I know you remember that girl you dated in college or met soon after you both graduated. You probably married her. She is probably playing on her computer in another room right now as you read this contemplating how and when to divorce her. You might even be too chicken to divorce her but you wake up wondering each day when she is going to walk out on you now that she feels empowered by her hypergamus nature or her friends and neighbors who want her to suffer the misery they suffered because they failed in their own marriages and don't want to see others happy.
When you married her she probably had dropped out of college or had this meaningless liberal arts degree that couldn't get her a meaningful job that she didnt feel was beneath her other than school teacher. She likely hated it or couldn't even handle it and quit soon after starting the line of work she told everyone she was going to have once she finished school. Her desire to save the world suddenly changed to her own personal desire for survival because she knew she couldn't do anything but live paycheck to paycheck on her own in some crappy apartment. She then either doubled down with a worthless graduate degree or got a customer service job that she couldn't deal with because she hated people and the sexual harassment she faced from her boss if she was lucky because she was attractive. If she was fat or ugly she would soon morph into an even more open left leaning and man hating woman who suddenly had to suppress her desire for kids because life wasn't working out for her the way she thought it would. If she had student debt that only made her more angry.
Somewhere in her personal evolution she met you, the blue pilled white knight.
Your path was a bit different. You might have gotten a worthless liberal arts degree as well but you knew that more work had to be done. If you weren't smart enough to major in something that could get you a real job upon graduation, you got more education and a career path that could ultimately lead to a chance at real difference making income. If you weren't academically inclined, maybe you learned a trade and started a business where you made more money building it and working it than any over educated man who thought he was special because he had a business or law degree. You were making something of yourself but as is true with most men, you wanted a family. You wanted kids and to have a wife you loved and could take care of as men do. What you asked for in return was minimal and you soon saw the women you married had no interest in your needs despite all you did for her. Through this early journey in life you showed your success and the woman you are married to now and about ready to divorce saw you for your success or even your potential. She knew she was never going to achieve your success but unlike you, she could use her looks to get what you both wanted but only with different motives. She wasn't going to make an effort to build a career or work hard until she knew she couldn't get a man or that the man she did get was no longer going to pay for her life. While there are women who walk the same path you did and became successful earning their own way, those women were so rare and maybe not marriage material until they reached 35-40 and realized they needed to have some babies. These women were awesome and you probably met some but she was as driven as you and was not going to settle down until she achieved what she wanted often to her own detriment and regret.
You weren't going to wait around any longer for what you hoped to meet so you married your wife, the woman who is not paying any attention to you now and probably hasn't for years while she spends her free time playing on her computer doing anything from playing solitaire, to posting stuff on Facebook about your perfect looking kids, or your biggest fear, she is talking to other men or being sexual in ways online that she never even thought of doing with you. Maybe she is talking to the men she met at her gym or for activities she signed up for to get out of the house. Maybe she is addicted to porn or writing fan fiction where she shares her stories of Harry Potter characters having graphic sex in ways that if she would do those acts with you your marriage would not be near its end. Your mind races with possibilities about what she is doing online or out of the house while you continue to work to support your growing family. You know what each of you is contributing to the marriage and that it is grossly unequal, but you cannot decide what to do. Will you keep living this way? Her indifference is obvious despite the credit card she uses without limits.
While you wonder how everything got to this point as you relive your past of meeting this woman you thought was awesome to getting married to having kids to finally waking up to see what has happened, what you finally realize and likely too late is that your wife is smarter than you are and she controlled all the cards of your financial future and time with your kids the minute you said "I do" and allowed the State to control your life.
Once you get married, ask yourself what your wife was and how she evolved. She realized she wasn't going to be successful financially so she picked you because she saw you were or were going to earn better than she ever could. She had kids as soon as possible after your marriage so she could quit the job she hated or so she could work part time choosing her hours like she had some kind of control over what she did or didn't do workwise. Your success enabled her hidden sense of entitlement. She watched you work harder and harder while she spent more and more. Sex reduced drastically and the disdain she had for you became more open instead of hidden because she envied who you were knowing she never could be the person you are or achieve what you have achieved. In between her misery and self hating fits of narcisism she learned the divorce laws. If you weren't her first husband she already knew them when she married you. She sat back and did nothing to be a decent wife and was the worst human being knowing she would get the same financial payout as the woman who was an angel to her husband. If you didn't catch her having an affair with the men she met online at places like hifive.com or her online fan fiction communities, she was going to still get alimony when you divorced because of the income inequities that did not exist because of anything she sacrificed for you to earn money. If you think your wife didn't like sex or have fantasies you are ignorant. She has them and they likely don't involve you or anyone like you.
