Men aren't too bright. We could literally see something and ignore it while convincing ourselves we didn't see it. We cannot admit or accept our wife no longer desires us and actually will do things to impress other men while still married to us. The dumber she thinks we are, the more bold she will get often putting her bad behavior right in front of us. What are we going to do when this starts to happen? If we luck into figuring out something is wrong and speak up, do you think she will just stop with the behavior? Not only is it too late to save the marriage, we will just get accused of being insecure and controlling further devaluing ourselves in her eyes and our own. If we aren't able to see what is going on she will literally do it right in front of our face. What are we going to do? Are we going to just leave and give up half or more of our stuff while losing regular access to our kids? Don't forget the vaginamoney we will have to pay even though we would no longer get use of the vagina. For most men that is probably not much of a change because if the bad behavior is going on, you likely aren't touching the vagina any longer. Your wife knows the law better than most lawyers and because the family law system is so against men, she likely believes you don't have the courage to take action because even in the best of circumstances, you are going to lose way more than she ever will.
As a man you need to wake up and spot the signs that your wife no longer wants you so you can control how the marriage ends from a legal standpoint. Men tend to think that if the woman isn't filing for divorce she still wants him. Men believe this even if the wife is living the life of a single person. When and where a potential affair might occur is not going to be your main concern early in the break up period. A man should understand and react to the subtle and blatant in your face disrespect shown by his wife. Recognizing the behavior allows a man to take control of when the divorce occurs or be less shocked when it does if she beats you to it. While the man is out working his tail off for his family, his wife is preparing for divorce and the disrespectful behavior is just part of the process. Even with the tough odds, a man still needs to be fully aware and have a lawyer on retainer.
If you don't have a clue what I am trying to explain, look at how women handle themselves.
When someone says they go to the gym 3-4 times a week, that does not mean they are in shape. It does not even mean they actually exercise. If you are a single man and on the dating sites, it seems like more than half of the women like to tell you they go to the gym 3-4 times a week. This is likely something they did while married for affirmation and to help push their divorce. These women have no muscle tone and most of them are actually fat. This is not said to shame them as some men like bigger women and they can be desirable. I mention it so you men who have wives who are bit thick or don't have an ounce of muscle on them understand that your wife is not at the gym to exercise. She's there to get attention from men and she will get it whether she just chats while faking an exercise on machine she cant even set up for use. She will get attention while also flirting with the dudes who actually go there to exercise. With little time and effort, she will have a boyfriend in a heartbeat. It might start out as him showing her how to exercise with the proper form to leaving the gym early for a drink or rendezvous. Her husband has no clue, He's just glad his wife is getting a break from the kids and her pig sty of a house. Men can be so clueless that while this is going on, he suddenly finds his wife taking up running when she does not even have a runners body and hasn't run in her life. Do you think one of the dudes she met at the gym is a runner? Hmmm. Wake up men. It is probably happening right in front of you.
In addition to trying to be more physically active to impress Chad the Player from the gym, suddenly she wants to go to the mall, a place she hasn't been since before she met you and 90210 was popular. Why does she want to go there? She wants some perfume, yes perfume. This is the stuff she hasn't worn in your presence since your first date. She isn't going to go Walmart to get this perfume. She is going to the mall where the bored housewives in white smocks sell the high end stuff. She will probably ask you to go with her just to screw with you mentally. She's buying perfume you see. You might even be so stupid to think that is done for you. It isn't and to make matters worse the charge for the overpriced stuff will be on your credit card. If you haven't read the suicide post switch over and read it now because this is probably your life. Your marriage is over and you aren't seeing it.
In addition to working out(have you ever seen an unfaithful giant breasted woman run?) and smelling nice for some dude, she starts to dress differently too. Since you got married she stopped dressing nice for you and she wants revisit that to attract other men.. Say what you want about her character, you hopefully married your wife because you were attracted to her. That probably hasn't changed. The problem is you haven't seen the woman you married. She might be in your house, but she isn't being sexy for you, she's wearing baggy sweatshirts, and coming to bed with lots of layers of clothing on except for the nights where she puts some perfume on and stays up all night on the computer talking dirty to her friend Chad. That sexy lingerie she has in her drawer next to the handcuffs isn't coming out for you(and probably never has right guys?), but she's now suddenly wearing the tight sweaters that reminds you of some of the reasons you married her. This isn't for your pleasure. Its because she is thinking of Chad from the gym and what he does to her or what she hopes he will do soon. The femininity she put away long ago is now coming out. Her confidence is sky high and you the husband is clueless.
