These are sad times that we are living in, especially when it comes to relationships. Men are wanting a family just as much as prior generations. What men have been learning for about 25 years is that young women are not your mother and her values have all but disappeared. They are not into being with just one man and they view marriage as a take it or leave it proposition. If circumstances don't allow them to get married or have kids on their terms, they will pick one man when they are 35 who they likely don't care about but who can provide for their sperm or financial needs. If you aren't a high value man, as you push towards age 30 and beyond it can be a set up for disaster and a life filled with loneliness and constant disappointments. Even men who have looks. money, and personality are finding it hard to create a family like their parents did.
So what is a man to do?
With all that is going on in terms of how people treat each other and how women make it known that men are not valuable, the easy answer is to say don't get married or don't give a woman a chance to intertwine with you in your life so she can end up taking whatever she wants from you when she is ready. This is all fine and good if you don't want kids, but if you do you must begin asking yourself where you fall in terms of value, how to recognize when your wife or girlfriend sees you as having no value, and how and when to extricate yourself from your domestic life. It is not easy and there are many ways of doing it.
I always considered myself a high value man growing up for reasons that don't really matter. I wanted to get married young and have a family. While that may not make sense to some, especially if I am as high value as I say and could get women pretty easily, it did for me. I could not have imagined being young and not being able to get girls to even to date me. I knew many that had that problem. While I had white knight nice guy vibes as a young man, I was still in demand when compared to most guys my age. For whatever reason, I was not able to get married young like I had hoped. As I aged, my options became single moms and divorcees. If you aren't married as a man by age 30, you are not likely going to get someone who has been waiting to meet you. Those girls get married young and are the most likely to stay married. While the circumstances that can make a decent woman a divorcee or a single mom can certainly happen, as a man ages, if he wants a wife or family he is going to end up with the divorcee or single mom. This creates a lot of problems that many men ignore because they are so happy to be getting someone to be with them despite all the time being single with no luck when they were younger. Does this mean a man settled or he made a choice that was going to turn out bad for him no matter how much he loved the woman he found later in life by choice or by delaying getting married for whatever reason? I never felt that I settled but I failed to realize the damage was done to her long before I ever appeared. I was just the man to make her feel better about the fact her first marriage failed.
I did not get married until I was 35. I am was not getting better looking as I aged, and with rare exception that usually involves money, as a man ages, he simply isn't going to meet that woman that looks at him with admiration and love like they did until they turned age 25(you know those girls from your youth who got married to some newly appearing guy causing you to never see her again). The women you will meet on the other side of 30 might still be pretty on some level if they are close to your age, but their heart has gone through the pain of a prior divorce or they have kids from a marriage and they take up all their time. You aren't getting an emotionally available woman no matter how well she fakes like she cares. Some women are good at faking it and it can be 10 plus years with her before you wake up.
What men fail to realize, especially when they get a wife at a later age like 35, is that she isn't likely going to want to be with you long term. Some can fake it better than others for a period of time, but if you are now facing divorce, ask yourself if your wife ever really cared and bonded with you especially if you married after age 30. She might look all innocent but she is probably a closet ho who has cheated on you or is planning on it pushing the limits with some new guy she met at work or at the gym. She will be able to hide all her transgressions helped by your ignorance. She will have kids with you but she still thinks about her first husband who she loved but disappointed her or the bad boys who would use her for a sex toy with no commitment if they could. She's living her fantasies with others and not you. Maybe you recognized this but you didn't care because you wanted a pretty wife to have kids with and no matter her past, you felt like the luckiest guy in the world. Once the kids were born you would tolerate even more no matter how much she might drink, how many late night activities she has, or how much time she spends on the computer. You got the family you wanted. Joy and pain all mixed together.
One thing I ignored despite all of the above facts applying to me, was that I would never have my wife's heart even if we had two kids. She didn't care about me and I allowed myself to jump into marriage with her despite the ink barely being dry on her first divorce. I could never get a straight answer about why they divorced and nothing made sense no matter what she told me, but I didn't care. She was pretty and we were going to have gorgeous kids. We did too. I didn't see that I was just a sperm donor and a financial net to help her get the kids the first husband couldn't or wouldn't give her all while helping her build equity with a share of my hard work so when the relationship was over, she could get paid just for being my wife even if she contributed nothing to the building of my business or the maintaining of it. Being someone's second choice or a rebound is not a smart move but logic can be a big part of why men make bad decisions. We know what we do is wrong but the alternative could be worse.
Once you are the choice of a woman whose first choice failed or disappointed her, you can be the best guy in the world and you will never have her heart and she will only stay with you until something better comes along or until you cannot meet her financial needs. When a woman gets with you soon after failing with another man, even if you have kids, your marriage isn't likely to last or be one filled with genuine love. Can divorcees and single moms love again? Yes. Just understand the odds are against it and the odds of a long term relationship with one is lower than if she was neither of those things.