This whole scenario that started with your marriage is her living on the Marriage Scholarship and you are the Student loan company. Let me Explain.
When you got married and decided to have kids you gave your wife control of her future on your nickel even after the marriage ended. In addition to all the assets she will get despite contributing nothing, if she was smart enough to go from working full time to part time to stay at home mom before the divorce happens, you are going to be paying her lots of child support even if you are the rare man that gets equal custody of your kids. Your mind is racing right now as you look at your wife's employment choices or lack thereof since you got married. In North Carolina the difference between the child support payments on Schedule A versus Schedule B are so huge that women have real incentive to not agree to equal custody of kids. If you dont get so many overnight visits per year, you are on the wrong Schedule. If she along with even your own lawyers can convince you that you don't deserve or wont get equal custody from a Judge you will end up on the child support calculation grid with the wrong Schedule paying often more than 50% of your take home pay to a woman you don't even see any longer. Even with equal custody that you likely obtained only because you were forced to trial and you found things about your wife that might indicate mental illness, perversion, or the fact she isn't as good a mother as she pretends to be, you are still going to pay her every month because you achieved in life and she did not.
It gets even better in this great State of ours.
Once the majority of the marriage assets are given to her, the child support is calculated in a way to where the Court might not even say she can earn money further lining her pockets. Your wife must now time how long this shenanigan will last before she reluctantly returns to work. She will now finally do what she should have done and what you did before you got married and had kids. You completed a real education or trade and put yourself on a path to success while she used her looks to get men to meet the various needs of her youth. The Marriage Scholarship you unwillingly gave her will continue for years thanks to a local court system that does not make her work despite her 4 year college degree. With this freedom that will end in a few years even under the best of circumstances, she now enrolls in school to learn a new trade, a real trade. Over the next couple of years she might get a nursing degree or learn coding or something that gets her a job where she can actually pay her way better than she could when she made her pre marriage educational and job choices. This is an education or training you likely encouraged her to complete while you were married even volunteering from your busy schedule to watch the kids so she could do it. She basically laughed at you. She was already on Scholarship. The Marriage Scholarship. You didn't even know you were paying it out but you ignored it because your wife was pretty or you were the rare man in today's world who gets to have kids in what you think is a family environment. There are still a few men left today that think the 1950s were a great time in our society even though they werent alive during that time. Sadly Beaver Cleaver is pretty much dead and this dinosaur mindset as good as it is no longer exists.
Your wife being as smart as she is gets retrained in a way to where she starts earning money just as soon as even the worst man hating judge will stop her from living on your hard work post marriage will allow. Your ex gets trained to earn more money and now has an income after a late in life career change. The women who don't get married and have kids who want to get a career change often have to pay for school and work full time at an older time because they didn't do things when they were young. It is not easy for these women. Your wife is smarter than that however. Don't let her dead eyes and cold ways fool you. Once your wife completes her training, your child support might go down or it might not. You weren't given 2-4 years post divorce to take a break from working or try to change jobs and you are expected to keep earning. Dont lose your job or have your business fail. You will get no quarter from your wife or the courts while all her excused for being a lazy piece of garbage are embraced by the Court. You will be accused of suppressing your income when you try to get your child support reduced. The wife has cashed in and played you like a perfect fool all while lying to you, the court, her family, and her children. She loses no sleep while she surrounds herself with new friends who think she is amazing for overcoming a bad husband and can switch careers in her 40s all while living a big paid for house she got from her sorry, hard working husband in a divorce.
