Will You Miss Her or The Sex You Used to Have?

If you are reading divorce websites or facing a potential divorce situation, you probably have an unfulfilled sex life. The frustration of this is amplified if you are paying for your wife's life. Are you the main bread winner? Is your soon to be ex wife using sex to manipulate you mentally because that is the only weapon she has to show her power? No matter the reason, your poor sexual relationship is going to be a big reason why you are about to divorce.

Couples with good sex lives rarely end up in divorce court. You can have very little in common but if you can fulfill each others sexual needs, you will treat each other better and work together in other areas where you may not have so much in common. It is a chicken and egg kind of thing but no matter how you analyze it, if the sex is good, then you are not likely to divorce. If your sex life has gone away ask yourself why are you still in your marriage. If it isn't for health reasons or you or your partner have a physical issue which challenges your commitment, then why would any man stay in a relationship where sex is non existent or a chore for a woman who stopped respecting you long ago. As the sex goes away, your current and likely overall feelings for your spouse come to the surface. You cannot stay in a living arrangement with such a person. Women control sex and if you are staying in a marriage with a person who controls sex to control you, the resentment will only build and it is going to end badly. If that is you, it is time to end your marriage and the sooner you do it the less damage their will be and the sooner you can rebuild. Your self respect has more value than any beautiful woman who used to have sex with you because she had an agenda. With rare exception this cannot be fixed and you do not want to be that guy who is paying the majority of the household bills while you age and watch porn to get your sexual needs met and your wife is laughing at you while she gets he needs met elsewhere waiting for you to die so she can collect insurance or keep all the marital assets. If your wife wants sex outside of marriage, she is likely to be able to get it easier then you no matter how high value of a man you are. You do not want to be the man who did nothing and ends up dying a slow death while you are aware of who is going to get everything you worked for. Giving up half sucks but giving up all of it because you didnt take action is a hard pill to swallow when you are sick and old and wasted years of your life out of fear.

As you face this situation, ask yourself what you are going to miss when you split from your wife. Your wife may still  be attractive and you love seeing her naked, but if you cant get physical fulfillment from her presence, why are you there? Would you keep a Ferrari in your garage that has no engine or you cannot figure out or afford to fix and keep running. That is pure idiocy. That is what you are doing while the resentment continues to grow and you stay married.

This was the situation I faced in my marriage. When I met my wife, I could not believe my luck to marry someone who was physically my ideal woman. It made the things we didn't have in common easier to manage. If you are able to marry someone who you are genuinely physically attracted to, that is very rare and you will learn how much that matters when it goes away or if you never had it and got married to someone because you thought you had all these things in common. Looking at her with clothes on or off was something that motivated me to be as high value a man as possible. Whether the sex was good didn't matter and I wont discuss that in depth here. Even if she was horrible at it, she was beautiful and sexy beyond belief. If there was some physical interaction, I was not going to blow up my marriage no matter how one sided the contributions were day to day. I was bargaining with myself in world full of negativity when it comes to marriage and family. However, as she began to disappear physically, the type of person she was become more obvious. We as men will hide our feelings on what type of person our wife is if we are sexually satisfied even on a basic level. When the sex goes away, you see everything you hate about your wife and the way she has devalued you is right in your face. Why do you stay married to her no matter how good looking she is? Men need to be taught to walk away from beauty as quick as we might be drawn to it when we are younger. 

When you choose to leave, what will you miss? I am guessing you will miss the physical aspect of her even if that is something you no longer see. You wont miss who she is and how poorly she treats you. You wont miss her lies and lack of contribution to the marriage. Over time as you no longer see her, you wont miss her physically as much as you do while you are at home with her every day and she rejects you physically. The dating world is not fun especially as you age, but no matter how attractive your wife is physically, it does you no good to stick around and miss something you have to see every day. Once she is no longer in your presence physically you can rebuild your life. Every day that you see her with all the lust you felt when you were together physically on a regular basis, is a day that part of you thinks you can get back what you once had. You cant. If she does not want to be with you physically on a regular basis, her mind has moved on and she has likely got a boyfriend on the side. She will be a pro at hiding it from you and your mindset is not going to believe the perfect appearing soccer mom you are married to would be unfaithful no matter how much you provide and how little you interfere with her day to day life. She is and has been for a long time. If she does not want your attention, she is getting it from someone. Women are attention starved and need constant affirmation from someone they like or just to feed their ego. You aren't fixing it guys. Its time to move on. I knew as much as I hated walking away from someone who I basically saw as physically perfect no matter how much she aged or how much weight she gained, I knew that it would hurt less once I left. I could not stand being around someone who was not welcoming to me sexually and who from her actions made it clear she was probably cheating and getting her sexual gratification elsewhere. Its pure torture and she knows it. It is one thing to know someone who is a part of your life is unfaithful or who has shut you out sexually, but it is a lot worse if you have to see the person and continue to provide for their lifestyle. 

When you leave your wife, you aren't going to miss the person she is. You have too much hate and resentment for how she treated you. You will miss the sex you no longer have. You will miss looking at her. If you are no longer attracted to her yet she wants to give you sex, that is another conversation and you must reflect on the commitment you made to her if she is trying to fulfill her duties as wife. That situation may be just as tough but it is where your character is tested. A woman who uses sex as a weapon is not worthy of your character or respect no matter how beautiful she is or how many kids you have together. If you are attracted to her and she has shut you out, you are a loser if you stay and she will continue to ridicule you.

I made a very tough decision to leave my wife. I had two young kids at the time. I was not going to sit around and continue to work hard and bring in the money while she did nothing other than look good. She wasn't leaving as long as she could stay at home and live on the computer if I paid the bills and left her alone. I didn't want sympathy sex so I didn't bother her. She was living the life she wanted at the time. She may have looked like a Ferrari but she was either broken and would not perform or she fixed it and allowed other men to use it. Would you pay for a car you cant drive yet you know other men were driving it? No man should live like that. When I left I didn't miss her the person. I realized that what mattered was a physical connection and sure I missed looking at her and the physical interaction we had but it wasn't what there any longer so why stay. When this exists you will find a way to like each other more and make each other better which makes you both better partners. 

As you decide what to do about your marriage, ask yourself how you are engaging sexually with your wife. If you have little to no sexual interaction, your marriage is over. Don't stay thinking you can fix it. You cant no matter how attracted you are to her and no matter how good you are at sex. She has moved on and the trick now is trying to find her boyfriend so you can avoid alimony. As hard as it was to leave my marriage, it was the right thing to do and I waited too long. I don't have to speak to or see someone who I found to be as physically attractive as much on the last day I saw her as the first. It gets better over time no matter how bad the dating world has gotten especially for men as they age. If you don't leave, you will put yourself in an early grave by sticking around and being mentally abused. She may ultimately leave you but she will only do it on her own terms when she has someone new lined up. In the meantime, she is going to live a separate life, get her sexual needs me secretly, all while she makes fun of you for paying for her life.