit around and continue to work hard and bring in the money while she did nothing other than look good. She wasn't leaving as long as she could stay at home and live on the computer if I paid the bills and left her alone. I didn't want sympathy sex so I didn't bother her. She was living the life she wanted at the time. She may have looked like a Ferrari but she was either broken and would not perform or she fixed it and allowed other men to use it. Would you pay for a car you cant drive yet you know other men were driving it? No man should live like that. When I left I didn't miss her the person. I realized that what mattered was a physical connection and sure I missed looking at her and the physical interaction we had but it wasn't what there any longer so why stay. When this exists you will find a way to like each other more and make each other better which makes you both better partners.
As you decide what to do about your marriage, ask yourself how you are engaging sexually with your wife. If you have little to no sexual interaction, your marriage is over. Don't stay thinking you can fix it. You cant no matter how attracted you are to her and no matter how good you are at sex. She has moved on and the trick now is trying to find her boyfriend so you can avoid alimony. As hard as it was to leave my marriage, it was the right thing to do and I waited too long. I don't have to speak to or see someone who I found to be as physically attractive as much on the last day I saw her as the first. It gets better over time no matter how bad the dating world has gotten especially for men as they age. If you don't leave, you will put yourself in an early grave by sticking around and being mentally abused. She may ultimately leave you but she will only do it on her own terms when she has someone new lined up. In the meantime, she is going to live a separate life, get her sexual needs me secretly, all while she makes fun of you for paying for her life.
While you are sorting through the anger of maybe joy of getting divorced, there are many things that men fail to take into account when physically separating from their spouse. This is made more complicated if you have kids and even if you have more money than most men, you dont want to burn through it unnecessarily because you are just getting in to the big costs of the lawyer and child support hell. How you handle this is very important for both your mental and financial sanity.
Conventional wisdom says don't leave the marital home until you have at a minimum a parenting agreement in place. A big mistake men make it to think their wife will actually negotiate fairly and allow for a friendly separation. She will not and do not think otherwise. In most cases, she isnt leaving the home especially if you have young kids and she does not have a man lined up. Issues of domestic violence, infidelity, and other deplorable behavior can change that but assuming most people just want to be separated, the trick is how will you do it without showing the court that you are abandoning your children or some other garbage which reduces your chance at equal custody, which your wife refuses to give you.
Until you separate, the assets you earn and the debts incurred belong to both of you. Once separation is clearly going to happen, you dont want to deal with your wife stealing or eliminating marital or premarital assets while also running up debt. It will happen. While you are at work, anything can happen. I know men who have come home from work and the wife had emptied the home and left a note. You can document and take pictures all you want of these personal items before she does it, but you wont get the financial value of what was stolen when it comes time for equitable distribution. Do you also want to spend more money trying to argue what asset that was taken was not used for a marital purpose or sudden charges are not for the marriage. The time and money spent fighting this is not going to put you back to where you were before your wife started acting poorly.
While you are in the home at any time a woman can make false allegations of violence. All she has to do is call the Sheriff and you will likely be arrested. The Me Too movement is real and do not think your wife will not play that card no matter how passive of a blue pilled man you are.
My point is dont be afraid to leave if your wife is going to play hardball and not agree to equal custody of the kids. You have too much to risk and you are simply delaying the rebuilding of your life. Once you come to this realization, you are now trying to set yourself up to show the court that despite you leaving your home, that you are still a worthy parent deserving of equal custody.
I give this advice based on personal experience. I left my home because I saw my personal items disappearing and because I had a job, I could not be at home to protect my interests. I made the mistake of telling my wife I wanted a divorce and I was willing to leave the home which was a mistake, but that analysis will be for another post. If I was going to leave, the longer I stayed the more I was going to lose, I wasnt getting to see my daughters each day because as soon as I got home, they were whisked away, given a bath and put to bed before I could even settle in. Any attempts by me to keep them up for evem just some brief time sitting with them on the couch was met with physical confrontation where they were literally pulled from my arms and told they were going to bed. I could either escalate to keep them up or back down and accept I what I was married to and add one more stone to my pile of belief that leaving my marriage was the right decision. When I would later find recording devices in my home that the wife had placed to tape me as she tried to provoke me into violence, i thanked God that I had the intelligence not to yell or threaten my wife so she could call the Sheriff and play the tape to get me arrested costing me my freedom and professional licenses. This happens guys to many men and even the most mellow guy can be pushed into a single act of violence or threat to the point that he will be arrested because his woman knew how to push his buttons and set him up with it all being on tape. This is just one example of why leaving the home before a parenting agreement is in place has to be done once you realize your ex will not agree to equal custody.
Once you leave, you need to get a place that provides the same environment that your kids are used to in the family home. I left my home and proceeded to rent a house that basically looked like mine knowing it was a temporary place. If you sign a lease, sign one for no more than 6 months. If you have any savings, you want to as soon as possible try to get a place as close to where your ex lives so the kids are not having to travel too far while the custody issues are sorted out. If you have the financial means and plan on continuing working where you live, if you are a believer in home ownership versus renting, do all you can to buy a house. This will take some work and it may not be the easiest thing to do, but one of the best things I did to help me win equal custody when the trial came about 9 months post separation was to buy a home in the same neighborhood as my marital home. The 6 months in the rental home was really a waste of money and I probably could have lived with my mom during that time as I was only being given 4 days a month visitation by my ex and there was nothing I could do. You do not want to rush into a home purchase but do not be afraid to do it. The court wants stability for the kids and I basically got an equivalent house in the same neighborhood and combined with my constant emails to the ex asking for more time with the kids, I had done everything possible to show the court I deserved equal custody and would be in the kids lives. I lived around the corner from my ex and still do to this day and despite not speaking to each other since the day I left the home, it is very hard for her to argue abandonment and I showed the court I wasnt going anywhere. This helps you win equal custody of your kids. Staying put in your home and creating stability once I won equal custody has helped me survive her attempt to change custody and take my equal time away.
Every situation is going to be different and not all men have extra money lying around when they leave and are hit with child support and alimony etc. Dont give up or delay a decision so she can start removing assets and personal items while creating more problems for equitable distribution. Make a plan with your lawyer and dont be afraid to suddenly move out and take what you want to take. Telling my wife I was willing to leave the home was a huge mistake but it felt good when I pulled up with a moving truck and took my stuff and left to her surprise one morning. For all I know she had plans to empty the house the next week taking everything I owned, most of which I owned before I met her. It is a stressful time but you need a plan and the goal is to extricate yourself which saves your finances as much as possible and allows you to take what is yours without losing your personal items, which she will take and play dumb like some ghost just showed up and took them at the same time your marriage started falling apart.
If your ex is refusing equal custody, this decision is made easier for you. You cannot stay in the home. If you have relatives or friends that can help you, you may not need to rent an equivalent place immediately and can save that money to buy a new house that shows you are not abandoning your children so you can have it in place when in 6-9 months you are arguing to a judge for equal custody. While the Judge in my case probably didnt like me and hated my aggressive nature in court, I do not think he felt that I abandoned my children because I left the home. Judges understand when men leave and it can come down to asset protection, threats of domestic violence allegations, or just the desire to move the fight forward when a wife thinks she is the sole caregiver of the kids and you should have minimal access. Ids getting a parental agreement in place ideal before you leave? Yes. Doing nothing when you arent getting that is not the answer however.
Men need to assess their situation, give no hint they are willing to leave the marital home until custody negotiations will not allow for equal, and then leave. You cant take your kids with you and try to dictate to the wife how often she sees the kids like she will do to you. You must take the high road and spend the next 6-9 months documenting via email to your ext that you want to see your kids and to set up a new home near where your marital home was. While you dont have to move around the corner from the ex like I did, you cant go very far if you expect to get equal custody. Kids need continuity in their lives and drastic distances between parents or discrepancy in lifestyles is going to hurt the man in court.
