Imagine if we could eliminate the battle for child custody and the relationships with their parents from family courts. Trial would essentially be eliminated and and the financial scam that is the family court system would become unrecognizable compared to the dog and pony show it is today. As much as women use the court system to gain a financial advantage over men after taking all their ex husbands assets, what many fail to understand is these disputes occur because women know one thing that is so basic that many forget its importance. Kids are smart. They see everything in a basic form that is not only accurate but that will play themselves out right in front of them before, during, and after their parents divorce. While the timing of the children's age and the divorce has some affect on what and when they see what their parents are, the result is still the same.
The worst time for a divorce is when the kids are young. Not only do the kids not fully understand what is going on, no kid deserves to grow up in a broken home. Marriage in its purest form that existed long before Generation X started getting worthless college degrees that could no longer earn them a living, is the foundation of family and society. If it ends when the kids are young, not only is it tragic for the kids, but it is the prime time where parental alienation takes place. Women file 80% of the divorces and are probably guilty of 80% of the attempts to alienate the kids from the father. If divorce occurs at a young age of the kids, typically the woman either wants the man completely out of her life without any thought of what it does to the kids or she is such a horrible human being to cause a man to leave her when the kids are so young. While men certainly cheat and can do bad things, the majority of marriages that end of in divorce court with young kids are due to the fault of the women and that explains why they make every attempt to alienate the kids from the father. Sadly, this is a time when kids can be swayed and women are excellent at doing it. Many a relationship with a father is ruined because a woman is able to alienate the kids from the dad and she will do it even if the man is a good father and maybe not so good of a husband. How men can combat this is the subject of much debate, but ultimately the best answer to start is to never accept less than 50% custody of your kids. While losing all your money can suck, settling a custody case for less than 50% of the time with your kids is a mortal sin and any lawyer that tells you to do so absent extra ordinary circumstances is committing malpractice and should not be in the profession. The lawyers who will take money from a woman and encourage her to fight for primary custody of her kids are no different than the lawyers for men who wont stand up and fight.
As kids move in to their pre teen years, they dont quite have a say in where they can live, but their awareness of why their parents are divorcing and their parents personalities and behavior. As your kids enter in to this age group, it is very important you establish a relationship with them that involves open communication and a comfort level. I love that my kids will come to me and talk and you gain a lot of insight about what goes on in their lives. If they are this age when you divorce, it is not easy for them but they have an idea as to what is going on. The best chance to avoid the parental alienation that will take place from the mom is to establish a good relationship with your kids. If you as a father can set a good example about what it means to be responsible, have good values, and set an example, your kids will gravitate to you and the mothers issues will be exposed. It will take time, but the kids will see why you got divorced and they will appreciate their time with you. As a man you certainly have to live your life post divorce, but kids need stability and you have to make sure you are not introducing them to women you date and are not having women stay over at your house during your custody time. This is especially important when the kids are younger. You cannot devalue relationships or your kids will find that it is acceptable to be promiscuous. Your role as a father is important but this is especially true for daughters who need more emotional time and understanding as they grow in to young women.
If you divorce when your kids are teenagers etc, this certainly has its disadvantages and they effect on them cannot be ignored. Kids at this age are used to a family unit and they are obviously more aware of what is going on with their parents even if there may not be as much communication with you as you would like. Your time and investment as a father while the kids were younger make navigating these years a little easier and if divorce happens during this time, the moms attempts to sway them to hate you or choose to live with them wont be so easy. Remember that as a kid hits 12-14, the court is going to give them some say in where they live. If your kid does not like or respect you, they will decide to live with mom and not only does that cause the growth of your relationship with them, it can have long term affects which exist well after they are adults. The moms at attempts at parental alienation do not stop and can still be effective at this age and women will do anything to get revenge on you for not being what they wanted in a husband and to destroy you financially long after the divorce. If you don't have so many overnights with your kids, you will pay more in child support. Women know this long before the average man knows what a Schedule A or Schedule B is.
No matter what age your kids are when your divorce takes place, understand your kids are smart and they either knew before you did that the divorce was coming or will see what the parents are as people as they grow up well after the divorce takes place. While you as a man cannot control the whims of a hypergamus woman or the necessity of a divorce you can control how your kids see you. One thing I have seen with clients or learned following my own divorce is how smart kids are and why women try to alienate fathers from their kids. Women simply do not want their kids to see what they are and why they failed as wives or women. While men are not perfect, they will accept their faults, try to correct their mistakes, but most importantly maintain a relationship with their kids while not trying to keep the kids from their mom. Men know the importance of mothers and quality men will be close to and take care of their moms throughout life. Even if their wife cheats on them and divorces them, most men would never try to get revenge on their wives by keeping their kids from time with mom if their overall health and safety is not an issue. Women are the exact opposite and men need to prepare for it when dealing with their kids pre and post divorce.
There is nothing more satisfying to a man than to get vindication from his own kids post divorce that they understand why he divorced mom or why mom was not smart in leaving him for money or the chance at what she thought was a higher level man. Kids who feel comfortable with a parent will tell you in general conversation about the issues they have with the other parent if they see real problems with that parent. If you are a top level man who sets an example for your kids, the kids will tell you how mommy drinks too much, how mommy cant stay organized, how mommy isn't spending any time with them because she is addicted to a computer or prioritizing losers friends and the new men in their life. If moms cannot communicate with their kids, her personal issues will be even more obvious to the kids and the kids will tell you not because they want to talk bad about their mom, but because they don't feel stable and now understand why you got divorced. They want to tell dad that they understand what happened and why even if they didn't want you and mom to be divorced. Kids see everything. It might take some time, but whatever behavior or character flaw caused you to get divorced, does not go away post divorce. If anything it increases. If you drink too much or spend too much time on a computer talking to online friends or writing fan fiction, these issues will only increase post divorce. Kids are starving for attention need it even more once their parents split up. Moms know kids know what they are and that is why they try to alienate them from dad and try to get more than equal custody. They want money and pain for the pain that divorced them or disappointed them as a husband either justifiably or to justify their nature to seek a better man.
Once a man understands what parental alienation is and why women wont give you equal custody, you can prepare for the divorce fight and handle yourself accordingly as a man in your day to day life. Avoiding the parental alienation trap needs to begin before you get divorced. If you get divorced when the kids are young you are either a total ass or you married a woman that is going to torment you for life because she was such a bad woman that you had no choice but to leave. If your marriage lasts until the kids become teenagers or later, you must spend their early years bonding with them through communication while also being the example as a man for them to follow. Be a leader. Treat their mom well. Stay faithful. Work hard and provide for your family. You cant control that it may still not be enough for the woman you married. You cant control that. However, how you handle yourself will reduce the chances of being alienated and will give you the best shot of 50/50 custody of your kids. While no one cares why you got divorced and no one needs to hear all the bad things your wife did to cause the divorce, what does matter is how your kids see you. You don't need to be like their mom and try to brainwash them to take your side or to keep them from her. The kids will see you for what you are and her for what you are. While people often get divorced with no conflict for a variety of reasons, these are the people that don't fight over custody and mom will understand that kids need equal time. If you are not in that situation and instead getting divorced from an angry, mentally ill, or high conflict woman who is trying to hide the fact she cannot or will not be a quality wife, you need to prepare for the fight while also handling yourself the right way. The kids either already know or will learn what type of parent you are and what type of mom they have. You don't need to convince them. Once you see it all fall into place as the kids get older, you will feel some sense of satisfaction even if you lost a lot of money and ended up divorced when you didn't want to but saw no other option.
Don't stop fighting gentlemen.
The Red Devil