The Marriage Scholarship is one of the best educational tools for women in this country. If you are a man who is thinking of getting married or knows he will soon be getting divorced, you need to learn how to minimize these benefits your soon to be wife or ex wife is applying to receive. Remember she has lots of options when applying for these benefits. If the Scholarship you offer does not provide the benefits she could end up with a minority based Scholarship or even a same sex scholarship that has been made legal in some states. She could also get a Scholarship that lasts for life long after the kids have turned 18 because she put in the required time with you simply with her presence to make these life long benefits vest. The timing of her application is vital but if you don't think she knows all the terms and conditions upon applying you are a fool.
If you need help to minimize these benefits that you are going to pay now or in the future then you know who to call as we are an expert on Marriage Scholarships.
One of the first things I heard from people involved in my divorce process for all the bad things that were done to me by my wife was that it was my fault, I married her. This angered me even more as I wondered how I was responsible for what was done or for not noticing the type of person I married. This type of belief may be said in jest by others including your own lawyer but ultimately it is said without thought to shame men into taking responsibility their part in the ending of the divorce.
Contrary to popular belief, it does not take two to divorce. One persons behavior can be the sole cause of divorce. That does not mean that the other person is behaving properly all the time. We all do things that can frustrate our partners, but that is the day to day life of marriage which does not cause divorce. Divorce is caused over major things related to sex, money, infidelity, addictions, and overall lack of respect. If one partner behaves in a way related to these areas and you choose to leave, that does not mean you are responsible for the divorce and do not let any person or lawyer tell you that you need to take responsibility for your part in the divorce when you did nothing wrong and acted in a way for years that a good woman would value and appreciate. Remember 25% of marriage do not end in divorce so you have a one in four chance of meeting a quality woman and building a family and a legacy. Bad women should not be let off the hook and men need to change the narrative rather than except blame because society and the divorce system expects you to simply because you are the man. This is very similar to the mindset we have created in society that says black people cannot be racist. Ignoring the reality continues to help keep society divided.
If you behaved in a bad way and are getting divorced, then you need to accept what you did and suffer the consequences. If you cheated or disrespected your wife to the point the relationship went bad, then you as a man need to ask yourself why you are now in the position of divorce rape and minimal custodial time with your kids. Divorce punishes men no matter who is at fault, but if you are the cause of the breakup of your marriage and family, quite frankly you deserve whatever you get in divorce court when it comes to the loss of money. However if your wife was the cause of the breakup, even if her fault is not going to get you more of your assets, you should not be shamed into accepting that you did anything to cause the divorce. This shaming is done to keep you from fighting for what you have earned and to accept a less than equal custody schedule of your kids. This keeps the divorce industry moving forward smoother and gets men to believe they are at fault for a divorce when more often than not it is women who are the sole cause of them majority of divorces in this country.
The woman you marry is the same woman you divorce unless you get married when you are very young and even then then change is minimal. In most situations they do not change who they are from the time they meet you until the time they divorce. This is especially true the older your wife is when you marry her. While you should marry at a younger age and deal with the rough patches of growth that occur when living life in your twenties, if you marry a woman older than 30, you are marrying who and what she is and will be the rest of her life. The question is how long she can hide it to meet get her agenda met. As a man you have to be able to figure out if it is a bad woman early on before you marry her and distance yourself from her no matter how big her breasts are or how good she is in the sack. This is not easy and made even more difficult if you have delayed having children until after age 30. A mans decision, either intentional or not, to have kids late in life is going to increase the likelihood he will marry a bad woman who will destroy you emotionally and financially.
If the woman you marry is virtuous and understands what it is to be a wife from everything to raising kids, being loyal, not acting like a whore, and dealing with you openly and honestly, while you still may end up being divorced, your divorce is not likely to result from her suddenly behaving in ways that showed a part of her character that she hid from you when you met, dated, and even early on in the marriage. A marriage can be both parties fault but if it the result of her actions or lack thereof, you should not be trained into thinking you did anything wrong and keep the mindset to fight with everything you have to win a proper custody and financial result. If you have a good lawyer, they will encourage this fight. Most will simply tell you you wont get equal custody of your kids and the money is lost. You are getting divorced because you no longer want to live a life of defeatism so watch who you have in your life as you start the divorce process both personally and professionally.
