The Bait and Switch

I seem to be one of the few people who believe if you are going to marry and have kids, that you should do it when you are young, ideally between the age of 20-25. I have discussed this before in prior posts. While it is obvious that both men and women and still immature even when they are mature at that young age, for men the advantages of getting married and having your family when you are young far outweigh the disadvantages of trying to do it when you are older. There is a reason why men like younger women. When you are a young man in your physical prime, when combined with your day to day social circles, this is the age that is best to meet a young beautiful woman who not only isnt jaded by the experience of life, but still looks her best and could possibly have the ability to feel something for you, even if temporarily. Does this mean you are less likely to get divorced by marrying young? Probably not. Does it create some financial struggles that you may not suffer if you wait and build your career first? Probably. Does your maturing in full mean you will be able to choose a better partner in your 30s than you would as a younger man? Probably not. Does marrying young reduce the likelihood of significant financial divorce rape assuming you are educating yourself on the nature of women from a young age? Yes it does. Does all of this matter less if your plan is to slug through life and achieve little to nothing? Maybe.

One of my biggest regrets was not marrying and having kids when I was young. Waiting until you are in your 30s to get married, especially after you have spent your mid to late 20s going to school and or building a business or career to the point where it is just starting to take off just as you are thinking you are getting married is sheer stupidity for a lot of reasons. Even if you are making significantly more more money that most everyone, the financial stability you might think you are creating for yourself is not likely to lead to meeting and marrying a quality woman. If you are in your 30s, doing well, thinking you are going to meet a great partner who is younger, the odds are you if you do you will be pairing off with a gold digger who does not have the ability to love an older guy like she does a guy her age.

Most men will be marrying and having children with women near their own age. You arent likely a guy who is the 35 year old dating a 20-25 year old with any type of seriousness assuming you can even get one. If you have made it to your early to mid 30s and are now trying to meet a woman to marry and have kids you are not walking down a path that is likely going to get you destroyed emotionally and financially because of what I call the Bait and Switch perpetrated by many women who are on the wrong side of 30 trying to find a husband for security or because they want kids.

Let me explain.

I did not get married until I was 35. That was almost 20 years ago. This was a time when social media was non existent. It was a non Facebook time in life . Online dating was in its infancy and still not all that accepted. I met my wife online. I thought I had hit the jackpot but what i failed to realize is that who I was marrying was not genuine in her emotions or desires. I would soon learn I was nothing but a financial security blanket who had no other value to her. That is on me and maybe I knew it at the time and chose to ignore it because at age 35, no matter how good my personality was or how well I did in my profession, I was still 35. I wasted my 20s and allowed many women who truly had the ability to feel slip through my fingers. My window for having children with a pretty girl who was atleast a decent person, who didnt already have kids, was closing and closing fast. I had no time to think some perfect person was going to walk through the door. It wasnt about settling but instead getting a woman who had lived her 20s already and was basically dead on the inside. She still wanted kids and to be a family, but it was not caring about anyone other than herself and her own needs. I ended up leaving her despite not wanting to be divorced and the divorce rape and parental alienation was off the charts bad. I suffered because of her anger at the other men who she loved or wanted before me that didnt treat her right. I paid the price. That being said, I cant say wouldnt do it all over again especially seeing how social media and feminism have destroyed women even more in the past 20 years. I got two beautiful daughters who I have a great relationship with despite efforts by their mom to eliminate it. I wouldnt want to be a young man, muchless one over 30, trying to find a wife and build a family in todays selfie, me first, society that these young women live in. There are still nice young women around, but these girls marry young now more so than they did 20-30 years ago. Those that dont who fail at it, spend the rest of their lives trying to trick men into believing they have their life together. They dont but they are pros at fooling the men who try to date or have serious relationships with them.

For those of you contemplating a divorce or wondering why your relationship didnt work out, especially if you married a woman closer to age 30, ask yourself what the woman portrayed herself to be versus what she actually is. She fooled you for a time. It was long enough to get kids from you and or the money you provided no matter who ended the relationship.

Is this your scenario?

You met this woman. Shes been married and divorced or maybe she was single and spent her 20s sleeping with every type of man possible. She appears timid and shy to you and her sexuality is repressed in bed. She looks great though. You cant believe your luck. You have a great job, plenty of money, and a house. You cant possibly believe this woman you met is such a manipulator. She hides all her baggage and mental health issues. She hides her physical problems as well. It could be endomitriosis or being a fake exerciser or health nut only to be lazy or spending way too much time in a walking boot claiming plantar faciatis from too much running. She hides all this when you are dating because you dont live with her or see her everyday. All you see is her pretty face or giant breasts and you are ready to take the next step leading to marriage and a family. For all you offer, you arent young and you want a family as well. This desire causes you to be stupid.

