Are you one the rare men who is already divorced and had a trial to win equal custody? You had to face parental alienation the day you chose to end your marriage because you married a despicable woman. You were lucky enough to obtain information on your wife before or during the divorce process that you could use in court to get equal custody of younger children knowing that if such information was against you, your custody would be limited to weekends or even supervised visits. During this whole process, despite you being a top notch man and father, you had to watch your ex do all she could to keep you from your kids while putting thoughts in their head that made it harder for you to bond with them as they grew up. This was done with full support of the courts and no ramifications for a mother who tried to alienate kids from a good dad simply to get a custody schedule that maximizes her support payments. The injustice of having to pay a woman child support despite equal custody when she is educated and works aside, if she can get you on the every other weekend schedule she would get even more. These women are simply about revenge, greed, and parental alienation and despite this you have managed to overcome all these disadvantages, win equal custody, and build a relationship with your kids.
Do you think this is an end to your involvement in family court? Do you think your ex will accept 50% custody when all her friends have primary even if you are still paying child support because you are a successful man and she is a leech who can achieve nothing on her own. Although she gets a job after doing nothing while you were married it does not make her a successful or equal person in the courts eyes. She is a dependent spouse and will play the victim card until the day your kids age out of the system. The minute that Order came down from a reluctant Judge giving you equal custody after thousands of dollars were spent on lawyers, your ex is plotting to take the custody back simply because she wants more money and because she does not want you having a relationship with your kids because you refused to be in a bad relationship with her.
"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned"..even if she was the one who actually scorned you(fixed it for you Mr. Congreve)
While kids have little to no say in their custody until they are about 13-14 years old, even after you defeated the wife in court by getting equal custody of your kids(do you see how dumb that statement is ie you won because you got equal when it should be automatic), she is going to work on the kids in any way possible to the point where once they become able to have a say in their custody, the alienation being so strong, they will come to you and say they want to live with mom despite all that you provide them materially, emotionally, intellectually, in an overall environment 99% of the kids on the planet, especially those from broken homes, would die for. You have spent years fighting two fronts in your battle to have a relationship with your kids and to reduce the financial exploitation of men that is the family court system. You are now going to fight a third front, your own children.
Teenagers are a difficult bunch. We know from the personal experience of having been one. Some of them become allies of their parents and are like an added hand to strengthen the family as parents age. Others, especially those from divorce, rebel and cause problems for their parents while also damaging themselves. It is hard enough to raise one when both parents are still together and supporting each other. There is still a chance they will do something to harm themselves or realize they aren't going to be good at sports or other social interactions which cause them to need added emotional and financial support because they feel inferior. Some are just lazy and use people because they watch how others in society do it and see what their mother did to their father. Why work when you can get married, live off a man, and after divorce, get a paycheck from the man for past services he never even received such as a clean house or regular sex.
When a strong man who is divorced does all he can to be a good father to his kids and provide them with everything, he forgets that the kids can still be brainwashed by the mom or just make decisions that make life more convenient for them. Parental Alienation goes unpunished in the courts because it is usually committed by the mother. Courts don't want to hear about the sins of the mother and just want to punish the father for his after they are embellished or flat out made up by the mom. If your ex is alienating your kids from you during your time or your kids don't understand the system and feel mom is promising something to get them to live with her, they now have a power over you because if they go live with mom full time, your child support is going up significantly. Imagine the anger a man feels when he has equal custody of his kids after a long fight only because of the moms addictions which could include alcohol, drugs, or even porn, he still has to pay child support to a woman who does not need what he is ordered to send her to give the kids the same standard of life you give them. This anger is amped up when the kids, who seemed happy with being able to see both parents in their pre teen years, suddenly think they have a mind, hit the teenage years, and start dropping hints they want to live with mom. Imagine your own child being brainwashed or guilt tripped to go live with mom that suddenly she goes from hugging you every chance she gets when she is around you to suddenly looking at you with disdain and walking as far away from you as possible at home now making an environment that is tough because both parents are not there to an even tougher one. Any attempt to find out what is going is met with resistance and likely to justify the alienation attack mom is successfully running. You barely emotionally survived the first attack by the mom and now your kids are are kicking you down even further. There is a reason men just walk away early in the process. The stories of the men who fought for custody, even with some level of success, who ended up losing it and their relationship with their kids because the kids suddenly decided after years of equal custody they wanted to go live with mom with no reason other than the generic "we like it better over there", are many and they are sad. This change and the loss of his kids after trying and achieving some sense of equal time and relationship with his kids is another smack in the face a man gets which comes long after the original smack the woman gave him when he said he was not worthy of equal custody because of her greed and demand for vengeance.