If you are early in the process of your divorce, ask yourself honestly why you are divorcing. If your wife left you and you didn't do anything that involved cheating, abuse, or day to day disrespect, you left because she does not want to be married to you and either has a boyfriend or wants to be alone with the kids why you pay all her bills. She knows there is a reward for her for divorcing regardless of fault.
The scary woman is the one who you married while she pretended to be something she wasn't. She may have pretended to be virtuous and respectful, but instead she had secrets. These secrets are best hidden from the traditional man. You might be at work all day while your wife is staying at home with the kids. She does not keep the house clean and uses excuses about why she wont have sex with you. You don't feel a genuine welcoming from her when you come home and it is clear her kids are her priority even if she isn't that good of a mom. She can keep this facade going for as long as she needs while she drives you to leave. You wonder what you are doing wrong as you basically take care of her while you build a foundation for the two of you to enjoy once the kids are out of the house. You know something isn't right but you just cant put your finger on it. She is on the computer all the time and has her alcohol bottles hidden in the kitchen cabinet thinking you don't notice it. She has valued her friends more than you and her eyes light up when she sees other men yet you are looked at with disdain because you cant be that wild crazy non responsible man that she wants to hang out with but not be with in public around her family. She is living a double life. Her lies are used to cover lies. Even the biggest beta man can see something is wrong. She isn't going to change and the more she gets away with the worse her behavior. You are now stuck. You have kids and have worked hard but your partner is basically showing herself the more locked in you are to her financially. She isn't going anywhere as long as she can do what she wants because you pay the bills and avoid her because you despise what she has become. She also knows you aren't going to leave even though your marriage has become a farce and she has an agenda to maximize her stability, the stability of the kids, and the financial payout.
As you think about these things, how much of this applies to your marriage? You don't even know all the secrets. It is probably worse than you think it is. You know why your wife hasn't left yet even though she clearly sees you as no longer necessary to her life. At some point you leave and it shocks her and now she plays victim and makes up all sorts of stories to justify blaming you for the divorce. Your friends take her side because she is the story teller. Is your lawyer asking you to take blame for what you probably did even though he or she has never really listened and likely does not care about the dynamics of your marriage? You are trained to take the blame for the ending of a marriage you gave everything to put your family first. When this becomes your mindset you will soon find yourself agreeing to pay out too much money to your ex and settle for every other weekend custody.
If you screwed up your marriage by cheating or being an insecure bully, accept responsibility, settle the money part quickly, and fight for equal custody of your kids. If you arent that guy and it turns out you married a narcisistic woman who maybe was an alcoholic or a computer addict who valued others over what you provided because you aren't the tatooed up guy who is the life of the party with all sorts of stories, don't accept blame for what she did. If your wife is pretty she can fool you. She can pretend to be anything she wants to get you to be with her even if she never cared about you. You will wake up one day and handle it accordingly but do not ever take blame for your divorce when you handled your business like a boss. We all can be more exciting and fun etc but no matter how much you improved in those areas it likely isn't who you are and your wife would still want attention elsewhere.
Instead of letting others steer you into taking responsibility for what your sorry wife did, be glad you initiated the divorce and found the courage to get rid of your wife. She is the sorry piece of garbage you think she is. The problem you need to focus on is the wife who is going to feel scorned because she misread your courage to get divorced. The scorned woman will make one or more of her children pay for her failures and unhappiness. You are going to face battles over social, educational, and medical issues with your kids and expect her to take one of them and begin to destroy her self esteem and development. The will be give IEP plans at school and medication prescribed by a doctor who cares nothing about these young patients he prescribes medicine. This is your fight and for you to fight the post initiation of the divorce you need to be strong and not be shamed into a your the bad guy who caused your divorce.
Be strong gentleman and fight for yourself and be proud of how you handled your business as a man. Dominating your household and taking care of a family is a sign of strength and true manliness. Once you realize your wife is using the system to take advantage of you because of her own self hate, make your own life, enjoy your freedom, and do positive things for your kids while you fight the ex wife's attempt at their destruction because she is already a failed woman who you happened to cross paths with at the wrong time in life.