There are things you can do to financially and emotionally to help yourself through this transition so you can find a better place to live and get equal custody of your kids which will help eliminate the financial loss that comes with only being the every other weekend dad. You will also find that being single with equal custody of your kids is more fulfilling than married to a horrible person where you take time with your kids for granted and the next thing you know they are 18 and gone from the house and you see what you are left with in a wife while your age is starting to really show.
Take action Gentlemen and the get the help you need to get yourself out of danger and rebuild your life.
I am very big on nostalgia and learning from my mistakes. I want to grow as a person and as a man. When I was younger I was like most guys in that even if the girl I was dating was clearly with me, there was always a bit of jealousy if she got attention from another man or if she was friendly toward another guy. As young guys go, I was not on the worst end when it came to being jealous, controlling, or balking when she had male friends that went beyond the normal social interactions. When you are young there are guys that will want to beat you up if you look at his girlfriend and even if she talks to you while you are minding your own business. These guys controlled their girlfriends to the point it made you wonder how secure they were with themselves. Even the big and tall athletic guys who acted all tough had these pretty girlfriends were too often openly jealous and verbally if not physically abusive. We were all insecure during those days but these guys acted in a way that seemed just wrong. You never knew what made these girls stay with these guys and many of the relationships didn't last very long, but for all the negativity I felt watching their behavior, as I get older I wonder if maybe they were not on to something.
When I was 18, I had my first real girlfriend. I met her the Freshmen year of college. I saw her every day on our small college campus and all the emotions from love to hate to jealousy came out over the course of the next four plus years when every test you could be put to was thrown in your face with the same small group of people witnessing it. I certainly had my share of jealousy and insecure behavior but love at a young age is a blessing and a curse. If I talked to a girl I was accused of every bad thing in the world by her but she was friends with every guy on the campus and any question I had about her behavior only fueled to further her disrespectful behavior. She knew how to shit test me and got off on it all while telling me she wanted to marry me and how great it would be when we have kids. Even back then I knew I wanted to marry young and have kids so pairing up with a woman and not handling things correctly only caused me to waste my dating youth which to this day I regret. I didn't know how to handle her behavior and I thought playing it cool for the most part was the way to keep her with me. The jealous and controlling approach probably would have pushed her away or encourage the disrespect and infidelity. I wanted to marry her and that only made things worse. What I didnt get is that she made it clear she wanted to marry me at well yet her behavior when it counted didnt seem to match her words.
I ignored the obvious infidelity and the rumors of various things because this girl was beautiful and everything I thought I would want in a wife and mother of my kids. My blue pilled oneitis looking back was cringe worthy. The girls I turned down to stay with her and be faithful would make other guys I knew shake their head. I was a man in demand by all sorts of beautiful girls but I was not going risk losing this girl that I loved more than life itself no matter how she treated me. I was in an emotional roller coaster that continued long after we broke up soon after we graduated college. As a man who believed then as I do now that getting married and having kids young is the way to go it was a real blow to lose her at the time. As a man who has experienced so much more with women in the 30 years since I graduated college, I now realize that no matter what she said she was never going to keep me. My approach should have been different so I could have found out if she was truly loyal or if I needed to find a better quality woman to build a life with if I really wanted to marry young. Better women were right in front of me begging for my attention but my lack of male mentorship and just being the nice uninformed guy caused me to think with the wrong head and do what I had to do to temporarily keep a woman who was eventually going to leave me when she was ready. Looking back now I just cringe at myself and there is a reason you don't stay friends with ex girlfriends no matter how much you loved them or what you shared at a time in life where you experienced so much unless you are still the blue pilled nice guy and have not evolved as a man. Being the nice guy I learned was not the way to go and you men need to learn this as well. If you are this guy and now getting divorced this is a big reason why. Nice guy behavior might get you laid on occasion or even get you married but you were probably sharing her with someone elsebefore and even after marriage. She saw you simply as a fall back and certainly not an alpha male no matter what confidence vibe you gave off or how many women who knew you from a distance found you to be desirable.
So what about those guys who likely peaked when they were 18-21 but for whatever reason knew that they had to keep control of their girlfriends if there was any chance to keep them for the long term. I assumed their behavior was done out of over the top insecurity and it probably was, but it was a behavior to an extreme that we all need to learn and shape if we are going to have a chance at a relationship where the woman might stay around. If I had learned this earlier I would not have dated the same girl in college and likely would have found a quality wife instead of being forced to marry someone in my mid 30s who was already damaged from her prior divorce when she chose to marry me because I was safe and I was running our of time to vet a quality women, most of which were already taken. Maybe this boorish behavior these young men exhibited was not so stupid after all even if they didn't know what to do with their inate primate type knowledge. These nice guys and these controlling men all need retraining as to how to find and keep the right woman. If you have been married twenty years and you wonder why your wife is now acting weird forcing you to a divorce decision, you need to learn how to behave so you can extricate yourself from a marriage that was dead the day you married her. It ends on her timeline, not yours and the realization sucks worse if you are starting to recognize it as you approach middle age.
Being the nice guy is the wrong play if you are a quality in demand man. Learning this after the age of 30 is a real hit to the ego. We were taught to treat women with respect and be nice. We were the guy they could count on and the guy they could marry when they were through blowing the baseball team over a two year span or four years if there were some basketball players or older men to meet their fetishes. When they were ready to settle down, you would be there. Stupidly you waited and she may have even pretended to be your girlfriend while she enjoyed her life. You the nice guy tolerated it and eventually married her. Her lack of respect for you is obvious and only now have you realized it as she has sucked your resources dry while you figure out how to get divorced with mimimal financial damage. This is a real knock to the ego knowing you have been the nice guy, done everything right, and yet your wife has no use for you and is fooling you just like the girl you knew and dated in college who didn't marry you because she simply wanted to fool around. Maybe you would wait or maybe you wouldn't. There was always going to be the nice easy guy for her when she was ready. It is understandable because a halfway pretty girl is in demand. Only 20% of men get to have kids. Think about that. You have always known this deep down and your blue pilled mindset would do anything not to be the guy who didn't get to have kids and is now middle aged addicted to porn and alcohol posting pictures of your cats or giant boat you cant get anyone to ride with you on your Facebook page.
If you are the nice guy who has followed this pattern and got married and have kids you are lucky in one sense. For all the negativity I felt when all this kicked in for me years ago causing me to leave a horrible marriage and the emptiness that came with being a nice guy, I still have my daughters. They are awesome beyond words. I got kids later in life that I should have had when I was younger from a woman who cared only about the money I made and the security I provided. Her wedding ring came off the day after we got married and it was never on her finger again for over 8 years but me being the nice guy I had it on ignore because I wanted what I didnt create for myself 10-15 years earlier. I woke up for a variety of reasons but it is still painful. Are you that man who has followed a similar path and is now in a loveless deceptive marriage that isnt going to get better while you age and your wife shows you more and more disrespect? You need to take action and its tough. The gray divorce is the final nail in your coffin and you need to crawl our like I did before she pounds that final nail and fake cries at your funeral while everything you worked for is spent by her. Her fake tears are better witnessed above ground in divorce court than they are in at a funeral by those who get to see how fake she is and how she fooled you all the way to death.
