These are sad times that we are living in, especially when it comes to relationships. Men are wanting a family just as much as prior generations. What men have been learning for about 25 years is that young women are not your mother and her values have all but disappeared. They are not into being with just one man and they view marriage as a take it or leave it proposition. If circumstances don't allow them to get married or have kids on their terms, they will pick one man when they are 35 who they likely don't care about but who can provide for their sperm or financial needs. If you aren't a high value man, as you push towards age 30 and beyond it can be a set up for disaster and a life filled with loneliness and constant disappointments. Even men who have looks. money, and personality are finding it hard to create a family like their parents did.
So what is a man to do?
With all that is going on in terms of how people treat each other and how women make it known that men are not valuable, the easy answer is to say don't get married or don't give a woman a chance to intertwine with you in your life so she can end up taking whatever she wants from you when she is ready. This is all fine and good if you don't want kids, but if you do you must begin asking yourself where you fall in terms of value, how to recognize when your wife or girlfriend sees you as having no value, and how and when to extricate yourself from your domestic life. It is not easy and there are many ways of doing it.
I always considered myself a high value man growing up for reasons that don't really matter. I wanted to get married young and have a family. While that may not make sense to some, especially if I am as high value as I say and could get women pretty easily, it did for me. I could not have imagined being young and not being able to get girls to even to date me. I knew many that had that problem. While I had white knight nice guy vibes as a young man, I was still in demand when compared to most guys my age. For whatever reason, I was not able to get married young like I had hoped. As I aged, my options became single moms and divorcees. If you aren't married as a man by age 30, you are not likely going to get someone who has been waiting to meet you. Those girls get married young and are the most likely to stay married. While the circumstances that can make a decent woman a divorcee or a single mom can certainly happen, as a man ages, if he wants a wife or family he is going to end up with the divorcee or single mom. This creates a lot of problems that many men ignore because they are so happy to be getting someone to be with them despite all the time being single with no luck when they were younger. Does this mean a man settled or he made a choice that was going to turn out bad for him no matter how much he loved the woman he found later in life by choice or by delaying getting married for whatever reason? I never felt that I settled but I failed to realize the damage was done to her long before I ever appeared. I was just the man to make her feel better about the fact her first marriage failed.
I did not get married until I was 35. I am was not getting better looking as I aged, and with rare exception that usually involves money, as a man ages, he simply isn't going to meet that woman that looks at him with admiration and love like they did until they turned age 25(you know those girls from your youth who got married to some newly appearing guy causing you to never see her again). The women you will meet on the other side of 30 might still be pretty on some level if they are close to your age, but their heart has gone through the pain of a prior divorce or they have kids from a marriage and they take up all their time. You aren't getting an emotionally available woman no matter how well she fakes like she cares. Some women are good at faking it and it can be 10 plus years with her before you wake up.
What men fail to realize, especially when they get a wife at a later age like 35, is that she isn't likely going to want to be with you long term. Some can fake it better than others for a period of time, but if you are now facing divorce, ask yourself if your wife ever really cared and bonded with you especially if you married after age 30. She might look all innocent but she is probably a closet ho who has cheated on you or is planning on it pushing the limits with some new guy she met at work or at the gym. She will be able to hide all her transgressions helped by your ignorance. She will have kids with you but she still thinks about her first husband who she loved but disappointed her or the bad boys who would use her for a sex toy with no commitment if they could. She's living her fantasies with others and not you. Maybe you recognized this but you didn't care because you wanted a pretty wife to have kids with and no matter her past, you felt like the luckiest guy in the world. Once the kids were born you would tolerate even more no matter how much she might drink, how many late night activities she has, or how much time she spends on the computer. You got the family you wanted. Joy and pain all mixed together.
One thing I ignored despite all of the above facts applying to me, was that I would never have my wife's heart even if we had two kids. She didn't care about me and I allowed myself to jump into marriage with her despite the ink barely being dry on her first divorce. I could never get a straight answer about why they divorced and nothing made sense no matter what she told me, but I didn't care. She was pretty and we were going to have gorgeous kids. We did too. I didn't see that I was just a sperm donor and a financial net to help her get the kids the first husband couldn't or wouldn't give her all while helping her build equity with a share of my hard work so when the relationship was over, she could get paid just for being my wife even if she contributed nothing to the building of my business or the maintaining of it. Being someone's second choice or a rebound is not a smart move but logic can be a big part of why men make bad decisions. We know what we do is wrong but the alternative could be worse.
Once you are the choice of a woman whose first choice failed or disappointed her, you can be the best guy in the world and you will never have her heart and she will only stay with you until something better comes along or until you cannot meet her financial needs. When a woman gets with you soon after failing with another man, even if you have kids, your marriage isn't likely to last or be one filled with genuine love. Can divorcees and single moms love again? Yes. Just understand the odds are against it and the odds of a long term relationship with one is lower than if she was neither of those things.
I do not bring this up as a woe is me to my bad choices as I own everything I do good or bad. I bring this up to help men understand whether divorce is right for them. How and under what circumstances did you meet your wife and how soon after did you get married? Had she been married before? Did she have kids with a prior man? How long after you meet her did you get married and start your family? The answers to these questions are usually bad the longer you wait to marry, but marrying old or young, men fail to believe that their wife is no longer with them emotionally and likely stopped caring just because they have not initiated a divorce.
Women are survivors and will use any means necessary to protect their existence. If you get entangled with one who clearly has a past that involves prior husbands or kids, you are setting yourself up for failure. She is still thinking about someone from her past and the longer she is with you, she will soon start thinking about someone to be her future. Once a man understands these things, he will be on a proper path to divorce rather than living miserably around a woman who does not respect or care. We all get married for a reason and many men see the negativity of a woman to be worth the kids they get. Female nature is a hard pill to swallow and I swallowed it big time. I am glad I had the courage to leave her once I started seeing the behavior and the inability to care from my wife. She didn't want to be with me and the fact we got married and started having kids so soon after her first marriage failed should have been a red flag.
If you are in a situation of flux because your wife is transferring away from you, take a look back and things will suddenly click for you as to why you are having problems and how she really feels. The biggest mistake a man can make is staying in a bad marriage. Once she's left you emotionally and probably physically, you will never get her back. Reclaim your life and learn from your mistakes.
The Red Devil