One of the biggest mistakes men make in their relationships is the inability to see when it is over. They think because their wife says nothing day to day, there are no arguments, they cooperate with their wife to see that the kids needs are met, and all family functions and vacations are attended without incident, the marriage is fine and no one is considering or plotting a divorce. This ignorance often leaves men shocked that they are facing divorce or losing all respect as he continues to be married to someone who does not even like or want to be around him.
A woman's silence and fake behavior is either a personality defect or a sign the marriage is over. No amount of recognition or awareness can fix this or save a marriage. It might buy you some time to get your divorce preparation in order, but your marriage is over no matter how long you stay together for what ever reason one or both of you can justify to yourself or others.
Men must learn not only to recognize when things have gone wrong so they can atleast save face a bit by getting the courage to walk away, often to the surprise of the wife. Healthy relationships can have disagreements and often arguments, but if you are together and a team with the same goals who still values the marriage, you will talk the issues out and maintain the relationship. I often get asked how to spot things that will tell a man when his wife has checked out of the marriage because once a man understands his wife is over him, he can then focus on getting the courage to leave which is itself another battle because the man has the most to lose. Doing nothing is not the answer.
Lets look at some of the problems that men need to recognize so they can see their marriage is over....
1. Sex/Passion. While there are people that get married for ulterior motives such as money(if you married a Gold Digger and didn't spot it or accept that you did, then your marriage is a fraud and no analysis can explain it), it is assumed that you married someone you were attracted to and whose company you enjoy. The sex and touching was strong and passionate especially early on in the relationship. While time and kids certainly can reduce the interaction, it should never be eliminated to the point where you are looking to cheat or watch porn because your wife wont have sex with you. People with good sex lives typically do not end up in divorce court. Attraction never goes away if the marriage is solid. If you are truly attracted to the woman you married, her personality and behavior in the bedroom does not change even if she gains weight, and you will still want to have sex with her as often as possible. If she has stopped sex or if her participation is like that of a robot, your marriage is over. Men seem to accept this and stay married which is beyond mind blowing. You cant negotiate desire and no amount of conversation or therapy will cause her to see you as a man she is attracted to like she did at one time. Whether it be a new man in her life or something going on, she no longer sees you in a sexual way and at that point she may leave or she will analyze your value for other things versus what she must sacrifice. If she isn't getting sex from you and she is a normal woman, she is getting it elsewhere. She might stay in the marriage because you are so blind to the fact the need she has that you don't meet or she does not want you to meet are getting met by another man.
2. Where do you fall in her list of priorities? Your spouse should always come first, even over your kids. Beyond their infancy stage, when a woman makes her kids a blatant priority over you as they get older she does not want to be married to you. That does not mean she will leave, but you are no longer her priority. It will get worse as the kids age. Her friends and activities will also be more important to her than you. The "girls night out" will be more frequent. She will get these new hobbies she never even mentioned to you and probably isn't even interested in herself because its an excuse to get away from you. Watch her reactions when she sees her friends or even other men. The light in her eyes shows she is glad to see them. She really could care less if she sees you. She might fake it with you but you need to see the difference between real joy and fake words like so good to see you or welcome home or I missed you coming from a wife who long ago became indifferent about your existence.
3. Time on a Computer or Phone. Maybe you are married to a stay at home woman(very dangerous) or a career woman, but once you are both home at the end of the day what are you doing? Is she on her computer doing who knows what justifying it to you that she is playing her favorite video game or catching up on emails with friends? She's either on websites talking to men or she's letting you know she would rather play Space Invaders than be in an intimate position with you. When your marriage is over, women will do all they can to avoid intimacy with you. This can range from no sex to not even sitting next to you on a couch. You are physically repulsive to her. She will even lock the door when she is taking a shower or bath. You can try to justify it that she is tired or needs time to herself but a woman who wants you will seek you out for your time and love, not look for excuses to be anywhere else. Men think that their woman would never step out on the marriage either because of arrogance or just stupidity. If your wife isn't seeking your attention, its because she is seeking and likely getting it elsewhere. Technology has made this easier for her to do.
4. No Communication/Abandoned Attention. Every married couple who is still speaking to each other has the normal conversations about kids and what each of you are doing during the day, but if you do not discuss things about life, the world, and what is going on with your job and the people you know, your marriage is over. She may not be having in depth conversations with you, but she is having them with someone. It may be a man at work or at the gym but she's talking to someone. She might have her female friends, many of which are wanting to see her marriage fail if they are divorced, but most of those relationships are superficial and petty. Women want a man who will talk to them and show interest in their lives ie ATTENTION. If you do this for a woman, she is quickly asking you for sex with very little aggressiveness required on your part. What men in marriages fail to realize is that they think they can recognize problems and start giving attention and things will return to normal. Once a woman has checked out on you, no amount of attention gets her back. Its too late.
These are just a few signs that your marriage is over, but men despite all their dominance at work or in most aspects of their lives are simply unaware that their woman has checked out. This problem is compounded by the fact that once a woman does not want to be married to you, they don't even want to tell you. Their mindset then shifts to figuring out whether it makes sense to stay in the marriage(likely for economic reasons or kids) or leave you with her new boyfriend already in place. Men need to be able to spot what has happened and take the pro active approach and leave his wife. He may not be able to keep his woman but he can keep his self respect by leaving. Ask any man who chose to stay in a lifeless, loveless, emotionally abusive marriage, especially where he was the main bread winner, and he will tell you he regretted it or if he did leave, he is mad at himself for taking so long to do so.
Women are resourceful creatures. They make their decisions based on economic self preservation. They will stay in a marriage to a man who is not doing anything wrong even if they are no longer interested in him as a man or husband. This is especially true if they are married to a man who is so stupid that he wont even see that she is having an affair or getting her needs met that he was supposed to meet but no longer do. The best way to understand this is reverse the behavior. Imagine if you are a successful man and your woman loves you and still sees the marriage as viable but if you do things to disrespect her whether it be cheating or ignoring her, she is going to leave your ass and use the family courts to punish you in all ways possible, without hesitation. While her leaving due to his bad behavior might be expected, if she is the one behaving badly, the man isnt so quick to leave. When it comes to marriage and relationships, women see everything and men do not. Women take action, men do not. This is why 80% of divorces are filed by women. The 20% filed that are filed by men are probably 90% filed because the mans wives were all but telling them to do it by their behavior but want him to file so they can play victim with friends, family, or the court.
Once men understand when their marriage is over and take action immediately rather than trying to justify their horrible wife's behavior, the statistics will change and over time. Training a man to be self aware instead of self absorbed is not easy and something we as men must help each other do so we aren't staying with women who checked out on us emotionally and physically even if they continue to live in the same house with us while making us look like fools.
The Red Devil