Being the nice guy isnt the way to go. Young men need to be taught how to channel their aggression and insecurity into controlling their women at a young age so you see that she respects you and can make a good wife at a young age or so you can see she will never be marriage material. Women need to be lead and not be the leaders. This does not mean you abuse or demean her but instead let her know you can leave her and not think twice about it if she behaves disrespectfully. We need to teach young men this and if you are that young man you need to learn how to do it. If you are the father who has failed in marriage because you were the nice guy but is blessed with a son, you need to teach him through every stage of his life. There are young successful men who have a beautiful wife or girlfriend with plenty lined up to take their place and these men know how to control these women. They don't let them socialize with other men or allow them to take jobs and be around men who would try to win their favors in a heartbeat. Men dont respect other men especially in high powered environments. You need to test your woman with boundaries. She is human and she will stray no matter how high powered you are. This does not mean lock her in the basement of her house and only allow her to come out to make babies. You have to assert control and dominate the narrative because if she is wife material she will follow you. As you bond you adjust your behavior. Not all men can pull this off and you must be an in demand man to do it otherwise the woman will want no part of you if you behave like a control freak. My point is the nice guy mindset is not going to work and will put you in a place that you dont want to be long after your prime has passed you.
If you are that guy who was nice and married a woman who you know does not respect you but finds you to be safe until her agenda is met, you need to ask yourself whether it makes sense to stay in your marriage or leave and rebuild with the right mindset even if that means being alone. If you are the young nice guy wondering why you date nothing but damaged or controlling narcicists then you need to be taught how to search for and handle the right girl while being able to move on from the bad ones who cannot give love or be loved. Learning to get away from the nice guy mindset does not mean you wont get divorced, but it does give you a chance, albeit small, to build the relationship and have a family that even in todays messed up world is still desired. Men still talk to women because family and children means everything.
Ill teach you how to do it.
Infidelity is never a good thing. If you are a man cheating on your wife, I am no fan of yours and it is going to be hard for me to represent you in a divorce unless you have kids that the wife is using as her revenge for your behavior. Even if you are cheating you should not be denied access to your kids and should have equal custody other issues not withstanding. Your children and your conscience will punish you later for your behavior. Don't let your guilt dictate the time you accept for custody.
I don't care what the statistics are, women cheat way more than men. Ask a divorce lawyer or a private investigator who cheats more and they will all say women unless the lawyer who is a raging feminist who does not care about truth and only wants a transfer of wealth. The liberal newspaper taking a survey about relationships does not mean a thing when it comes to statistics. Its like getting CNN to take a poll on Trump's job performance. Men have consciences and are less likely to cheat on their partners especially when there are young kids in the marriage. Women are always looking for better no matter how new your marriage is or how young the kids are. They have no conscience and will do what they want without concern for their spouse especially if he is a guy who is devoted to his family, secure with himself, and focused on work. Strong alpha men are often too unaware or too idiotic to think their wife would cheat on them so their wives actually cheat much easier than the insecure loser man who accuses his wife of cheating every possible minute because he knows he is a failed man and wants to control his wife.
Ask the man whose wife had just given birth to their second daughter and 4 days later there is proof of her on a website looking at african american men where people buy each other and take each other as pets. Her vagina is barely starting to stretch back and she is on the computer looking at a fantasy that she was likely enjoying while she was pregnant and probably long before her husband probably ever met her. This wasn't trolling a website out of curiosity like we all do, but someone who had been on it regularly and had more points from buying and selling then Sanford and Son in a junkyard back in the 70s. The man was probably lucky his daughter was white.
But I digress.....
Women are smart because they have to be when it comes to infidelity. When divorce happens it isn't the wife paying the husband alimony is it? Men who cheat don't have to pay less to their spouse in alimony so they aren't as aware because they don't have to be because the woman is getting paid. Where women have to be careful is when they might do something that could cost them their alimony. In North Carolina, if a spouse can prove his her partner has cheated, the cheating partner is not eligible for alimony. Infidelity can be a costly mistake for women so they do all they can to preserve their innocence and play victim to maximize their alimony award from a Judge. One year of alimony for every two years of marriage can be a nice chunk of change especially when the husband is a high earner and the woman is a stay at home wife with lots of time to cheat on her husband with men she meets online or at the gym she might go to impress the men she wants to hang out with because you now bore her and your mundane home life just isn't enough for her.
When a man cheats and divorce is on the horizon he has likely moved on with a new woman and has accepted his fate. He is a cad and the woman deserves to be paid. His wife may be up to no good also but men who behave this way are often not going to investigate their wife's behavior because he has been bad himself. He certainly could avoid alimony because she has likely cheated just like he has but he fails to protect himself because he just wants to move on.
Women are different. Their victim veil cannot come off under any circumstance. She knows all the tricks and has evolved along with modern social media and forms of communication. Her phone might as well be between her legs when she is around you because that is how important it is to her and the one place you have not been allowed to go for some time. She does not want you to have access to her phone and may even have a second burner phone. Shes smart and underhand no matter how much her voice sounds like a ditzy Marilyn Monroe and we all know how big of a slut Marilyn was. She might know you are unhappy and want a divorce or she is planning her own escape. Either way, she isn't losing her alimony or her ability to play victim in front of a judge who could care less about the truth because they are so tired of day after day hearing men complain about female behavior in court. Even if you know what to look for your wife is likely a step ahead of you in preventing her infidelity from being found out.
One of the things a woman will do is accuse a man of doing exactly what she is doing. Shes cheating on you and you want a divorce? She going to accuse you of cheating and she will take all measures to prove it even if she knows you aren't cheating and never have at any point in the marriage. The private investigators she hires and the recording devices she places in your home and car are designed simply to burn your money and justify her victim status. Ask a PI when a woman hires him to get dirt on her husband what the result was after all the money is spent. 75% of time the man was never cheating. The women who hired a PI to find the cheating man are probably cheating themselves 50% of the time. Ask a PI when a man hires him to get dirt of his wife how it turns out and 95% of the time, the wife was cheating. The suspicions were justifiable. That is all you need to know. You have a better chance of catching her the earlier you change your mindset about what your wife can and will do for money and sympathy.
As you go over all these websites and interview lawyers, ask yourself how well do you know your wife? A good lawyer is going to be more than someone who takes a retainer and adds up your assets while telling you how screwed you are monetarily. Your lawyer should help you look for the signs and not just tell you to ignore them while accepting every other weekend custody of your kids. Maybe you can catch her and save yourself some money. Alimony paid to an unfaithful wife is the worst kind of payment beyond any amount you pay for child support which goes into the wifes pocket and is never used on the kids.
Is your wife accusing you of stuff while hiding her own behavior and telling you how much you invade her privacy by asking her questions about her activities or mannerisms? Does she appear to be like the perfect loyal soccer mom who is all about her kids? Shes not but shes fooled you for a long time. That is why divorce is on your radar. How are you going to get the goods on her to get out of the alimony you are now facing? Add it to potential child support and you will see why she looks forward to the divorce and probably wants it. Shes just waiting for you to pull the plug. The victim card trumps her whore tendencies and her ability to hide her infidelity make you a real fool when it comes time to divorce your wife or heaven forbid stay in a bad marriage.
Be aware of female nature and how she will behave no matter how perfect she appears to others. She is not going to give up her alimony and has no desire to throw her boyfriend in your face no matter how much she wants out of the marriage. Its all about her. She might give off this image of perfection to her and her family but they all know why she is getting divorced and how she behaves. You need to not be the one person who has no clue before it is too late.
Lets bust her and even the playing field.....
It is a new year and a new decade, but life is going to continue to happen. For you men that are on the fence about decisions you need to make while wondering how these decisions will determine your life's path as you get older, it is important you understand where you are now based on your age and the life decisions you have made.
Lets look at the most important decade of your life when it comes to relationships.
As you enter your thirties, you are likely to be on multiple paths based on what you did in your twenties and these paths are more dangerous and fulfilling than the paths you were on in your twenties with decisions you make harder to fix or correct when compared to your younger years.
