I am very big on nostalgia and learning from my mistakes. I want to grow as a person and as a man. When I was younger I was like most guys in that even if the girl I was dating was clearly with me, there was always a bit of jealousy if she got attention from another man or if she was friendly toward another guy. As young guys go, I was not on the worst end when it came to being jealous, controlling, or balking when she had male friends that went beyond the normal social interactions. When you are young there are guys that will want to beat you up if you look at his girlfriend and even if she talks to you while you are minding your own business. These guys controlled their girlfriends to the point it made you wonder how secure they were with themselves. Even the big and tall athletic guys who acted all tough had these pretty girlfriends were too often openly jealous and verbally if not physically abusive. We were all insecure during those days but these guys acted in a way that seemed just wrong. You never knew what made these girls stay with these guys and many of the relationships didn't last very long, but for all the negativity I felt watching their behavior, as I get older I wonder if maybe they were not on to something.
When I was 18, I had my first real girlfriend. I met her the Freshmen year of college. I saw her every day on our small college campus and all the emotions from love to hate to jealousy came out over the course of the next four plus years when every test you could be put to was thrown in your face with the same small group of people witnessing it. I certainly had my share of jealousy and insecure behavior but love at a young age is a blessing and a curse. If I talked to a girl I was accused of every bad thing in the world by her but she was friends with every guy on the campus and any question I had about her behavior only fueled to further her disrespectful behavior. She knew how to shit test me and got off on it all while telling me she wanted to marry me and how great it would be when we have kids. Even back then I knew I wanted to marry young and have kids so pairing up with a woman and not handling things correctly only caused me to waste my dating youth which to this day I regret. I didn't know how to handle her behavior and I thought playing it cool for the most part was the way to keep her with me. The jealous and controlling approach probably would have pushed her away or encourage the disrespect and infidelity. I wanted to marry her and that only made things worse. What I didnt get is that she made it clear she wanted to marry me at well yet her behavior when it counted didnt seem to match her words.
I ignored the obvious infidelity and the rumors of various things because this girl was beautiful and everything I thought I would want in a wife and mother of my kids. My blue pilled oneitis looking back was cringe worthy. The girls I turned down to stay with her and be faithful would make other guys I knew shake their head. I was a man in demand by all sorts of beautiful girls but I was not going risk losing this girl that I loved more than life itself no matter how she treated me. I was in an emotional roller coaster that continued long after we broke up soon after we graduated college. As a man who believed then as I do now that getting married and having kids young is the way to go it was a real blow to lose her at the time. As a man who has experienced so much more with women in the 30 years since I graduated college, I now realize that no matter what she said she was never going to keep me. My approach should have been different so I could have found out if she was truly loyal or if I needed to find a better quality woman to build a life with if I really wanted to marry young. Better women were right in front of me begging for my attention but my lack of male mentorship and just being the nice uninformed guy caused me to think with the wrong head and do what I had to do to temporarily keep a woman who was eventually going to leave me when she was ready. Looking back now I just cringe at myself and there is a reason you don't stay friends with ex girlfriends no matter how much you loved them or what you shared at a time in life where you experienced so much unless you are still the blue pilled nice guy and have not evolved as a man. Being the nice guy I learned was not the way to go and you men need to learn this as well. If you are this guy and now getting divorced this is a big reason why. Nice guy behavior might get you laid on occasion or even get you married but you were probably sharing her with someone elsebefore and even after marriage. She saw you simply as a fall back and certainly not an alpha male no matter what confidence vibe you gave off or how many women who knew you from a distance found you to be desirable.
So what about those guys who likely peaked when they were 18-21 but for whatever reason knew that they had to keep control of their girlfriends if there was any chance to keep them for the long term. I assumed their behavior was done out of over the top insecurity and it probably was, but it was a behavior to an extreme that we all need to learn and shape if we are going to have a chance at a relationship where the woman might stay around. If I had learned this earlier I would not have dated the same girl in college and likely would have found a quality wife instead of being forced to marry someone in my mid 30s who was already damaged from her prior divorce when she chose to marry me because I was safe and I was running our of time to vet a quality women, most of which were already taken. Maybe this boorish behavior these young men exhibited was not so stupid after all even if they didn't know what to do with their inate primate type knowledge. These nice guys and these controlling men all need retraining as to how to find and keep the right woman. If you have been married twenty years and you wonder why your wife is now acting weird forcing you to a divorce decision, you need to learn how to behave so you can extricate yourself from a marriage that was dead the day you married her. It ends on her timeline, not yours and the realization sucks worse if you are starting to recognize it as you approach middle age.