I do not bring this up as a woe is me to my bad choices as I own everything I do good or bad. I bring this up to help men understand whether divorce is right for them. How and under what circumstances did you meet your wife and how soon after did you get married? Had she been married before? Did she have kids with a prior man? How long after you meet her did you get married and start your family? The answers to these questions are usually bad the longer you wait to marry, but marrying old or young, men fail to believe that their wife is no longer with them emotionally and likely stopped caring just because they have not initiated a divorce.
Women are survivors and will use any means necessary to protect their existence. If you get entangled with one who clearly has a past that involves prior husbands or kids, you are setting yourself up for failure. She is still thinking about someone from her past and the longer she is with you, she will soon start thinking about someone to be her future. Once a man understands these things, he will be on a proper path to divorce rather than living miserably around a woman who does not respect or care. We all get married for a reason and many men see the negativity of a woman to be worth the kids they get. Female nature is a hard pill to swallow and I swallowed it big time. I am glad I had the courage to leave her once I started seeing the behavior and the inability to care from my wife. She didn't want to be with me and the fact we got married and started having kids so soon after her first marriage failed should have been a red flag.
If you are in a situation of flux because your wife is transferring away from you, take a look back and things will suddenly click for you as to why you are having problems and how she really feels. The biggest mistake a man can make is staying in a bad marriage. Once she's left you emotionally and probably physically, you will never get her back. Reclaim your life and learn from your mistakes.
I seem to be one of the few people who believe if you are going to marry and have kids, that you should do it when you are young, ideally between the age of 20-25. I have discussed this before in prior posts. While it is obvious that both men and women and still immature even when they are mature at that young age, for men the advantages of getting married and having your family when you are young far outweigh the disadvantages of trying to do it when you are older. There is a reason why men like younger women. When you are a young man in your physical prime, when combined with your day to day social circles, this is the age that is best to meet a young beautiful woman who not only isnt jaded by the experience of life, but still looks her best and could possibly have the ability to feel something for you, even if temporarily. Does this mean you are less likely to get divorced by marrying young? Probably not. Does it create some financial struggles that you may not suffer if you wait and build your career first? Probably. Does your maturing in full mean you will be able to choose a better partner in your 30s than you would as a younger man? Probably not. Does marrying young reduce the likelihood of significant financial divorce rape assuming you are educating yourself on the nature of women from a young age? Yes it does. Does all of this matter less if your plan is to slug through life and achieve little to nothing? Maybe.
One of my biggest regrets was not marrying and having kids when I was young. Waiting until you are in your 30s to get married, especially after you have spent your mid to late 20s going to school and or building a business or career to the point where it is just starting to take off just as you are thinking you are getting married is sheer stupidity for a lot of reasons. Even if you are making significantly more more money that most everyone, the financial stability you might think you are creating for yourself is not likely to lead to meeting and marrying a quality woman. If you are in your 30s, doing well, thinking you are going to meet a great partner who is younger, the odds are you if you do you will be pairing off with a gold digger who does not have the ability to love an older guy like she does a guy her age.
Most men will be marrying and having children with women near their own age. You arent likely a guy who is the 35 year old dating a 20-25 year old with any type of seriousness assuming you can even get one. If you have made it to your early to mid 30s and are now trying to meet a woman to marry and have kids you are not walking down a path that is likely going to get you destroyed emotionally and financially because of what I call the Bait and Switch perpetrated by many women who are on the wrong side of 30 trying to find a husband for security or because they want kids.
Let me explain.
I did not get married until I was 35. That was almost 20 years ago. This was a time when social media was non existent. It was a non Facebook time in life . Online dating was in its infancy and still not all that accepted. I met my wife online. I thought I had hit the jackpot but what i failed to realize is that who I was marrying was not genuine in her emotions or desires. I would soon learn I was nothing but a financial security blanket who had no other value to her. That is on me and maybe I knew it at the time and chose to ignore it because at age 35, no matter how good my personality was or how well I did in my profession, I was still 35. I wasted my 20s and allowed many women who truly had the ability to feel slip through my fingers. My window for having children with a pretty girl who was atleast a decent person, who didnt already have kids, was closing and closing fast. I had no time to think some perfect person was going to walk through the door. It wasnt about settling but instead getting a woman who had lived her 20s already and was basically dead on the inside. She still wanted kids and to be a family, but it was not caring about anyone other than herself and her own needs. I ended up leaving her despite not wanting to be divorced and the divorce rape and parental alienation was off the charts bad. I suffered because of her anger at the other men who she loved or wanted before me that didnt treat her right. I paid the price. That being said, I cant say wouldnt do it all over again especially seeing how social media and feminism have destroyed women even more in the past 20 years. I got two beautiful daughters who I have a great relationship with despite efforts by their mom to eliminate it. I wouldnt want to be a young man, muchless one over 30, trying to find a wife and build a family in todays selfie, me first, society that these young women live in. There are still nice young women around, but these girls marry young now more so than they did 20-30 years ago. Those that dont who fail at it, spend the rest of their lives trying to trick men into believing they have their life together. They dont but they are pros at fooling the men who try to date or have serious relationships with them.
For those of you contemplating a divorce or wondering why your relationship didnt work out, especially if you married a woman closer to age 30, ask yourself what the woman portrayed herself to be versus what she actually is. She fooled you for a time. It was long enough to get kids from you and or the money you provided no matter who ended the relationship.