One path you may be on is that of a married man hopefully with children. If you got married in your twenties and do not have kids in your twenties you have defeated the purpose of giving up your youth and the fun that is your twenties. If you are married without kids, you better get started having them or get divorced because something is inherently wrong in your marriage if you are marrying young and not having kids. It may not show itself fully but people who get married young and don't have kids soon after will more than likely get divorced before they eventually decide to have kids. This is the worst possible path to be on as you enter your thirties.
Another path is married with atleast one young child hopefully two. This is the best path for a full life if you want children. This does not mean you are more likely to stay married and that you wont have issues with your spouse, but you are having a family and getting opportunities that only having kids can provide. As a younger family you will do more stuff, you will be more enthusiastic, and your kids will likely end up more social and often better especially if the have grandparents in the picture who can help out while they are still young and healthy. Finances will likely be a struggle but if you are ever going to have a woman be on your team and think about someone other than herself, it is when you are young. A woman's self centered behavior will increase as she ages and she is exposed to more smooth talking men bitter female friends who want her to fail. This is also your best chance to marry a good looking woman before you start to age.
If you are not married and want to be, as you get into this decade, it is going to get tougher for you. If you don't have a great paying job or are desirable to women beyond 90% of other men, your odds of getting married decrease as the decade moves forward. If you think you can just marry a woman 10 years younger when you want, that is a fantasy for the average guy. Men that are above average in looks and money don't have to worry as much when it comes to these analysis, but even the average or slightly above average guy is going to struggle to build a family as his thirties move forward. As you get into this decade of your life, you will find most of the desirable women are taken. With a society where 80% of women reproduce with 20% of men, if you think that waiting until your thirties to start finding a wife and building a family is the way to go because its all about getting your education etc before you settle down, plan on marrying a single mom or divorcee who is likely further along in the deterioration of her looks and is filled with bitterness. Women who make their thirties who are divorced or without having married are likely women with personality issues that are not going to make good wives and you will still ignore them thinking you will find some hottie in her twenties when you want.
One of the biggest mistakes I made was not getting married until I was 35 years old. This was not because I chose it to be this way. There are lots of factors that determine when you get married so development of your personality and awareness of life's path is important at a young age. While I didn't lack confidence and was well above average in looks, I failed at this for a variety or reasons. I met a girl the first year of college when I was 18. We dated until college ended which was not easy and while we didn't treat each other as well as we could have, there was no doubt love on both sides. My failure was not being an alpha male in terms of how I handled her and the opportunities that come with having a chance at meeting so many women when I was young and in my physical prime. I probably could have married her or once I realized she was not acting properly, I could have easily found another woman who was just as compatible who wanted a family when she was young. Instead I was complacent and didn't push for what needed to happen. It did not end well and we never spoke again. I look back at how I handled her and what she was allowed to do with cringe as I did everything wrong because I did not have a mentor or a lesson on how to maximize where I was at that time in life. While I seemed to be decisive in how I handled my career, I was a simp when it came time to getting and keeping a woman for anything long term. Women like attention and aggressive men can make your woman lose interest real quick if you dont show her you want a real future. If she is quality she will be responsive to you when there are feeling on both sides. By the time everything kicked in in my late twenties, it was not so easy to get married to a woman I felt worthy of what I brought to the table. Working in a small office and not being someone to socialize a lot made meeting people even harder. As online dating started to become a part of society that helped. Ultimately I met someone who was physically perfect to what I liked and who I thought would be a great mom, but she had been married before and brought many issues to the table that I chose to ignore because I was 35, not getting any better looking, and my dating pool simply was not where it was when I was in my twenties turning women down left and right without having to make much effort to get their attention. I was lucky beyond belief in that she got pregnant soon after marriage and we had two great kids before I realized that my life would end up worse then longer I stayed married to her. Many couples who marry later do not get so lucky and spend the last part of the decade in fertility clinics.
Life is about trades and bargaining in your thirties more so than any decade of your life and these trades are not made in your favor as you get older even if you are good looking man with a solid bankroll. When you want kids and you are in your thirties you will reek of desperation more than women in the same boat. You will end marrying a divorcee, a single mom, or a never married unattractive woman who likely does not have the personality to be a fun wife because she has little to no dating experience. If who you end up with is not on depression or anxiety medication at this stage of her life because of her own choices, you are the beyond lucky. If you do wait until this stage in your life to get married and try to build a family, getting kids is much harder for biological reasons. There is a lot that can go wrong. If you do have kids and assuming you are as likely to get divorced marrying in your thirties versus your twenties, the financial and emotional destruction is going to be much worse in your thirties. My divorce was so bad that I have not spoken to the mother of my kids since I walked out once I realized what my future was going to be had I stayed married. No divorce is friendly but the anger and wrath you face from a woman increases as she ages.
For every negative thing I have to say about my ex and the court system, the fact I did not get married until 35 is my own fault and I deserved what I got in terms of a partner because I ignored the damage done by her own choices and a prior husband. White Knight syndrome factored in with desperation does not allow for a good end game when it comes to trying to build a family after age 30. Getting two daughters who I am very close with and who I have real input into to their lives is worth all the failure and heartaches including the post thirties social opportunities that we will discuss in part three of this thread. As bad as the financial rape and parental alienation from the ex was, I was very lucky to win equal custody of them at trial simply because God blessed me with finding the ex wife's nasty marriage habits that not only justified me leaving my marriage despite my guilt for doing so, it gave me a real chance in court that most men don't get or wont fight for because of the cost and the legal system that tells them to take the every other weekend custody and be thankful for it. Equal custody is not automatic and women, especially women who have been married before, know this. I was forced to trial to get equal custody from a woman whose habits if they were mine would have caused me to get supervised visits at best. No matter the facts, these older women will punish you more for divorcing in their late thirties on up because they know that they are now single moms and they aren't as attractive as they were when they were young. If you think your social options are bad for meeting women when you are older, the older women know their options are even less and they are labeled as single moms which makes it even harder for them. Physically women do not age like men so they need their security protected so divorces for older people are a nightmare when kids are involved. Younger men need to be taught this so they can make decisions on life sooner rather than later.
In addition to your social and family issues as you enter your thirties, where you are in your career is also important. The paths are obvious and destructive if you make the wrong choices in your twenties.
If you spent your twenties not learning a trade, starting a viable business, or developing a reasonable career through post graduate education or with a company that offers some hope of stability as you age, you are going to look pretty stupid while men in your age group not only do well but get rich. While spending your twenties traveling and partying seems fun, by the time that decade ends you are tired of it and have nothing to show for it financially. You can start businesses that soon fail or advertise yourself to be more successful than you are to meet women, but as you enter your thirties, your ability to bs women about your lack of stability does not work or it does not allow you to end up with a quality woman. Your chances at male friendship also decrease as men isolate themselves more from others especially if they are not achieving like men of similar age. You will likely never marry, marry a single mom or divorcee, or find a low end woman way more likely than a man who gets a career and can use his stability to attract a woman. This a real problem.
By the time you hit your thirties you better be on a path with your career whatever it is with some level of stability. It certainly isn't easy to get married young and have kids while building a career, but this is the time to do it. It can be done and your physical strength and enthusiasm will be at your best. As you progress through your thirties, if you don't marry or have kids, your financial appearance only matters to you so get as rich as you can and enjoy life but to say you aren't more empty as you age no matter how wealth you are is just a big lie for 99% of men. If you do marry late despite no career or stability don't expect your wife to stick around long and you will be more likely to get divorced. If you are successful because of choices you made in your twenties, your life will be much better in your thirties because you can enjoy your older kids or provide stability to younger kids. This will also give you the best chance, albeit a small one, to get a decent woman or less damaged woman to have a family with during this decade of life. Your thirties are not designed to have it happen in this way.
