Is Getting Divorced Better Than Not Getting Married?

No matter how often I may relive my own hellish experience with divorce, child custody, and the family court system, combined with the stories of men my age and younger who are getting divorced and fighting for custody of their children, with the world pretty much going to shit and change to social interaction coming faster than a simp can swipe right on a dating site, I still look for the good of the experience and remind my clients and men contemplating divorce, that things can actually be much worse.

Imagine being a 25-30 year old man with a good job or college degree(or both), a clear path to financial success, a great personality with a hop in your step that only comes with youth, and you want to get married and have a family like your parents did and what most of those around you do or atleast try. I remember being this guy 20-25 years ago, before there was social media and dating sites. It was still hard to find a woman who you not only wanted to be with in that way, but who also wanted to be with you, have a family, raise children, and hopefully feel some level of happiness and achievement. This was before we had all this information about who actually gets married and the other information that was just starting be easily obtainable on the internet. Men and women still met mostly in person and not unanimously on a dating site. Interaction with a potential mate was rare and we put the time in to get to know someone. We werent so quick to walk away because you could go home and swipe for a new woman. Despite the set up of the times, it was still hard for most men to find a wife without dating down and as we pushed toward 30 and beyond, we had to ask ourselves many things before we ended up going down a path we never planned for or thought would not apply because we had it all going for us. The women should be everywhere we look and seeing our quality while matching it with theirs.

What men did not realize at that time and many dont understand today is that it is hard for a man to get a wife and have children. While a wife may not be the dream of life, having children is for 95% of men. This desire to reproduce and be a parent causes men to continue to try and meet women no matter how much resistance we get and how much age, time, and results discourages us to keep trying. While having children does not require marriage, most men, atleast in the white community, dont interact with women so they can have kids without the wife. It happens but its not part of our makeup and still is not today despite marriage being a bad deal for men. The desire for kids is that strong. What also has not changed is the statistic that 80% of women reproduce with 20% of men in this country. Think about that. If 90% of men want kids and only 20% of men get to have kids, there are a lot of childless men out there with many of them lying to themselves about it not being a big deal while hiding their depression about it. Women face the same problems and any woman who does not get to have kids and wants them is going to be more damaged than the man who faces the same problem as she ages. A woman can get married and have kids(assuming no health issues) any time she wants. As with men, she does not want to settle and wants to be with someone she feels is worthy. However, men must date down to get a woman in most cases while women will only date up. Women wont even date an equal. It creates a huge problem for men who bare the burden of the chase, the costs that come with it, and the hypergamus nature of women who can go from wanting to marry and have kids with you to making up whatever excuses she wants to leave you or be with a higher value man.

Fast forward and today, it is almost the cool thing to say you are MGTOW or redpilled before you are even 25 years old. How is that good for the success of any culture and society. Men are taught the nature of women and witness it right in front of their face through dating sites and social media. Its hard to argue with men who advocate this for other men because marriage is not a great bargain. That being said, men still want kids and families and the men lecturing us on being MGTOW or redpilled have kids and that experience. Even if their experience leads to good advice, its hard to listen to someone talk about it while also mentionng their kid. We are stuck and the difficulties of getting this experience in life is not as guaranteed for young men today. This might be the price we pay for information because we are shown how women behave and men are more open to sharing their experiences. Men are literally walking away from any attempt to live the life we always assumed was normal. Families dont exist any longer. Divorce is up as are the number of bastard children in the white community. The lack of families used to be a joke laughed about against the black community. This problem is moving to the white culture where our birth rate is continuously going down. Western Europe and Japan do not make enough children to continue their culture. The muslims and africans dont have this problem and will own Europe in 50 years. Japan will die off. The USA will be South Africa at some point depending on how long it takes the black race to kill of the whites faster than it kills its own while scaring the whites that remain to bow down to them out of guilt. If you dont understand what I am talking about turn on your television and go on You Tube. White people are checking out of society and that makes it tough for a young man who did everything right to be in the top 20% to find a wife and have a family. In a society where women use dating sites and social media to get more attention than even the most insecure starved ones can handle, their only need for marriage is to use it as a contract to make themselves rich the moment they choose to end it. If you cant put her in that position, she wont marry you. The end result is a man must date down and take what he can get if he wants a family and kids.

So why do I mention all of this? Ill tell you why....

I continue to meet men who are 40-50 are faced with divorce and a fight over their children, some of them often very young. Most of them dont want the divorce. 80% of them are filed by the women and for the remaining 20%, the woman behaved so bad that the man had no choice but to leave. She stayed not to look like the bad guy or because it was in her financial interests to stick around. I left my wife. I didnt want to be divorced. However I had self respect. She would have stayed for as long as necessary to improve her payout. I left to minimize the damage. The men that do leave their wife voluntarily when the wife does nothing to deserve him leaving or who does not want to leave is less than 5%. There is nothing good about it. Marriage is for women in every aspect except when it comes to a man wanting to be a father.

As bad as that is, I ask these men would they rather be going through this hell and fighting over their kids or having to go back to being 30 but living in todays world trying to find a wife and have kids. None of them would would chose todays option. They are lucky to have their kids. They got married just before things went from bad to worse in terms of how people meet and treat each other. It is the rare person who had a worse divorce than I did but I got married and had two kids. The money might be gone and the parental alienation is ongoing, but I still have them and I have a relationship with them. As hard as it was to get divorced, I am still on the side of being glad I got married and had kids. I know how hard it was for me in to find a family opportunity 20-30 years ago and the reason I married the person I did really does not matter. I still got to do it.  I got in just under the finish line of time and the advent of the change from in person dating to where online meeting has devalued people, marriage and family. This is the case for most of the men I meet now and I remind them of how they are a dying breed. They all hate their wives, but they to a person would not want to be 25-30 and trying to create a family.

As marriages reduce and there are less children being born, combined with the information out there telling men not marry, the future of society is going to go from lawyers like me trying to help men save their assets and get access to their children in a family court owned by liberals and man hating judges, to a society where men are 40-50 years old and have no family or kids. The top level men will always have access to women and have kids if they choose, but the men who are above average but not top 15-20% are going to face a real dilemma. They know it because it is shoved in their face as soon as they start looking for misery because a girl they dated in college had no desire to marry them. The marijuana use and porn addiction starts young and has taken men who would make good husbands 50 years ago and men who would still try 20 years ago, to men who become sloths and live in their parents basement or under the thumb of a single mom.

Men are going to go from dealing with divorce issues to the issues of loneliness and addictions as they hit middle age and they no longer live in the USA they saw and remembered, if only briefly as kids. These men who say they are free, have plenty of money, pump and dump women, all because they are single and never married or have kids like they have some good life are lying to themselves. There is no doubt in todays society that marriage is not a game you want to play, but if you learn how to navigate it, it can benefit you with children before you are destroyed financially. Men who are able to marry will be taught how to control the narrative of it but that is for another discussion and maybe a review of prior posts on this blog.

When I explain all this indepth to men who are now facing a shock divorce and all the issues that destroy your psyche, I try to put some positivity  on it. Be glad you got to do it and have some kids. Value the relationships with your children. Dont speak to a horrible wife just because she is their mother. Better yourself and appreciate what you have. There are many young men today will never get to have children and the odds that were already stacked against them are only going to get worse. In 10-20 years they wont be talking to professionals about divorce, they will be taking to professionals to help them with depression over a life wasted and unfulfilled.  For as bad as women behave in relationships, I d rather take my chances and be glad that I got to have certain experiences over what most young men are now facing.