Is this your scenario?
You met this woman. Shes been married and divorced or maybe she was single and spent her 20s sleeping with every type of man possible. She appears timid and shy to you and her sexuality is repressed in bed. She looks great though. You cant believe your luck. You have a great job, plenty of money, and a house. You cant possibly believe this woman you met is such a manipulator. She hides all her baggage and mental health issues. She hides her physical problems as well. It could be endomitriosis or being a fake exerciser or health nut only to be lazy or spending way too much time in a walking boot claiming plantar faciatis from too much running. She hides all this when you are dating because you dont live with her or see her everyday. All you see is her pretty face or giant breasts and you are ready to take the next step leading to marriage and a family. For all you offer, you arent young and you want a family as well. This desire causes you to be stupid.
You moved the woman into your house. She hides her mental and physical problems while dodging you sexually and underperforming in the bed. She looks good though and your desire to reproduce only solidifies. You find her spending way too much time on the computer and wonder why bottles of vodka are under the sink or Jack Daniels has his own corner of your kitchen cabinets.
You marry her. Her goals are now accomplished. She knows the divorce laws and knows she will get paid. She times sex with ovulation and her strong genes combined with your own causes her to get pregnant quickly with little difficulty. This begins a pattern of little to no sex that will eventually lead to no sex once she births the final kid. It might be one or two but she decides. Despite your desire for more while showing her how you provide for the family so she can be a stay at home mom or work at her leisure does not matter. Its all about her desires. Her mental and physical problems are no longer hidden. What are you going to do? Nothing. She is now a completely different woman than the one you married. She avoids you physically and is indifferent to contributing anything to the relationship. If you stay you are miserable and feel regret. If you leave, especially with young kids, you are shamed and pay her for all the work you have done. Some choice right?
Now dont think she is no longer a sexual being or is boring. She has a computer life. Shes on Facebook all day or maybe she was like my wife who stayed up until wee hours of the morning writing fan fiction with stories involving Harry Potter kids having sex with hogwarts. There are characters named after your kids. If the sexual acts she described in her stories were being performed on you, your marriage would be fine. People with good sex lives dont end up in divorce courts no matter how crazy the wife is. Shes sharing these other stories with men. She might be having phone sex with them or even meeting men who only want sex from her knowing she is your problem financially. They dont want her long term. They just want to look and touch her nice mom body that you paid for. Shes living the life while you work like a slave thinking you are the King of your world.
What do you do now? You lose either way and she knows it. She completely faked who and what she is and you were the victim. No fault divorce and failed people want the family unit destroyed so there is no accountability for these women. Men certainly are at fault for getting themselves into situations, but we dont deserve what happens to us financially and should not have to struggle to get to see our kids equally.
Think about what is going on the world. Married women spend more time demonstrating their hate and indifference for their husbands while they support social justice and men like George Floyd and Jacob Blake who are brutalizers of women. You keep her fed and sheltered while very little is expected of her yet once she is with you, she prefers to spend time posting about Black Lives Matter on her Facebook page and reading Harry Potter sex stories than spend an evening with her husband. Her friends are just like her. Her older friends are multiple divorced. Her mom friends all make fun of their husbands. Even if she hasnt moved on to physical cheating, she is likely psycologically cheating on you sharing thoughts and fantasies with thugs or white knight men. She isnt into those fantasies with you, but shes writing or talking to other about them.
You are getting divorced. It is just a matter of when. She isnt leaving until it benefits her the most financially and it may be while the kids are still child support tools or when you are middle aged and she can cash out and be 50 years old trying to get young men to give them attention.
Ultimately you as a man have to decide how you want to handle your family and relationship life. If you dont want children, do not ever marry and dont move a woman into your home. If you do want them, forget the Cristiano Ronaldo test tube surrogate baby crap and marry the woman and try to build a family. Do it when you are young or understand the Bait and Switch you will face if you are trying to do it with a woman around 30 who is likely a failed woman trying to convince you with her looks that she can still give you a family and kids. You need to understand what she is doing. You also need to prepare for divorce after you marry so if and when it does go bad, you can time the decision to end it with as little financial and emotional damage as possible. I struggled mightily with this decision as my wife baited and switched me less than 3 years into our marriage. I was a slave the minute our first kid was born but at the time I was happier than anyone could possibly be having a wife a beautiful baby. I was lucky to get the second kid which I dont think the wife wanted. I wanted a third and was basically told no. I soon left her as the bad behavior and disrespect was worth the trade of kids. I bargained with myself for it so I own it, but I got the courage to leave. If I had waited it would have been even more emotionally and financially damaging.
Where are you as you read this? Have you realized that what your wife pretended to be to get you to marry her and have access to your resources is not the same woman now? These differences go beyond the changes that come with age and life experience but instead her hiding who she truly was until it became safe for her not have to try and hide it each day as her financial future was secured. If you have finally figured it out, what are you going to do? Does it make sense to leave or stay?
If you need help on how to decide what to do or to minimize the loss, we are here.
The Red Devil