If you married young and had kids in your twenties, it does not shield you from divorce, but if you do divorce, it is going to be a lot easier than a divorce in your forties or even fifties with kids who are not adults. If you marry young and divorce without kids, it is easier because assets are usually at a minimal and divorce is quick and not as expensive. People also tend to move on quicker when they divorce younger because it is easier to see more of life in front of you and begin again.
If you get married and have kids in your twenties and get divorced, this is tough and the drawback of getting married young. While divorce happens and preventing it for another discussion, if you divorce with kids at any point in your thirties you still have a huge advantage over men who will go through the same thing in their forties. The longer you make the marriage last the older your kids will be when you get divorce so your child support is near an end. This matters because you have not likely reached your maximum earning or built up many assets. When you marry and have kids in your twenties, even if you divorce, the odds are the financial hit will be less and you can still rebuild. One factor that men who marry and have kids young only to divorce is the fact they still have their kids and aren't back on the market trying to meet a woman to have kids. Nothing will destroy a mans self esteem more than a guy who does everything right in his twenties job wise, enjoys some fun during this time, and then hits his thirties thinking he will meet an awesome woman and have kids only to see that the type of woman he will meet is bitter, angry, divorced, undesirable, or mentally damaged beyond repair. You would rather stay single. The mindset that this great woman will just appear is a false dream that will lead you to a bad choice or a life post forty of no kids or raising another mans kids. Not having to worry about this makes life so much easier post divorce so use your twenties to make better decisions or you will pay for it in many ways in your thirties.
The worst thing you can do as a man is marry in your thirties because assuming divorce will happen, you are going to get financially destroyed in your forties and the payout will be at its max. While there are exceptions as to the extremes of wealth versus poverty and a mans looks, for the typical man who goes through life, your decisions are best made at certain times to allow for minimum damage and a maximum chance at recovery when it does happen.
As you think about where you are in life now, ask yourself what your future holds if you do nothing or if you make a bad mistake. In the next post, I will discuss men post 40 years old and how events in life shape them. These men might have more awareness, but the extremes of happiness versus sadness that they experience are very tough to overcome because your age is going to start to show even in the best case set up of how you live. No matter what your age, don't ignore what is going around you be it with your wife's behavior or your own choices or lack thereof.
Getting advice from the right people, especially if divorce is an option you have ignored, is vital.
Awareness is one of the best traits a man can have. The sooner a man becomes aware of himself and others around him, the less mistakes in life he makes while also avoiding long term interaction with low quality women and people. Awareness is usually obtained through our experience which resulted from maximum damage because of bad choices whether it be to our physical or mental health or our pocketbook. Every man should have a father or at least a male role model who will teach him the things in life that are needed to get the awareness necessary to live a full happy life.
Sadly we have gone from a society based on the marriage model with mom and dad both in the home doing what they were both expected to do to raise and protect their family to broken homes where fewer kids have male role models and too many are being raised by single moms who think they are better at raising children then even top level men who any child would be blessed to have as a father. Each of these models have created problems for men and this needs to be fixed because women are more than happy to ruin a family for their personal gain now more so than ever.
I was raised in the marriage model. My parents stayed married their whole lives and my dad was awesome. He did everything he could for me and gave me opportunities he did not have because his hard work allowed my mom to be at home and be the emotional support that we need day to day growing up. This balance combined with an instilled work ethic helped me essentially to turn out like my dad but with more opportunity. For as good as he was, my father did not teach me the ways of women and what I needed to do from a social standpoint to develop interaction skills needed to be better than most of the kids and young people I would meet. This is not a fault of his its just he was a dad in a time in the world where there was no internet and he was taught to work hard say as little as possible no matter who did him wrong. His background with no father didn't help. My mother was not like today's women in that she was not looking for someone better and for the most part respected my dad because he did what he was supposed to do as the man of the house. Were they both happy in their marriage for the duration? Probably not. However, they did what they believed was the right thing to do when it came to their family. This mindset is not part of today's world like it was 40-50 years ago.
The modern day family model is filled with information about social interaction because women no longer value men like my father. They are more self centered, more liberal, and always looking for better even when married to good men. With more divorces and women benefiting from them, families are destroyed and kids are left to their own because of fatherless households. Women who behave in a way that promotes divorce are still marrying men that were sons of men like my father who were not told the way of the new modern day woman. Divorce rapes are therefore up and men are getting knowledge too late. They are not able to have full interaction with their own sons who now rely on the internet and men they don't know to teach them about women often leading to disaster and uncertainty. There are now going to be less marriages for at least a generation until men can educate themselves from a young age and learn how to manage female behavior while making life choices to give them a best chance at a family life. Men must have the awareness of what to do when their wife goes off the rails for the same reasons most of them do at some point. I didnt expect my gorgeous wife to be a fan fiction porn addict and there was nothing I could have done but I certainly wished I had to the knowledge how to face the end of my marriage rather than stick my head in the sand.
If you are a young man without a real father figure who will talk to you about everything you need to know and are relying on people on the internet to get information, make sure you are getting information from men who are giving advice that is not detrimental to you building a family or promoting male hatred of women at a young age. For example, if your source of information is a man who got married and had kids is telling you not to marry or have kids, then I would not listen to that person. If a man has never married and has no kids and thinks he is the smartest man in the room because he does not have to deal with divorce, child support, and has all this time to fish and play with his dog, then that is not normal no matter how messed up this world gets. This person simply chose not to play a big portion of life and he should not be giving advice to anyone when it comes to women and family.
I was divorce raped for a lot of reasons and while I am certainly filled with hate and resentment towards the woman I married, instead of just turning into a bitter person who tells everyone not to marry or have kids, I wanted to provide insight in a way that young men can get genuine realistic advice while also helping men who are now in a bad marriage figure out the best way to leave it and deal with emotions of it while also maintaining the strength to fight for equal custody of their kids. This will continue to be my goal because we as men need to develop the next generation of men to handle these women that have gotten out of control in terms of the way they see things and how they have devalued men. My lack of knowledge and a father figure to teach me what I needed to be aware of was a big reason I didn't marry well into my thirties thus setting me up to get destroyed by a woman who was also in her thirties, previously married, and unable to pair bond making me nothing but a wallet to pay for our kids she wanted me to have no part in raising once the veil of who she was came off. I don't want any man to have to go through that even if I feel very lucky to have been able to even get married to a pretty woman who wasn't a single mom which is what is waiting for most men who delay marriage.
To help you understand what I am trying to teach men before marriage, men who are married, and men now getting ready to go through the divorce wars, I am going to give you a brief outline of what men of all ages need to be aware of while growing up and what to consider as they navigate life and age so they can maximize their happiness of life without being a bitter non participating type because they read the negativity that exists in the manosphere and from divorce lawyers who tell you to settle your battle and except 4 overnights a month with your kid so they can bank a quick fee.
From Birth until age 18
Every young man should be taught the importance of social skills and the maximizing of their physicality from the day he can walk. He should be put into social groups with other kids and wear the best stylistic clothes he can while making sure he is groomed well at all times. Sports should be emphasized and young men should be able to talk to every type of person with comfort. This does not mean you have tons of friends or hang out with people that don't share your values. It means you should not be afraid of people from all different backgrounds and races. Learn who others are cultivate friendships while avoiding people who do not meet your standard or who are into bad things. Young men should learn habits of working out and staying in shape. How this is handled varies but it should be a part of your life even if you don't have the talent to make a varsity team. Keep playing all sports and keep getting stronger. You will fit somewhere and you will maximize your talent and enjoy a better social circle. If sports are not your thing, try learning an instrument and forming a band. Learn languages. Start a business selling stuff on Ebay. Learn how to make and save money. Do not drink or smoke and have the courage to be different by telling people that you dont drink or wont smoke that joint. While you need to enjoy life you don't need to be eating junk food all day while you play video games or surf the internet in chat rooms while sitting in your room all day often not showering before you go to school in army clothes or dressed in black purposely isolating yourself at a time when you need to interact and learn about people. While we all played video games as kids, today they are spending way too much time on them and are not outside being athletic, playing their music, or learning a language. How you spend your time will vary but you want to be doing things that make you appear attractive to women and make men want to be your friend. Its a true art to do these things without advertising yourself and becoming arrogant. If you achieve all these things with a look at me attitude you will certainly attract people but they will be the wrong people. Humility, strength, and off the chart talent should be the goal of every young man and if you are a father of one, you need to know how to teach your son all these things.
