One of the biggest mistakes men make once they realize they are going to divorce is that they think their soon to be ex wife is going to be fair. The woman you are divorcing is not the woman you married, atleast not in terms of presentation. You could be the father of her kids and the importance of your mental, physical, and financial health all vital as to how well she and your kids will live long after the divorce is over, and she will still want you destroyed. She wants you mentally and financially broken like you are some random stranger from the street.
While you are stupidly thinking you can deal with this type of person and resolve things fairly, she is gathering all the information she can on you so she gets her share of the assets while minimizing your value as a father because she does not want you to have equal custody. She might even be stealing marital assets and your personal items because you are too stupid to notice or protect yourself before the divorce process begins. Being the nice guy is a curse. I cringe looking back how this woman I loved and took care off just casually stole my personal things while emptying bank accounts while denying everything she could when she thought I did not have proof. It was all right there in front of my face and I just ignored it like a total simp. Men who get educated through experience or before the mess hits the wall look back and just wonder how they got into these situations and not protect themselves.
Once your mindset changes and you understand what you are up against, you must ask yourself what kind of help and support you need to make sure you minimize your destruction in court. In addition to a good lawyer who can help you figure out what you need to find or invest in in terms of assets or experts, you need to ask yourself if a private investigator is worth the expense. Everything in a divorce is about economics from child custody to equitable distribution. Your wife is not wanting you to have equal custody because you are a bad dad, she is doing it for money. Courts continue to favor mothers in custody decisions yet most judges, including the male ones, will keep a dad from equal custody because the mom pretends to care about the kids to the point where she puts her own economic interests over the love of a father of her kids. When my ex refused equal custody because I wanted a divorce, such a position is the reason I decided that I would never speak to her again once I left the home. A decade later and I still have not. Would a PI help in your custody battle? The financial loss of getting the every other weekend schedule versus the week on week off equal time can be a lot of money every month.
Private Investigators are expensive but basic things they can do might save you some money. If you have no assets and alimony isn't an issue in your divorce, unless you think your wife is abusing or endangering your kids, you do not need to hire an investigator to find out shes cheating on you. If you have assets and you have a stay at home wife who could get alimony, you might want to hire an investigator if you think your wife is cheating. I thought my wife was cheating but I couldn't prove it and didn't hire a PI like I should have. Women are always one step ahead and you bet she is being told to cut out any bad behavior by the lawyer she consulted when she started planning for divorce 1-2 years or more before you did. Proof of infidelity eliminates your wife's alimony.
Another issue where a PI can help is when it comes to determining what the marital assets are on the day you separate. Men are providers and we usually don't keep track of what money our wife makes. What the man makes is the couples and what the woman makes is hers. That seems to be the the norm. You would be surprised to find out the bank accounts your wife has while she saves but uses the money you earn to pay for her personal life. Once the litigation for divorce begins, each side will ask the other for financials including bank accounts and investments. Do you think the wife will tell you everything? She will mention one tiny account with little to no money in it and any accounts with real money in it she will not tell you about. You need a PI to find this information. When my ex said I only have one account with nothing in it, at the time I didnt think of it, but later I wondered how did I know she was telling the truth. A PI can find bank accounts and you may find that your ex maintained a seperate bank account the whole time you were married. Dont assume that is all her money or that she had it before she married you. Women know how to save and spend money on assets they can hide. Dont underestimate who you are up against. When you sit down at mediation to divide up the marital assets, you want to know you are on a fair playing field with everything disclosed. While hiding money is often done with no way to prove it, once you change your mindset to understanding your spouse will try to do it, you can cut the losses by having a PI search for all sort of assets. Understand the economics of the investment and whether it is worth it to you.
A PI can also be helpful if you think there is a potential alienation of affection claim. Did some smooth talking dude give your wife a little attention and the next thing shes with him 5 minutes after you seperate. There is probably more to it. If you can get the evidence a deep pocketed dude smooth talked your wife into leaving you to be with him, you might have two defendants in your divorce case.
A PI can find all sorts of things that will help you get fair custody of your kids and as fair a distribution of the assets as possible. To this day I still wondered what I missed because I did not hire one. Did I get the info on all her bank accounts? Did I do all I could to find the boyfriend? Was an alienation of affection case possible. I will never know because I didn't invest in one when I should have. The things I found out on my own from everything to the fan fiction porn addiction and membership on a website where you buy and sell people who are dressed like pimps and hookers from South Central LA. This website wasn't for trading cooking tips. I only found this out thanks to someone with a PI mindset who helped me. The shock of finding out your spouse has addictions, disloyal behavior, and fetishes can cause a man not to think logically. Even with the evidence right in front of him he wont investigate his spouse. These were all mistakes I made and I am guessing it cost me a lot of money while also providing more confirmation that I was not wrong to leave my wife despite still caring for her.
The divorce battle is a mindset. Yes you must do an economic analysis before you start spending money on experts, but don't assume that even with a lawyer representing you that you will get all the information about your wife's life. The woman's goal is to lie, delay, and cheat even more than she did when married to you. You need to fight back and understand that a PI may be necessary. I know what I lost by failing to find out everything I could about my wife's dishonesty because I didn't have the mindset that this was a fight or ongoing behavior that my ex would deal honestly. A PI would have solved that.
Fix your mindset before you get divorced. Understand who and what you are up against. If you believe your wife is a dishonest cheater, she probably is. Once you get the correct mindset and understand what you are up against, pick your PI wisely and get them to help you find the truth. Avoiding alimony, reducing the amount of hidden assets, and improved child custody chances are all potential benefits. You might cringe at the cost but the peace of mind, something I dont have, is well worth it.
Dont make the mistakes I made. Change your mindset before you get divorced. Even if you dont divorce, mental clarity helps you with your age.
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