Divorce is a bunch of hurdles that you have to get over. Some are easier than others. Once you are over them, time helps the memories and anger fade away. Some of these hurdles are monthly reminders of the injustice mostly men face, even when they are married to a career woman who manages to achieve and earn while you are married. The injustice of it all is a reminder why so many women try to keep men from getting equal custody of their kids, even when these women are working full time jobs and even making more than their soon to be ex husband.
When I was getting divorced, my ex was a stay at home mom. She was college educated and very attractive. Even if you thought she was lazy and liked the stay at home life, she had an education and in demand assets that would allow her to get a job and grow her career without much effort. She had a job when we got married and even when she got pregnant with our first child, her employer did everything for her so she could work from home after her baby was born. Its not like her paycheck went into a joint checking account as what I earned was ours and what she earned was hers. Despite this set up and a husband who didnt want to rock the boat by asking her where her money went each month while his earnings were used to pay for the household bills, she still decided it was too much work to keep her job and work from home. She was planning ahead. She knew if a divorce came, she could cry to the court that she was a dependent spouse meaning more child support from me, the increased likelihood of alimony, and most important to her, the easier it would be to hurt me financially and keep me from my kids.
As I have discussed in prior posts, while the court gave me equal custody because she wrote volumes of fan fiction porn with graphic sexually tones and with characters named after her daughters, it did not help my child support situation like it should have. Because she was smart enough to make herself a dependent spouse, the court took pity on her and did not allocate any income to her for four years when child support was being calculated. Once you understand how child support is calculated, if one spouse has no income calculated on their side of the column, no matter what custody arrangement exists, the other spouse is paying more each month. Not being forced to work or earn an income for four years, but instead being allowed to get a new education for a new career at her leisure while I paid for her entire life, on top of the lump sum she was paid, is just one example of the injustices men face as the likely primary earner. Now that she is working, dont think that changes things as I still pay significant child support(the alimony payments have expired) every month despite having equal custody of my daughters. These monthly payments are not needed to make sure my daughters have the same things at both parents houses, but is simply money going in to her pocket because I decided to leave a marriage where I was mistreated.
But this post isnt about my situation. I just bring it up so you can see the extremes that exist and why men often end up so destroyed financially and emotionally after the custody battle, one where they lose more often than not even when the mother is no better a parent than the father.
While my ex does not make 100k a year now that she is working, lets talk about a woman who does. She and her husband broke up. The husband made the biggest mistake in the world which was soon after splitting he, with the encouragement of his lawyer, who just wanted a quick pay day with little to no fight, signed a custody agreement giving primary custody to his wife. The wife wasnt about to offer him equal custody. As with most situations, where both parents are working full time, a divorce can often mean lots of babysitters and difficulty for the kids especially if they are younger. The court system too often favors the woman in this situation and lawyers will often tell their male clients that its pointless to fight for equal as its just a waste of money because you are probably going to lose. Save your money, maybe get some concessions on child support, and let the wife work out the babysitting on her time, especially if she has a flexible job. This is simply a mistake for the mans mental health as while it may seem easy to do, once it is in place a man sees every month the mistake he made as he sees his kids only every other weekend and writes a check to an ex who in this case makes more money than he does. Once this custody order is in place giving primary custody to one spouse it is very hard to change unless the kids get to a certain where their opinion might have some sway on a judge during a motion to modify custody. Even in the best of circumstances, once a kid gets used to certain custody schedule, it is hard to get them to ask to change it even if they love being with the parent with the lesser time and that parent is a great father. It is heartbreaking to see this and why I tell every man never to sign an agreement with a woman that gives him less than equal custody of his kids. If you fight it and the Judge refuses equal custody, you will be able to tell your kids when they are older that you fought for them and can tell a judge at a later hearing to change custody that you actually fight and dont roll over when things get tough.
When the man in this case signed over primary custody of his young kids, he soon learned how this affected him, but to his credit, he kept a positive attitude and maximized every minute with his kids. I dont know that I could do that. As great a father as I am, this man is even more enthusiastic about his time with his kids and goes above and beyond while he faces hurdles in his professional life that make finances not consistent in terms of stability and income. As a self employed person I can totally relate as the check is still due each month and he is sending it to an ex who does not need it while she takes great joy seeing his money go into her pocket and hoping that everything he has financially gets destroyed or taken from him. These women want you homeless and mentally broken. They think you are mentally broken the minute they get primary custody. The alienation is often direct but always subtle.
The system is so broken and it is so important that you do everything you can to get equal custody of your kids. This man who allowed his wife to have primary custody makes money with his business but he puts in significant hours trying to keep it afloat. His ex wife in her job makes over 100k per year. She is in their marital home and the kids are with her 75% of the time. Her life hasnt changed other than she got rid of a man she didnt want. Who cares who filed or initiated the divorce. Its the women 80% of the time and 90% of the other 20% its the woman who wants to play victim and drives the man to file when he prefers to be married and raise a family. Despite the fact she makes enough on her own to give her kids a fine life, her husband, who makes less money than her, must send her child support every month. She makes over 100k per year, he makes less, and he has to send her money. Let that sink in for a minute. While she might have more expense because of the kids time being more with her, this is a woman who even years after the man stupidly agreed to less than equal custody, refuses to give the kids equal time with their dad. She resisted his motion to change custody to equal and now the mans teenage son is being raised primarily by a mom who hates men and simply cannot give her son what his dad can. This is child abuse of a young man and ongoing mental abuse to the father all without ramifications. If you call this behavior out in a court hearing, the Judge will shut you down. She does not refuse equal custody of her teenage kids because dad is a bad guy or bad father, its done simply out of spite and hate she has for a man that left her. The court system provides no help. The kids suffer and the man struggles financially every month while seeing very little of his kids. You dont get this time back. Men do not keep kids from a mom out of spite or for the love of money. Women will and they do it with the full blessing of the court because we operate in a system that says this is how things must work. The man will always bear the burden of society and child rearing even when the woman is successful in her career and makes plenty of money. A good father and good man has been deprived of equal time with his kids because he got bad advice during a time of stress where he paid thousands of dollars to a lawyer who didnt help him and because the ex wife pushed things knowing she had the power of the State behind her.
Both of these extremes are the norm in divorce and child custody. Whether you divorced a stay home dependent spouse or a career woman who makes plenty of money, these women can and will try to keep you from your kids and if you do not fight for equal time, you will have a harder time getting it in the future, and no matter how much money she makes, you are going to pay her child support. While many couples understand there is nothing to fight over and divorce and child custody issues are resolved quickly and inexpensively despite the animosity that still exists, there are people, especially women, where no matter the facts, who want the mans head on a platter because he decided he was not going to stick around in a mentally abusive relationship. Even if the man was at fault for the divorce, there is no reason to punish the kids when the man is a good father.
If you are dealing with this type of woman, it is important to understand why you fight rather than roll over. You need a lawyer who will help you see what needs to be seen even when you cant because of the emotional turmoil you are facing over the loss of your money and the access to your kids.
Make this choice wisely gentlemen.
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