(We will discuss how to be a top notch father of daughters in another post as I am the father of two of them and they are awesome in large part because of the knowledge I give them).
Good habits are formed young and if you are a young man, it is not too early to learn these things so you can develop the social skills that are ultimately going to lead to good health, happiness, and give you best chance of finding a good woman to be your wife and have kids.
While the ideas noted for a younger man seem like common sense, as you get into your twenties, there is a much more wide range of views on how to live your life and how to interact with women. There are men that will tell you to sleep with as many women as possible, don't even think of getting married until after 30, and travel the world. If you are going to have a career they say do something that you love rather than something that makes you a living or even rich. You don't want to waste the prime of your life.
I don't agree and my thoughts while simple, are much different and sadly formed off of my own regrets and lack of desire to be social because I did not do a good job in my teen years forcing myself to be more athletically involved and more social despite having the skills to do so. If you don't develop good habits as a young man you will delay important decisions as you get older and end up in bad positions even if everything falls into place later in life.
When you are in early your twenties you need to get a four year college degree. There are those who say college is worthless now and all it does is create debt etc. This may be true but a solid education can be obtained inexpensively which for most people help you get better opportunity. You can work and go to school but get that degree. You don't go to a no name college and get a degree in basket weaving for 25k a year in tuition. If you can get into a top college don't run away from that opportunity. If you can get into Duke or an Ivy League you go. I would take out those loans. For most kids you go to community college for a couple years and transfer to a good state school if you aren't yet finding path. A four year degree with a quality major from North Carolina State is well worth the price and even a little debt but creativity can cause you to graduate debt free even if you dont have the college experience your parents did. If you aren't that type for college, learn a skill and go to trade school. Get a plumbing license and learn how to run a business. You can get rich with these skills. There are lots of paths to take and most kids aren't sure what they want to do. Get your college degree and don't take out huge loans if you can avoid it and do not go to a no name private school with crazy tuition. If you have a talent or invent a product that requires full time work and you can make big money, don't go to college now. You can go later. You are the exception. Maximize that opportunity. My point is don't skip college because people are telling you not to go because of debt or that degrees are worthless. Have a plan. If you are like most kids just get your degree and sort things later. Youth is on your side.
Another piece of advice I give young men is to get married young if you can. This is made easier if you developed the social skills and confidence growing up with the guidance of a good father. If you spent your first 18 years inside not keeping yourself clean and just being a fat loser, you aren't ready for marriage as a younger man. However if you had a father or mentor teach you what to do when young, then you will understand what I am saying.
Getting married at a young age for a man makes sense for a multitude of reasons unless you do not want kids. If you don't want kids, don't ever get married. If you do, have them young and be glad you found a woman you love who wants to do the same. You fall in love when you are young, not when you are old. Getting married is not an easy task at a young age in today's world so don't think it does not require awareness to spot the young lady that sees things like you do. Remember women are at their peak sexual marketplace value in their twenties. If you are an older guy reading this, think of all the beautiful girls you knew as a younger man. They aren't around anymore and while you are waiting in to your thirties to marry they are spending their twenties having a lot of fun and marry you because they need your security. They aren't going to pair bond with you in their thirties after having sex with hundreds of guys in their twenties.
I fell in love with a gorgeous girl when I was 18. I was not mature the way I should have been even if I was considered mature by others. That girl loved me too even if other issues existed that should have ended the relationship long before we graduated college where marriage was discussed but I wasn't mature enough to push for as maybe I should have. Love makes you want to put out an effort. Would we have ended up divorced if we had married ? Probably. This likelihood is no more likely than if I had married her in my thirties. If she had waited that long she wouldn't be what she was in her twenties and as we age, my sexual marketplace value goes up while hers goes down and the chance of divorce rape goes up. Do not think for a minute that you need to wait to get married at 35 and some 22 year old will pick you. She wont but if she does, its because she has learned how to divorce rape at a young age not because you are some awesome catch who did everything right. Most people marry those near their own age for the first time. If you can meet a beautiful girl whose youth and ability to love matches yours, get married and build a life. If you think life is about spending your twenties sleeping with a lot of women it is not. If you can lock down a pretty girl who you love, you do it. Hopefully you are marrying someone of quality and you need be careful with your choices but if you meet one that is good, don't let the relationship die because you believe you are too young to marry and have a family.
Once you get married, don't be afraid to have kids. Get it done. Yes you want to enjoy the fun things of youth with just your spouse but if you are a man who wants kids and you feel you were lucky enough to get married to a girl who sees things the same as you do, have your kids and deal with all the economic and maturity issues that come with having kids in your twenties versus your thirties. You will have fun as a family doing things. Will you be a better dad in your thirties? Maybe. However, if you build your life right, you can be a good parent at a young age. Remember you are having kids with a woman while she is in her prime and capable of love. You are the lucky one. Most girls in their twenties look their best and love attention. They don't want to marry. If you found a quality one that will marry you, do not hesitate and have your kids.
Getting married in your twenties does not mean it will last and it does not mean there will be no problems because you are young and in love. What is does mean beyond the physical is also the economic. If you are getting married at any age, assume you will get divorced and begin to prepare for it and protect yourself. For all the ways you can do that, it is much easier to do when you don't have anything. While you want to make money as soon as possible, odds are you will be finishing school, building a business, or in the early stages of your career while in your twenties. Your bank roll will be low in your twenties. As you move into your thirties, the kids are getting older and can be more self sufficient which allows your wife to grow her career balancing the income or if not, you are that much closer to the end of child support years when the divorce happens in your mid to late thirties. If you divorce in a typical time frame that divorce happens, your financial payout will be less if you marry and have your kids young. You will also be young enough post divorce to enjoy many different women and you wont feel pressure to find a wife in your thirties so you can have kids. You are now in your prime, you have your kids, and while any divorce is not good, it is more easily managed as a younger man that an older man especially one who is successful financially.
No one wants to get divorced and if you are the lucky one who gets to be married 40 plus years and be happy you will be more fulfilled than if you just waited to do it in your thirties.
If you think I am wrong on this analysis, in part two of this timeline, you will learn the lessons of men who waited to get married until their thirties or were unable to get married at all.......
Make 2020 your best year and get the knowledge and mentorship from the right men, preferably your father, while you are young.
I know you remember that girl you dated in college or met soon after you both graduated. You probably married her. She is probably playing on her computer in another room right now as you read this contemplating how and when to divorce her. You might even be too chicken to divorce her but you wake up wondering each day when she is going to walk out on you now that she feels empowered by her hypergamus nature or her friends and neighbors who want her to suffer the misery they suffered because they failed in their own marriages and don't want to see others happy.
When you married her she probably had dropped out of college or had this meaningless liberal arts degree that couldn't get her a meaningful job that she didnt feel was beneath her other than school teacher. She likely hated it or couldn't even handle it and quit soon after starting the line of work she told everyone she was going to have once she finished school. Her desire to save the world suddenly changed to her own personal desire for survival because she knew she couldn't do anything but live paycheck to paycheck on her own in some crappy apartment. She then either doubled down with a worthless graduate degree or got a customer service job that she couldn't deal with because she hated people and the sexual harassment she faced from her boss if she was lucky because she was attractive. If she was fat or ugly she would soon morph into an even more open left leaning and man hating woman who suddenly had to suppress her desire for kids because life wasn't working out for her the way she thought it would. If she had student debt that only made her more angry.
