Take the Loss and Fix Yourself

I know who you are. You are my neighbor or someone I talk to in my professional life. Maybe you are one of my friends living in misery who will talk to me about your miserable marriage and how being the nice guy has caused you to be used and abused. The facts are always the same. You married because you thought the woman was going to treat you right and maybe carry her weight by working or being someone to give you some kids and be a good mother and wife. Who does not want a family? Look at your parents. They probably stayed married and raised you and your siblings without much money. Sure things were simple as there was no Instagram or Facebook. Nothing meant more than the family and they made it work. Why cant you do it you ask. Your kindness and hard work is now being treated as weakness. Your wife might be having an emotional affair or touching her computer more than she touches you. Heaven forbid she might be cheating on you with some guy she met at the gym or some guy who has a wild streak attached to him who gives her attention because he wants to get in her pants. She took the wedding ring you spent too much money off her finger long ago and probably speaks very little of you to people she meets. If she even admired or respected you at one point, that disappeared long ago. Sex is now an afterthought in your relationship. All the things you were taught to be as a man may have attracted women to you and allowed you to get married and even have a family but really you were just a ticket to financial stability for a woman whose goals are simply about herself. You are waking up and now know to fix your situation you are either going to pay with money for freedom or the slow death of a life of misery because you are too nice to do anything to betray your marriage vows or leave your wife no matter how poorly she treats you. Either choice you make is filled with defeat and losses and your wife knows this so the negativity she brings is only amplified. If she even thinks you are not happy, her own plans for self preservation escalates and the disrespect she shows for you becomes even more blatant.

Men contact me and want me to explain why all this happened despite being the nice guy and doing everything right. They ask me how they can fix it and keep their relationship. I faced this personally and asked the same questions. Accepting reality is tough and not easily achieved even with all the negativity staring at you day to day. No man wants to accept that he married a woman who had an agenda and who didn't care about him as a person. Why did she require so much of you yet these new friends of hers get all the benefits you no longer get despite you paying for her life. She built up her bank account through your hard work and could manipulate you the whole time because you are a normal man. She can cash in her prize pack anytime knowing the longer she waits, the prize packet gets bigger. You want sex, family, and occasional appreciation. Sex goes away and the appreciation you thought your wife had for you was all faked, and the family might be great but if you want to be away from the poor treatment, you likely lose access to your kids. This is what it is. Its as no win as it gets. You cant fix it and any delays in deciding how you will manage your life only makes it worse and the recovery harder.

Making a decision to end your marriage or to let your wife know directly or indirectly you no longer want to tolerate you being taken advantage of is not easy. It took me two years from the revelation and acceptance as to what was going on before I could walk out and begin fresh. This was before there was so much Red Pill information out there to give me that push I needed and it cost me a lot of money by waiting but I justify it because waiting allowed me to stumble on information my wife had that helped me get equal custody of my kids. A gift from God but I digress as my point is once you realize what is going on, the advice is simple. Change your life. Take the Loss. Fix Yourself. Don't wait. This is not easy and I know it. I walked out on a woman I loved and was attracted to despite how I was used and disrespected beyond belief. It was staring me in the face and I just ignored it which was against my character of someone who faces and addresses all problems I face. It had to be done. You know it does too.

Choosing to end a marriage is going to cost you. There is no way around it. You might have a good lawyer or learn some secrets that can minimize the loss, but you still lose. Everything you worked for will be at least cut in half and you may not get equal custody of your kids. Your lifestyle will change. It also takes some adjustment to be alone and get back out into a dating world that has even more negativity. The other option is stay and die a slow death probably earlier than expected while your wife roots for your death, increases the insurance coverage(your wife probably has an insurance policy on you that you don't know about), and you age quickly making you even more unattractive to your wife who has now reduced you to a child in her mind.

While you cannot change what is going to happen to you when it comes to divorce, the one thing you do have control over is yourself. You might be broken from years of hard work and mental abuse, but you can fix that. Once you are free and in your new residence, set some goals. Fight the divorce fight but get it past you. You will soon know how much money you have and what custody you have of your kids. You do not need to talk and interact with your ex wife, kids or not. Do not feel obligated to do so especially after the divorce and a custody order is in place. Enjoy your peace and quiet. Focus on being a better father. While its easy to say go lift weights and get buff, why not just start with a better diet. Exercise is always good but start slow. Try to lose some weight or just be outside more. Get some sun on your body. If you turn into some fitness nut that is great, but don't believe extremes are necessary. Improve how you feel about yourself. Enjoy women on your terms. You don't need to be in a relationship but you can date. If you don't have the skills to approach and meet women, that can be fixed as long as you are reasonably attractive. While the MGTOW option is there, again its one I do not support. Instead of hating and ignoring all women, enjoy them on your terms and learn from your past so they cant do what past women have done. Fun does not mean marriage or even a long term commitment. Openly just showing hate for women does not make you an attractive man but the hate for an ex is understandable. Dont talk about her or talk to her. Shes dead to you. The list of what you must do to fix yourself is endless but it is slow and gradual.

Once you mentally accept what has happened to you, the sooner you can fix yourself. It is not easy and you often need support and a push. Men suffer in silence and take way more losses when it comes to the loss of a relationship while women always seem to have an army of friends and family to encourage her and help her beat you in every aspect of divorce and custody. They also can get a new man in seconds while even the best men have to work to get female attention. You have to get away from that. You have to eliminate your ex from your life and everyone that reminds you of her. If there are still connections, you will never maximize what you can be for yourself. 

Changing your mindset is not easy. You are probably a blue pill simp like most of us were for most of our lives. Women spot these men, "the nice guys", and use them like toilet paper. You look back at how you let women treat you before you got married and you cringe. That girl in college who loved you was the same woman who was cheating on you with the bad boys and older men. You probably stayed with her after she cheated on you and she still contacts you on occasion wanting to "catch up" as it is all about her and the self esteem boost. You cant do anything about that. Move on now. Its hard to accept because like me, you are probably an advocate of marriage and family. You want to be a provider. You want a beautiful wife and kids. We all do. However, you have to learn how to handle things when they go bad and have the courage to take your life back from the horrible woman who took some of it from you. 

Think about where you are it. Ask yourself honest questions. You know the truth. If you are that man who is afraid to leave his wife despite all the bad treatment understand she is either going to continue to treat you worse while you age out of your life broken and too often past the point of recovery or she has her own exit plan timed for her financial and social benefit. If she is treating you poorly and still staying in the marriage it isn't because she loves you, wants to fix it, or has even the slightest bit of respect for you. You already know this and like me, you were afraid to pull the trigger and take your life back. For all the damage my ex did to me, it helped me emotionally to show her that no matter how beautiful she was and we had kids, I was better than how I was treated and was not going to take it. It also cut back on the amount of my personal stuff she took. Women are thieves and will steal your personal things out of spite no matter if it has no meaning to her once she thinks you might be on to her game. If I had waited there was a good chance I would have come home from work one day with all the stuff in the house gone(most of which was mine before we married) with a note saying call my lawyer. I know men that has happened to and it is devastating. Do not be that guy. Once you do get the courage to leave, for all the losses you will take, no matter how your life changes, it will be for the better. You are your own person and you deserve to be happy but you must create your own happiness. As bad as things are, waiting is only going to make it worse.

Take back your life gentlemen and begin fixing what you have left of it after the trauma of the divorce and custody fight is over. You might find that you end up happier and enjoying the company of women on your terms and an overall better life. Your self esteem is worth way more than any pay out you will give to an ungrateful woman.