My point is that by the time this behavior and behavior like it starts to even slightly happen, your marriage is over. Men need to recognize it so they can take the best action possible to have the divorce happen when they want it to her on her terms. You want her to put on the sexy workout gear and go spend a few hours at the gym while you empty the house out by surprise and leave a note saying your lawyer will be in touch. Ignoring it is going to allow her to leave when she is ready. Just because she is disrespecting you and your marriage does not mean the divorce will be filed soon. Maybe she wants to enjoy her life while you are footing the bills, or maybe she needs to be married long enough to you to get certain government benefits before she leaves. She will leave on her terms and she knows what she is doing. The fact she flaunts the bad behavior in front of you means she sees you as an idiot or a man she believes would never leave her no matter what. If she does not want to be with you but isn't sure of your level of awareness or courage to take the lead in a divorce, she may be more subtle with this behavior.
If these facts made you stop and think about how your wife is behaving day to day in your marriage, hopefully you now understand when your marriage is over and that you must take action to control the divorce and the damage that will be done to you. The man should always be the one to file for the divorce even if he does not want to be divorced. Recognize the behavior gentlemen and hire a lawyer who has lived it so you can get the right advice to time the next step once your wife has started behaving in a way where she is telling you your marriage is over and probably has been for a long time.
Divorce and Suicide
Divorce is one of the most traumatic events you will face in your life. It is so traumatic that many people who are miserable in their marriage would rather stay married and die alone within a bad marriage than divorce. When a marriage goes bad, it is the man that usually suffers most if it ends in divorce. He is the one that is likely to lose when it comes to money, status, and post divorce social options. It is even worse for the man because women don't typically love men emotionally while men love their wives deeply. While freedom from a horrible wife has value, too often the negatives cause a man so much emotional trauma that he has a real hard time overcoming and will actually consider and even commit suicide to avoid the pain.
Men are four times more likely than women to commit suicide following a divorce. The prime age group of suicide in men following divorce is between 45-60, an age where men have put in all the time and built everything only to lose it all in a divorce. The effects of divorce combined with the bias of the family court system put real stress on even the strongest of men. I have seen many Alpha males who dominate every aspect of their lives go to the ledge of killing themselves because they cannot handle the loss of a woman they loved, their money, and their kids. Add the fact that women have the easier time moving on and will not hesitate to show happiness right in the face of their ex husbands. Its a brutal time in a mans life that remind him of everything including his age and mortality.
As men we have to figure out how to deal with divorce in a way to minimize the trauma of it once we know it is going to happen. We do not want it to be a surprise. We need to be able to spot the red flags of bad female behavior and plan for the divorce doing the little things to slowly ease the emotional trauma over time while also protecting our finances and doing the things that get us the most access to our kids. Getting blindsided by a wife who wants a divorce while thinking it would not happen is a huge blow. Most men think that because they do everything right their wife will not divorce them. We spend all our time trying to earn money, be the best father, and do all the cookie cutter husband things not only because it is the right thing to do, but because we think it will cause our wife to stay and continue to admire us. That mindset is what causes men to see the divorce as a surprise and thus become more likely to kill himself.
If you are man that is early in your marriage or still fairly young and you think the marriage is fine, you need to change your mindset from that of glee and happiness to one of awareness and preparation. This does not mean don't be a good husband, but you also stop believing that your good behavior will keep you married for life. It wont. You have to watch your wife's behavior. When you see the red flags you can start emotionally preparing yourself for the divorce but also to minimize your damage and control it. You want to be the one to pull the plug not her. While women initiate 80% of divorces, the 20% men initiate are usually not done because they have prepared and recognized the red flags. It is reactive because of a sudden change in their own mindset, desire for a new woman, or freedom. We as men need to control when divorces happen so these numbers are balanced.
It is also important as a man to maintain atleast one relationship with another man throughout his life. This could be a man who is older and can be a mentor, a person who has been through things that you cannot mentally think about because you are a blue pilled beta, or someone who you trust and who will listen to you without judgment. You need someone who knows you, your life, and your wife. This person will not offend you by his words. Do not underestimate the importance of these relationships.