Somewhere in her personal evolution she met you, the blue pilled white knight.
Your path was a bit different. You might have gotten a worthless liberal arts degree as well but you knew that more work had to be done. If you weren't smart enough to major in something that could get you a real job upon graduation, you got more education and a career path that could ultimately lead to a chance at real difference making income. If you weren't academically inclined, maybe you learned a trade and started a business where you made more money building it and working it than any over educated man who thought he was special because he had a business or law degree. You were making something of yourself but as is true with most men, you wanted a family. You wanted kids and to have a wife you loved and could take care of as men do. What you asked for in return was minimal and you soon saw the women you married had no interest in your needs despite all you did for her. Through this early journey in life you showed your success and the woman you are married to now and about ready to divorce saw you for your success or even your potential. She knew she was never going to achieve your success but unlike you, she could use her looks to get what you both wanted but only with different motives. She wasn't going to make an effort to build a career or work hard until she knew she couldn't get a man or that the man she did get was no longer going to pay for her life. While there are women who walk the same path you did and became successful earning their own way, those women were so rare and maybe not marriage material until they reached 35-40 and realized they needed to have some babies. These women were awesome and you probably met some but she was as driven as you and was not going to settle down until she achieved what she wanted often to her own detriment and regret.
You weren't going to wait around any longer for what you hoped to meet so you married your wife, the woman who is not paying any attention to you now and probably hasn't for years while she spends her free time playing on her computer doing anything from playing solitaire, to posting stuff on Facebook about your perfect looking kids, or your biggest fear, she is talking to other men or being sexual in ways online that she never even thought of doing with you. Maybe she is talking to the men she met at her gym or for activities she signed up for to get out of the house. Maybe she is addicted to porn or writing fan fiction where she shares her stories of Harry Potter characters having graphic sex in ways that if she would do those acts with you your marriage would not be near its end. Your mind races with possibilities about what she is doing online or out of the house while you continue to work to support your growing family. You know what each of you is contributing to the marriage and that it is grossly unequal, but you cannot decide what to do. Will you keep living this way? Her indifference is obvious despite the credit card she uses without limits.
While you wonder how everything got to this point as you relive your past of meeting this woman you thought was awesome to getting married to having kids to finally waking up to see what has happened, what you finally realize and likely too late is that your wife is smarter than you are and she controlled all the cards of your financial future and time with your kids the minute you said "I do" and allowed the State to control your life.
Once you get married, ask yourself what your wife was and how she evolved. She realized she wasn't going to be successful financially so she picked you because she saw you were or were going to earn better than she ever could. She had kids as soon as possible after your marriage so she could quit the job she hated or so she could work part time choosing her hours like she had some kind of control over what she did or didn't do workwise. Your success enabled her hidden sense of entitlement. She watched you work harder and harder while she spent more and more. Sex reduced drastically and the disdain she had for you became more open instead of hidden because she envied who you were knowing she never could be the person you are or achieve what you have achieved. In between her misery and self hating fits of narcisism she learned the divorce laws. If you weren't her first husband she already knew them when she married you. She sat back and did nothing to be a decent wife and was the worst human being knowing she would get the same financial payout as the woman who was an angel to her husband. If you didn't catch her having an affair with the men she met online at places like hifive.com or her online fan fiction communities, she was going to still get alimony when you divorced because of the income inequities that did not exist because of anything she sacrificed for you to earn money. If you think your wife didn't like sex or have fantasies you are ignorant. She has them and they likely don't involve you or anyone like you.
This whole scenario that started with your marriage is her living on the Marriage Scholarship and you are the Student loan company. Let me Explain.
When you got married and decided to have kids you gave your wife control of her future on your nickel even after the marriage ended. In addition to all the assets she will get despite contributing nothing, if she was smart enough to go from working full time to part time to stay at home mom before the divorce happens, you are going to be paying her lots of child support even if you are the rare man that gets equal custody of your kids. Your mind is racing right now as you look at your wife's employment choices or lack thereof since you got married. In North Carolina the difference between the child support payments on Schedule A versus Schedule B are so huge that women have real incentive to not agree to equal custody of kids. If you dont get so many overnight visits per year, you are on the wrong Schedule. If she along with even your own lawyers can convince you that you don't deserve or wont get equal custody from a Judge you will end up on the child support calculation grid with the wrong Schedule paying often more than 50% of your take home pay to a woman you don't even see any longer. Even with equal custody that you likely obtained only because you were forced to trial and you found things about your wife that might indicate mental illness, perversion, or the fact she isn't as good a mother as she pretends to be, you are still going to pay her every month because you achieved in life and she did not.
It gets even better in this great State of ours.
Once the majority of the marriage assets are given to her, the child support is calculated in a way to where the Court might not even say she can earn money further lining her pockets. Your wife must now time how long this shenanigan will last before she reluctantly returns to work. She will now finally do what she should have done and what you did before you got married and had kids. You completed a real education or trade and put yourself on a path to success while she used her looks to get men to meet the various needs of her youth. The Marriage Scholarship you unwillingly gave her will continue for years thanks to a local court system that does not make her work despite her 4 year college degree. With this freedom that will end in a few years even under the best of circumstances, she now enrolls in school to learn a new trade, a real trade. Over the next couple of years she might get a nursing degree or learn coding or something that gets her a job where she can actually pay her way better than she could when she made her pre marriage educational and job choices. This is an education or training you likely encouraged her to complete while you were married even volunteering from your busy schedule to watch the kids so she could do it. She basically laughed at you. She was already on Scholarship. The Marriage Scholarship. You didn't even know you were paying it out but you ignored it because your wife was pretty or you were the rare man in today's world who gets to have kids in what you think is a family environment. There are still a few men left today that think the 1950s were a great time in our society even though they werent alive during that time. Sadly Beaver Cleaver is pretty much dead and this dinosaur mindset as good as it is no longer exists.
Your wife being as smart as she is gets retrained in a way to where she starts earning money just as soon as even the worst man hating judge will stop her from living on your hard work post marriage will allow. Your ex gets trained to earn more money and now has an income after a late in life career change. The women who don't get married and have kids who want to get a career change often have to pay for school and work full time at an older time because they didn't do things when they were young. It is not easy for these women. Your wife is smarter than that however. Don't let her dead eyes and cold ways fool you. Once your wife completes her training, your child support might go down or it might not. You weren't given 2-4 years post divorce to take a break from working or try to change jobs and you are expected to keep earning. Dont lose your job or have your business fail. You will get no quarter from your wife or the courts while all her excused for being a lazy piece of garbage are embraced by the Court. You will be accused of suppressing your income when you try to get your child support reduced. The wife has cashed in and played you like a perfect fool all while lying to you, the court, her family, and her children. She loses no sleep while she surrounds herself with new friends who think she is amazing for overcoming a bad husband and can switch careers in her 40s all while living a big paid for house she got from her sorry, hard working husband in a divorce.
The Marriage Scholarship is one of the best educational tools for women in this country. If you are a man who is thinking of getting married or knows he will soon be getting divorced, you need to learn how to minimize these benefits your soon to be wife or ex wife is applying to receive. Remember she has lots of options when applying for these benefits. If the Scholarship you offer does not provide the benefits she could end up with a minority based Scholarship or even a same sex scholarship that has been made legal in some states. She could also get a Scholarship that lasts for life long after the kids have turned 18 because she put in the required time with you simply with her presence to make these life long benefits vest. The timing of her application is vital but if you don't think she knows all the terms and conditions upon applying you are a fool.
