When it comes to divorce and ending relationships, the most difficult behavioral concepts are often the most simple and most vital when it comes to a mans mental health and future outlook on life.
To understand the concept of No Contact and why it matters, ask yourself why your relationship ended. It likely involves betrayal by you or your spouse. Its really that simple. There is no big analysis needed as to why relationships end. It isn't typically about growing apart or life changing events. Betrayal can come in different forms, but the concept is simple especially when it comes to the ending of a marriage. Either way, even if you have children, as a man you need to move on and never speak to the ex again. You need to understand why in order for you to have a future of good mental health or potential relationships.
If you left your wife because you met another woman or you want to be a single man and chase pussy like you are 18 again, you are pathetic as a man. To insult your wife further by trying to be friends after the breakup, help her with her chores, or even do anything with her related to the kids if you have them is only insulting her further and making yourself look like some white knight type of guy who is really a piece of shit. Accept your choices and move on while being the best parent you can. Never speak to her again.
If your wife betrays you, your approach is the same. If your wife left you because she wants to be single and get a check from you each month, or simply does not admire or respect you causing her to look at you with disdain day to day forcing you take the action of leaving because she wants to play victim while getting paid, why would you want to be with this person much less talk to her? If all you did for your spouse and your family was to result in no contributions, sloth like behavior, or poor treatment from your wife, why would you want to have contact with this person ever again? Ask what made you take such a rash decision to want to break up your family? Its not about leaving the cap off the tooth paste or the toilet seat up. Its about contempt which resulted in betrayal. With women, its usually not about them cheating. They are pros at hiding that and yes they do cheat. Its usually about the mental betrayal of a failed partnership. Imagine having a business with someone and you did all the work and earned all the money and your partner contributed nothing yet at the end of the year the profits were split equally. How long would you let that go on? It is no different in marriage. Imagine being the man and you work a lot and bring home tons of money so your wife has a comfortable life allowing her to stay at home with the kids. Your house is never clean, you do all the yard work, and she uses sex as a weapon knowing you think she is one of the most beautiful women you have ever seen. She treats strangers better than you and acts like you dont exist when you are at home. Her hours spent late at night on the computer betraying your trust and interacting with people in a way that are improper make you look dumber than you already are for providing such a good life for a horrible woman. Why would you ever want to talk such a person once you get the courage to leave?
I know you have kids and you want to put on the best front possible for them? Who cares.
Once you and your wife split up, shes gone, you are never going back, but you are still a parent. Depending on how your relationship ended and the type of person your ex wife is, she is going use the kids as pawns to hurt you even if she is the one that caused the break up. Shes probably going to steal as much of your personal stuff as she can too all while denying it and playing victim to anyone who will listen including a man hating court system. She wants to show others that you are not a good father as part of the big picture that you were not worthy of her or to cause you pain for leaving her. If you have doubts about losing your spouse because of her betraying behavior such as outlined above, watch how she handles the custody issue and you will lose any regret you had for losing your wife. Any woman who puts her own thoughts of how to punish you over the health and happiness over her kids is the prime example of why no contact does and should exist. If you don't have kids then there is no reason to talk to her ever again but even if you do, her post split behavior will eliminate any regret you might have about completely cutting her out of your life, kids or no kids.
It may take awhile to get the custody issues decided and it is important you get the custody time decided. How to go about that is discussed in other places, but you want everything in writing in the form of a court order so you know when and where you will see your kids. Until this court order is in place you are likely to require more emails or texts to arrange scheduling and pickups etc than you would like in a no contact approach. Do it all in writing and never speak to her and never go near her physically to eliminate all possible attempts at false claims of threats or violence that she will make against you until you accept less than equal custody of your kids. You will find that throughout this process, especially if she will not agree to equal custody or wants you financially ruined, that the person you left or are upset because she left you is not a quality person. You will soon ask yourself why you spent any length of time with her and even married her. Its always tough to lose someone you were attracted to and who is the mother of your kids, but that is part of the withdrawal of no contact and these facts should help you make the transition a bit easier. She might be physically attractive and the mother of your kids, but as a person she is basically worthless and not worthy of any of your time going forward.
If you are unable to take these drastic steps, you are going to mentally destroy yourself and your children will respect you less especially if you have sons. You have a duty to teach your sons how to deal with women and we are becoming a society where men are increasingly devalued and disrespected but where men need to learn to not tolerate it like our fathers did. These societal transitions must be passed on to our sons so they can recognize and learn at a young age the nature of women and hopefully to end up with a good one as there are a few in this world. In the same sense, if you have daughters, they need to learn that strong men aren't going to be whipped by an ex wife who likely betrayed or cheated on them causing their family to be destroyed. If you cheated on the mother of your children and you have daughters, you will have spend even more time trying to earn their respect but if you left their mother because of how she treated you, you will have a unique opportunity to earn the respect of your daughters will also teaching them not to treat men like their mother does. For this country to survive we need to raise daughters to be respectful and not selfish instead of allowing them to be glorified THOTs posting pictures on Instagram or staying up all wee hours of the night on a computer playing sex games or writing about Harry Potter characters having perverted sex so other fan ficton writers can give the affirmation that you cant get from being a wife or stay at home mother.
No matter what the circumstances are causing your marriage to end, it is emotionally tough if you are any type of human who cares about others. You don't marry every person you meet and you certainly don't have kids with everyone either but you cant dwell on making a bad choice when it came time to picking a wife. Once the wife devalues you and disrespects you, while she may not leave the marriage, she is abusing you to the point where you want the marriage to end. You must have self respect and move on in totality which includes getting the courage to leave and go no contact.
Men who are able to break free and deal with an ex via no contact have better futures with new women and a cleaner mental health outlook. It certainly isn't easy and requires mental strength that most men don't have or who need real push and encouragement to see it through to so they can live healthier lives going forward. If you are unable to do that get the advice and support that will allow you to do it. Quitting a bad woman is like quitting smoking. You might get some enjoyment from it, but it is slowly killing you. You know you need to do it and there will be withdrawals when you finally get the courage and strength to do so. Once you take the step to quit and never go back, your health gets better. You cant do it halfway.
As women see more men being willing to take such harsh steps, especially men who existed in their marriage with little conflict and in an easy going style trying to please a wife, women will learn they need to value their husbands and marriages a bit better. Best of luck guys and if you need help taking or justifying these steps contact MenUnited for guidance.
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