If you are going through a divorce or see the red flags of a bad relationship, do not face them alone. Find someone who can change your mindset and walk through the path with you. Suicide should never be an option. Not only do you lose the blessings of life but your family members including your kids suffer. Women also see your suicide as the ultimate victory. They want you destroyed and gone when it comes time for a divorce. You as a man need to be strong but hopefully you have read this post at a time before things go bad so you can think about whether you have the mindset to prepare and learn so if your marriage does fail, you are in the best place emotionally to face it and get the best result possible. Divorce sucks but you want to see the future without your marriage as something to look forward to and enjoy not something that took you by surprise.
The Ability to Walk Away
HOne of the hardest things to do in life is cut your losses. This could be whether you are gambling in Vegas, buying or selling stocks, or dealing with a relationship controlled by the State. Men are not rational when it comes to decisions involving money and women. When you mix the two, even the most intelligent men can get caught up in their bad decisions. The inability to recognize a bad decision only makes it worse when it is finally faced.
When a man is pondering leaving a relationship, he often refuses to do it for a variety of reasons. This mindset needs to be fixed in all men. The main reason men don't have to make difficult decisions in their relationship is because it is usually made for them by a woman. While a man is complaining about how bad his wife is, she has already been complaining or plotting long before and 80% of the time she is leaving and filing for divorce. If that is not his situation, instead of facing the bad situation he takes up with another woman and leaves his wife because he has a new relationship. Infidelity might make it easier to make a decision to leave but it is not the way any man should use as the reason to end his marriage.
If neither of these situations fit you, ask yourself why taking no action is the better option. Men in these situations are usually the ones with the most to lose and who have the best character. Wives are not going to leave these type of men because they benefit day to day by who you are and what you provide. Imagine being a man who makes good money, has a stay at home wife, children in the home, yet is emotionally and financially abused by his wife. She ignores him giving the majority of her attention to the kids or Facebook, does nothing to keep the home presentable, belittles him either directly or indirectly, uses sex as a weapon of control, and spends money at her leisure. This is just the behavior he is aware of and he sometimes fails to recognize or accept that women are not faithful and good at concealing affairs. A woman who is not leaving you is not always a faithful woman. These men stew inside while the wife's behavior magnifies. She lives the life she wants day to day while he struggles to take care of a family receiving no love or respect. The longer the man allows this to go on, the harder the inevitable divorce will be for him both emotionally and financially.
Just like buying a stock, when a marriage goes bad, the man who is honorable and not looking to leave his marriage too often fails to admit what is going on even though it is right in front of him. He thinks if he invests more or does nothing, his wife's behavior will get better and he will come out ahead over time. Rarely does this approach work. He thinks he can negotiate her desire for him to return without ealizing that once its gone, there is no getting it back even if he stays married.
Women know when their man is unhappy. They know their role in it. They rarely care. They also know that the man is not likely to pull the plug on the marriage, especially when there are kids in the home. If a woman thinks a divorce is even slightly an option, she begins preparing in a way that makes you wonder how many divorces she has been through before meeting you. They make family money disappear, start overspending, and making the mans personal items disappear out of spite. Women have an innate ability to mentally abuse and control men right up to a line that keeps the marriage in place with them in control. When the man decides to stand up for himself things begin go bad. The line is constantly being adjusted by the woman to keep the man from taking action. If anyone is going to take action to end a marriage, it is going to be her.
One thing we teach the men we coach and counsel for divorce is to see the behavior that is going on so the best decision can be made whether it makes sense to walk away from a marriage or invest more thinking things can be fixed. Even the smartest men won't recognize their spouses bad behavior or how they are being abused or used until it is too late. Deep inside they still know something is wrong right up until the time she makes the divorce happen. Men who wouldn't otherwise be unfaithful or who want to do all they can to stay married need the help from someone who has been there and walked away despite not wanting to and believing things could be fixed. Reality is not easily faced alone and the perspective of someone who has experienced the gut wrenching decision of walking away from a marriage and someone they loved not because he had a girl on the side, but because his wife was that bad of a spouse, is invaluable.
If you are contemplating pulling the plug on your marriage and walking away but cant quite do it using a variety of excuses, contact our office for a real talk consultation to help you decide what is the best decision for you and your financial and emotional health.
Getting Divorced is never easy. It is bad enough knowing that the person you chose to marry is not going to be in your life going forward. When you have kids together, they are often used as pawns by the spouse who feels abandoned, aggrieved, or just flat out wants to see their ex spouse suffer as much pain as possible. A child is blameless for why people divorce and one of the most ignored facts in custody cases is the blatant act by one parent to destroy a child's relationship with the other parent. This behavior is called parental alienation and while it is designed to start with the ex spouse, it is often done to the ex spouses parents(grandparents) to destroy the child's relationship with them as well. This scorched earth behavior can have long lasting effects on every person in a family relationship and men must learn to recognize if their soon to be ex spouse is the type of woman who will try to alienate the kids from him.