Being the nice guy is the wrong play if you are a quality in demand man. Learning this after the age of 30 is a real hit to the ego. We were taught to treat women with respect and be nice. We were the guy they could count on and the guy they could marry when they were through blowing the baseball team over a two year span or four years if there were some basketball players or older men to meet their fetishes. When they were ready to settle down, you would be there. Stupidly you waited and she may have even pretended to be your girlfriend while she enjoyed her life. You the nice guy tolerated it and eventually married her. Her lack of respect for you is obvious and only now have you realized it as she has sucked your resources dry while you figure out how to get divorced with mimimal financial damage. This is a real knock to the ego knowing you have been the nice guy, done everything right, and yet your wife has no use for you and is fooling you just like the girl you knew and dated in college who didn't marry you because she simply wanted to fool around. Maybe you would wait or maybe you wouldn't. There was always going to be the nice easy guy for her when she was ready. It is understandable because a halfway pretty girl is in demand. Only 20% of men get to have kids. Think about that. You have always known this deep down and your blue pilled mindset would do anything not to be the guy who didn't get to have kids and is now middle aged addicted to porn and alcohol posting pictures of your cats or giant boat you cant get anyone to ride with you on your Facebook page.
If you are the nice guy who has followed this pattern and got married and have kids you are lucky in one sense. For all the negativity I felt when all this kicked in for me years ago causing me to leave a horrible marriage and the emptiness that came with being a nice guy, I still have my daughters. They are awesome beyond words. I got kids later in life that I should have had when I was younger from a woman who cared only about the money I made and the security I provided. Her wedding ring came off the day after we got married and it was never on her finger again for over 8 years but me being the nice guy I had it on ignore because I wanted what I didnt create for myself 10-15 years earlier. I woke up for a variety of reasons but it is still painful. Are you that man who has followed a similar path and is now in a loveless deceptive marriage that isnt going to get better while you age and your wife shows you more and more disrespect? You need to take action and its tough. The gray divorce is the final nail in your coffin and you need to crawl our like I did before she pounds that final nail and fake cries at your funeral while everything you worked for is spent by her. Her fake tears are better witnessed above ground in divorce court than they are in at a funeral by those who get to see how fake she is and how she fooled you all the way to death.
Being the nice guy isnt the way to go. Young men need to be taught how to channel their aggression and insecurity into controlling their women at a young age so you see that she respects you and can make a good wife at a young age or so you can see she will never be marriage material. Women need to be lead and not be the leaders. This does not mean you abuse or demean her but instead let her know you can leave her and not think twice about it if she behaves disrespectfully. We need to teach young men this and if you are that young man you need to learn how to do it. If you are the father who has failed in marriage because you were the nice guy but is blessed with a son, you need to teach him through every stage of his life. There are young successful men who have a beautiful wife or girlfriend with plenty lined up to take their place and these men know how to control these women. They don't let them socialize with other men or allow them to take jobs and be around men who would try to win their favors in a heartbeat. Men dont respect other men especially in high powered environments. You need to test your woman with boundaries. She is human and she will stray no matter how high powered you are. This does not mean lock her in the basement of her house and only allow her to come out to make babies. You have to assert control and dominate the narrative because if she is wife material she will follow you. As you bond you adjust your behavior. Not all men can pull this off and you must be an in demand man to do it otherwise the woman will want no part of you if you behave like a control freak. My point is the nice guy mindset is not going to work and will put you in a place that you dont want to be long after your prime has passed you.
If you are that guy who was nice and married a woman who you know does not respect you but finds you to be safe until her agenda is met, you need to ask yourself whether it makes sense to stay in your marriage or leave and rebuild with the right mindset even if that means being alone. If you are the young nice guy wondering why you date nothing but damaged or controlling narcicists then you need to be taught how to search for and handle the right girl while being able to move on from the bad ones who cannot give love or be loved. Learning to get away from the nice guy mindset does not mean you wont get divorced, but it does give you a chance, albeit small, to build the relationship and have a family that even in todays messed up world is still desired. Men still talk to women because family and children means everything.
Ill teach you how to do it.
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