If you need help to minimize these benefits that you are going to pay now or in the future then you know who to call as we are an expert on Marriage Scholarships.
One of the first things I heard from people involved in my divorce process for all the bad things that were done to me by my wife was that it was my fault, I married her. This angered me even more as I wondered how I was responsible for what was done or for not noticing the type of person I married. This type of belief may be said in jest by others including your own lawyer but ultimately it is said without thought to shame men into taking responsibility their part in the ending of the divorce.
Contrary to popular belief, it does not take two to divorce. One persons behavior can be the sole cause of divorce. That does not mean that the other person is behaving properly all the time. We all do things that can frustrate our partners, but that is the day to day life of marriage which does not cause divorce. Divorce is caused over major things related to sex, money, infidelity, addictions, and overall lack of respect. If one partner behaves in a way related to these areas and you choose to leave, that does not mean you are responsible for the divorce and do not let any person or lawyer tell you that you need to take responsibility for your part in the divorce when you did nothing wrong and acted in a way for years that a good woman would value and appreciate. Remember 25% of marriage do not end in divorce so you have a one in four chance of meeting a quality woman and building a family and a legacy. Bad women should not be let off the hook and men need to change the narrative rather than except blame because society and the divorce system expects you to simply because you are the man. This is very similar to the mindset we have created in society that says black people cannot be racist. Ignoring the reality continues to help keep society divided.
If you behaved in a bad way and are getting divorced, then you need to accept what you did and suffer the consequences. If you cheated or disrespected your wife to the point the relationship went bad, then you as a man need to ask yourself why you are now in the position of divorce rape and minimal custodial time with your kids. Divorce punishes men no matter who is at fault, but if you are the cause of the breakup of your marriage and family, quite frankly you deserve whatever you get in divorce court when it comes to the loss of money. However if your wife was the cause of the breakup, even if her fault is not going to get you more of your assets, you should not be shamed into accepting that you did anything to cause the divorce. This shaming is done to keep you from fighting for what you have earned and to accept a less than equal custody schedule of your kids. This keeps the divorce industry moving forward smoother and gets men to believe they are at fault for a divorce when more often than not it is women who are the sole cause of them majority of divorces in this country.
The woman you marry is the same woman you divorce unless you get married when you are very young and even then then change is minimal. In most situations they do not change who they are from the time they meet you until the time they divorce. This is especially true the older your wife is when you marry her. While you should marry at a younger age and deal with the rough patches of growth that occur when living life in your twenties, if you marry a woman older than 30, you are marrying who and what she is and will be the rest of her life. The question is how long she can hide it to meet get her agenda met. As a man you have to be able to figure out if it is a bad woman early on before you marry her and distance yourself from her no matter how big her breasts are or how good she is in the sack. This is not easy and made even more difficult if you have delayed having children until after age 30. A mans decision, either intentional or not, to have kids late in life is going to increase the likelihood he will marry a bad woman who will destroy you emotionally and financially.
If the woman you marry is virtuous and understands what it is to be a wife from everything to raising kids, being loyal, not acting like a whore, and dealing with you openly and honestly, while you still may end up being divorced, your divorce is not likely to result from her suddenly behaving in ways that showed a part of her character that she hid from you when you met, dated, and even early on in the marriage. A marriage can be both parties fault but if it the result of her actions or lack thereof, you should not be trained into thinking you did anything wrong and keep the mindset to fight with everything you have to win a proper custody and financial result. If you have a good lawyer, they will encourage this fight. Most will simply tell you you wont get equal custody of your kids and the money is lost. You are getting divorced because you no longer want to live a life of defeatism so watch who you have in your life as you start the divorce process both personally and professionally.
If you are early in the process of your divorce, ask yourself honestly why you are divorcing. If your wife left you and you didn't do anything that involved cheating, abuse, or day to day disrespect, you left because she does not want to be married to you and either has a boyfriend or wants to be alone with the kids why you pay all her bills. She knows there is a reward for her for divorcing regardless of fault.
The scary woman is the one who you married while she pretended to be something she wasn't. She may have pretended to be virtuous and respectful, but instead she had secrets. These secrets are best hidden from the traditional man. You might be at work all day while your wife is staying at home with the kids. She does not keep the house clean and uses excuses about why she wont have sex with you. You don't feel a genuine welcoming from her when you come home and it is clear her kids are her priority even if she isn't that good of a mom. She can keep this facade going for as long as she needs while she drives you to leave. You wonder what you are doing wrong as you basically take care of her while you build a foundation for the two of you to enjoy once the kids are out of the house. You know something isn't right but you just cant put your finger on it. She is on the computer all the time and has her alcohol bottles hidden in the kitchen cabinet thinking you don't notice it. She has valued her friends more than you and her eyes light up when she sees other men yet you are looked at with disdain because you cant be that wild crazy non responsible man that she wants to hang out with but not be with in public around her family. She is living a double life. Her lies are used to cover lies. Even the biggest beta man can see something is wrong. She isn't going to change and the more she gets away with the worse her behavior. You are now stuck. You have kids and have worked hard but your partner is basically showing herself the more locked in you are to her financially. She isn't going anywhere as long as she can do what she wants because you pay the bills and avoid her because you despise what she has become. She also knows you aren't going to leave even though your marriage has become a farce and she has an agenda to maximize her stability, the stability of the kids, and the financial payout.
As you think about these things, how much of this applies to your marriage? You don't even know all the secrets. It is probably worse than you think it is. You know why your wife hasn't left yet even though she clearly sees you as no longer necessary to her life. At some point you leave and it shocks her and now she plays victim and makes up all sorts of stories to justify blaming you for the divorce. Your friends take her side because she is the story teller. Is your lawyer asking you to take blame for what you probably did even though he or she has never really listened and likely does not care about the dynamics of your marriage? You are trained to take the blame for the ending of a marriage you gave everything to put your family first. When this becomes your mindset you will soon find yourself agreeing to pay out too much money to your ex and settle for every other weekend custody.
If you screwed up your marriage by cheating or being an insecure bully, accept responsibility, settle the money part quickly, and fight for equal custody of your kids. If you arent that guy and it turns out you married a narcisistic woman who maybe was an alcoholic or a computer addict who valued others over what you provided because you aren't the tatooed up guy who is the life of the party with all sorts of stories, don't accept blame for what she did. If your wife is pretty she can fool you. She can pretend to be anything she wants to get you to be with her even if she never cared about you. You will wake up one day and handle it accordingly but do not ever take blame for your divorce when you handled your business like a boss. We all can be more exciting and fun etc but no matter how much you improved in those areas it likely isn't who you are and your wife would still want attention elsewhere.
Instead of letting others steer you into taking responsibility for what your sorry wife did, be glad you initiated the divorce and found the courage to get rid of your wife. She is the sorry piece of garbage you think she is. The problem you need to focus on is the wife who is going to feel scorned because she misread your courage to get divorced. The scorned woman will make one or more of her children pay for her failures and unhappiness. You are going to face battles over social, educational, and medical issues with your kids and expect her to take one of them and begin to destroy her self esteem and development. The will be give IEP plans at school and medication prescribed by a doctor who cares nothing about these young patients he prescribes medicine. This is your fight and for you to fight the post initiation of the divorce you need to be strong and not be shamed into a your the bad guy who caused your divorce.
Be strong gentleman and fight for yourself and be proud of how you handled your business as a man. Dominating your household and taking care of a family is a sign of strength and true manliness. Once you realize your wife is using the system to take advantage of you because of her own self hate, make your own life, enjoy your freedom, and do positive things for your kids while you fight the ex wife's attempt at their destruction because she is already a failed woman who you happened to cross paths with at the wrong time in life.