Women are the primary perpetrators of parental alienation. Their self loathing, hate, and insecurity that jumps to the forefront of their mind when change occurs causes them to act in a way to make others pay for their failure as a woman and a wife. This behavior may be part of an overall personality defect that only shows itself after conflict begins. Once divorce even becomes a hint of a possibility this behavior starts in a subtle way that men need to recognize and handle before its too late. Once you see your kids being alienated from you, you need to take action to move the custody process forward. Anything less than equal custody is going to increase the chance your kid will be alienated from you.
A man needs to be aware of the behavior by women that will start once the relationship has gone bad but before the details can be arranged to separate and get a permanent custody order in place. Women who have the alienation mindset first want to reduce the amount of time you spend with your kids. You might have the stay at home wife who gets to spend all day with her kids while you work hard to support the family. She sees so much more of their growth. The man comes home and gets a small window just to sit on the couch with his kids and bond. The woman will go from encouraging this to literally pulling kids out of a fathers arm so put them to bed rather than see them enjoy time with their dad. The man sees this and cannot believe his eyes yet what are his choices? He either gets into an immediate conflict with his wife in front of the kids which can lead to nothing good or he backs down and allows his kids are put to bed. If your kids are young when the divorce happens, this is the primary way women will begin to destroy the relationship with your kids.
If the relationship goes bad when the kids get older, in addition to depriving a child of time with the other parent, these women will blatantly and openly talk bad about the father to the point the child thinks dad is a piece of trash that has no place in their life. This behavior goes beyond the occasional expression of anger many parents express about their ex spouse but is instead a day to day assault on the child's mind to get them to hate dad. This is especially true when the man leaves the relationship and asks for the divorce even if he didn't cheat or do anything to betray the relationship. Over time if a man is not paying attention, he will notice his kids don't want to see him and ask that they have their custody to be exclusive with their mother. They are alienated and repairing this is often near impossible. The mother has now hurt the man by getting his kids to see him in a different light and not want to see him but has also damaged her kids with the kids never even knowing that is what happened long into adult hood. The desire for increased child support that comes with primary custody is just another reason this behavior is acceptable. Courts want women to have primary custody when the man is stable economically.
As much as a woman wants to alienate your kids from you, don't think this behavior is limited to hurting you. A man who is close to his own mom and dad will often have to witness their suffering when a relationship goes bad. Grandparents can go from being close to grandkids and basically being used as on demand babysitters to not being allowed to see their own grandkids with the same regularity. There is little to nothing they can do about it and it can be just as heartbreaking for them to lose contact with their grandkids. Kids can be taught to dislike or not even want to see their own grandparents. Women will have no problem during a custody trial to say negative things about the ex spouses parents and how they don't want them to see their grandkids. Suddenly the wisdom and freedom that are valued with age to help the kids learn and the family avoid babysitters etc are now liabilities and your spouse will say her ex parents in law are too old or fragile to see the kids or drive them places. Women who loved the fact grandma would pick a kid up from school so she could go to the gym is now not fit to drive the kids anywhere because of their age.
Men are also trained by women soon after the birth of a child to not allow his own parents to see his kid. An insecure man on many occasions will alienate his own parents by not bringing his kid to see them because his wife objects and he does not want conflict. This attempt at control by a wife is more prevalent in society than you think and the suffering of grandparents who never get to see their grandkids is off the chart. Any father of a child that allows this to happen to appease a wife is a child abuser himself and the fact he stays in such marriage is beyond pathetic.
While too many women deal with deadbeat dads who are not involved in their kids lives with any type of consistency and most women recognize their ex is a good father and encourage those relationships, men need to be able to spot the type of women who following an end of a relationship will do all they can destroy a child's relationship with their father and even their grandparents. Courts ignore this behavior so you as a man need to fight it and this is best done by documenting it and making sure you get as much custody of your child as possible. If you unfortunately married such a woman, getting equal custody will not stop these women from their behavior and you will likely face regular motions to change custody and a lifetime of mental abuse to get your kids to want to be out of your life. If you as a man roll over and take the every other weekend custody schedule that your accommodating ex wants you to take(remember if a woman will not agree to equal custody, she is not a quality woman or mother), expect to have real issues with parental alienation if you married the type of woman who thought you were a great man and father until you got divorced.
The Red Devil