Let me tell you what one man did when faced with the new assault of the most recent motion by the mom to change custody and you can decide if it was right......
This man was successful. He built a business long before he met his wife. His wife contributed nothing to it before and after they married. He was financially responsible during the marriage and when he chose to leave her because she was a horrible wife, she got a huge financial settlement despite contributing nothing to the marriage. That upset him but he moved on never speaking to his ex again. They had kids and had to sort the custody issues because she wouldn't agree to equal custody. When he left he was offered two overnights a month. TWO NIGHTS!! ENDORSED BY THE MOTHERS LAWYER!!. He was then offered every other weekend by the mom just before the custody trial which he rejected. All he wanted was equal time. He was willing to give her all holidays, birthdays, and any dates that made her non working self have minimal inconvenience in her schedule of staying at home doing nothing while he continued to run what was left of his business after paying her for just getting married to him. By luck and the grace of God he had found moms bad habits which forced even the most conservative anti equal custody judge to give him equal custody. While moms lawyers argued dad should have no more than every other weekend, they ignored their female clients habit where if the situation was reversed, they would have asked dad get minimal custody or even supervised visits because of his demented mindset and behavior. Mom was never going to get less than equal custody unless you could prove physical abuse. Mental abuse was ok in the courts mind. Her lawyers knew it and just laughed at dad as he tried to argue for equal custody like it was some outreageous demand.
The father won equal custody which the Judge reluctantly gave him because of what was found out about the mom not because he was a good man or dad.
A couple of years later the mom made a motion to change custody. She wanted primary custody with no reason to justify it. There was no "substantial change" since the last Order was entered other than there was still no coparenting because mom wanted it to be that way to create an issue for the court. Even the anti father judge that heard it couldn't ignore the quality of the father even if she hated him for speaking up about the system in open court. Instead of taking his custody, she simply took all his rights to his kids medical and educational decisions leaving the wife as the sole decision maker for anything that really mattered. She did this despite the mom refusing education opportunities for the kids and getting the oldest kid labled ADHD by a hired expert causing the kid to have self esteem issues.
The father dodged a bullet and kept his equal custody.
3 years later, the kids are now teenagers. Mom files yet another motion to change custody relying only on her belief the kids now prefer to be with her full time. They are at the age where they will have input with the courts as to where they live. During the 3 years since the last attempt, the mom slowly trained the kids that they should live with her full time and that dad was ok with it. The moms lawyers even emailed dad and said it was their understanding he was just willing to sign over his custody despite all the years he fought for equal. They wanted him to show his anger or say the wrong thing in his response. The kids had a great relationship with their father. He taught them about life, coached their sports teams, and was always there to pick them up and take them places while mom heavily relied on baby sitters despite the fathers offer to watch the kids when she had to work etc. Over time the alienation by the mom worked and without warning the oldest child turned on the father. She made up things about his behavior, accused him of things that were not true, and treated him like he was an old guy in the park looking at her wrong. The relationship was suddenly not what it once was once the behavior of the child changed. The younger sibling, who actually liked being with the dad over the mom, was not going to be separated from the older kid so the father was told that if the older kid chooses to live with mom, the younger kid would as well.
The father was in a tough spot. He knew the kids had the power in that the court was now going to listen to them. He was angry at them for their lies and sudden change in behavior yet still acted like things were the same so the household will stay good. If the kids went to live with mom, of course mom would say go see dad when you want and that the kids believed that. They didn't understand the financial ramifications if things changed and that the father would, even under the best of circumstances, have little to no input in the ups and downs of their teenage life if they lived with mom full time. Forget the fact that when a kid hits 16 or even sooner and they are supposed to go to dads every other weekend, atleast half that time they will have plans with their friends and don't want to go. You don't want to be ordering a teenager who you hardly see to be at your house instead of with their friends. That only makes the kid hate the dad more. He knows with this change, he will be lucky to get 2 overnights a month. This is what the mom wanted almost 10 years ago when they got divorced. You can't be a father with this arrangement.
