For any type of advice to work for you, it must be geared toward your situation and your mindset about what certain things mean. Marriage is a prime example and the breakup of a marriage and how it is handled determines whether certain advice has any actual meaning to a certain individual. If you are one of those guys who has gone through a divorce and maybe even child custody who wonders why men like me write what we do or believe we are just angry because someone hurt us, then we likely have a different definition of what marriage means and how divorce typically affects people and their children.
I don't want to talk to a man who tells me how he and his wife split up and they agreed on the division of the assets and they co parent without a problem. What really makes me puke is how I then have to hear how you remained friends with your ex and still talk to her with little to no animosity. The worst men then add how they still do stuff with the ex, and often her new boyfriend. That is all fine and good and its great you worked everything out, but I am guessing your definition of life and marriage is much different than mine or you are so stupid that you don't mind being manipulated by a woman who used to be your wife well after the divorce.
Marriage goes beyond meeting someone who becomes your best friend and you build a life with her because you "love" her. It is so much more than that. Of course you want to be friends and have open interaction with the same family goals etc, but for many dominating, strong men, marriage is so much more and its success is mind blowing while its failure has huge ramifications. In addition to interacting well, you want to feel a passion towards the person unlike most anything else you feel. You need to feel about the woman you marry like you do your dream job or with the passion you would put toward running your own business. You want to be affectionate and have regular mind blowing sex. You want her to succeed in everything she does. You are a team and if the team breaks up, you suffer mentally, physically, and emotionally. If you don't feel these things about your partner you should never get married. The dilemma is that most men don't find this set up unless it is when they are young. Once you are out of school and in the work environment you have more going on. It can still be found but its more difficult as you age. If you want kids and haven't found that passion and connection with someone, what do you do? Do you settle? Do you stay single hoping the woman that makes you feel like you know you should is going to find her way into your life and still be able to have kids? There is no easy answer to that but I do know that is men did not want kids, there would be a lot less marriages versus women not wanting kids.Marriage for the second or third time is also often looked at with less demand and passion. If you are getting married for the first time, it is rarely smart to marry a woman who has already been married and divorced. On top of her already non caring nature when it comes to marriage, if she has done it before and you are now man number two, ask yourself why she is marrying you. If you look at things honestly it likely isn't because you are this great man she feels passion for and wants to do all the things that would make her a great wife. Most men dont see or understand how a woman thinks when it comes to marriage because most men, top notch men who were raised right, see marriage as so much more.
Divorce is about deception or betrayal brought about by disrespect. Most men's marriage ends because they were deceived or betrayed. If a man cannot pinpoint the deception or betrayal what exactly what it was, the disrespect will be in his face and that pushes the divorce to happen. If your marriage ended amicably, you likely never should have been married. If you remain friends with an ex wife after a divorce you never should have been married. I dont care if there are kids involved. A man who married someone he felt all he needed to feel who pushed his desire for her off the chart only to see a divorce is not a happy man. All of the emotions are amplified and if he is successful, having to give up the assets in a divorce proceeding is not mentally easy. Add a wife who will try to limit custody or even alienate the kids and the emotions are amped up. The money and the kids is just icing on the cake for the deception or betrayal you feel which caused your marriage to end.
Did your wife cheat on you? Did she refuse sex? Did she hate your guts and be financially dishonest while she pretended to like you? Did she have secrets that made you question who she was and why you were fooled for so long? The list is endless but whether she left you or you had no choice but to leave her, you still have passion and love for her and will be in fight mode not only for yourself, but to show her you are not a wimp that will be bullied. Men who don't feel these things before, during, and after marriage and later divorce, married the wrong woman for the wrong reasons. If you don't have anger and don't fight every issue that matters then as a man you aren't really being a man. Part of fighting is knowing when to make a deal and when you are dealing with an unreasonable ex spouse.
The advice we at Men United give are not for the man who has no passion for his marriage or married a woman who he is going to roll over and give her whatever she wants because she wants a divorce. Fighting the divorce battle from a monetary standpoint or wanting equal custody does not mean you are angry. There is a time to fight and a time to move on. If you don't know or have the proper guidance, you can make a real mistake both emotionally and financially that will affect the relationship with your kids.
Assuming you are the type of man we like to work with so these women will be held accountable for their behavior, the next step is to figure out what battles to pick with the ex and most importantly how to manage yourself physically and mentally during and after the process where even the strongest men break or commit a crime.
Stay tuned for more help.
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