You moved the woman into your house. She hides her mental and physical problems while dodging you sexually and underperforming in the bed. She looks good though and your desire to reproduce only solidifies. You find her spending way too much time on the computer and wonder why bottles of vodka are under the sink or Jack Daniels has his own corner of your kitchen cabinets. 

You marry her. Her goals are now accomplished. She knows the divorce laws and knows she will get paid. She times sex with ovulation and her strong genes combined with your own causes her to get pregnant quickly with little difficulty. This begins a pattern of little to no sex that will eventually lead to no sex once she births the final kid. It might be one or two but she decides. Despite your desire for more while showing her how you provide for the family so she can be a stay at home mom or work at her leisure does not matter. Its all about her desires. Her mental and physical problems are no longer hidden. What are you going to do? Nothing.  She is now a completely different woman than the one you married. She avoids you physically and is indifferent to contributing anything to the relationship. If you stay you are miserable and feel regret. If you leave, especially with young kids, you are shamed and pay her for all the work you have done. Some choice right?

Now dont think she is no longer a sexual being or is boring. She has a computer life. Shes on Facebook all day or maybe she was like my wife who stayed up until wee hours of the morning writing fan fiction with stories involving Harry Potter kids having sex with hogwarts. There are characters named after your kids. If the sexual acts she described in her stories were being performed on you, your marriage would be fine. People with good sex lives dont end up in divorce courts no matter how crazy the wife is. Shes sharing these other stories with men. She might be having phone sex with them or even meeting men  who only want sex from her knowing she is your problem financially. They dont want her long term. They just want to look and touch her nice mom body that you paid for. Shes living the life while you work like a slave thinking you are the King of your world.

What do you do now? You lose either way and she knows it. She completely faked who and what she is and you were the victim. No fault divorce and failed people want the family unit destroyed so there is no accountability for these women. Men certainly are at fault for getting themselves into situations, but we dont deserve what happens to us financially and should not have to struggle to get to see our kids equally.

Think about what is going on the world. Married women spend more time demonstrating their hate  and indifference for their husbands while they support social justice and men like George Floyd and Jacob Blake  who are brutalizers of women. You keep her fed and sheltered while very little is expected of her yet once she is with you, she prefers to spend time posting about Black Lives Matter on her Facebook page and reading Harry Potter sex stories than spend an evening with her husband. Her friends are just like her. Her older friends are multiple divorced. Her mom friends all make fun of their husbands. Even if she hasnt moved on to physical cheating, she is likely psycologically cheating on you sharing thoughts and fantasies with thugs or white knight men. She isnt into those fantasies with you, but shes writing or talking to other about them.

You are getting divorced. It is just a matter of when. She isnt leaving until it benefits her the most financially and it may be while the kids are still child support tools or when you are middle aged and she can cash out and be 50 years old trying to get young men to give them attention. 

Ultimately you as a man have to decide how you want to handle your family and relationship life. If you dont want children, do not ever marry and dont move a woman into your home. If you do want them, forget the Cristiano Ronaldo test tube surrogate baby crap and marry the woman and try to build a family. Do it when you are young or understand the Bait and Switch you will face if you are trying to do it with a woman around 30 who is likely a failed woman trying to convince you with her looks that she can still give you a family and kids. You need to understand what she is doing. You also need to prepare for divorce after you marry so if and when it does go bad, you can time the decision to end it with as little financial and emotional damage as possible. I struggled mightily with this decision as my wife baited and switched me less than 3 years into our marriage. I was a slave the minute our first kid was born but at the time I was happier than anyone could possibly be having a wife a beautiful baby. I was lucky to get the second kid which  I dont think the wife wanted. I wanted a third and was basically told no. I soon left her as the bad behavior and disrespect was worth the trade of kids. I bargained with myself for it so I own it, but I got the courage to leave. If I had waited it would have been even more emotionally and financially damaging.

Where are you as you read this? Have you realized that what your wife pretended to be to get you to marry her and have access to your resources is not the same woman now? These differences go beyond the changes that come with age and life experience but instead her hiding who she truly was until it became safe for her not have to try and hide it each day as her financial future  was secured. If you have finally figured it out, what are you going to do? Does it make sense to leave or stay? 

If you need help on how to decide what to do or to minimize the loss, we are here.