The kids were told that their input mattered with the court and they had a long discussion about the pros and cons of doing what they were going to do and to be very careful because they need both parents equally during a time in life when there would be lots of issues good and bad. They knew where the father stood and he never spoke bad of the mom to them and never told them to abandon mom and come live with him full time even if he knew his household was better and he offered better parental guidance than their mom.
The date for the hearing came and the older kid said she wanted to live with mom full time. The younger kid made it clear they wanted to be where their sibling was and how can you blame that child even if the child preferred dads house. Add the moms testimony in her woe is me fake Marilyn Monroe voice and the lies about the father and his attitude. He was at fault for failing to co parent. It was all him. The father sat there in silence knowing he could do nothing about the lies.
The court changed the custody and gave the mom primary custody with kids seeing the dad every other weekend. His child support now doubled and he had to work even harder at a business whose main success was long ago and the majority of the profits were in the mothers pockets.
The first weekend came for the kids to see the dad. The dad texted the mom and said he was sick and couldn't pick them up. The kids didn't contact the dad much during the times they weren't with him as they had been trained by the mom for years while the custody was week on week off. Four weeks passed and no contact with his kids and it was time for dads weekend visit again. He texted the mom and said he had work obligations and the mom types back that its ok, the kids have an activity they didn't want to miss. Salt added to the wounds by a woman who now took over 50% of the fathers after tax income from a business she never helped build or contribute to while married. The father wondered after years of being a great father how his kids can just turn on him and go live with mom full time.
Weeks turned into months and the father didn't bother to go see his kids. After awhile he made it clear he would not be taking court ordered every other weekend visits. Whether he sees his kids every other weekend or never his court ordered financial support was still the same. He wasn't a babysitter or a part time father.
Never agree to a custody order that gives you less than 50% custody he remembered being told.
Years passed and the kids graduated high school. He never saw them. Their attempts to contact him decreased. They only texted or called when they needed help. They never asked him how he was. The self centeredness was evident and the alienation was clear and dad was tired of being used. The mom hurt her kids and isolated them from the father for money. That is worse what a prostitute does to herself.
The father never saw his kids again. The kids were destroyed by their good fathers decision but when they aged they realized how they betrayed him. He didn't give in to their wishes being that of a teenager and forced a court hearing but he couldn't control what the court did which was listen to the kids request even if created by the mothers brain washing. The value of equal custody, what he wanted from the beginning and fought to keep until his kids turned on him, was lost on everyone but him. He died alone and total strangers had to settle his affairs and make sure he was buried in the plot next to his mother, father, and sister, who died long before he did.
What is the point of this story?
Maybe the fathers approach was harsh. Maybe it wasn't. However its real and it happens to many men.
The point is that you can spend all your time fighting your ex and the courts to get custody and even if you have some success, you will face a fight until the kids age out of the system which is typically when they graduate high school. Some states are worse than North Carolina in the time fathers are saddled with the financial responsibility of the kids. The kids will have a say in where they stay and their approach toward you can turn on a dime often because of the mom. As men you need be aware of what your ex says to her kids and try to talk to them when possible about what you can when you can. It still may not be enough.
Your ex will never give up trying to destroy you especially if you left her because of her bad behavior that she wants no one to know about. There is a reason none of her family members showed up to any court hearings to support her. It didnt matter though. The court system is her support system. Nothing is her fault and you will pay every last dime she can get and she will ruin your relationship with your kids via parental alienation. If the kids see what she has done, which sadly they often don't, it will be too late. These women are pros at alienating kids and can do it even if you have equal custody. Until the courts start punishing women for this behavior your battle isn't over just because you won equal custody when the kids were young.
To have a chance in the family courts and building a relationship with your kids, understand the battle begins the minute you decide to separate and ends only when they age out of the family court system. Even after they are adults, you will still battle an ex who tries to influence them with hate to keep them away from you or to think less of you. There are many grandparents who have been alienated from their kids by an ex, that when their own kid has kids, the kid will keep the grandchild away from the grandparent. This is despicable behavior which is all tied to how the ex treated them while trying to alienate them from the former spouse.
Women who fail at relationships and destroy marriages don't want anyone, especially a man, to have a successful one with anyone.
Stay strong gentlemen.
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